by AMY FEINSTEIN || If you are still mentally unpacking last week’s sixth season premiere of Bravo TV’s Southern Charm, you’re not alone. There are all sorts of things brewing (or not brewing, so to speak) on screen and off … ensuring that someone will be losing it soon.
As we return to our mostly charming friends, we see Kathryn Calhoun Dennis struggling to get Siri to understand a southern lilt as she dials up Austen Kroll – who is supposed to be dropping by. This was shot in September, and Kathryn was still moving into her new rental with lots of room for the kids, and in a nice, safe area (except for those pesky private investigators).
Next we drop in on Chelsea Meissner, who is checking in with her new man in advance of her upcoming house warming party. Craig Conover is on the phone with his personal assistant? Minder? Dominatrix? We can’t be sure, but let’s just say she’s Craig’s adulting mentor, Anna-Heyward. He has wisely decided to put the task of keeping himself in line out of the hands of a girlfriend, making this a paid position. This will take you far, my boy!
On tonight’s episode, I think Shep Rose set a new Southern Charm record for introducing a girl, who’s a friend, who might be a girlfriend at the beginning of one episode … only to announce he’s single by the end of the next day. She’s from Chicago, she fell in a ditch. There is some stuff in between, but it’s not important to the plot, or really, to anything … other than the latest footnote in the voluminous “Relationshep” case file.
Tonight it was Cameran Eubanks’ job to meet up with cast newbie Eliza Limehouse (meet her to get a pedicure, meet her for coffee, meet her shopping) – a.k.a. the penance the entire Charm cast must perform this season to lock down the use of her father’s property for Bravo shoots. So, let’s think … what’s quick and relatively painless in the daytime, which can also involve champagne or the like? Pedicures!
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(Via: Bravo TV)
Cam’s anesthetist husband has known CLAN LIMEHOUSE for decades, and seems to have taught little Eliza how to swim, possibly kicking off a lifetime of being attracted to older men.
So Miss Cam orders a Mimosa and cozies up to the massage chair and takes a disco nap while waiting for Eliza, who doesn’t need bottle service at the nail salon because she brought her own, and has “a cooler in my purse.”
Those knockoff designer bags have everything these days!
Eliza, who doesn’t yet have a nickname (but is working hard to get one), is exhausting, and is in the running for the Southern Charm least self-aware award. But tonight Eliza is unpacking some of her story (the rest of it is a short Google trip away) of her parents, Chip and Susan Limehouse, and their messy divorce two years ago. Let’s just say that ole Chip and Thomas Ravenel took notes out of the same ethics textbooks – as the Limehouse divorce involved a baby mama and a paternity case.
But Eliza tells us it’s not all tea cakes and caviar, because they were shunned as a result of the divorce (yeah, it’s the divorce that did that), that she was forced to miss her debut, and that the world nearly ended.
As my grandma used to say when I wouldn’t finish my dinner, “children are starving in Africa (China, fill in the blank)!” You’d think Eliza would have more compassion for Kathryn, but then again, it happened to someone else.
She talks about “being a Limehouse…” Granted I am not from South Carolina, but to the rest of the U.S. her dad is the buffoon who was interviewed by Sascha Baron Cohen alongside rapper, Bonecrusher.
“Being a Limehouse is like being Charleston royalty.”
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Isn’t it amazing what people will say aloud? Doesn’t being royalty entitle you to better hair extensions? Seriously girl, this is going to bother me. It’s going to go on all season, because they are still “bought off Instagram” when she does her voice-overs.
And it’s not your relationship with Ravenel, it’s how often you drop his name, and the fact that it’s the only thing you have in common with the rest of the cast.
Well, newbie got her time in the episode, and seemingly, she wasn’t invited to Chelsea’s party, so, penance served for tonight.
Austen finally arrives at Kathryn’s and asks how much she’s paying in rent. She demurs, but handy producers post the dollar figure anyway. It’s South of Broad, and one of the few places that KD could rent that would allow her to shoot (most higher end property owners in the Holy City say no thanks).
Kathryn asks Austen about his girlfriend and plus one at Patricia Altschul’s dinner party, Madison LeCroy. I have this feeling that the season will be rough on LeCroy, who Shep and Craig think is wrong for allegedly cheating second (which is worse!).
Excuse me, what weirdo handbook is that in?
Austen says that Madison makes him happy, which is good enough for Kathryn, but not the Boys of Neverland (this is what they call foreshadowing, stay tuned).
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Next see Naomie Olindo arrive at work with Gizmo at her office for her fashion line L’Abeye. He is as cute as ever in his lion cut.
Back at Craig’s … he doesn’t know what a W-9 is. Seriously, how do you get to pushing thirty years old and not have a clue about basic tax forms? Have you been paying taxes? Is this going to become a Wesley Snipes sitch?
We learn tonight that Chelsea is a bit OCD (except when it comes to guys who dip, which she sees as sexy, hmm). The rest of the episode is basically preparation for and the throwing of the party, which is attended by nearly everyone, including friends of the cast, Chelsie Ravenell and Jacquelyn Stewart, who just became parents for the second time to little beauty, Kennedy.
We learn at the party that Austen’s beer venture has hit a snag because another local beer is being served. It sounds financial. He’s embarrassed. Stuff happens Austen, keep at it. The failure rate for those who don’t try is 100 percent.
Last but not least, we get to re-examine the rumor about Kathryn and Whitney Sudler Smith. It seems it happened once in Los Angeles, and Cam wants to know the dirty deets. “It wasn’t bad.” Hey, if you’re fifty and a twenty-something says it wasn’t bad, I’d take that as a compliment.
See you next week! XOXO
ABOUT THE AUTHOR …
Amy Feinstein is a native of Baltimore, Maryland, and has been writing professionally for 25 years. She has a degree in English literature and a degree in British history. Amy enjoys writing about entertainment, sports, lifestyle, television and movies. When not at the computer, Amy can be found in the garden or at yoga class.
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