STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT SAFETY …
By MANDE WILKES || Recently on this website I made some major waves, simply by pointing out that an abused woman – by marrying her assailant – is complicit in the continuing abuse. I couldn’t have known, when I wrote that piece, that it’d be so controversial to note that women ought look out for themselves.
Now, just two weeks on, it seems I’m again in a position to agitate for women to act in their own self-interest.
Hannah Graham, 18 years old and a student at the University of Virginia, vanished following a night of partying. Missing for over a week, Graham has in her own absence unwittingly become the poster child for new-wave feminism.
The acrid, intellectually dishonest chorus goes like this: We must not blame Graham, or any other kidnapping or assault victim.
But who is blaming Graham? No one, as far as I can tell. Not one columnist, commentator, or media outlet has put the blame on Graham. That’d be ridiculous!
What I have heard, instead, is the quiet expression of the sentiment that girls should take care when out at nighttime – you know … don’t walk around alone, especially while under the inhibition-squashing influence of alcohol.
Sounds reasonable, right? Whose sensibilities could this possibly offend?
If I someday have a college-aged daughter of my own, this will certainly be my advice to her, I’ll tell you that much.
Because I wouldn’t want her to be harmed.
Many on the liberal left don’t care so much about that, though, so they prosecute the position that girls have some measure of say in their own safety. They’d rather make the issue an academic one, sort of like how the detractors of my recent column derided me for restating a simple truism.
The platitudes and the glossy recitation of statistics might make you feel good, but they do nothing for Hannah Graham or her cohort.
Is it unfortunate that we have to remind girls to be their own keepers? Sure. Do I wish there weren’t predators and rapists and thieves and abusers? Of course. But that doesn’t change the calculus that we owe it to girls like Hannah Graham to be honest with them, to remind them that irresponsible behavior doesn’t make them bad people but it does make them more easily baited.
Is that to say that no responsibly-behaved girl has ever been harmed? Of course not. But it stands to reason – and to statistics, by the way – that party-going girls who walk home alone are more likely to be harmed.
I refuse to lie about that to the very women who are most likely to be hurt by the lie.
Mande Wilkes is a wife, mother, businesswoman, author, etc. residing on the South Carolina coast with her family.
“Many on the liberal left don’t care so much about that, though, so they prosecute the position that girls have some measure of say in their own safety.”
I am on the “liberal left” and travel in “liberal left” circles and your comment is disgusting and offensive.
Relax.It was really a good article.
This story has really become about you racists on the left. The black, 6’3″ 270 lb thug (gee wiz that fits the description of the gentle giant in Ferguson) turned himself in and then ran from police in a high speed car chase. The police obviously let him go because they feared a violent incident trying to capture this thug and the ensuing riots. They have him on tape buying this underage girl alcohol and breaking the law.
Why haven’t they arrested him? Because he is black. You libs have destroyed our judicial system.
“The black, 6’3″ 270 lb thug (gee wiz that fits the description of the gentle giant in Ferguson) . . .”
Of course they all look alike . . . I do find it a stretch to think that the DEAD gentle giant in Ferguson was involved though.
Certainly you’re not so intoxicated with libjuice to argue against the fact that it is the left that has allowed political correctness to run amok? Are you?
y..y…you… you mean the “N” word?
or that whole Nixonian “kike” thing?
ya think she’s got a pink AR-15?
you racists on the left
that’s what *I* thought – your middle-of-the road Fox News Piece.
Why haven’t they arrested him? Because he is black.
“Woah woah woah, officer Stevens! You can’t arrest this boy, he’s black!” said no cop ever.
Sure they have, just before they shot him in the back of the head, and had the belly laugh of their careers.
“”Woah woah woah, officer Stevens! You can’t arrest this boy, he’s black!” said no cop ever.”
LOL Our prison population IS all white you know . . .
She can’t. Or she won’t. It’s just cant. Wish she could rise above it, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen. Talk about politicization!
Always defending “Dakota” and her bizzare comments, aren’t you? Is it true Murrels Inlet put in camera’s because one weird, fat SOB on a cane and wearing high heels was walking the streets with a bag of canned goods draped over his shoulder.
Give Mande a break. In my opinion she was just trying to raise awareness of the need for personal responsibility-even for feminists.
Mande doesn’t need a break from me. I just call it as I see it. Sometimes I don’t agree with her, and I plainly state why. Sometimes I do very much agree with her — often when she makes comments that many consider to be just as weird as you consider “Dakota’s” to be. That’s the way it is in the world of real people (I know “Dakota” in real life, you see”, as opposed to the fantasy worlds people like you construct based on distortions, inaccurate innuendo and and bald-faced lies.
“Always defending “Dakota” and her bizzare comments, aren’t you? ”
And speaking of bizarre comments . . . .
There you go Mande.SCBlues is a great example an ugly leftist that is upset because you didn’t allow “it” to write the script.
Excellent article. Just tell “it” you are pro-abortion and “it” will settle down.
“Just tell “it” you are pro-abortion and “it” will settle down.”
Did that make you feel better, douchebag? And are you too chickenshit to post under your regular posting name? Why are “conservatives” such pathetic weenies? Grow a pair and get back to me.
“Many on the liberal left don’t care so much about that………”
Your intellectual dishonesty knows no boundaries. Do you really think that liberals are alone in their posture as to this event?
Are you that bored?
Change your personal photo. It looks like you have a gourd growing out of your ear.
Yours looks much like a large grey dot hovering over what appears to be the top of a larger grey dot.
I was afraid to mention it, but that whole grey dot thing is pretty freaky.
I took some grey dot in 1969.It was awesome.
I don’t understand the “grey dot” reference….
The “ghosted” non-avatar avatar. And acid.
Campaign sweet spot timing violation….
…..minus 30 points and no SOMA discount. (… http://www.soma.com/store/home.jsp?..)
Hint: women ( who you’d want see with them on, or off) don’t buy underwear from Soma.
Actual SOMA register camera feed proves you wrong…….
-minus 30 points and a SOMA pinup calendar…….
THINK…Norma……..your a winner…!
Mande, I love you girl, but that other piece was not controversial because you said that women should look after themselves. That is too pat and simplistic an explanation for it. It was controversial because you were talking about women who had been fucked over beyond belief, perhaps by multiple abusers over their entire lives, as though they were all entirely sane and rational human being. They aren’t, for the most part. Their abusers have driven them mad, and that madness manifests through their staying with the motherfuckers. Christ, you really do love to double-down on your fucked-up, off-the-point premises, don’t you?
Don’t waste your time mate. Mande is the J.V. version of Ann Coulter. A raving lunatic who can’t be reasoned with and spouts inflammatory and demonstrably false arguments in the name agitating for agitation’s sake.
Not a waste. I enjoy the conversation, regardless.
Mande could never be a Coulter. She lacks the Adam’s apple and pipe-cleaner legs. Coulter’s a skanky skeleton who thinks she’s hot. Mande’s more like S.E. Cupp, actually. Who IS hot. Yeah, let’s keep it at that level.
I wasn’t comparing looks. I was comparing scary.
Well, again, no comparison. Coulter is a harpy from hell. Mande is pleasant and non-threatening. But yeah, sure, she does like to post shit just to provoke people. And Coulter excels at that.
As best I can tell, she was a legal adult, and she choose to be with this man. She obviously knew he was black, 270 pounds and had dreadlocks, so why is that pertinent. She made that choice.
Whether he did something or not is not a racial thing…it is a proximity thing. The girl chose him, and that is that.
women ought look out for themselves.
just what communist manifesto book club do you belong on anyway?
I will do the obligatory “I love Mande, BUT …” here. It was not much above that level, for sure, and ignored almost everything that these abusive relationships are really about. Too bad. But I don’t think Mande has it in her to EVER say she was wrong about such matters. Also too bad. Wait a minute … WHY do I love her?
Because in spite of it all, she really is a good soul. Seriously, she is.
Mande, please change your photo. When you post an article I put your photo on my desktop for the day — but you look odd with the top of your head missing.
I thought that’s was the fashion.. sort of a “set your beer on top of *this* big boy!” … the new, college come-on look.
I pass on this one.
Apples to oranges. Getting out of a bad situation with an abuser is a complex issue that can require a lot of help from others, good planning and the proper timing, and still might not be enough to adequately protect the woman. Finding a way to reduce risk while inebriated doesn’t even touch that.
The thing about it that makes me sick is that it’s the *woman* that needs an intervention, and that’s *just* the type of thing that I abhor… interfering with a neighbor, friend, or family… just out of ordinary compassion… Getting involved in that shit is like showing up with a cake and asking them if they want to come to my church.
What in the hell? Who in the fuck are *you*? You’d better get out of here while you can still walk, you stupid son of a bitch. I’m calling the cops!
“Getting involved in that shit is like showing up with a cake and asking them if they want to come to my church.”
As long as you leave the cake with me after I tell you “No” I’m fine with that . . . .
My mother and I collected one such cake… mighty white of them to leave it with us, too!
I think it is unfair to blame, specifically, the “liberal left” here. Instead, I would blame modern feminism. The vast majorities of feminists are on the liberal left, but it is feminism, not liberalism, that is the ideology at fault here.
Feminists have been conflating teaching girls simple safety tips with “blaming the victim”. They have, unintentionally, shifted blame off of rapists and abductors onto society by perpetuating the myth of “rape culture”. In fact, our society rightly recognizes rape and abuse of women as horrible crimes and, in no way, do we blame victims or condone rape.
It is sad that a once great movement has come to this. It is also sad that they are politicizing the horrible misfortune of the Graham family.
Well you sure stepped in it now! Suggesting personal responsibility is helpful to better life outcomes? OUTRAGEOUS HERESY!
Maybe,Mande saw too many horror movies in her formative years.The ‘party girls’ always die first.’Mande’.That’s special.
This from a recent editorial cartoon (damn! we can’t show it!)
A lawyer is in the locker room standing next to a giant chalkboard with many X’s and O’s on it. On the bench is a hulking monster in full gear. The lawyer is explaining, “REMEMBER! At HOME these are HUGS and KISSES!”
Not a single major media network will dare to mention the racial component either. They will say there’s a problem with “males” till blue in the face, but NEVER say there’s a problem with BLACK males
There are plenty of WHITE rapists, Governor Wallace.
Plenty you say. That’s not really the point is it? The point is that there’s a tremendous disproportion of black male criminals in our society. When you add the element of interrace crimes, viola you have 90% black on white. Okay maybe this is nothing. Maybe I’m making much to do about “nothing “. The point is that the mainstream media won’t even broach the subject which is it admission that I am right
Nobody wants to hear that. If you look at the truth, it really hurts. They’d rather just say “males” are the problem rather than take a hard look at what’s really happening and work toward a solution. Rather than saying we have a black or hispanic on white crime problem, we’ll say we have a crime problem and hope some of it filters over to the offending culture, but little, if any does. Culture is hard to change.
Whether and how to leave an abusive relationship if you have no resources, if you have no support, have kids that need to be fed, et al., is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ISSUE than ‘DRINIK RESPONSIBLY.” I tend to agree with you as to DRINK RESPONSIBLY. It’s a universal and beneficial message regardless of gender, and to claim that the failure to drink responsibly is “victim blaming” is at best over-reaching, and at worst sending the wrong message to young women everywhere. If young women are truly supposed to be in control of their own bodies, why is there then no recrimination when failing to respect their bodies. But for the binge drinking. the crime may not have happened.
I haven’t seen this missing person’s case get anymore politicized then most of the pretty white girl cases the media jumps on to make money. In fact the one I see making a political statement with this is the author of the piece. I think Mande has tossed this out there as nothing more then an opening, so she could take a couple shots at those who called her out on her piece on domestic violence.
Duke rape hoax, Tanana Brawley hoax, KKK set woman on fire HOAX. Travon Martin Hoax, Gentle Giant Mike Brown hoax, Black males in NFL beating their wives, interracial rape – 90% black men, kidnapping murdering white women, Black football players dog fighting, blacks rioting, looting, Ferguson mo, Hurricane Katrina, Watts, Newark up in flames, blacks raping, robbing, Blacks on welfare, Black unemployment, Scandinavian town raises taxes to support Nigerian blacks, blacks number 1 population spreading HIV AIDS, Ebola virus, STDS, Blacks suing fire departments not hiring them over better qualified whites, blacks with low IQ, blackd every day blacks attacking elderly, black burns 70 year old woman in elevator, blacks are the leading cause of death to other blacks. . . FACE IT BLACKS ARE A PROBLEM NOBODY DARES TALK ABOUT.
“Today diversity and interbreeding is ultimately accepted yet resulting in myriad problems including lower national IQ, . . . ”
And I’m guessing that inbreeding resulted in your lower IQ . . . .
“If I someday have a college-aged daughter of my own” Also reminder her to pack the brain because mom surley did not!!!!
When you decide to be a mudshark, you better be prepared for the consequences….ask Nicole Brown Simpson.
When you park and leave your car downtown with the door wide open and the keys in the ignition, people call you an idiot when your car gets stolen. “What were you thinking?!” they ask.
Why is it only situations like this that cause some people to be outraged and genuinely amazed that there happen to be car thieves in the world (to carry along the analogy)?