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Among the most moronic crap I’ve read on social media in the wake of the attempted assassination of Donald Trump are these Twitter nuggets, along with my actual responses.
Idiot: Trump set it up. He wasn’t shot. That was faked!
Me: What about the fact a man died, and another was critically wounded.
Idiot: Trump doesn’t care about other people’s lives — he just wants power.
Me: So he set it up with Deep State? The same Deep State that’s hounded him for eight years and tried to destroy him via a silent coup, two impeachments, and endless lawfare? What changed — did he get into that shape-shifting lizard club?
(… crickets).
Mouthbreather: The shooter was a registered Republican!
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Me: Didn’t he give money to the non-profit Progressive Turnout Project, a PAC that aims to get Democrats to vote?
Mouthbreather: He was a registered Republican!
Me: Look, Pennsylvania has a closed primary system, which means that Democrats and Republicans can ONLY vote for THEIR party’s nominees. It’s common for people to register with the party they oppose … try to wreak havoc in that primary … then change their registration back before the general election.
Mouthbreather: REPUBLICAN!
Me: So you think the shooter was MEGA-MEGA-MEGA-MAGA, and shot Trump because he was only MEGA-MAGA? Two MEGAs short?
(… crickets).
Window Licker: Instead of calling the widow of the firefighter who was slain, the scumbag played golf!
Me: Actually, that was a meme … about getting shot the night before, but still making his 9:00 a.m. tee time.
Window Licker: Bullshit! I saw the video?
Me: On the Internet? And decided it was a real —you’re too stupid to respond to. Google it yourself.
(… crickets).
Moron: He hasn’t called the firefighter’s widow yet!
Me: Dude, he literally got shot last night. I know an iceman like Joe Biden would just rub some dirt in the wound and finish speaking, but maybe he’s rattled?
Moron: Biden called her!
Me: Right. He’s the candidate who didn’t get shot in the head.
(… crickets).
Muttonhead: Does anyone find it curious his medical team hasn’t reported the type and extent of his injuries?
Muttonhead II: I know! This is all fake!
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RELATED | TRUMP ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT: 1968 ALL OVER AGAIN?
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Me: He got nicked in the ear. It bled. They applied pressure and a band-aid. Should they report it when he nicks himself shaving, too?
(… crickets).
Dimwit: We don’t need that kind of rhetoric — “Fight! Fight! Fight!” We need to calm the nation.
Me: He was shot in the fucking head by a lunatic, like, thirty seconds before. Should he have begun spouting the beatitudes? Refused to leave the stage, and ask the crowd to pray for the dude assigned to clean up the shooter’s brains?
(… crickets).
Pinhead: He was looking for his shoes because he wears two-inch risers, and didn’t want people to see them!
Me: How come we’ve never seen those in the last eight years when he’s been film north of 1,000 times coming to and leaving a podium?
Pinhead: So what do you think he was thinking???
Me: The only thing going through his head right then was a 5.56 bullet.
(… crickets).
Cretan: Violence is an answer Republicans use. They have hate in their hearts.
Me: More hate than the kid who tried to shoot Trump in the head?
(… crickets).
Bonehead: So you Republicans still think guns are a good thing?
Me: In the hands of a lunatic, no. In the hands of a counter-sniper, yes.
(… crickets).
***
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Waterhead: Republicans need to follow President Biden’s leadership. We need unity in the country!
Me: Literally as we speak, Leftist protesters at the RNC convention are chanting, “No Trump, no KKK, no fascist USA!”
(… crickets).
Jughead: He wasn’t shot! He was nicked by a piece of glass from the teleprompter! This is the “Glassy Knoll.”
Me: A+ on that creative pun. Have you checked the photos taken after the shot? The one that shows the teleprompters are undamaged?
(… crickets).
Abby Normal: This is the most staged shit I’ve ever seen. An active shooter and Secret Service just allows him to stand back up for a fist pump?! The crowd just sits back down?? Crowd just smiles and takes pictures??
Me: So the crowd was in on it, too? Did they all have to volunteer in advance to absorb a 5.56 bullet? I’m pretty MAGA, but not Russian Roulette MAGA.
(… crickets).
***
Having dispensed with social media interactions, it’s now time to move on to statements made by notable leftists in the aftermath of the assassination attempt:
Alejandro Mayorkas: Former President Trump has had “enhanced security” since June.
Me: Jesus, then what’s regular security? A couple mall cops with keyring pepper spray?
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Margaret Brennan: “I did notice there was no call for condemning all political violence.”
Me: So you think the dude with a fucking hole in his ear is FOR political violence?
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Joy Behar: Shouldn’t that be reported? A 20-year-old white guy? We’ve seen that many times now, young white men with guns, and nobody reported that he bought 50 rounds of ammunition?
Me: Well, given the fact that nobody reported it when I bought my last 2,000 rounds, I don’t think 50 would raise many flags.
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Kyle Gass: Next time don’t miss Trump.
Me: WTF?
Jack Black: Tour’s cancelled.
***
What the Trump-Derangement-Syndrome Left doesn’t understand is that no intelligent conservative believes a single on of their “condemnations of violence.” They all wish Trump had taken that round in the temple.
Why? Let’s consider the things the liberal sheeple, liberal media, Democrat’s in Congress, and President Biden have repeated tens of thousands of times in the last 8-years. According to them, Trump is:
- Literally Hitler.
- A fascist.
- A wanna-be dictator.
- The greatest threat to democracy.
- An existential threat to America.
- The enemy.
- A serial liar.
- A conman.
- A convicted felon.
- A rapist.
Right now, every single libtard reading those words is think, “Well, that’s all true.”
Okay, so why wouldn’t you want him dead?
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If you had a time machine, wouldn’t you go back and murder Hitler? Wouldn’t you be willing to sacrifice your life if it literally saved the Republic, and put an end to the world’s greatest threat to democracy? A danger worse than Putin, Xi, Khamenei, Kim Jong-un?
Well, I’ve got to remember I’m talking about a bunch of snowflakes, who think it’s a “sacrifice” to pause the Pokémon game when Mom brings them their grilled cheese and tomato soup — so never mind. None of them would so much as surrender their Eskimo Pie dessert to save America.
But … you know who would… and did?
A 20-year-old kid who’s been hearing those call to violence dog whistles since he was 12. Every single one of his formative years. He wanted to be a hero and save America, so he pulled the trigger, and got his brains blow out for his trouble.
I’m sure you liberals and Leftists are excited you spurred someone into action.
You just wish he hadn’t missed.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …
Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’
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6 comments
Back n the 1950s, the socialists and communist parties in the US had extensive back-door communication with the propaganda czars of the USSR – its well documented. These operatives would send guidance and advice on what to say in the public forum about the various issues of the day. One of their communications was intercepted and read on the news…the guidance in that particular case was to us the term “fascist” to describe the US government and free market, explaining that the average American didn’t really know what fascism really was, but it sounded bad because of its roots with Mussolini and Hitler. That has been an imbedded tactic of the left ever since. And I have to hand it to them, the smear job actually worked pretty well with the low information voters in a number of situations. Jonah Goldberg wrote an incredibly well researched but also well written book called “Liberal Fascism” that actually walked through the origins and tenets of fascism, and compares it to the political left and right of America, and how it is actually the statist left that are the fascists. That book should be required reading in high school.
“I’m sure you liberals and Leftists are excited you spurred someone into action”
*sigh*
Yet again, hyper focused on the $15 and completely ignoring everything else that screams this dude being a conservative at minimum and an alt-right extremist at worst. We already know he was looking up times for the DNC so Biden was probably in his crosshairs too, but don’t let facts get in the way of your feels.
My, my, Apple Pie. Biden was a target, too. Trump ws first cuz he was was only 40 miles from home. He thought he could get back to his day job the next day. And he asked his dad if he could borrow the rifle. He was a respectful assassin. Political affiliation had nothing to do with this. He was “plural political”.
Is that what trumptards are telling each other?
It’s well documented that the kid was raised in a MAGA household. It was only a matter of time before MAGA started reaping what it has sowed. That why there has been no reaction from the American people and Trump got zero bump in the polls after the attempt on his life.
So let me get this straight, Mr. Freud…. you’re saying that a MAGA kid from a MAGA household attempting to murder the guy who started and essentially embodies the MAGA movement. That is like a devout Catholic raised in a devout Catholic home trying to murder a Pope. Or a devoted communist raised in a commie home trying to kill the head of the US Communist party. You are truly clueless. And btw, I haven’t seen a single article indicating that his parents were “MAGA” as you claim – but likewise I have also not seen anything indicating they are actually liberal democrats either. Show us some receipts – and not simply some pundit speculating or extrapolating based on gun ownership, but first-hand testimony from a witness who actually knows these people. Because I on the other hand see an anarchist strain in this assasin, mixed in with a measure of delusion…and there are anarchists with both left and right variations.
“Right now, every single libtard reading those words is think, “Well, that’s all true.” Okay, so why wouldn’t you want him dead?”
Would you want your opponents dead when you claim their being in power will result in there “not being a country anymore”? Or that they are enabling an “invasion” and “stealing elections”? How about you yourself engaging in conspiracy theories after a former leader of the Democrat party’s home was invaded and her husband was violently attacked? We can go on and on with these equivalencies.
Oh and nevermind that it had already come out before this article was published that the shooter had looked up political figures on both sides, and it just so happened Trump was coming to his town. It’s unfathomable that anyone would give you the space to write this shit. But it’s not surprising as Will isn’t much better.