SC

Doin’ It And Doin’ It And Doin’ It Well?

SOUTH CAROLINA GETS HIGH MARKS FOR ITS SEXUAL LONGEVITY … Well, well … the Palmetto State has finally gotten something right … The state that ranks “first in everything bad and last in everything good” got a rare positive nod for its sexual prowess … well, its sexual longevity. Using…

SOUTH CAROLINA GETS HIGH MARKS FOR ITS SEXUAL LONGEVITY …

Well, well … the Palmetto State has finally gotten something right …

The state that ranks “first in everything bad and last in everything good” got a rare positive nod for its sexual prowess … well, its sexual longevity.

Using data from an app called Spreadsheets, the website Nerve.com has compiled a map of states ranked by the duration of their citizens’ sexual encounters.

How does South Carolina stack up?

Pretty well, comparatively. At 4 minutes and 48 seconds, the Palmetto State ranks No. 4 overall – trailing only Idaho (5:11), West Virginia (5:38) and New Mexico (7:01).

Those totals don’t count foreplay, obviously … or the fact that West Virginia and South Carolina may be padding their margins with lots of cousin-on-cousin sex.

At the wrong end of this metric? Georgia (2:07), Montana (2:03), Vermont (1:48), South Dakota (1:30) and Alaska (1:21).

Sheesh … where are Billy Ward and the Dominos when you need them?

UPDATE: Or LL Cool J … the source of our headline.

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49 comments

TontoBubbaGoldstein February 20, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Get it up.
Get it in.
Get it off.
Get it out.

* TBG’s ex referred to it as “The Four “Get
it” system.

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idcydm February 20, 2014 at 8:50 pm

You do realize there are only two kinds of liars, those that say they never have jacked off and those that say they stopped.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 20, 2014 at 9:03 pm

That’s a fact, Jack!

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:36 am

Did you hear about the poll conducted during National Orgasm Week? Unfortunately, 9 out of 10 responders only pretended to celebrate.

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Ex factors February 20, 2014 at 9:16 pm

Yup. Sounds like “irreconcilable differences” to me.

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jimlewisowb February 20, 2014 at 10:45 pm

I was taught “The Four F’s ” were

Find them
Feel them
Fuck them
Forget them

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euwe max February 20, 2014 at 11:35 pm

giddyup

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:44 am

If her lips are on fire and she trembles in your arms, forget her. She’s got malaria.

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:26 am

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a woman’s G-spot? A guy will spend 30 minutes looking for a golf ball.

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dwb619 February 20, 2014 at 8:49 pm

Was once told by a nubile ,young nymph,” I know you are an electrician, “cause you truly CONDUIT “!
YOU BETCHA!
LIVE BETTER!
WORK UNION!

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 20, 2014 at 9:12 pm

A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and
things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes
his hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again.

So the girl tells him: “I bet you’re a dentist.”

Surprised he says: “that’s correct, how did you know?”

“You washed your hands a few times, so I figured you’re used to
it.” They go on and they have sex.

Then she says: “you know what? I’m willing to bet you’re a very
good dentist.”

“How can you tell?” he asks.

“I didn’t feel a thing…”

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:22 am

A guy and a gal meet in a bar and she agrees to have sex
with him in his car. Afterwards he comments, “Gee, darling, if I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.”

She replies, “If I’d thought you had more time I’d have removed my pantyhose!”

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Hanahan February 20, 2014 at 8:53 pm

Ummm…. couldn’t we find a pic with some women’s feet in it?

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 8:14 am

— and with CLEAN feet!

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SCBlueWoman February 21, 2014 at 11:35 am

And no bunions.

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bubbax February 20, 2014 at 9:19 pm

What a bunch of wimps! No wonder the women are bitchy all the time!

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:57 am

1) What does PMS stand for? — Probably Moving to the Sofa!

2) Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges!

3) How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine? It’s the one with bite marks on the cap!

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Truth in Advertising February 21, 2014 at 11:24 am

4 minutes 48 seconds is something to be proud of??? Was that an average or a middle-most number? What was the age range? Aren’t there a lot of retirees in SC? Seems to me, you have the young premature ejaculators being over-run by the old fart E.D. types working hard to keep it up, and skewing the statistics.

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 3:14 pm

A guy goes to his doctor for help with a little problem called premature ejaculation. The doctor gives him a tube of cream
which will help him. The next day the guy calls the doctor, “Dammit! I ejaculated while wiping it on!”

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Limbaughsaphatkhunt February 20, 2014 at 9:41 pm

Very funny article.

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:32 am

One of you guys know the answer to this— What is.. ” LXIX”

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 21, 2014 at 7:38 am

Mark Sanford engaging in reciprocal oral gratification with his Latin lover?

* TBG let’s the “genius out of the bottle” early on Fridays…..

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 7:52 am

69 — the HARD way!!

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oh my February 21, 2014 at 2:10 pm

As a narcissist, does Sanford even know the meaning of “reciprocate”? Although, I will admit that Chapur is a “cunning lass.”

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 21, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Ahhh yes….

“LXVIII”

“You do me and I’ll owe you one…”

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 21, 2014 at 7:34 am

“Whip me ! Beat me! Call me dirty names!

…but no more burns with that goddam cigarette!”

TBG thought this quote was from Mel Brook’s High Anxiety but could not confirm via GOOGLE.
Ahhhh…. the joys of growing older….

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shifty henry February 21, 2014 at 8:10 am

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament was delighted when a beautiful woman came up to him afterwards and suggested he come over to her place for a while. The guy was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn’t stay all night but that he’d be glad to come over for a while.
Twenty minutes later they were in her bed making love. And when it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.

“Hey,” called the girl from beneath the covers, “where do you think you’re going? Arnold Palmer wouldn’t leave so early!”

At that the guy stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they’d made love a second time a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.

“What are you up to?” she called. “Jack Nicklaus wouldn’t think of leaving now!” So the golfer pulled off his pants and screwed her a third time, and afterward he started getting dressed.

“C’mon, you can’t leave yet!” protested the girl. “Lee Trevino wouldn’t call it a day!”

“Lady, would you tell me one thing?” asked the young golfer, looking at her very seriously. “What’s par for this hole?”

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Smirks February 21, 2014 at 8:29 am

Good thing she didn’t say Tiger Woods, he probably played through 18 holes already.

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GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 8:30 am

South Carolina is a very Conservative state. And according to experts in the sex industry, Conservative men are much better lovers than their effeminate, not-well-equipped liberal men counterparts.

It may explain why the homosexual lobby resides in the democrat, liberal party. If it ain’t good w/ a man, the woman is going to look elsewhere. And if all the liberal women are doing it w/ other unsatisfied liberal women (which could lead to obesity and flannel shirts)…the liberal men turn to other liberal men, who are as inept in the bedroom as they are…

Liberals, like all truth, don’t want to hear that…but the data does not lie.

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SCBlueWoman February 21, 2014 at 8:57 am

Right wing conservatives do it with the lights off to hide their short comings.

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GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 12:23 pm

Evidently, you’re one of those flannel-shirt babes (I use the term loosely) I’m talking about…

Turning the lights off ain’t gonna hide what you’re claiming it will…so maybe you don’t know what you’re talking about…

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SCBlueWoman February 21, 2014 at 12:31 pm

Who says that I wear jammies and my post was TIC. Whoosh.

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GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 12:37 pm

Sure it was…..

TontoBubbaGoldstein February 22, 2014 at 9:31 am

Redneck, Native American, Jewish libertarians do it wid da lights off so da beeshes won’t be skeered, yo!
: )

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T's Making SHIT Up Again... February 21, 2014 at 10:24 am

So, are you going to show us the data? Link it PLEASE!

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GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 12:25 pm

I know…it hurts doesn’t it? . You liberals always struggle when I dispel your myths and fables.

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T's Still Making Shit Up February 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm

You’re not dispelling anything if you have no proof. Another lying dildo…

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GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 1:06 pm

I’m living proof, you little effeminate, hand-wringing disappointment….

T's A Confirmed Liar February 21, 2014 at 1:18 pm

So impressed that “sex experts” CAME to your house for this study. Funny, they haven’t released their findings. LMAO!! Oh, how I live to expose fools. I should pity you, but you’re too dangerous to people with minds watching Duck Dynasty…

GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 4:06 pm

Dude: You must be having some problems. You can’t seem to let this go of truth that does not fit w/ what they tell yall.

Be a man, and quit squeaking w/ the leftwing effeminates, would be a good start…

You’re taking this news personally. I must have hit home w/ you….

T's Caught Lying ...Again February 21, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Nope, just calling you what you are: A stinking GOPig who would rather lie, then deflect the convo to TRY and hide the fact you don’t know jack shit about sports, politics and no surprise, sex. Pitiful piece of shit you are…

I’ve proven my point and you got the P!$$ SLAPPED out of you. Better luck next time…LOL…

GrandTango February 21, 2014 at 4:49 pm

First Clue: Try a little harder to please her. instead of trying to get selfishly satisfied within the first 3 seconds, so you can go play back to playing Dungeons and Dragons or watching Harry Potter again…

Pleasing a woman is one of the most intoxicating aphrodisiacs known to man. And if you do it (right)…you may get some call-backs, and the other girls will try ‘to talk to you’..instead of giggling. Girls DO talk, believe it or not…

shifty henry February 23, 2014 at 8:21 am

“pleasing……… or not” True, and GT will expand further on this in his new book, SELECTIVE PROMISCUITY FOR THE HORNY HOUSEWIFE

Just Sayin February 22, 2014 at 12:51 am

Easy on the Duckmen!

TontoBubbaGoldstein February 22, 2014 at 10:10 am

“Conservative men are much better lovers than their effeminate, not-well-equipped liberal men counterparts.”

Close, amigo…but…. “not so fast…”

Even TBG’s (VERY distant) cousin, Walking Eagle “Junior” Podhoretz will tell you that…
….Native Americans are the most well-endowed (Many erroneously believe it is our African-American brethren.). Jewish guys have the most *stamina*. But for the all around documented capability of satisfying women…the title goes to Southern American’s of Scots-Irish ancestry (ie “redneck”) libertarians.

Tonto. Bubba. Goldstein. libertarian.

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shifty henry February 22, 2014 at 6:40 pm

TBG – I was wondering when you would confess (the original).

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The Colonel February 21, 2014 at 11:11 am

Lewis Grizzard reports that once on a train he encountered a woman who was attempting to have sex in every state in the union, only missing Alabama. He asked her who she thought were the best lovers based on her experience. She said that “Jewish men had the best technique and cowboys stayed in the saddle the longest”. Just about that time, the conductor came through and announced that the next stop was Birmingham. The lady asked his name and with a smile he replied “Hopalong Ginsberg at your service ma’am”.

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Same ol' Same ol' February 22, 2014 at 10:07 am

Ha, aka TBG.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 22, 2014 at 11:07 am

Ha, aka TBG.

*sage nod*

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