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“Smithers, Release The Hounds”

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un had a rough year in 2013 … First there was his impotent nuclear rage against the United States … which went absolutely nowhere (which isn’t surprising coming from a country that has to Photoshop its army). Then there was the rumored execution of his ex-girlfriend…

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un had a rough year in 2013 …

First there was his impotent nuclear rage against the United States … which went absolutely nowhere (which isn’t surprising coming from a country that has to Photoshop its army). Then there was the rumored execution of his ex-girlfriend due to a bad breakup.

What’s a young totalitarian to do?

Well, according to a Chinese news outlet, the 30-year-old ruler decided to take out some of his frustration by staging an elaborate – and grisly – execution of his uncle Jang Sung-taek, the former vice chairman of North Korea’s national defense commission.

North Korea’s official news agency previously reported on the execution of Sung-taek and five of his aides on December 13 – ostensibly for “counter-revolutionary” activities.

But now a shocking report from Wen Wei Po – a Hong Kong-based communist Chinese outlet with close ties to Kim’s regime – describes how Kim killed his former relative.

According to the report, Jang and his aides were stripped naked and thrown into a cage of 120 ravenous hunting hounds who had been starved for five days.

The result?  According to the paper they were “completely eaten up.”

Ouch …

Kim and his brother – Kim Jong Chol – reportedly supervised the one-hour execution, which was attended by several hundred North Korean officials.

U.S. officials told NBC News they could not confirm the Chinese reports – although there has been heightened chatter in recent weeks regarding the instability of Kim’s regime, which inherited the reins of North Korea following the December 2011 death of Kim Jong Il.

North Korea has conducted several successful nuclear tests, but the “rogue nation” (as it was famously referred to by former president George W. Bush) presently lacks the capability to strike the American mainland.

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25 comments

Mike at the Beach January 3, 2014 at 2:37 pm

Ho-lee-shit…

Reply
Squishy123 January 3, 2014 at 2:41 pm

Reportedly, the dogs were hungry an hour later.

Reply
Penus Williams January 3, 2014 at 2:58 pm

HeHeHe. I heard they were licking their assholes afterwards trying to get the taste out of their mouths.

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Smirks January 3, 2014 at 4:22 pm

Reminds me of the VICE video where they take a trip to North Korea on one of those Chinese tourism things. At one point they are taken to a giant ballroom like place, tables fully decked out and everything, but they are the only ones in the room. They end up getting served food that is dressed up to look really nice, but when they eat it, it is completely bland, tasteless. They just imagined that as bad as it was, what the actual North Korean people had for food was far less, and likely far worse.

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euwe max January 3, 2014 at 4:54 pm

Homer Simpson: “mmmmmmm, seaweed!”

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Thomas January 3, 2014 at 2:44 pm

Request: We all know your blog must write at least 30 original articles/stories/columns a week to be eligible to publish Google Adsense banners on the blog’s pages. So, if you must write about Commie dictators, please use some ink on the Chinese Commies? In particular their delusions to replace the USD as the worlds reserve currency or other economic reports?

Reply
Smirks January 3, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Delusions? Have you been watching what we’ve been doing to the dollar?

Reply
Eric Xin January 3, 2014 at 10:15 pm

China is no more communist than America is capitalist.

Reply
venomachine January 3, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Jang’s aides were executed with anti-aircraft guns as well.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/24/jang-song-thaek-execution-kim-jong-un-north-korea-_n_4498996.html#

Can you say ‘coup attempt’ boys and girls?

Reply
Halfvast Conspirator January 3, 2014 at 4:15 pm

You would be a psychopath too if you had to wear that stupid haircut

Reply
Smirks January 3, 2014 at 4:16 pm

At least he dresses better than his dad.

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Smirks January 3, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Damn, son. Fatty don’t play.

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euwe max January 3, 2014 at 4:53 pm

…and we have the temerity to talk about attacking Iran?

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Centrist View January 3, 2014 at 7:12 pm

120 hounds? Who has time to count dogs at a time like that? Be skeptical.

A Dog of a Story: Why Kim Jong Un Probably Did Not Feed His Uncle to 120 Hounds
http://world.time.com/2014/01/03/a-dog-of-a-story-why-kim-jong-un-probably-did-not-feed-his-uncle-to-120-hounds/

No, Kim Jong Un probably didn’t feed his uncle to 120 hungry dogs
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2014/01/03/no-kim-jong-un-probably-didnt-feed-his-uncle-to-120-hungry-dogs/

Did Kim Jong Un Feed His Uncle To 120 Dogs? Be Skeptical
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/01/03/259386090/did-kim-jong-un-feed-his-uncle-to-120-dogs-be-skeptical

Reply
shifty henry January 3, 2014 at 7:46 pm

world.time: “Very few foreign reporters have access to the country and those who do, like the Associated Press, are kept on a tight leash>”

Is this a hidden message?

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euwe max January 4, 2014 at 3:52 pm

You’re discounting the possibility that hounds are housed in precise groups of 120 at Un’s request, just for the purpose of execution.

Not to mention the prime factors of 5, 3 and 2 when summed are 10, which is the number of fingers on Un’s hands, and the number of toes on the royal’s feet.

I’m surprised that someone capable of such intense analysis would overlook such a possibility.

Another clear candidate for plausible inclusion would be the sheer number of efficient, expert dog counters available for employment for a single bowl of rice. For half a pound of rice, the dogs could all be counted twice in a matter of minutes by multiple engineers, eliminating (!) those counters in disagreement.

Oh I have been to Pyongyang fair
And left my necktie God knows where,
And carried half way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Pyongyang beer:
Then the world seemed none so bad,
And I myself a sterling lad;
And down in lovely muck I’ve lain,
Happy till I woke again.
Then I saw the morning sky:
Heigho, the tale was all a lie;
The world, it was the old world
yet,I was I, my things were wet,
And nothing now remained to do
But begin the game anew.

Reply
shifty henry January 4, 2014 at 11:08 pm

Very, very good! It appears that 2014 will be a pleasurable one for you..,,,,

Reply
euwe max January 4, 2014 at 11:59 pm

How so?

shifty henry January 5, 2014 at 9:32 am

Your post shows deep thought and spirited analysis.

euwe max January 5, 2014 at 10:19 am

..and that leads to a year of pleasure?

who knew it could be that easy!

shifty henry January 3, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Shifty’s sources in the North Korean underground report that there is some truth regarding the dogs. However, Lil Kim has gotten himself confused in his reporting of events. What happened was that 120 dogs ate the nuclear missiles, which, as it turned out to be, were actually over-sized Hickory Farm Summer Sausages tipped with Smoked Bacon & Cheddar Cheese.

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JJEvans January 3, 2014 at 9:52 pm

This is a prime example of why no one should have that much power.

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euwe max January 4, 2014 at 3:30 pm

It makes the killing of Iman Darweesh Al Hams seem almost civilized by comparison.

Un should give a press conference, express no regret over his actions and say he would have done the same even if his uncle was a 3-year-old.

After a military investigation, he should announce that key witnesses to the kennel call later recanted their testimony.

I hope the North Korean courts investigate this, categorically deny all charges and require the journalist and television company who circulated this report to air a correction.

Reply
snickering January 6, 2014 at 9:54 am

I wonder who the Mother of that man is. I also wonder where did he get such an ugly hair cut.

Reply

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