Prioleau Alexander: An American Story

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The great PJ O’Rourke (peace be upon his name), wrote a one-sentence analogy about love, which I will expand into a very short story: 

There once was a high school freshman who arrived for his first day of school—a gangly and socially awkward kid, not yet free of his adolescent complexion. He felt small right away, because he knew he’d never fit in with the jocks, cheerleaders, and cool kids. His fate was to find some other nerds to pal around with.

After a couple weeks, he was moping down the hall when the captain of the cheerleading squad approached. She was dazzling—a virtual clone of Livvi Dunn, resplendent in her cheerleading uniform. As they passed each other, she winked, and said, “Hello.”

He was gone. Stricken. Smitten. His head spun. He was sure that, at that moment, there’d never been a greater love for a woman. She was beautiful, sweet, and took the time to speak… to him!

The next day he made sure to retrace his same route, in hopes he’d encounter her again—and there she was! In the distance! Walking towards him and chatting with a girlfriend. Closer, closer, closer… and then, nothing. They simply passed each other without a word, her attention focused entirely on the story her friend was telling. 

A slightly-bitter Cupidic spear pierced his heart.

The lad avoided her for a few days, hoping his absence would make her heart grow fonder. He imagined her glancing around corners to see if he was there. His heart ached for her—anything. Eye contact. The smell of her perfume. A wink! Oh my God, a wink!

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It was three long days before he saw her again, out in front of the school where students were picked up by their parents. She saw him, gave him a small wave, and stopped to speak to him. His knees nearly buckled.

“How are things going? You getting settled in?”

The boy stammered, mentally struggling to provide a line from a famous romantic comedy.

“Good,” he croaked.

“Hey, there’s something I want to give you.”

Give him??? Give him something? A present?

“It’s just a reminder to everyone we’re having a cheer competition on Thursday evening. Hope to pack the stands!”

He looked at the card. It might as well have been the invitation to their wedding.

“I’ll be there,” he said.

“Great!” she said cheerfully. “There’s Thomas! Gotta go!”

She winked. Oh, the wink! It was their bond!

He watched her bound away to… wait! What??? A guy in a convertible Mustang? The guy had a 5 o’clock shadow! Was he, like, 35? Did he just take a sip of a beer???

Time slowed down… she opened the door, dropped into the passenger seat, and gave the guy a peck on the cheek. He saw her laugh, and watched as she pulled her hair back in a ponytail as they drove away.

The boy stood there stunned. Sick. Dizzy. Outraged.

“Hey,” one of his new friends said “looks like someone’s in love.”

“That stuck-up bitch? Love?” the boy spat. “Hardly. I think hate is probably the better word.”

FYI, the beautiful cheerleader’s name was “America.”

The boy’s name was “The World.”

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THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH

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At this moment in time, with all the world hating America—protesting, whining, marching, and creating stupid slogans—you can take comfort in the deep truth contained in this story.

Everyone wants to be in America, because of course they do.

You think that Frenchman eating snails on the Champs-Elysees, and chatting with friends about Voltaire wouldn’t hack his way through a kindergarten class with a rusty machete for a shot at getting an American citizenship?

Cowboy hats! Levi’s! Keg parties! Real football! Daily showers! Jacked-up trucks with MAGA stickers! Unlimited gun ownership! Grilled steaks! The NRA! Bass fishing. Rock-n-roll! Boiled peanuts! Mexican food! And not a beret in sight! 

The fact is they hate us… ‘cause they ain’t us.

You see, the head cheerleader is a thing of beauty when she’s paying attention to you, expressing concern about you, giving you things, making you feel like the center of the world.

When she doesn’t… well, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

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AN AMERICA BACK IN POWER

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What the world actually wants is for the Cheerleader to be an OnlyFans “model,” except she pays you to watch her channel. They want America to have the beauty of Cleopatra, but with low-self-esteem… so she’ll agree to do anything for the approval of those ogling her. They want her to be demure, shy, maybe even socially anxious—so the voyeurs can make demands, then chuckle as she fulfills them. 

And the world enjoyed that exact OnlyFans America for 12 of the past 16 years… an America who wanted to be liked, not respected, who always picked up the tab for food and drinks. An America who not only slept with you—she left money for you on the nightstand when she slipped out. The world wants an America wracked with such guilt, self-loathing and daddy-issues that you could beat her in front of her friends and family… and she’d come crawling back.

But guess what?

America experienced an intervention. She’d been so abused by her friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, and trailer-park criminals, she finally said, “Enough. This isn’t working. I need help.”

America has turned to Donald Trump for that help, and there’s been nothing but brass knuckle brawling since he arrived…. and the spectacle has been one for the ages. The reactions of the Left are even beyond what even I thought possible, and that’s a pole vault bar I set at a height you’d need an F-16 to get over. 

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RELATED | PRIOLEAU ALEXANDER: THIS IS WHAT REAL EVIL LOOKS LIKE

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Their reaction to Trump’s actions to end America’s waste, fraud, abuse, and theft of tax dollars has been hysteria on par with the French Revolution. During his first hour as the head of DOGE, Elon Musk’s team of teenage savants found themselves locked out of files and systems where the evidence of the financial crimes is contained. The directors overseeing those files had no plans to unlock them.

What happens when you pit someone even Elon Musk thinks is smart against a governmental security programmer? It’s like a one-on-one basketball match between Michael Jordon and Angel Reese—the game was over before Angel even has a chance to whine. Musk’s youngsters blew through the security systems like a Gerald Ford class aircraft carrier running at sea speed through a bay of liberal tears—and immediately found billions of dollars in fraud. Like, that very night Trump when was inaugurated.

Within a week, they’d identified hundreds of billions in fraud.

For reasons unknown to those of us with a brain capacity above an Irish Setter, the Left views this as horrific.  Among their reactions were:

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• Musk is trying to steal their social security numbers and personal information. I’m pretty sure that as the former owner of PayPal, he has all the personal information on you he wants.
• Musk is trying to steal money directly. A guy worth $400 billion dollars, conducting what will be the most-scrutinized investigation in history, is low on the totem pole of people willing to risk federal prison for embezzling taxpayer dollars. For those who haven’t noticed, he already has the money to buy himself nice things.
• Musk is exaggerating about the things he’s uncovered. That $1,000,000 was not for making mice transgender! It was for an important study to make mice transgender so we could experiment on them! 
• Does that somehow make it better? That all the tax money five working class families will ever pay in taxes is going to this? What about us blue-eyed Scottish French Huguenots? We’re a really tiny sliver of America. I want a study done on how my DNA needs reacts to blood pressure meds.
• Musk is breaking the law. He’s not, of course, because he’s acting under direct orders of the President to see where his constituents’ money is going. We’re all aware, however, that there will be an immeasurable level of judicial overreach blocking Trump’s orders, but they’ll get it worked out when the adults on SCOTUS get involved. 

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PEACE THROUGH WEAKNESS

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One of Trump’s early actions was to indicate he wanted peace in Ukraine and Russia. Without him intervening, the war will never end, and Putin would use nukes before he’d allow his regime to be overthrown. Trump is going to broker a peace deal that will leave both sides upset, and that’s usually the case in negotiations.

But Zelenskyy is of a different opinion—he wants the war to go on until Ukraine has recaptured the land Russia stole, and the Russians are “punished.”

The bellowing from the Left is that Trump is “abandoning our allies!” 

What allies? NATO? Are you kidding me? 

They essentially disarmed themselves after America rose to super-power status in the years following WWII, and have left the defense of their continent to the American taxpayer. Together they couldn’t fight a land war against Russia, and Russia can’t even defeat Ukraine.

Why? Not only have they not bothered to maintain standing armies and the needed weaponry, they’re also nations filled with effete, vapid men without a shred of national pride. In Sweden, it is illegal to sing their nation’s version of America the Beautiful. In France, the national flag is considered fascist and is found practically nowhere except governmental buildings. Yes, there are some actual men in Britain, but do you think they’re going to volunteer to go die for their almost-Muslim nation?

The word “allies” is a joke for 2025 America. Please name one thing any nation on earth has done sacrificially on behalf of America in the past 50 years. You can’t. We’ve been the OnlyFans prostitute for every nation on earth, and we’ve received nothing in return. Nothing.

The United States has no allies.

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STABILIZING AN ECONOMY

Another item causing outrage on the left is Trump’s use of tariffs. Every American commie is suddenly an expert on geopolitical trade and finance.

Do these tariffs make me nervous? Sure… but I also know enough to know I know exactly nothing about tariffs. All the living-in-Mommy’s-basement liberals are citing “the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act” from 95-years ago. Do you think maybe things have changed in the last century? Yes, I know you saw this tariff mentioned as a failure in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but do you think…anyone? Anyone? That Trump’s team of economic experts have… anyone? Anyone? Studied the issue?

Trump is using the tariffs for two reasons: First is to force Canada and Mexico to get involved in border security. Second is to level the playing field on America’s trade deals and end our role as an OnlyFans model to global trade.

The Left seems to think Trump has implemented tariffs for fun. Trump’s entire platform was to put America first. Do you think he’s going to purposely hurt Americans and our economy for fun? 

If the tariffs don’t have the intended effect, does anyone think he’ll continue them? That he hasn’t thought that through, and devised a way to end them so that he’ll look like a hero?

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Self-loathing among European nations seemed like it took a solid fifty years. Americans accomplished personal-hatred after eight years of Barack Obama, then went nitro super charged for the four years under Joe Biden.

Why?

Our citizens are the freest in the world. Our poorest people on welfare enjoy creature comforts the Sun King himself, Louis XIV never dreamed of. The American people are the most generous in the world, with individuals last year giving $557 billion to charity, and volunteering 4.1 billion hours. We are the only actual multi-cultural nation on earth.

But self-loathing is here, and growing every year. The American socialists want the United States to be not just an OnlyFans prostitute, they want us to model ourselves after the OnlyFans nutjob who recently slept with 1,027 men in 24-hours. There is no level of depravity too low. 

But… to those self-loathing Americans and nations around the world, take heed: There’s gonna be a lot less Cheerleader winks for the next four years.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’ 

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