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POLITICS

Prioleau Alexander: L.A. Wildfires Are A Predictable Tragedy

Fighting fires with thoughts and prayers…

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The areas in Los Angeles that are now glowing red embers are some of the deepest Blue cities in the country. The areas destroyed in New Orleans during Katrina were also deep Blue. But there’s one very big difference: The people of New Orleans didn’t go into the voting booth and elect a government that promised to weaken the dikes and reduce drainage from the city.

I feel horrible for the lost lives, and the decades the bereaved will struggle to understand “Why did something like this happen?” I feel equally horrible for the tiny slice of residents who aren’t rich and will be devastated after insurance gets through screwing them over.

For the rich who lost only property, I want to feel bad… but honestly, I feel bad that I don’t feel bad. I think my lack of apathy centers on one thing: 95% of these rich, petulant, holier than thou, virtual signaling ding-dongs voted with gusto for the people who caused these fires to rage out of control. 

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Maybe caused is the wrong word. Perhaps it is more accurate to say, “Purposely took the proactive steps which guaranteed that if a sizable fire did break out, it would burn the entire area to the ground.”  

Rest assured; however, I’m an equal opportunity wildfire sociopath — socialists aren’t the only ones for whom my heart is empty. To conservatives like Adam Carolla, Mel Gibson, and James Woods, I sadly have no choice but to say, “You could’ve left long ago, but you chose to live under the despotic rule of lunatics. You stayed put. And if you sleep with dogs, you’ll wake up with fleas.” 

The reasons for this devastation are obvious. This was not a perfect storm, where numerous “almost impossible” events somehow aligned. It was, in fact, a perfect plan, in which numerous decisions were made in perfect alignment to ensure the fire would spiral into a death trap.

What are the elements that brought this perfect plan together?

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FAILURE TO IMPLEMENT KINDERGARTEN-LEVEL FIRE CONTROL

(Getty)

You’ve probably noticed we almost never get forest fires along the Eastern Seaboard or the Deep South. This is because our landowners and the state officials in charge of land management are not mindless buffoons. At certain intervals, when the humidity and temperature are perfect, “controlled burns” are conducted and managed/monitored conflagrations consume all the small tinder (a.k.a. fuel) lying on the ground under the big trees. This also stimulates the ecosystem in a healthy way as food-for-wildlife foliage can once again emerge from under the pine straw.

In Southern California, controlled burns are not an option as the ecosystem is too dry. Their fire prevention program needs to involve clearing away the brush and tinder and physically removing it. Los Angeles failed to do this in order to save money, and to benefit the environment. Leaving the tinder in place benefits the environment in the same way suicide benefits someone who’s a little bummed.

Incredibly, numerous reports are coming out of Los Angeles that homeowners who tried to clear the brush from the state-owned land near their homes were stopped and fined. NBC San Diego reported last year that one family was fined $53,367.70 for clearing a half-acre of brush from the public land abutting their home.

Another thing we do in the East and South is cut fire lanes. This involves bulldozing wide roads through forestland, which makes it harder from a fire burning on side A to “leap” over the fire lane to side B. Los Angeles felt the fire lanes hurt the environment, which is much like thinking defibrillator paddles hurt the person whose heart has stopped.

Even with their high winds, it’s hard for the flames on Tree 1 to leap across a 50-yard gap to Tree 2.

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DIVERSITY, EQUITY AND INCLUSION…

(LAFD)

Put on a helmet — this hard to read.

In the name of inclusion, Kristin Crowley was sworn in as Los Angeles’ 19th fire chief in 2022. The fact she is a lesbian was reported with breathless excitement, and she promised one of her top three priorities would be “fostering a diverse, equitable and inclusive culture within the LAFD.” 

After her swearing in, Crowley gave a speech in which she remarked “people keep asking if there’s a number (of DEI hires) I’m looking for. I’m not looking for a number, because it’s never enough.”

Within a year, she had the fire department’s DEI bureau up and running, with a Racial Equity Action Plan aimed at “ending systematic, institutional, and structural racism in Los Angeles.”

This is important stuff, as it is “settled science” that fire flames will only engulf a person if the flames sense that no LGBTQ+ firemen are coming to the rescue. 

Chief Crowley’s DEI focus resulted in the hiring of Kristine Larson once again an exciting hire because she would be LA’s first lesbian equity chief… and black, to boot!

If only she were a dwarf, right?

In a promotional video, Chief Larson offered up the following gem:

“You want to see someone that responds to your emergency that looks like you. It gives that person a little bit more ease knowing that somebody might understand their situation better.”

Makes sense. We saw it happen with every woman being held hostage by Hamas who refused to accompany the IDF special forces to freedom, asking them to return with someone who could understand their situation better.

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RELATED | WHAT CAN SOUTH CAROLINA LEARN FROM CALIFORNIA’S WILDFIRES?

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In the same video, Ms. Larson assured Angelinos of their ongoing safety, and addressed the idea of female civilians questioning her abilities with these inspirational words: “Is she strong enough to do this?” Or ‘you couldn’t carry my husband out of a fire?’ To which my response is, ‘he got himself in the wrong place if I have to carry him out of a fire.’”

Actually, she’s right there. A man who passes out due to smoke inhalation while trying to get his family out alive has no one to blame but himself. Self-rescue, asshole.

We cannot, of course, forget Kristina Kepner – the first lesbian assistant fire chief.  She actually might have been a good choice, given how in touch she is with her inner toxic masculinity. Who else but a bad-ass dude gets charged with physically attacking their domestic partner, and repeatedly threatening to kill them?

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with hiring a lesbian to lead the fire department – provided she comes in like a wrecking ball to gut the organization of all but the best and the brightest. However, questions will arise when she begins cherry-picking people who are in her dating pool.

Hilariously, Pride.com just ran an article with the headline, “LA’s first LGBT+ fire chief is proving lesbians get it done!”

Indeed… well-done.

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LACK OF WATER…

There aren’t a lot of things more important to fighting fires than water. Yes, it’s important that firefighters pushing into the gates of hell feel good that their department celebrates everyone’s preferences when it comes to sexual friction, but water still trumps even that.

How could they possibly not have enough water to fight a fire? It’s Southern California. It has wildfires every year, like clockwork. How do fire hydrants run dry?

Let’s explore that…

  • About 40 percent of Los Angeles city water comes from state-controlled projects connected to northern California, where the precious and endangered Delta smelt fish live. To save those little gilled wonders, the state decided to limit the amount of water being provided to LA.
  • Some chucklehead allowed the Santa Ynez Reservoir to go dry. Fake news? Well, for some reason Governor Newsom has blasted off a letter to the L.A. Department of Water and Power announcing an independent investigation into how and why this happened. To save you time, I’ll let you know now what they’ll find: Top to bottom incompetence.
  • According to The Los Angeles Times: “Since the beginning of January, a series of atmospheric rivers has disgorged trillions of gallons of much-needed moisture across drought-stricken California, but only a small fraction of that water has so far made it into storage. In the delta — the heart of the state’s vast water system — nearly 95% of incoming water has flowed into the Pacific Ocean, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation.”

Experts say “NO! It’s not that simple!” Why? Because the areas where the “trillions of gallons” of water flow are “fragile ecosystems, and home to many protected species.”

I must confess I’m not an expert in preparing for wildfires in a place like Los Angeles, but I do know that firefighters expect a fire hydrant to provide water so their hoses can go “Whoosh!” I’m also certain there is someone in charge of the “Make Sure the Hydrants Have Water” task force, whose purpose in life is to ensure, well, that hydrants have water.

Is that person an elected Democrat? A DEI appointment? A bureaucrat? An idiot with white skin and XX chromosomes?   I’m not sure, but I am sure you get the government you vote for… and Los Angeles’ two Big Kahunas are mayor Karen Bass and governor Gavin Newsome

Newsome is a carbon-based stupidity machine, and Bass is perhaps worse — she’s far more focused on improving Africa than Los Angeles (as evidenced by her coordinates when the blazes broke out). If both were in the military, they’d already have been fired, as a military officer is “responsible for everything their men do or fail to do.”

Nothing will happen to them, of course. Before leaving office Joe Biden will provide federal tax dollars to help the millionaires rebuild, and the story will be gone from the news cycle in two weeks. 

Perhaps the strangest part of the whole ridiculous story is that these über-rich yo-yos who lost their homes won’t look at what’s happened, and say, “this was due to DEI, putting critters before humans, and decisions made by Democrat politicians.”

Instead, they’ll say, “It’s totally climate change” and scrub their minds of reality.

It would be impossible for them to look at the situation objectively and put blame where blame is due, because that would require the Wokepalians to question their religion. As a result, they’ll continue electing unqualified bozos, because it makes them feel morally superior to us deplorables who think meritocracy is good, men are stronger than women and fire hydrants need to provide firefighters with access to water. 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’ 

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2 comments

CongareeCatfish Top fan January 15, 2025 at 10:56 am

Fantastic article, with one caveat. “If both were in the military, they’d already have been fired, as a military officer is “responsible for everything their men do or fail to do.” That was from a different era of our service years, brother – and how do I miss those days. Since the latter half of the Bush second term up to the present day (and yes, including Trump’s prior term), O-6s and flag officers don’t get fired for a damn thing unless it’s hurting some female’s feelings at their command, or failing to carry the DEI and perversion alphabet company line. Getting fired for poor performance of core duties rarely occurs, and when it does, its O-5 and below. And before someone sends me some article about some 2 or 3 star that did actually get fired, let me remind them: we have ten times as many flag officers in the military now than at the height of WWII, when the armed forces was more than three times the size it is now.

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Allen Bowers Top fan January 15, 2025 at 6:51 pm

And South Carolina and North Carolina have governments controlled overwhelmingly by republicans and there are still people living in tents in the middle of the winter from the effects of Helene—- which using some of the logic expressed above was caused by Democrats. I do agree with one thing the writer expressed near the end—-we get the government we vote for. God help us make it through the next 4 years.

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