Politics

Prioleau Alexander: We Did That!

The liberal campaign agenda sounds pretty “conservative” when you stop and think about it …

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One of the things I find so humorous about the liberal platform is that, when push comes to campaign, they default to their success in areas of conservative beliefs.

“I created X many jobs!” To me, that sounds a lot like bragging that you spurred on private-sector economic growth … with paychecks being doled out by capitalistic companies. 

“Families are doing better than ever!” How? Financially? (Evil capitalism). Employment? (Evil capitalism).  

“Our nation has never been safer or strong!” Military spending, anyone?

“We cut the deficit!” Fiscal responsibility, no? 

“We’re closing the wage gap between men and women!” I’m pretty sure that means they’re claiming their work has resulted in women’s income increasing, not men’s income being reduced … and we’re back to that dirty topic of capitalism.

“Our education advances are making America more competitive than ever!” So our kids can get better jobs, make more money, and buy more stuff?

“We’re helping Americans get off welfare, and into the job market!” Uh, yup — that’s fiscal reasonability on the part of the government, alongside higher income and a better (richer) quality of life for citizens.

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Sure, all their promises aren’t based on conservative achievements. Many are just dumb. Case in point: If there’s one policy that truly symbolizes the left’s disconnection with reality, it’s their promise about raising corporate income taxes. 

Hey, dumbasses … corporations don’t pay taxes. If you put a new $1 tax on every iPhone, do you think Apple is going to EAT that $1? No, the cost of an iPhone goes up one dollar.

Is that hard to understand?

If you put some sort of tax on them they CAN’T pass along … or that makes them uncompetitive with their rivals who are using slave labor in China — they’ll just leave and move to China and hire their own slaves.

Do y’all think working out of America is some kind of economic privilege? Gee, let me choose … a Gen Z snowflake who demands respect for knowing nothing and just walking in the door wants a six-figure salary and three days a week of “remote work?” Or … a 16-year-old Vietnamese kid whose family is counting on his $40 a week to keep them from all starving to death?

Whaaaa! Those corporations are evil. They just want to make money!

No shit, Sherlock. 

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But y’all certainly seem to be PRO-corporation when it comes to Covid-19 vaccines that don’t work, and censoring opinions you don’t like. HOW MANY TIMES have I heard one of you brainless twits defend social media giants saying, “they can do whatever they want … they’re a private enterprise, and can do anything they want to protect their brand.”

Do you think the gang at Facebook and Google wouldn’t block every liberal post if it meant a 10 percent bump in stock?

I’ve written a million times: Huge business is a bunch of sociopathic monsters, devoid of the Judeo-Christian values that used to restrain them just a tad. You know why they find ways to fire people who turn fifty? YOU, moron. YOU don’t care. YOU don’t care that they use slave labor. YOU don’t care that Starbucks screws every small grower they deal with. YOU don’t care that four-year-old African children are starving and naked, hand-mining for lithium so you can virtue signal in your Prius. YOU don’t care that wind turbines are slaughtering millions of birds, and killing whales. YOU don’t care that “fast fashion” is one of the biggest contributors to landfills, as long as you look cute in your selfies. YOU don’t care that your celebrity influencers fly private jets to Global Warming rallies.

If YOU don’t care, you know who else doesn’t? CORPORATIONS and celebrities who sell you their crap products and movies and perfume that you gobble up like hogs at a trough. 

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What the left doesn’t do, I’ve noticed, is campaign based on the things their policies have actually produced. I’m pretty sure you won’t hear President Biden slur out any of these nuggets: 

  • Our policies got Geechie-Boy Grits, Eskimo Pies, and Aunt Jemima Syrup to change their names!
  • Our encouragement of rioting got a statue of Harriet Tubman torn down!
  • We got parents who speak up at school board meetings classified as domestic terrorists!
  • Our “research” has produced the belief that Christians who love their country are “Christian nationalists,” and are currently the greatest threat to America!
  • We got the shooting of Ashley Babbitt on January 6, 2021 dismissed with no internal investigation whatsoever — which is the MINIMUM required in every police shooting! 
  • Our support of gun-free zones has turned Blue cities with the strictest gun laws in America into the most violent cities in the nation!
  • Our open borders policies have allowed thousands of known terrorists to flood into the country — as well as enough fentanyl to kill the entire American population 500-times over!
  • Our identity politics stand in diametrical opposition to Martin Luther King, Jr.’s ‘I Have a Dream‘ speech!  
  • Our policies are allowing – and encouraging – schools to secretly help children permanently change their bodies’ biology before they’re old enough to drive a car!
  • Our demand for DEI has airlines ignoring experience and safety records when hiring pilots, and choosing them based on sex, color, and their preferred type of sexual friction!
  • Our policies have Big Tech colluding directly with the White House to censor conservative speech! 
  • Our “believe-the-settled-science” lies outlawed every kind of Covid treatment except Big Pharm’s vaccines, all of which hit the market at the exact same time! 
  • Our control of the FBI and DOJ enabled the story of the Hunter Biden laptop to be suppressed until after the election!
  • Our laws created 87,000 more IRS jobs to audit and screw a greater number of middle-class Americans—and in the ad for these new agents we literally mentioned their willingness to engage in deadly force!
  • Our woke policies have resulted in the military’s recruiting numbers cratering! 
  • Our policies allowed the director of the FBI to knowingly lie to a FISA court, perjure himself in front of Congress, and walk away scot-free!
  • Our policies resulted in $5.00 per gallon gasoline!
  • Our rhetoric has demonized “the white patriarchy,” who pretty much invented representative government!
  • Our welfare policies that pay unmarried women to have babies has resulted in 40 percent of all American children born out of wedlock, while achieving a beneficial 78 percent mark in black communities!
  • Our policies have FBI SWAT units conducting pre-dawn raids at the homes of octogenarians charged with non-violent civil offenses!
  • Our policies have resulted in the termination of tens of thousands of blue-collar energy jobs, and prevented the creation of more!
  • Our stance has men breaking every record in women’s sports – while using women’s locker rooms!
  • Our acceptance of pathetic weakness has resulted in “safe spaces” and “crying rooms” on college campuses.
  • Our perspectives resulted in such racism and prejudice against Asian students in the Ivy Leagues, a group of them sued … and won!
  • Our unwavering zealotry regarding leftist policies has us ignoring the fact the sitting president is obviously suffering from deep dementia, and shaking hands with the air!
  • We elected a stroke victim to the Senate, despite his inability to even speak articulately or debate an opponent! 
  • Our identity politics have resulted in segregated dorms at college! It turns out George Wallace was just a man before his time!
  • We got a woman of color confirmed to the U.S. supreme court who could not define what a woman is!
  • We got a man put in prison for tweeting a joke encouraging Hillary voters to “vote by text!”

These are, in fact, the actual, certifiable, in-writing, on-video bullet points of the left’s achievements. Some of them, anyway. Space restrictions prevent me from going back any further than the Biden presidency.  

It’s become quite du jour to make statements along the lines of, “We need to listen to each other.” “We need civil discourse.” “We need to better understand the other side’s perspective.”

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Here’s my question: How do you listen to the other side when the other side is insane?

Me: I think the person flying the 747 I’m aboard should be the safest and most experienced pilot possible.

Democrat: You’re a racist homo-trans-phobe!

Me: I think people coming into the United States should be vetted to ensure they aren’t on a terrorist watch list.

Democrat: You’re a racist, xenophobic, white nationalist!

Me: I agree with MLK, Jr that people should be judged by the content of the character, not the color of their skin.

Democrat: That’s literally what he said, but he meant the opposite! People should be judged by the color of their skin, not the content of their character! 

Seriously, it would be virtually impossible for a Yellow-Dog Democrat to deny these bullets listed. They’ve happened… and if liberals didn’t make them happen, who did? Conservatives? The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Perhaps they just happened, like the spontaneous combustion that created life?

If you’d like a fun “drinking game,” sit down with a Democrat and go through this list… read each item aloud and offer them only these options: a) That isn’t true. b) That’s true, but it’s a good thing. c) Democrats had nothing to do with that.

Take a big drink every time they answer, no matter want they say. While it’s true there isn’t a lot of “game” in this game, with luck you’ll be so snookered you’ll offer a remark based in reality — resulting in you no longer being invited to their dinner parties anymore.

That’s at least something, I guess.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’ 

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2 comments

Capitalism Gonna Capitalism April 9, 2024 at 4:38 pm

Wait, so Democrats are uber socialists, but also center right?

Since we’re crediting capitalism with things, let’s toss in the death of homeownership among the younger generations, the catastrophic rise in debt slavery in general, and the beyond-inflation rise of health care for the last four decades.

It’s a shame Drunkle’s liver probably won’t hold out long enough to see the dire effects of climate change though.

Reply
Jack Hinson April 10, 2024 at 11:16 am

Right-wingers are so clueless (probably more accurately duped) about how Corporations work and how the super-wealthy have been using them to abuse the country for decades.

In the 1950s when according to MAGA America was Great (you know women barefoot and pregnant, darkies in the field and scrubbing toilets where they belonged, and gay people in the closet or having their ass kicked if they were not and no Mexicans) the top marginal Corporate Tax rate was 90%+- under a Republican President. Why? Because back then they understood that the purpose of Corporations was to allow broad investment in the American Economy by the public and for investors to be insulated from liability for the actions of management. They were never intended to be a tax dodge for what at the time would have been hundred millionaires but are now billionaires. The reason the taxes were so high is the Corporations were given a Dividend-paid deduction. That meant they paid little or no tax as long as they distributed their profits to the shareholders. The shareholders paid the tax at their rate. Republicans and their mega-wealthy donors changed all that.

Today the richest 1% of Americans own 53% of all publicly traded stock in the US. The next richest 9% own 36% of all publically traded stock in the US. The poorest 50% of Americans own less than 1% of the publicly traded stock in America. That only leaves 9% more or less for middle-income, average working-class Americans. So as you can see the reason for Corporations is failing. When you give a massive tax cut to corporations you are giving a massive tax cut to the richest 1% of Americans. That is why Trump constantly brags to his Mar-a-Lago buddies that he gave “them” a massive tax cut. The richest Americans stash all their profits and wealth inside the corporations they control because Corporate tax rates are low and deductions are generous. When they do decide they need money they sell their stock at tax-advantaged Capital Gains rates. This is why Warren Buffet said he paid a lower percentage of taxes on his income than his bookkeeper. The system has been rigged for the super-rich.

Now for the BS argument that if you increase corporate tax rates, the corporations will increase costs or flee the country. Donald Trump and the Republicans gave large Corporations huge tax cuts at a time when they were making record profits. Did they lower prices? No. They just made more profit and used that to consolidate the ownership of corporate America even more. Giant Oil Companies are pumping more oil than they ever have and making higher profits than they ever have, but gas prices are Biden’s fault. Drug Companies are making higher profits than they ever have, but drug prices are Biden’s fault. If companies are making more profits than ever and did not cut prices when they got a tax cut, why would they need to raise prices when taxes go up to where they were before they got the cut? And if they want to move out of the Country why didn’t they move out before? Could it be because they need access to the American Market and there is nowhere else to go that they don’t risk loss to that market? Manufacturing is returning to the US at a rapid pace since Biden took office. There are geopolitical reasons for that re-shoring, and that is not going to change anytime soon.

I can’t waste my time debunking all the other bogus right-wing made-up talking points you have in this article, because anyone with a brain can figure that out for themselves. Even Trump knows they are lies, but he is willing to feed the sheep, whatever they want to eat.

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