SC

Mande: Why The Domestic Violence Bill Is A Ruse

LAWMAKERS ONLY PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT WOMEN … || By MANDE WILKES || So, the South Carolina legislature has taken up the mantle of domestic violence prevention.  This sounds like it can’t be a bad thing, right?  Well, actually … it kind of makes me want to throw up. Here’s…

LAWMAKERS ONLY PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT WOMEN …

mande wilkes|| By MANDE WILKES || So, the South Carolina legislature has taken up the mantle of domestic violence prevention.  This sounds like it can’t be a bad thing, right?  Well, actually … it kind of makes me want to throw up.

Here’s why: As the various legislators – those rascals! – are clamoring to attach their names to this cause, they’re simultaneously abandoning an issue of arguably equal import to the women of South Carolina.

What am I talking about, you ask?

Childbirth options …

As a board member of the Charleston Birth Place Foundation – the entity charged with preserving access to birth centers – I’m involved in what’s turned out to be an uphill battle with state legislators.  Who would’ve imagined that it’d be so controversial, the idea that mothers can make their own decisions regarding the medical professionals that oversee the birth of their babies?

And don’t get it twisted, I’m not even talking about hippie-mama home births or anything remotely approximating risky or radical laboring techniques.  I’m talking about licensed birth centers, providing access to certified nurse midwives – medical providers who have earned every possible certificate and who are in good standing with any number of national governing bodies overseeing the process of certifying birthing professionals.

These are not your mama’s midwives, in other words – they’re trained, educated, and experienced in both the science and the art of childbirth.

I should know … during my own pregnancy I commuted from Myrtle Beach to Charleston to have access to care that’s more holistic and more comprehensive than what I’d get at a hospital or with an OB-GYN.

Unfortunately, if the S.C. Department of Health and Environmental Control (SCDHEC) and various lobbying outfits have their way, mothers will lose that option.

And that’s why it makes me want to vomit, this sudden hastening at the State House to feign concern for women’s issues.  Because the fact is that the delegation as a whole has done nothing other than acquiesce to special-interest lobbying on behalf of the vast medical-industrial complex that represents the business of birthing children.

God, do I sound breathless or what?  I am!

I absolutely rage when government inserts itself in personal medical affairs – particularly in instances like this, where there has been exactly zero empirical evidence of anything other than positive outcomes at the state’s licensed birth centers.

So, to the legislature, I say this: You care about women only insofar as you get to attach your names to sexy legislation like domestic-violence prevention bills.  And that’s fine, that’s good – certainly there’s worthwhile work to be done in that realm.

But don’t pretend you care about women … not when you’re complicit in stripping them of the option to make one of the most medically and spiritually significant decisions they’ll make – the decision about where and how they give birth to new life.

Mande Wilkes is a wife, mother, businesswoman, author, etc. residing on the South Carolina coast with her family.  Email her at m@mandewilkes.com.

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48 comments

GrandTango March 22, 2015 at 12:13 pm

A- There is ABSOLUTELY NO Connection…other than you trying to grandstand – like the politicians you attack – off of the stupid idea that EXTRA legislation will stop women from making Stupid decisions in choosing sorry-@$$ men…

B- By being a pop culture jockey, who pats these politicians on the back, for taking up the cheer of the latest liberal cause-de-jour, you’re just as guilty as they are calculating and pandering…

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??? March 22, 2015 at 1:46 pm

What does this have to do with Mande’s point?

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Buz Martin March 22, 2015 at 5:37 pm

What does it matter? It’s GT.

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Mom March 22, 2015 at 12:21 pm

Personally, I would never want to have a baby without a good ob-gyn standing by. There are too many things that can go wrong in an instant. However, I believe women should be the ones to decide were and how to give birth. Yes, there are going to be ignorant, uninformed women who think having a baby at the Williams Brice Stadium will bring good luck and lifelong fortune to their babies. Bottom line is get the government out of the way. We are big girls and can make decisions for ourselves, good or bad.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein March 22, 2015 at 12:25 pm

…having a baby at the Williams Brice Stadium will bring good luck and lifelong fortune to their babies.

That’s just CRAAAAAAZY!!
Having a baby at Memorial Stadium, on the other hand…

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Slartibartfast March 23, 2015 at 1:44 pm

(tee hee)

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TontoBubbaGoldstein March 22, 2015 at 12:22 pm

If you like your non-sequitur; you can keep your non-sequitur.

Full Disclosure: TBG don’t know nuffin ’bout birthin’ babies.

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shifty henry March 22, 2015 at 12:51 pm

I do – and I’m posting this so I can return later and share my experiences.

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Slartibartfast March 22, 2015 at 11:19 pm

I would like to add that that I am so against domestic violence that, sometimes, I REALLY JUST WANT TO HIT SOMEONE!

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shifty henry March 22, 2015 at 11:53 pm

O Woes to me, your comment reminded me about…
——————————————————————-
During my marital woes I found it much more beneficial to take my wife for a drive or somewhere else where we could talk without being disturbed. One night I took her out in my beautiful Red Olds with a very nice thick, padded dashboard. A point came where she was becoming, well, just too much, and she set me off to the point where I had my fist traveling toward her head. But in that fraction of a second I slammed my fist down on the middle of the dashboard. She was quiet and amenable after that and we went home. The next morning driving to my office I noticed a very thin crack in the dash. OK, I remembered hitting it, so what can I say? Driving home that evening I looked at the crack which seemed to be a tiny bit wider, but I could have been wrong. This was in a hot, muggy July. As the days went by I became fascinated to the point of becoming obsessed with that damn crack in the dash. The crack ever so slowly kept widening and deepening until it was a chasm tormenting me daily for my stupid action. She swapped cars with me in the divorce — then she sold it about three months later.

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Slartibartfast March 23, 2015 at 12:39 am

Maybe she took your truck because she, too, liked your unwisecrack.

shifty henry March 23, 2015 at 8:56 am

Actually, our agreement was that she get three vehicles that were fully paid, and I took the one that had payments due. I had one kid driving and the other ready in a few months. Why did I lash out at her with a fist? At a later time I understood my action. Months of discussions and negotiations between a person who is analytical and logical (me) and one who is in denial and becomes passive-aggressive led to that one moment in time where the exasperation led to an impulsive, unconscious act of potential harm to her.
What I learned from that one incident is how, in a marriage, little things over an extended period of time in a marriage can result in a harmful experience. Later I had the opportunity to do consulting work for domestic violence organizations and rape centers. I’m still disturbed when I remember the things I saw and learned.
We’re required to pass an exam to get a drivers license, to get a concealed carry permit, but we don’t to get married.

Slartibartfast March 23, 2015 at 12:48 pm

Yeah, I hear you. Just remember, no good deed goes unpunished.

shifty henry March 23, 2015 at 2:28 pm

This was the only episode in our marriage where we had any arguments or disagreements. Now about those CRAZY WOMEN — I’ve dated some whom I later discovered were INSANE (but undiagnosed). They were fun to date and hang around with but each time a point came where I looked into the mirror and thought, ” I REALLY DON’T WANT THIS SHIT ANYMORE” . Now getting out of a few of those relationships may have been tricky….. right now I don’t want to try to remember how…..

shifty henry March 23, 2015 at 2:36 pm

Ooooops! I just had a flashback. One girl had invited me to Greenville to spend the weekend. That night as we started tussling around in bed my head hit something hard. I moved her pillow and she had a damn bayonet under it. Her father, who was in some tough guy Army special group gave it to her with lessons so she could fight off intruders. Well, I intruded myself right back to Columbia on Sunday afternoon, and later found some excuse to weasel out of seeing her again. (OK, call me a coward – but I’m still here – and intact)

shifty henry March 23, 2015 at 10:15 am

It was a beautiful red Olds sedan, but I wanted them to have cars with no payments due. I was a generous guy and I wanted things to be as uncomplicated as possible for her and the kids. Since then she has helped me with several situations.

The Colonel March 22, 2015 at 2:56 pm

Wow, and people wonder why we can’t get anything done. Must the legislature address any and every issue a woman could conceivably have in a single bill in order to get credit for anything?

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Roberto March 23, 2015 at 4:36 am

No sir. But for me, they must address something that there is a constitutional chance of having an effect. They want a bill to stop CDV. What law can they pass to proactively stop CDV?

NONE!

The legislature is just grandstanding. So they get NO credit.

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euwe max March 22, 2015 at 3:10 pm

I hereby promise that I will never have an abortion, or even contemplate it.

Isn’t it only fair to ask women to do the same?

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testicular extraction March 22, 2015 at 3:22 pm

Personally or by association? Men should be so equally burdened with that contemplation.

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Sam March 22, 2015 at 4:04 pm

Interesting, yet telling, statistic is that 100% of those favoring abortion have already been born…

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YallCalmDown March 22, 2015 at 4:26 pm

Okay. Yeah. By your logic, every bill is a ruse because it’s not about something else that you think is more important. Genius.

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Anita Douche March 22, 2015 at 5:08 pm

Domestic violence is already illegal. Just enforce the existing laws please. As for the other issue, if you can kill your unborn child, why can’t you have it in a non hospital with a non doctor like people have done for the last 80,000 years? Rs don’t really want freedom. Just like the libs, they know better and love telling others what to do with their lives.

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You Know My Name March 22, 2015 at 5:18 pm

Once again, Mande strikes a blow for common sense. I wish she were my Senator rather than Katrina Shealy.

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Mike at the Beach March 23, 2015 at 1:43 pm

Are you serious?

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Soft Sigh from Hell March 22, 2015 at 5:31 pm

“I’m a nursery-school teacher and don’t want to be tested for TB with all those fancy gadgets and poking. I want to be allowed to consult a hoodoo ‘intuitive’ root doctor down near Salley instead. It should be MY choice. Them little ones will be just fine, trust me. {cough, hack}”

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Buz Martin March 22, 2015 at 6:16 pm

That’s a bullshit characterization of what modern-day birth centers are all about.

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Soft Sigh from Hell March 23, 2015 at 5:57 pm

Too funny.

Yes indeed, that is how it was intended: a clinical and taxonomic description, exact in every detail.

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Buz Martin March 22, 2015 at 5:33 pm

Mande, I’m with you all the way on the birth center issue. My daughter was delivered at Carolina Birth Center in High Point. My ex had extraordinary care, all through the pregnancy. She chose the Bradley Method rather than Lamaze. We took all the classes together. The center had two resident nurses, as I remember, plus several midwives. An MD was in charge, and available when/if needed. The center was within a couple of blocks of the main hospital in High Point, and relations between the center and the hospital were excellent .It was a long labor, and the staff took great care of the my ex throughout, and they made the family feel at home all the way. When our daughter was born, I was right there, cutting the cord while trying not to pass out.
It’s a damned shame to take this option away from women.

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Buz Martin March 22, 2015 at 6:00 pm

It STILL does not mean we don’t need good CDV laws, and find it a bit weird for you to expect that to include support for birth centers. Or that you think this legislation should not pass because they haven’t done the other yet. Or whatever. You have not made the logical connection there, and again are too much about what makes you sick, makes you rage, etc.

Please tighten it up, Mande. You’ve said that I challenge you intellectually. If so, I challenge you to stop being so sloppy about the way you present these arguments. Put some muscle behind them.

Also: The fact that an idiot like GT thinks what we have on the books is good enough is a good indication that it’s not.

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Buz Martin March 22, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Mande, even though I support you on the birth center issue, you did not clearly explain why the DCV bill is a “ruse.” We still need good CDV laws with teeth in them, and I find it a bit weird for you to expect such legislation to include support for birth centers. Or that you think this legislation should not pass because they haven’t done the other yet. Or whatever you’re trying (but failing) to express. You have not made the logical connection there, and again are too much about what makes you sick, makes you rage, etc.

Please tighten it up, Mande. You’ve said that I challenge you intellectually. If so, I challenge you to stop being so sloppy about the way you present these arguments. Put some muscle behind them.

Also: The fact that an idiot like GT thinks what we have on the books is good enough is a good indication that it’s not.

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Roberto March 23, 2015 at 4:40 am

“We still need good CDV laws with teeth in them”

And what does that look like? In actual fact I mean.

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Buz Martin March 23, 2015 at 9:56 am

Every charge aggressively pursued. Zero tolerance — meaning instant and substantial jail-time for violating restraining orders. Restraining orders extended to all members of an immediate family, since they are often threatened, as well, by perpetrators. Judges who are too lenient in sentencing abusers face immediate and serious review of the case, with an eye toward whether or not it shows a pattern of enabling abusers. That’s just for starters.

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Mom March 23, 2015 at 10:28 am

So say the hubby and I have a heated argument because he was flirting with the cute waitress at Waffle House at dinner. As the evening goes on, things heat up, so I call the PoPo out to the trailer park. Since there is a zero tolerance policy they haul him off and put a restraining order against him. He can’t be around me or our kids. Okay…

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Buz Martin March 23, 2015 at 10:46 am

Do you have marks on your body? Bruises consistent with abuse? One black eye, or two? Were there witnesses? Prior convictions or restraining orders for abuse/ Did the neighbors hear a serious fight? Was any of it recorded? That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about., Straw man argument rejected.

Mom March 23, 2015 at 10:58 am

My point, however unpopular, is that the more we allow the gubment into our private lives, the less freedom we have. Of course, I would want justice for a spouse who beat up his or her partner. Laws are already on the books for this.

Buz Martin March 23, 2015 at 11:11 am

Abusive men of course, love people with your attitude on the issue.

Look at the rate of CDV in this state. Look at the number of women killed. It is from a lack of a will to arrest or prosecute offenders? Or because the laws themselves are too lax.

I say it’s the latter.

mamatiger92 March 23, 2015 at 1:54 pm

+10

Robero March 23, 2015 at 10:55 pm

I get your sentiment, and agree with your proposed actions. So are you saying the new law should say “enforce the law, we really mean it.”. Because everything you propose is now doable within current law.

Guest March 31, 2015 at 1:34 pm

the victims need to show up for court as well

Tunes'n'News March 22, 2015 at 10:10 pm

Serious article. Hard to take the author seriously with that photo. Looks like a dating site shot, not journalism.

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E Norma Scok March 22, 2015 at 11:20 pm

There is so little of this I worry about, and honestly, even less that I care.

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Native Ink March 23, 2015 at 7:49 am

Bills about domestic violence and birthing centers don’t conflict with each other. Why can’t you support one and still push for the other?

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The Great Googily Moogily March 23, 2015 at 8:50 am

Has anyone brought up the CDC study that shows that men are over 50% more likely to be the victim of CDV than women?

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shifty henry March 23, 2015 at 10:07 am

GGM, you bring up something to think about. Once I had a client who was a guy about 30 years old, married with two kids. He told me that his wife would beat on him — which I certainly did not believe. Then one day he brought his father and during our meeting his dad pointed to his son’s bruised and bloodied face and told me about how his wife treated his son. The guy had a sales route that took him out of town from Monday to Friday. His wife took all of his paychecks and would give him cash on Monday morning to cover his motels, gas, meals, and cigarettes for the week. The son began to cry and sob. If I hadn’t heard and seen this in front of me I never would have believed it. I truly felt sorry for him.

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Mom March 23, 2015 at 10:36 am

Did you mention to him that there is this thing called Divorce? And pix of the bruises, along with his dad’s testimony, would most likely be best for him.

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mamatiger92 March 23, 2015 at 8:51 am

Holy misleading headline. As so many others have pointed out, I do not understand your logic here.

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Toyota Kawaski March 23, 2015 at 9:53 am

Man-d you sing a good Tenor……. Ten or 20 Miles down the dam road that is.

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