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Lights At The Zoo




sicBy WILL FOLKS  ||  I’ll momentarily put aside my indignation at all the taxpayer funding that’s gone into Columbia, S.C.’s Riverbanks Zoo and Gardens … having already lectured my family on this front as we strode through acres of new government subsidized construction to finally arrive at the Zoo’s annual “Lights Before Christmas” extravaganza.

“Zoos are not core functions of government,” I told them.

They didn’t listen … making them not unlike the vast majority of FITS News readers. Their thoughts (like yours) were on more pressing questions …

“Are there really a million light bulbs?” our ten-year-old boy asked. (No clue).

“Daddy I want hot chocolate,” our five-year-old girl whined. (No).

“Mommy I’ma see pottamus,” our three-year-old boy declared (I didn’t have the heart to tell him the sad story of Monty the hippo).

Our one-year-old girl?  She can’t talk yet but I’m pretty sure she grasped the ridiculousness of taxpayers funding zoos at a time when the roads leading to them are falling apart … or at any time, really.

Anyway, Riverbanks’ “Lights Before Christmas” (official page with cheesy video HERE) really is gorgeous.  Well, assuming you’re ready, willing and able to pay $10 per adult and $8 per child (or $36 for a family of four, $52 for a family of Sic Willie’s size).

Yeah, good luck with that South Carolinians … 

Fortunately, my wife bought one of those annual zoo passes … which is good for one free visit to “Lights.”  So we were able to escape only $22 out of pocket … which got blown on three funnel cakes and a bag of popcorn (which everybody shared right up until the end, which is when the sharing turned into some pretty intense sibling-on-sibling violence over a kiddie handful of totally undigestible kernels).

And yes, the five-year-old whined all night about not getting her hot chocolate … while I wondered silently (several times) how cool “Lights” would look on lysergic acid diethylamide.  Or some really good mushrooms.

Grrrr sobriety …

Wanna see the “Lights?”  Without dropping a bunch of coin?

Here you go …

(Click to enlarge)

(Pic: Text)

Assuming you do wanna drop all that coin (and maybe some acid along with it), “Lights” runs from 5:00 – 9:00 p.m. EST through December 30 (with the exception of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day).

Oh, and here’s the cheesy video …

(Click to play)

(Vid via)