Good Stuff

Lights At The Zoo

GO CHECK ‘EM OUT … OR JUST LOOK AT THESE PICTURES By WILL FOLKS  ||  I’ll momentarily put aside my indignation at all the taxpayer funding that’s gone into Columbia, S.C.’s Riverbanks Zoo and Gardens … having already lectured my family on this front as we strode through acres of new government…


sicBy WILL FOLKS  ||  I’ll momentarily put aside my indignation at all the taxpayer funding that’s gone into Columbia, S.C.’s Riverbanks Zoo and Gardens … having already lectured my family on this front as we strode through acres of new government subsidized construction to finally arrive at the Zoo’s annual “Lights Before Christmas” extravaganza.

“Zoos are not core functions of government,” I told them.

They didn’t listen … making them not unlike the vast majority of FITS News readers. Their thoughts (like yours) were on more pressing questions …

“Are there really a million light bulbs?” our ten-year-old boy asked. (No clue).

“Daddy I want hot chocolate,” our five-year-old girl whined. (No).

“Mommy I’ma see pottamus,” our three-year-old boy declared (I didn’t have the heart to tell him the sad story of Monty the hippo).

Our one-year-old girl?  She can’t talk yet but I’m pretty sure she grasped the ridiculousness of taxpayers funding zoos at a time when the roads leading to them are falling apart … or at any time, really.

Anyway, Riverbanks’ “Lights Before Christmas” (official page with cheesy video HERE) really is gorgeous.  Well, assuming you’re ready, willing and able to pay $10 per adult and $8 per child (or $36 for a family of four, $52 for a family of Sic Willie’s size).

Yeah, good luck with that South Carolinians … 

Fortunately, my wife bought one of those annual zoo passes … which is good for one free visit to “Lights.”  So we were able to escape only $22 out of pocket … which got blown on three funnel cakes and a bag of popcorn (which everybody shared right up until the end, which is when the sharing turned into some pretty intense sibling-on-sibling violence over a kiddie handful of totally undigestible kernels).

And yes, the five-year-old whined all night about not getting her hot chocolate … while I wondered silently (several times) how cool “Lights” would look on lysergic acid diethylamide.  Or some really good mushrooms.

Grrrr sobriety …

Wanna see the “Lights?”  Without dropping a bunch of coin?

Here you go …

(Click to enlarge)

Blue lights ...Philly in the snow ...Augie in the snow ...Tall lights ...Johanna looks for snow ...Lots of lights ...Palmetto lights ... Purple lights ...Baby Eva stays warm ...Red lights ...Candy canes ...White lights ...Green lights ...

(Pic: Text)

Assuming you do wanna drop all that coin (and maybe some acid along with it), “Lights” runs from 5:00 – 9:00 p.m. EST through December 30 (with the exception of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day).

Oh, and here’s the cheesy video …

(Click to play)

(Vid via)


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FastEddy23 December 9, 2014 at 9:34 pm

The Wife and I were going to decorate the tree in the front yard … But it is too pretty already, what with the recent rains and all.

Looking forward to seeing that Zoo … got more pictures? links?

9" December 9, 2014 at 10:09 pm

The world would be a better place if people took acid at least once a year,but stay home.Don’t stop at a red,yellow,green light for over an hour,and forget you’re in a car,even at 3 in the morning.The cops will eventually show up.

FastEddy23 December 9, 2014 at 10:24 pm

Got any?

9" December 9, 2014 at 11:16 pm

uhhh…this is not a good place to talk…

euwe max December 10, 2014 at 3:25 am

I heard when they busted those 2 guys in Kansas, that was it.

FastEddy23 December 10, 2014 at 12:45 pm

Not …

Shadow of EricHolder December 10, 2014 at 12:56 pm

Please do not enter this site and attempt to introduce illegal activities to other posters. We know you are a scary-looking person, but what freaks out people is not just your street name (9 Inches) but the fact that it refers to the length of your fingers, and not your penis.

By the way, do you remember the summer after your junior year in college, when you had a job in Venice as a gondolier? You paddled those blonde Swedish girls wherever and whenever they wanted
you to? We have that paddle!

9" December 10, 2014 at 7:59 pm

You’re lying.I still have that paddle.It’s the same one I use on GT.

The Colonel December 9, 2014 at 10:28 pm

Props for covering the Zoo Lights.

STFU about “gubamint” and the Zoo. It’s probably the best money spent in this county and the state based on use and payback.

sparklecity December 10, 2014 at 11:27 pm

I’m with ya 100% Colonel!!!!

I know we don’t agree from time to time and Columbia ain’t my favorite city but the Riverbanks Zoo is damn nice.

Been visiting Riverbanks on a regular basis since it opened in 1974. Never get tired of walking around and we used to picnic prior to going inside.

Time and money well spent fer sure

Is the Polar Bear viewing tank still open or has it been shut off???

They also had a nice reptile exhibit the last time we were there and that was about 5 years ago.

Probably will go back next fall – that was the best time for us – it cools off and the animals are more active.

Columbia has every right to be proud of Riverbanks – no matter what FITS sez……..

shifty henry December 9, 2014 at 11:19 pm

OK — NOW we know what really caused Fitsnews to “blank-out” .. !!

Roper Mtn lights for upstaters December 10, 2014 at 7:48 am

My kids used to roll their eyes when I would start harping about taxes and the government. Once they were old enough to drive and could understand the direct connection between all those property taxes that I pay and how it knocks them down from a new Jeep Wrangler to a 12 year old Civic – the lights come on. Don’t worry though – they bounce right back with “my friend’s dad make a bunch of money so he can do both”. I finish them off with the speech about what shit cost when I was their age. Then they go silent and stare off into the abyss thinking about having to soon pay their own bills.

Smirks December 10, 2014 at 8:35 am

My kids used to roll their eyes when I would start harping about taxes and the government.

Don’t worry, a lot of us adults still do.

Gubment feeder? December 10, 2014 at 9:08 am

The people who pay the least never quite get it.

truthmonger December 10, 2014 at 7:52 am

YEAH… don’t need no steenkin’ MUSEUMS, either. FITS. What a rube.

mamatiger92 December 10, 2014 at 8:23 am

cute kids

Toyota Kawaski December 10, 2014 at 8:23 am

amazing that a D-bag can produce such cute kids. Congrats to the wife

shifty henry December 10, 2014 at 11:24 am

Introducing a new girlfriend to the magic of the annual lights makes it a great date.

TontoBubbaGoldstein December 10, 2014 at 6:12 pm

I’ll momentarily put aside my indignation at all the taxpayer funding that’s gone into …

TBG does the same thing when the air show (featuring the Blue Angels or the Thunderbirds) comes to Charleston.

Excellent article.

xx December 12, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Disagree that the zoo should not be a core function of government. It falls under EDUCATION – my own children learned more from zoo visits than sitting through any class at their private school.


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