Domestic Violence: The Dangers Of Leaving And The Need To Have A Plan

What Anonymous said! I get tired of hearing how we need to bend our laws, our legal system, and our minds, over backwards to accomodate women who make poor choices in mates and then resist all attempts to rescue them from their poor choices. And yes, these concessions by our laws and legal system are frequently manipulated by women (and occasionally men) to ruin and destroy former partners’ lives.

Take the false idea that “we should never blame the victim”. In many cases, the so-called victim is to blame and should be blamed. About forty years ago, at a place I worked where the employees were very tight-knit, one of the male employees on 2nd Shift made a few phone calls to organize help for one of the female employees on that shift who was in a bad situation. There was an atmosphere among employees of “One for all and all for one”. It made a tough job a bit more bearable. The female employee was supposedly trying to get away from an abusive marriage. Another female employee who was well liked at that job, offered her refuge at a spare room in her mobile home in a secluded area in the woods. The woman who owned or rented the mobile home only asked one thing of the “victim”. “Under no circumstances are you to ever tell your abuser where you are staying and never, ever, bring him here.” The lady who lived there felt safe and did not want drama and danger brought to her doorstep.

One day, the lady who owned or rented the trailer was at work on day shift. Her guest, working 2nd shift, got dressed for work early and went to pick up her paycheck to cash as it was payday. The guest got her paycheck and returned home after running a few other errands. As the story was told at the time, her uniforms (except for the one she wore when she left to get her paycheck) were all piled on her bed, slashed to ribbons. Her jewelry box had been gone through with the keys to her other car being taken and that car was now gone from the yard. She suspected the abuser and called police. Police said that since they were still married, what was his was hers and what was hers was his. They could or would not do anything. They even refused to let the primary resident pursue burglary and trespassing charges. The “victim” noted that her estranged had a suspended driver’s license due to multiple DUI’s but police refused to help.

Later that evening, the abuser called his estranged wife at work and taunted her about having her car. He let it out that he was at a motel outside of town. The male employee calling around, wanted to get a few guys together to try and help her repo her car. The plan involved pushing it out of its space silently, then her using her keys to start it and driving off. She would park it in an employee’s yard where her abuser would not think to look. After work, several male employees and the female went to the motel. She got in the car and steered it as it was pushed from its space. It has been agreed upon in advance that if the abuser initiated a confrontation, the mission would be aborted and all would leave as none of us wanted to see our names in the news or lose our jobs.

The car was out of its space. She began trying to start the car. It would wind up but not turn over. This was in the carburetor era. It became obvious that he had removed the distributor cap or other item and the car was not going to start. There was talk of getting a tow truck and suddenly, the abuser appeared from an upper floor room and yelled “stop motherf-ers”. I noted that it was time to leave as agreed. He came down and him and her engaged in a verbal argument that devolved into pointless name calling and insults. I noted that we had shot our wad and it was time to leave. We were not going to leave without her and put her at risk, but the longer this dragged on, the more likely it would devolve into a legally sketchy physical confrontation. The abuser approached the smallest male in the group and drew his fist back as though about to punch him. The shorter male in the group clouded the abuser with pepper spray in self defense. The abuser yelled something about getting his gun and that was what it took to get the group moving. The abuser chased after a couple of the cars as they were leaving. Everyone got out safely but it was later learned that the abuser did file a police report and claimed to have tag numbers for two cars though given his intoxicated state and face full of pepper spray it was doubtful.

Bringing this in for a landing, it was learned a day or two later, just how the abuser found the remote trailer in the woods. It seems the poor little dear who was a guest there, had been having him over for visits during the day when her host was at work, thereby putting them both in danger, against the one rule her host had established and she agreed to. Needless to say, the guest soon found herself looking for other quarters. The host likely never felt safe in that home from then on, because the nutty abuser might have decided that she needed to be punished.

This type behavior by so-called abused women is far from uncommon. I have known several personally in the years since then and it is like they have a form of Munchausen’s Syndrome. They love to whine, piss, and moan, about how evil their abuser is, but they will not hesitate to jump right back into his arms the minute they crave some drama in their life, whether it endangers their “rescuer” or not.

People need to understand that in many of these cases, the “victim” is absolutely to blame and pandering to their neurotic behavior is not going to help.