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Joe Biden is a sad, pathetic old man — literally too stupid to be put on trial for his crimes. Not my words, of course; those are words from special counsel Robert Hur. On January 20, 2025, Biden will disappear from America, and will never make a public statement again.
Literally, never another word…
He knows it. And he’s probably just cognizant enough to know future historians will be cruel to him. Yes, he’s a sociopathic narcissist, and takes no blame onto his own shoulders—but he does know he was personally humiliated before the world by his own parliament of whores.
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ET TU, CLOONEY?
I can only imagine the bitterness Biden feels at being so openly exposed as a fraud and traitor. After all, he was only doing what men like him have done for decades, right? What is the point of “serving” if you can’t horse trade and enrich yourself? He gave his life to public service! (Let’s just forget that it’s been a life of luxury, power, hot interns, free meals/booze, and working only a few months a year).
“Donald Trump screwed up the entire system… it was working fine until he forced his way into our private diamond mine! Look at all the stuff the proles were never supposed to know that they now know! Barack Obama did stuff twice as slimy as me, and now I’M the bad guy? He has a house in Hawaii and on Martha’s Vineyard on a politician’s salary, and they think I’m corrupt???”
Today, Biden is a small beaten man, crawling out of the arena on his hands and knees.
So, let’s put you in his shoes. You know your “legacy” is destroyed – and the sole surviving nuggets of that “legacy” is what you can save in the next month. You’ve got to use your remaining brain cells to ensure your sordid life isn’t put on hilarious display until the day they dump your pro-abortion skeletal corpse into the Tiber.
So, you employ damage control. You get ahead of the crimes that will follow you into your grave. You do anything you can.
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BUT WHAT ARE THE CRIMES?
Well, first there’s the personal and easily provable crimes — most obviously his partnership with son Hunter Biden to sell access to the vice president’s office, and Hunter’s business dealings with China and Ukraine. Those whoppers could be successfully prosecuted by a first-year slip and fall lawyer.
Solution? Pardon Hunter – and not just for the weapons and tax fraud charges, but for all crimes going back eleven years…
And for God’s sake, bury the message! Instruct the lapdog media to report Hunter’s being pardoned for being a crack addict and lying about it to get a firearm… and being a tax cheat because of his addictions. All the ass lickers in the media must be instructed to say, “those charges only came about because his last name is Biden.”
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Me: You’re pardoning Hunter for two felonies… but why are you making it retroactive for 11 years?
White House: His last name is Biden, and—
Me: Be honest…
White House: Trump is literally Hitler, and—
Me: You can do it…
White House: Okay, okay. That’s when they started selling access!
Me: Wasn’t that easier?
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PARDONS TO COME…
Next, of course, will be a pardon of his brother, James Biden, because that’s another thread that ties back to his contemptible sale of access and dozens of shell corporations worth tens of millions of dollars… but James will get lumped in the hundreds of last day pardons.
You’ve got to remember, though — there are many, many babies in the pardons-nest, chirping for their freedom… and if those pardons aren’t secured, those chirping little chicks might tell the truth to Trump’s DOJ, especially if it will save them from the time they deserve alongside inmate 10897, who thinks they have a “purty mouth.”
It will likely be necessary to pardon James Comey, Peter Strzock, and a dozen other FBI scumbags in “Russia-gate,” a criminal conspiracy even the Leftist fluffers in the media no longer deny. While it’s true these acts of treason were orchestrated primarily by the FBI, Obama, and Hillary Clinton, Trump’s DOJ can certainly ask, “what did Biden know, and when did he know it?”
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Failing to act while a silent coup takes place against the United States government is not something from which then-vice president Biden would be immune.
Let’s be real: Comey and Strock would drop every dime in their piggie banks if it would spare them a day of community service.
Biden’s decision to maintain “General” Mark Milley‘s fat ass as an officer in the military – despite his boastful announcement of treason in 2020 – could also lead to some uncomfortable conversations for that Army-issue mountain of lard. So could the details of our humiliating and criminally negligent retreat from Afghanistan.
Did Milley break any laws? I suppose the same question could be asked about Trump’s felony convictions, where the victim pressed no charges, debts were repaid in full with interest and the jury was told many times this was “business as usual” in the construction industry.
No, Trump did not commit crimes. And it is possible Milley didn’t either. Not technically. But in case you haven’t noticed, that no longer matters. Trump’s DOJ could drum up 100 “legitimate” charges, and treason comes with the death penalty. Defending himself would cost tens of millions of dollars. Ergo, Milley would sing like Pavarotti.
Solution? Pardon Milley and his inner circle of treasonous remoras.
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RELATED | JOE BIDEN’S PARTING SHOT AT AMERICA
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What about the greatest series of human and civil rights violations in history? Remember that? It was called Covid. The lies were obvious to the point of hilarity — and would be high comedy, if so many millions of lives hadn’t been destroyed.
How do you keep the hundreds of people involved from singing —all those who illegally profited via Big Pharma, knowingly lied about the science, or simply wanted the chance to undertake an illegal psy-ops experiment? If they have one-degree of separation from Biden, you pardon them.
The names on countless pardons to come will be unfamiliar to most Americans, and will seem to be innocuous small bribe deals. Some will be. But most of them will be for people in important branches of the Biden corruption tree. His reptiles are no doubt slithering down those branches right now, identifying anyone who could be a potential piece of fruit pluck-able by Trump’s DOJ – making deals that offer blanket pardons.
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WHY?
I’m espousing what I would do if I was an old man destined to be lying in state within the next couple years. I’m explaining what I would do to protect my family, and all the people who knowingly joined me in my life of crime. I’d be thinking about those who threw in with me, gambled and lost. I’d be willing to go down in history as America’s most corrupt President, if it would spare those who immersed themselves in my life of lies, graft, and treason.
But there’s no real way to see into what’s left of Biden’s mind, because he handed the White House to Trump to spite his party. That’s too epic to comprehend.
When he stepped down — however late — the party could’ve scrambled and cooked some sort of faux primary to pick the person with the greatest odds of beating Trump. It would’ve at least given them a fighting chance.
But Biden knew who had the lowest odds of beating Trump — the idiot he’d been forced to choose as his running mate: Kamala Harris.
He knew the party would want to have a primary to ditch her, so he gave history’s third biggest middle-finger (to his own party), and endorsed her immediately. Obama and Big Mike crapped. Nancy Pelosi puked. But as Democrats are trained to walk in silent lockstep, everyone in Congress, the media, and in entertainment all rushed out to endorse her. After all, she was black and female, so her idiocy didn’t matter. Obama, Big Mike, and Pelosi knew they were screwed, and fell in line.
How can one really predict the behavior of a man who’d, practically on his deathbed, turn his back on everything he claimed to believe, and hand power over to a man who believed the opposite… just because he had his feelings hurt.
In the end, the corruption of Obama, Hillary, Bill, Pelosi, and dozens of others dwarfed Biden’s, yet Biden is taking the kick in the balls.
I thought it would be the Parkinson’s that killed Biden, but in the end it might just be the sheer humiliation.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …
Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’
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