Clemson University’s Office Of Planned Giving Is Living In An Alternative Reality Right Now

Coronavirus? What coronavirus?

With doom and gloom lurking around every corner these days thanks to the worsening 2019-2020 coronavirus and its cascading economic fallout, many are longing for a break from the barrage of depressing headlines. They want to recall happier times … to recapture some of the lost idyllic wistfulness that usually accompanies the beginning of spring.

With #TheContainment in full effect, who couldn’t use an escape right now …

Of course, the office of planned giving at Clemson University in Clemson, South Carolina took the need for escapism to another level with an email it blasted out over the weekend to its list of recipients.

“Greetings from Tiger Town!” began the electronic missive from senior associate vice president JoVanna J. King.

Pretty chipper lede under the circumstances, right? We thought so …

“The groundhog did not see his shadow this year, so we are hopeful that spring is on its way!” King continued. “The first blooms of the season are popping up on our beautiful campus, and I think many of us are looking forward to the spring weather that brings warmer temperatures, vibrant hues of flowers, and the smell of fresh, green grass. With the abnormal amount of rain we’ve experienced, we will be celebrating the clear blue skies to come this spring.”

Wow … really?

That pesky abnormal rainfall, huh …

Anyway, after detailing several recent philanthropic gifts received by the school, King added that “celebrating the generosity and commitment of our thoughtful donors gives us an opportunity to reflect on the legacy we each can leave at Clemson.”

“We are here to help you through that process,” she wrote.

Alright. At this point we have to say – and we’re just spitballing here – but could it be within the realm of possibility that maybe, just maybe, there might be other philanthropic donations people could make right now that might, just might, take precedence over soliciting funds for a new (insert self-absorbed egoist’s full name) politically correct navel-gazing institute on Clemson’s campus right now?

Again, just spitballing …

Anyway, King closed her email with a curious invitation:

I hope you and your family are planning a visit to our campus soon. As the temperatures rise and the flowers continue to bloom, it will be a wonderful time to walk the paths that lead us “home.”

That’s right, everybody: Put on your rubber gloves, grab your N95 masks and head on over to the Clemson campus! It’s a great time to stop and smell the roses!

Sheesh …

Last time we checked, the Clemson campus was closed … indefinitely. Like almost everything else in America.

Honestly we are not sure whether King forgot to press “pause” on a previously scheduled email blast … or whether she really thought this “up with people” donation solicitation (which made no mention of the virus, ensuing panic or its spectacular economic fallout) struck the right tone in our current crisis.

Either way, her missive was widely pilloried …

“Tone deaf,” one recipient told us, which if you think about it was almost a complimentary assessment.

Anyway, good luck with those planned giving solicitations, Clemson. You’re gonna need it.




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