Media

Mande: On Monica Lewinsky & “Slut-Shaming”

ONE BLOG’S CYBER-BULLYING IS ANOTHER’S “CIVIC DUTY” || By MANDE WILKES ||  Monica Lewinsky has long fascinated me – not because her story is extraordinary, but because its unfolding coincided with the dawn of the Internet, providing a platform for slut-shaming the likes of which would’ve made Jezebel blush. Having…

ONE BLOG’S CYBER-BULLYING IS ANOTHER’S “CIVIC DUTY”

mande wilkes head|| By MANDE WILKES ||  Monica Lewinsky has long fascinated me – not because her story is extraordinary, but because its unfolding coincided with the dawn of the Internet, providing a platform for slut-shaming the likes of which would’ve made Jezebel blush.

Having retreated for a decade, Lewinsky has returned to open up about not her affair but about the limitless need it ignited on the level of schadenfreude and voyeurism.  She’s the subject of a new and sprawling New York Times profile, and she’s written a series of articles for “Vanity Fair” on the topic of her own demise.  And earlier this week she gave a TED talk on cyber-bullying and public humiliation – twin pursuits that, forgive me for saying it, are in some ways the currency of FITSNews.

How odd that I should take to these pages to write this, then.  No matter how sure the founding editor is to the contrary, this is a place populated by men.  Have you browsed the comment section, lately?  It’s bawdy and emphatic, and there’s a lot of all-caps – the cyber-equivalent of a sports bar.  Probably someone will make a remark about my boobs (please do! that’s why I bought them!), and maybe about my “cross-eyes” (they’re “bedroom eyes,” thank you very much).

Tough crowd, is my point.

And it’s not tough just on the women who sporadically contribute.  This site, both to its credit and its detriment, is happy to publish a sexy rumor or an explicit (and leaked) selfie.  It’s good business, and as a lot of it is in the realm of busting public officials, it’s an enterprise in civics.

But it’s not without its blowback, and that’s what Lewinsky wants us to know.  When Drudge Report broke the scandal way back in the 1990s, it gave voice to and made a vocation of slut-shaming – the practice of identifying and picking apart behavior which is perfectly normal, if not necessarily moral.  And it wasn’t just Lewinsky who was razed: Hillary Clinton, in the wake of the news that her husband had strayed, was the butt of a different sort of shaming – the kind that Jenny Sanford has been subjected to on this site, the kind that seeks to make a shrew of the scorned woman.

Good business, and in both cases an exercise of our civic duties.

But it’s not without its blowback.

Extensively I’ve written under a gender-unspecific pseudonym, in publications whose interests range from parenting to healthy living to new-age spirituality.  Extensively also I’ve authored pieces using my real name.  The difference in reception is gob-smacking, when readers are unaware of the writer’s sex.

This article – the one you’re reading now, if you’ve stuck around for this long – is one among many, the next in a slew of narratives about women’s experiences writing on the Internet.  I won’t link to them here, because … I don’t know, I don’t want to conflate my own experience with others’, maybe?  But they’re out there, if you’d like to find them.

Anyway, again I concede that this is a curious space for the subject.  And in that way it’s the most essential space of all.

Mande Wilkes is a wife, mother, businesswoman, author, etc. residing on the South Carolina coast with her family.  Email her at m@mandewilkes.com.

Related posts

Media

ESPN Should Try Covering Sports Again …

FITSNews
2020

Mainstream Media: Too Chummy With Kamala Harris?

FITSNews
Media

Fox News … Gross

FITSNews

73 comments

shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 9:24 am

“they’re “bedroom eyes”—–No, Mande, I thank you! I use your foto as my pc background when you post an article (which I will read later..)

Reply
Tangerine March 20, 2015 at 11:14 am

And the world didn’t stop for her broken heart either.

Reply
shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 11:30 am

… ????? …

Reply
Tangerine March 20, 2015 at 12:46 pm

Reba McEntire – For My Broken Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GREnyz7YiM

Reply
ImRebaBitch March 21, 2015 at 8:01 am

Her only appeal would be if you like to be on the receiving end of BDSM.

Reply
shifty henry March 21, 2015 at 8:47 am

…Reba? or …Mande?

Reply
Libtard March 20, 2015 at 9:42 am

Is it “slut shaming” when she is trying to cash in on her 15 minutes of fame for sucking dick?

Reply
Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 11:03 am

She hasn’t been heard from for 15 years. Her speech on cyber bullying was very interesting. What is wrong with making money?

Reply
Human Nature March 20, 2015 at 9:48 am

There is also much more negative stigma associated with Monica when compared to Bill. It is all human nature. Deep down we are just animals, civilized ones, but that just means we do not like to admit that we still follow our instincts more often than not.

Reply
sparklecity March 20, 2015 at 11:06 am

“Deep down we are all just animals, civilized ones” = WTF?????????
You’re absolutely wrong, animals don’t engage in the bullshit that “civilized” animals like we humans do
Animals are far more noble than humans and when you see man’s inhumanity to man (as i have) far more “civilized”

Reply
Buz Martin March 20, 2015 at 9:50 am

Mande, at least you don’t code or review video games. That’s a far worse arena than the political blogosphere.

Having opined on that, I segue into something relatively unrelated (or is it?):

I can’t find it, and don’t have the time or the inclination to look for it this morning, but last night I read a comment directed toward me, where Grand Tango more or less admitted that the Bush-era policies in the Middle East which created ISIS were the work of “butthurt communists” who flipped to the GOP and became the original neocons. He asked the rhetorical question or whether it is better to be a butthurt commie or a DUMB-A@@ POP CULTURE LED CLICHE, etc.

To which I respond here:

I’d rather swing on a star,
Carry moonbeams home in a jar,
And be better off than you are,
Because you’d rather be a pig …

Reply
sparklecity March 20, 2015 at 12:33 pm

Well as far as “GT” is concerned:
Just consider the source
Fuck him/her/he/she or “it”

Reply
Buz Martin March 20, 2015 at 3:18 pm

Not with your dick/twat/whatever.

Reply
Squishy123 March 20, 2015 at 10:59 am

So you were once flat chested and cross-eyed?

Reply
jimlewisowb March 20, 2015 at 11:45 am

Actually Ms. Mande got a twoferone

As a result of her boob enhancement, the stretching of her puppies pulled her eyes apart

Reply
shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm

There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty so she
went to a genie to make her pretty. The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her, her boobs would increase by one size.

So the girl is walking down the street and someone bumps
into her and says,”Oh, I’m sorry,” and the woman’s boobs went up one size. Then someone accidentally stepped on her foot and said, “I’m sorry,” and her boobs got one size bigger. Then she’s walking down the street and a man from India bumps into her and says, “Oh my god! A thousand apologies!”

Reply
euwe max March 20, 2015 at 6:33 pm

was he killed?

Reply
shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 7:20 pm

I may be forced to re-post my doctoral thesis refuting the statement: “Boobies Do Not Make The World Go Round”.

euwe max March 20, 2015 at 8:21 pm

with that much inertia, they just might!

shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 8:49 pm

This is the shortened version, which probably only you will be able to understand—–
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

BOOBIES DO NOT MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND ????
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[A] – Contrary to popular belief, scientific research shows strong evidence that boobies DO make the world go round. This research was performed in response to several angry responses to an earlier discussion stating, “Why boobies won’t save the world.”

[B] – Boobies don’t pay the bills –

This has been ardently disproved with examples such as strippers, porn stars, and Playboy bunnies having been cited and referenced by us.

[C] – Boobies have no medicinal effect, either on the psyche or general medical health –

This was instantly disproved by several women who claim the following, in summation: “The important thing to remember about men is that no matter what they are complaining about, whether its that they hate their jobs, their backs hurt, or they feel like their lives are ‘empty and meaningless’, popping a singular booby in the mouth of an ailing man not only makes him feel much better but also ceases his incessant complaining.” Boobies are proven to have a 99% effectiveness rating against placebo with most non-lethal illnesses, even alleviating chronic muscle and joint pain.

[D] – Boobies have no bearing on the gravitational axis or orbital motion of the earth –

causing it to factually ‘go round’ – A weight-to-gravitational-force equation was compiled at MIT (Physics): R={(b2)+(e)}{S+T}3 – where R=rotation, b=total world weight of boobies, e=everything else, S=Spin velocity and T=axis angle. Using this equation it’s easy to see that if all the boobies on Earth suddenly disappeared,
the instantaneous loss of so much mass would cause the Earth’s rotational speed to jump 29.6 Miles-per-second in the space of 2 seconds, effectively sending the axis angle out of balance with the density of Earth and causing it to break off its axis and spin into the Sun. So, conclusively, while boobies do not literally make the world go round, their presence does prevent us all from
being hurtled to a fiery cataclysmic demise.

[E] – So, in conclusion, the magnitude of the effect that boobies have on our everyday lives should not be downplayed or under-estimated. Please remember to support your local boobies, because without them, the citizens of earth would be the main course at an intergalactic luau.

Mom March 21, 2015 at 12:01 pm

Why is it that a smart guy like you doesn’t have a hobby? Tennis, Golf, Woodworking. You need a hobby, dude

Rods poltergeist March 20, 2015 at 11:03 am

even more curious is the slander and libel of President Thomas Jefferson with the not peer reviewed demands that DNA evidence linked him as Sally Hemmings’ “baby daddy” in many above the fold page 1-A tales in order to excuse the “bimbo eruptions”. Later retracted among the somewhere after the obits, among the payday loan ads, ugly precedents of how far the fifth estate is willing to go to cover up for their fellow travelers in the limelight.

Reply
Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 11:11 am

Best article of yours I’ve ever read. I got to the end and wanted more. If only T-Rav had taken the same classy humble route to public rehabilitation as Monica, he might have had a successful political career. I loved Lewinsky’s talk on cyber-bullying. I’ve got one complaint though. How could you talk about cyber-bullying and public humiliation without mentioning our states and this websites number one victim, Nikki Haley?

Reply
Tangerine March 20, 2015 at 11:13 am

It was probably redacted….;)

Reply
Deo Vindice SC March 20, 2015 at 11:34 am

Nikki Haley is a victim, I heard it all now !

Reply
sparklecity March 20, 2015 at 12:37 pm

Because everyone with half a brain and is not a kool-aid drinker and carries Queen Namrata’s water knows who is a victum and who is not.

Reply
Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 1:10 pm

Your use of “Queen Namrata” proves my point, but you’re too stupid to even realize that.

Reply
Buz Martin March 20, 2015 at 3:20 pm

Why are you so up her ass, man?

Reply
Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 4:02 pm

For the economy and jobs, Haley has been great. SC data for January was released on Tuesday by the BLS. The BLS has been collecting this data for 39 years. South Carolina had the highest one month gain in civilian workforce ever at 10,768. The highest previous gain was less than 7,000. These are people who were not looking for work who are now employed or seeking employment. In the same month actual employment rose by the largest amount ever by 10,841. Again the previous record was less than 7,000. There are 149,401 more jobs in SC than when Haley took office.

Fits has done ten articles on the Worker participation rate. In eight he was critical of Haley about the rate declining. In two he was critical of slight improvements. Since last Summer half of all the decline during her tenure (2.6%) has been eliminated (1.3%) and this same January report showed the biggest One month improvement ever of 0.3%.

Now if Fits is going to be critical of Haley for economic declines, he should praise her when there is progress.

Polyp Patrol March 21, 2015 at 7:55 am

Just trying to get a little Buz

sparklecity March 20, 2015 at 5:50 pm

Just because Queen Namrata used the “victim” card and won because of kool-aid drinkers/water carriers like youself and schlubs who voted for her because of the “R” after the Queen’s name
Yeah, right!!!!!!

Reply
Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 6:03 pm

They tried to victimize her, but they became victims of there own device.
All their balls are in Haley’s trophy case.
Will Folks
Gresham Barrett
Andre Bauer
Larry Marchant
Jake Knotts
Tom Ervin
Vincent Sheheen
John Rainey
Logan Smith
Larry Koon

sparklecity March 21, 2015 at 10:12 pm

With all those testicular trophies that proves my point that the Queen is no damn victim.

That said, Queen Namrata will get her due one day.

Her parents believe in karma and I think she is really a follower as well

Bible Thumper March 21, 2015 at 10:54 pm

There is still plenty of room in Haley’s trophy case.

Tangerine March 21, 2015 at 11:39 pm

Karma is also a part of “scripture”, I’ll look it up if you disagree.

aikencounty March 22, 2015 at 11:21 pm

You are correct:
It is N”I”MRARTA!

Reply
jimlewisowb March 20, 2015 at 11:43 am

Had brief interlude with a young lady whose lips were tighter than a gnat’s ass

Consequently I suffered blowback once and I will tell you right now I would not do what she did – I spit for a week or two

Reply
GrandTango March 20, 2015 at 2:26 pm

The main reason I read Mande’s column is to see how liberals, or pop culture, microphones explain some of biiggest Eff-ups of your movement…

Looks like she’s using Lewinsky to whine about the mythical unfairness to women…typical…common…predictible. ..

Reply
J Mande Wilkes March 20, 2015 at 2:54 pm

Wut. If you’ve followed me for any length of time (and you say you have), you know that I’m as vehement an anti-feminist as can be. My literal hero is Dr. Laura, my dear (who incidentally has had her own nude pics leaked.)

Reply
GrandTango March 20, 2015 at 3:09 pm

You wrote: “narratives about women’s experiences writing on the Internet.”

If anything the liberal movement has made women’s access more available (to the level of excess and pandering)….

On top of that: the liberals that women put in office, enable men like Clinton and Sanford, because you’re taught, and you ridiculously believe sluttish behavior empowers you …And most women blame Republicans when it turns out the liberals were lying to them…

Getting back to the other point: just like African-Americans and homosexuals…you have all but taken over any and all media…

Maybe you’d be better educate yourself by researching the TRUE experiences of a Conservative Journalist…

I would guarantee you that you’ve been handed many more opportunities as a woman than any Conservative ever will be…regardless of talent level or experience…

While liberals swear discrimination exists based on race or gender…the true prejudice in this country in 2015 is against Conservatives….and for all the ballyhooing about fairness, nobody really gives a S#!t…as long as the people taking the hit, are hated by the Democrat party…

Reply
Buz Martin March 20, 2015 at 3:26 pm

Nothing you can possibly point to regarding the truth about you could possibly phase this dildo. If he’s defined you a certain way, he will warp out heaven and hell to make every word from you fit that narrative.

Of course, in my opinion, feminists of the past (whether that label was hung on them or not) clearly paved the way for anything an everything you have ever accomplished, other than getting married, having a baby, etc. Just as surely as the civil rights pioneers and being given a leg up due to his race put Clarence Thomas in a position to become one of the Supremes.

Reply
J Mande Wilkes March 20, 2015 at 3:36 pm

Oy. What about alllll those women who preceded feminism? Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Marie Curie, Gertrude Stein, and on and on and on. It’s contemptuous to suggest that women never made their mark til 40 years ago. Fuck feminism…this shit makes me rage.

Reply
Buz Martin March 20, 2015 at 4:21 pm

I specifically said “whether that label was hung on them or not”, regarding great women in history. Of course, with Joan of Arc, it was all about the courage of convictions, but it was also about martydom, and what that does to a person’s image from that point on. For Cleopatra, she didn’t exactly earn her status by the sweat of her brow, she was born into it. Gertrude Stein predated the actual movement known as feminism, but
she obviously was in the same mold as later feminists. So were women who marched for the right to vote.

What you rage about or don’t rage about is immaterial to a real discussion of these matters. Put meat on the bare bones of your arguments, or they are dead.

Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 3:30 pm

Tango is a victim himself. Often, he is the victim of sexist insults suggesting he is a women.

Reply
Same ol' Same ol' March 20, 2015 at 5:45 pm

Mande, I am so sorry. I know that look is for me, and I would love to make every one of your dreams come true, but, I am committed to another. Your voluptuousness will have to be cast upon another, very lucky man (or woman, as the case may be). May I watch?

Reply
Mom March 20, 2015 at 6:18 pm

Monica Lewinski has no shame. My guess is that she would do it all over again and have it filmed and posted to social media. If she were remorseful for seducing a married man and father, she would put it behind her and move on with a productive life.

Reply
Bible Thumper March 20, 2015 at 6:22 pm

No shame? She disappeared for 15 years. She is trying to put it behind her.

Reply
Mom March 21, 2015 at 11:54 am

I don’t think her disappearance was her choice. The media broke the story, they milked it, she milked it and it became old news. Would a women with shame produce a semen stained dress for proof? For the sake of Hillary and Chelsea, put it to bed.

Reply
Bible Thumper March 21, 2015 at 1:55 pm

The blue dress was 17 years ago. She was 22-24 then. People can mature in 17 years. I agree with your perception of her then.

Reply
Mom March 21, 2015 at 2:25 pm

Exactly. If she has any “shame” at all, she would not use her youthful indiscretions to capitalize on her new “career.”

Bible Thumper March 21, 2015 at 2:31 pm

Speaking out on cyber-bullying could be a positive thing. I don’t believe she should be ashamed forever.

Squishy123 March 21, 2015 at 9:52 pm

Fuck Hillary and her thunder thigh, leather pants wearing daughter Chelsea.

It’s been reported that Hillary has eaten more pussy than Bill.

Reply
aikencounty March 22, 2015 at 11:19 pm

What wrong wid dat?
Also, did you know one of her “assistants” is Anthony “The Weiners” wife?

Monica the Clinton thorn March 20, 2015 at 6:23 pm

She’s probably more remorseful than Slick Willie

Reply
Tangerine March 21, 2015 at 4:06 pm

It takes two to tango.

Reply
shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 7:14 pm

Hillary wasn’t taking care of business…..

Reply
Mom March 21, 2015 at 11:55 am

Blame the wife for the man’s indiscretions. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Reply
Tangerine March 21, 2015 at 4:30 pm

If my husband were to cheat, I wouldn’t blame the women, the blame would rest with him. Yes, I might evaluate whether there was anything in my actions that I could have changed, but the other woman IMO is not the cause.

When it reaches that point, it is time to decide whether to work out the relationship or move on. It was/is up to Bill and Hillary to make that decision whether they want to continue. It is also up to Monica to decide the direction of her future.

Reply
Mom March 21, 2015 at 5:22 pm

If you were to cheat with a married man, you would be sinning according to Scripture. People who have inappropriate relations with married people know it is wrong. I do believe in grace and mercy. But in Monica’s case I do not believe she is sorry.

Reply
Tangerine March 21, 2015 at 5:51 pm

Well “according to scripture” and Mom, while I think you have the best of intentions and beliefs, I don’t share your belief in “scripture.” I do believe it is wrong, but each person has a different view of wrong and scripture.

I believe the burden lies with the married people who have inappropriate relations. They broke the promise, the vowels, whatever one wants to call them, not the 3rd party. Unless they too are married, but they are only bound by their individual beliefs/moral laws.

I believe their are far more cheaters than innocent. It’s nature. If you take scripture at its core, be fruitful and multiply, then men are naturally going to seek that. Is it the woman’s fault that she submitted as scripture would indicate she should?

Reply
Mom March 22, 2015 at 11:48 am

Dust your Bible off and read it. The Bible says women should submit to their HUSBANDS, not men in general. And there is more explanation to that if you care to read on – It’s in Ephesians.

Tangerine March 22, 2015 at 2:17 pm

Yes, but Timothy says otherwise. I probably should dust off my Bible.

Mom March 22, 2015 at 2:52 pm

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. -1 Timothy 2:11-12
This passage has been misinterpreted in many ways. To understand these verses, we must understand the situation in which Paul and Timothy worked. In first century Jewish culture, women were not allowed to study, read or write. When Paul said that women should LEARN in quietness and full submission (to God), he was offering them an amazing new opportunity. Paul did not want the Ephesian women to teach b/c they didn’t have yet enough knowledge or experience. B/c the church was having a particular problem with false teachers, the women were especially susceptible to the false teachings b/c they did not yet have enough Biblical knowledge to discern the truth.
So, Tangerine, please don’t let people tell you the Bible says for women to be quiet and submissive. This is not the true meaning of the passage to which you are referring.

see Chumplady.com March 20, 2015 at 6:21 pm

“…slut-shaming – the practice of identifying and picking apart behavior which is perfectly normal, if not necessarily moral.”

Wait a minute isn’t slut by its very definition…that’s oxymoronic. And furthermore, a married guy, POTUS no less, screwing around with a younger female subordinate… and said subordinate screwing a married guy? That is by no means behavior that should be considered normal. Perhaps becoming more common in some circles, but normal?
Infidelity destroys. Divorce. Don’t continue to eat cake at your spouse’s expense.

Reply
sp March 20, 2015 at 7:57 pm

Make that plain moronic, not oxtmoronic.

Reply
euwe max March 20, 2015 at 6:29 pm

instead of shaming sluts, we should be making it safer and more profitable!

Reply
shifty henry March 20, 2015 at 7:12 pm

Will you be going public?

Reply
euwe max March 20, 2015 at 8:22 pm

I’m looking for a few “angel” investors.. and I do take PayPal!

Reply
FastEddy23 March 20, 2015 at 8:50 pm

… and a more vote getter?

Reply
TroubleBaby March 23, 2015 at 9:02 am

I like having my dick sucked, so I promise all women willing to do it never to slut shame them. Unless of course they are fat & ugly and go around telling everyone that I let them do it to me.

Reply
euwe max March 20, 2015 at 6:36 pm

But it’s not without its blowback, and that’s what Lewinsky wants us to know.
———-
reciprocity?

Reply
FastEddy23 March 20, 2015 at 8:44 pm

Oh, that’s right, poor Hillary …

So how is Her Royal Enabling Highness handling this latest bimbo eruption?

Reply
diamonddave March 21, 2015 at 12:55 am

For what it’s worth(a big fat zero), I wish I could trade all 8 years of Bush and 6 years so far of Obama for those times. At least kerosene and gas was less than a dollar a gallon, unemployment in Greenville was less than 3%, and Lindsay Graham had something to do besides trying to kiss up to get amnesty for illegal immigrants.

Reply

Leave a Comment