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Aiken SC Needed Some Excitement

MOUNTAIN LION REPORT SENDS TOWN INTO PANIC … The town of Aiken, S.C. was thrown into a panic this week after it was reported that a 100-pound mountain lion was on the loose.  Police were told the animal was wearing a harness – and had been declawed – but that…

MOUNTAIN LION REPORT SENDS TOWN INTO PANIC …

The town of Aiken, S.C. was thrown into a panic this week after it was reported that a 100-pound mountain lion was on the loose.  Police were told the animal was wearing a harness – and had been declawed – but that didn’t stop residents from freaking out.

Nor did it stop taxpayers from subsidizing a massive police search for the animal …

The only problem?  The report turned out to be a hoax.  In fact, authorities in hamlet have arrested 55-year-old Billy J. Lunsford and charged him with making false statements to law enforcement.

Lunsford told police the three-year-old mountain lion escaped from the town’s Aquarium Pet Store, but authorities later determined no such animal had ever been kept at the facility.

“This town is so boring we have to make up news,” one Aiken resident told FITS.

Courtesy of the Aiken Department of Public Safety, here’s a look at Lunsford …

(Click to enlarge)

lunsford

(Pic: Aiken DPS)

The Mountain Lion – or Puma Concolor  – is the fourth-largest member of the cat family, with adult males generally standing more than three feet tall and weighing upwards of 150 pounds.

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16 comments

The Colonel August 12, 2014 at 3:14 pm

All I can think of is “what the hell were you thinking?!?”

Reply
Smirks August 12, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Probably something along the lines of “Man, I really wish I could see what jail is like.”

Reply
Jail all the homeless August 12, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Probably jonesing for three hots and a cot.

Reply
Cranial Size IQ Correspondence August 12, 2014 at 3:30 pm

His brain is probably as malformed as his head.

Reply
aikencounty August 12, 2014 at 3:49 pm

The best part of the cat’s description was left out of the article.
The owner said it was a BLACK mountain lion.

Reply
Cranial Size IQ Correspondence August 12, 2014 at 3:53 pm

Clearly he’s a racist too.

Reply
The Colonel August 12, 2014 at 4:35 pm

Somebody call Al and Jessie! Wait, “black mountain lion” = panther, never mind, it’s okay…

Reply
Tom August 12, 2014 at 7:21 pm

What kind of idiot would sell a Mountain Lion in a pet store anyway?

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein August 12, 2014 at 7:56 pm

TBG saw a svelte looking cougar at the Aiken Taco Bell last week. Prolly closer to 115lbs than 100lbs, though.

Reply
Toyota Kawsaki August 13, 2014 at 8:44 am

TBG how did you get your Semi through that Drive Thru?

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein August 13, 2014 at 6:42 pm

TBG ain’ got no CDL.

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein August 12, 2014 at 7:57 pm

“T”!

Zat you, cuz?

Reply
euwe max August 12, 2014 at 8:19 pm

Looks like a cat licked his eyebrows off.

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shifty henry August 12, 2014 at 10:38 pm

A farmer asked a friend to recommend an
attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality. “I know a great trial lawyer, “the fellow
said, “but he’s expensive and doesn’t know how to pick a good jury. I know another lawyer,” he continued, “who’s not a great trial lawyer, but he’s cheap and really knows how to pick a jury.”

The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony. “I saw Jed mount his goat from behind,” he said, “and when he was finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jed’s pecker.”

The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, “You know, a good goat will do that.”

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein August 13, 2014 at 6:40 pm

That was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Reply
Toyota Kawsaki August 13, 2014 at 8:41 am

Hwy SC 421 Special! Same man who has on his store front around Thanksgiving ” put your snake on layway for Christmas”

Reply

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