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Bat Bleep Crazy … What’s In A Name?

NOTHING BUT FUN! We don’t think a person’s name makes them crazy … or not crazy. That’s all determined by a delicate balance of chemicals … or so we’ve been led to believe. Achieve the right balance? Everything is fine. Get the wrong levels? You’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And…

NOTHING BUT FUN!

We don’t think a person’s name makes them crazy … or not crazy.

That’s all determined by a delicate balance of chemicals … or so we’ve been led to believe. Achieve the right balance? Everything is fine. Get the wrong levels? You’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And therein lies the fundamental premise of a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry.

Anyway, earlier this week our founding editor Will Folks (a.k.a. Sic Willie) posted a list of “crazy names” to his always-lively Twitter page … and got quite the response. This wasn’t his list, mind you, it was just something forwarded from a friend.

His list? Glad you asked … although we received a disclaimer from the man himself that “all persons contained herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”

1. Ashley – Self-explanatory … No. 1 on every list I’ve ever seen.

2. Shannon – Not only are they nuts … they will cut you.

3. Rebecca – I knocked her Nuva Ring out once (after knocking her friend’s out a few weeks earlier). They started calling me “Lord of the Rings.” It was flattering … until it got weird.

4. Natalie – Passed out early during a threesome … probably for the best.

5. Nikki – Yeah, so she’s the governor as far as you’re concerned. In my experience, she was a stage five clinger who wouldn’t let go of a brief physical romance – then tried to sabotage my marriage. And yes she’s reading this right now.

6. Leigh – When I was a freshman at Spring Valley High School a bunch of parents got together and decided their kids should carpool. In my carpool was a wanna-be member of Spring Valley’s version of “The Plastics.” Every day she would ask “are these windows tinted?” because she was so embarrassed to be seen riding to school with us. This girl wasn’t comely among the maidens, and only received her “Plastics” invitation because she had boobs. Long story short, “yes bitch” those windows were tinted. Like we told you the first damn day of carpool.

7. Susan – Push, pull. Push, pull. They have no clue what they want …

8. Madison – You will want to take her home from the strip club (and she will want to come with you) … resist the urge.

9. Caroline – Don’t take my word for it, ask Andre Ice Cold 3000 …

10. Sally – Crazy AND redneck … watch out.

11. Britney – Add fifteen IQ points and she would be No. 1 on this list … with a bullet (possibly a real one aimed at your head).

12. Dawn – You may live to see tomorrow’s … but you’ll wish you didn’t.

13. Meredith – Your boyfriend called demanding to know if we slept together and grilling me as to the location of your ridiculous dolphin tattoo. Seriously … who gets a tattoo of a dolphin?

14. Lauren – I’m glad you liked my old band. And I’m glad you tracked me down after all these years … it was a nice moment. Now can you let me out of the trunk of your car, please?

15. Robin – She’s going to read love poems of the Irish to you … while wearing a strap-on. Good luck with all that!

So that’s Sic’s list … what are your “crazy names?” Post them (male or female) in our comments section below!

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60 comments

nikki February 1, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Will – bangs a butt ugly politician and brags about it to the world.

Congratulations, you appear to have women “all figured out”.

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dwb619 February 1, 2014 at 12:51 pm

And claims her to be a “stage five clinger”.

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Smirks February 1, 2014 at 12:45 pm

And yes she’s reading this right now.

[insert picture of someone giving the bird here]

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The Colonel February 1, 2014 at 12:49 pm

I’m not really sure if you’re bragging, confessing or making a public safety announcement about STDs here.

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Magnum Prophalactic February 1, 2014 at 1:50 pm

Can’t be left off Maria, Kelly, Donna, Tiffany, Dane, Elizabet (Liz), Delilah and of course Olive!!!!!!!!!

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Will Folks aka Sic February 1, 2014 at 2:02 pm

Just having fun, man. Just having fun.

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Deo Vindice SC February 1, 2014 at 10:14 pm

Durn Will, Thanks for the website, wish I could help.

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GrandTango February 1, 2014 at 1:29 pm

And half the F*#king Dumb@$$#$ who suck off FITS (and Obama) went Ape-$#!* when Romney said he looked at some resumes from women, that were in a Binder…It was proof positive, to the most-ignorant and easily led, that Romney hated women, (and gave them cancer too)…

Ahhh, to be a democrat….the party for Women’s Rights…If this “list” and commentary does not make you sad for the sake of US voter intelligence, you are immune to caring….

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Deo Vindice SC February 1, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Move to NH!

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SCBlueWoman February 1, 2014 at 1:36 pm

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sexism is alive and well on this blog. There is no war on women and women aren’t considered “less than.”

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Fits Aint No Republican February 1, 2014 at 1:44 pm

Fits is part of the Republican “outreach” effort.

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GrandTango February 1, 2014 at 2:03 pm

And they are ALL democrat leeches, who would just as soon molest your daughter, unless they are of the gay faction of the party…then it’s your son they want…All with the cheers of Barack Obama…

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Billy Beer February 1, 2014 at 2:48 pm

You mean like Ryan Loskern? Sorry, that guy was a Republican…my bad.

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Will Folks aka Sic February 1, 2014 at 2:07 pm

Live a little …

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Dining at the Y February 1, 2014 at 2:30 pm

She doesn’t have a list to post, she’s jealous.

If she did, it would probably be comprised of bull dykes.

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euwe max February 1, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Are you available for parties?

“What are your masses but mud to be ground underfoot, fuel to be burned for those who deserve it? What is the people but millions of puny, shriveled, helpless souls that have no thoughts of their own, who eat and sleep and chew helplessly the words others put into their mildewed brains?” -Ayn Rand from “We the Living”

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Dining at the Y February 2, 2014 at 12:30 am

Only tennis games.

Gregory Geddings February 3, 2014 at 7:08 am

As an aside, this quote appeared in the first edition. Big fuss and it was removed for second edition. I am not sure if subsequent editions included it.

euwe max February 3, 2014 at 7:20 am

It’s like… there was something about it that was… what does the press say when they want to sound objective… like multiple parties have been offended, but it’s not definitive.. what’s the word….

…it’s thought provoking nonetheless.

I’ll bet that first edition is worth millions.

As an aside to the aside… Steve Martin, when addressing an audience about a secret we all agreed to keep from the stupid people… “the public – and I hope I’m not offending anyone – has a short memory.”

SCBlueWoman February 1, 2014 at 4:47 pm

You’ve not dined at the Y in a long, long time. No woman with an ounce of self respect would be seen dead with you. Ohhh, I got it, you’re into necrophilia.

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euwe max February 1, 2014 at 5:19 pm

literally

SCBlueWoman February 1, 2014 at 5:41 pm

LOL, He/She probably has to look that up.

SCBlueWoman February 1, 2014 at 4:25 pm

I live a lot. Sexism is sexism. I thought you folks were trying to change your brand. Total failure.

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JJEvans February 1, 2014 at 8:07 pm

Some people take everything too damn serious.

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GrandTango February 1, 2014 at 2:02 pm

Hillary” nowhere to be found….The list is totally discredited….”

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CorruptionInColumbia February 1, 2014 at 2:20 pm

That would be in the ice water for blood, total bitch, category.

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euwe max February 1, 2014 at 3:08 pm

Yeah.. she’s the kind of woman my mother warned me about – doesn’t give blow jobs, and thinks she can match wits with men in a man’s world.

She’s old and worn out, ready for the ash bin. Women older than middle age shouldn’t appear in the public eye without a flat stomach and a face lift… shit! That’s why we don’t let them wear suits to hide their flab like.. oh, say, Limbaugh and Huckabee.

Women have to be fuckable and say shit like “yah!” to be accepted… of course, carrying a gun in a bikini is instant political experience.

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JJEvans February 1, 2014 at 8:02 pm

Great post! I totally agree.

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euwe max February 1, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Thought you might.

euwe max February 1, 2014 at 2:06 pm

Facebook – An Egyptian man named his new born daughter Facebook as a tribute to the social network’s role in overthrowing Hosni Mubarak.

Like– An Israeli couple decided to name their daughter Like after the Facebook button, claiming that it was ‘modern and innovative’.

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CorruptionInColumbia February 1, 2014 at 2:19 pm

I know Will is just having fun with article, but there IS something to names and their influence on the people who have them and their behavior. Long a student of patterns found in various aspects of life, I have noted a lot of behaviors and personality traits connected with various people with certain names, some good and some bad.

For women:
Amanda’s and Lisa’s are almost without exception, major drama queens. A good friend I have discussed this with had made the same observations on his own and concurs. Suzanne’s are usually kind of, well, just odd or strange. Can’t really put my finger on it but they are. Susan’s are usually pleasant to be around as are Vicki’s in their numerous spellings, and Becky’s. Janet’s can be overbearing but not all Janet’s I have known were in that category.

With regard to men and their names, ever notice how many Jason’s, Josh’s, Jerome’s, and the like wind up in the police blotter articles in the news media? If not, pay attention. I would not dump any of those names on a kid of mine for that reason. Jeremy’s and Jeremiah’s also seem to bring their share of drama and issues to the name table. George’s are usually laid back personalities and generally good, loyal friends.

Names carry vibrations and meanings which apparently do have an impact on the personalities of those who wear them.

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euwe max February 1, 2014 at 8:38 pm

How about Spencer two dogs boljack?

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shifty henry February 4, 2014 at 8:58 pm

TRUE– in Florida there was a company named S.O. Bean Construction…

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 1, 2014 at 8:41 pm

TBG has always noticed that “Billys” seem rowdier than “Bills”, “Williams”, “Wills” or “W. (Pick your initial)s”

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shifty henry February 4, 2014 at 8:38 am

Could be the reason that Southern Mommas name their kids so that there is a vowel at the end — that’s to curse them, show exasperation, and to call them home when they have disappeared—
Tont-OOO, Bubb-AAA, Bill-EEE, Sall-EEE, and so forth…..

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shifty henry February 4, 2014 at 8:46 am

A few REAL names from the Midlands —
I. P. Freely, Junior Senior, Green Berry Bush, and a woman named Fluoride.

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Bill Clinton February 1, 2014 at 2:28 pm

MARLA…avoid at all costs!

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Home Wrecker Needed February 1, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Who’s the girl in that pic is what I want to know? I’m really down for some role playing…

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euwe max February 1, 2014 at 3:03 pm

I’m a little worried – that looks like a rural dirt road or wilderness trail. I suspect cute little cats being used in ritual sacrifice, and someone initiated into a sect without any members that never comes home again.

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shifty henry February 4, 2014 at 8:57 pm

Just beware of drones when you’re doing…….

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euwe max February 4, 2014 at 9:16 pm

They’d know where I was growing by the area on the map where the drones didn’t come back.

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shifty henry February 4, 2014 at 11:50 pm

+10

JJEvans February 1, 2014 at 8:03 pm

I’d stick it in her bat cave.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 2, 2014 at 12:18 pm

HOLY PALE ANOREXIA, BATMAN!!!!!

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Hanahan February 1, 2014 at 4:02 pm

Amanda — You light up my life, with 5 gallons of gasoline.
Catherine– Sleeps with everyone… but you.
Susan– Crazy spoken here.
Kelly– Redneck from hell.
Lisa– Crazy as a shithouse rat
Angela– Sleep with one eye open
Angelique– Hide yo knives, hide yo guns

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RichardEc February 1, 2014 at 4:29 pm

I thought Kelly would be on there fo sho,

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TontoBubbaGoldstein February 1, 2014 at 8:49 pm

When he was a little boy, TBG’s uncle asked his father , “Father, how did you choose the names of my brothers and me?”

His father replies,”Oh, it quite easy. When baby born, I look for the first thing I see moving in wilderness, and name baby just that.”

“How so?” asks TBG’s uncle.

“Well,” replies his dad, “if I see coyote running in field, I name baby Running Coyote, if I see a bull sit, I name baby Sitting Bull.”

“Oh, I see now” says TBG’s uncle.

Then his father looks at TBG’s uncle and says, “Well, why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”

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shifty henry February 2, 2014 at 8:57 am

—- one of my favorite jokes!

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euwe max February 3, 2014 at 7:42 am

I love the way *you* tell it… come on… you tell it… [everyone chants] “tell it.. tell it… tell it!”

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euwe max February 3, 2014 at 7:31 am

I can eat a bowl of rice with chopsticks while balancing on a bamboo fishing pole on one foot while an old man whacks me on the shin with a catfish, fin side in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIUMUyP729g

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Norma Scok February 1, 2014 at 11:27 pm

Seriously..Does Ms. Fits even read this crap? If so, she doesn’t give a shit (she laughs at it because she thinks its part of something you do to make money), or 2) she doesn’t give a shit, because… she doesn’t give a shit (AKA: You’re getting a divorce but you don’t know it yet).

Dude..everyone has seen pics of you. You’re old, fat and bald..and have been that way for a long time. Unless you are stuffing your dick in your sock when you walk, you’re more full of shit than a Christmas goose.

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euwe max February 3, 2014 at 7:30 am

You mean that’s not Ms. Fits in the picture?

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SCBlues February 1, 2014 at 11:43 pm

Okay . . . I’ll bite.

1. Will – Loves to kiss and tell

2. Dick – Acts like one too.

3. Steve – Tinkers with cars and trucks – dirty fingernails (and toenails).

4. Robert – Wears glasses to look smart – dumb as
hell.

5. Big T/Grand Tango – Small where it counts.

6. Roscoe – Guaranteed track marks on his undies.

7. Clarence – Doesn’t wear undies.

8. Randy – Randy and ready Romeo but breath stinks.

9. Virgil – Married to first cousin.

10. Richard – See #2

11. Marty – Loves to pick his teeth and scratch his
crotch – or vice versa.

12. Alan – Bathes regularly but still smells.

13. Mack – Acts macho but wears women’s silk panties.

14. Larry – Laid back, lazy, loud and a lunatic

15. Smith – That’s his last name too.

16. Stuart – Leaves toe-nail clippings on den floor

17. Bubba – Speech unintelligible even when sober

18. Sidney – Pipe smoker with yellow beard

19. Mitchell – Likes to work out – doesn’t like to
bathe

20. Raymond – Shaves his pubic hair to “look big”

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This is actually true February 2, 2014 at 6:48 am

I’ll add a couple.

21. Arthur–thinks homosexuality is a mortal sin, but fantasizes about his partner being with another woman.

22. Buck–thinks French kissing includes licking his partner’s teeth and gums.

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shifty henry February 2, 2014 at 9:21 am

A guy had been stranded on an island for months. One afternoon he sees someone on a piece of flotsam struggling to reach the island. He jumps in and swims to this person and brings her to shore. He can’t believe his eyes – it’s Scarlett Johansson!

After a week, Scarlett suggests that they snuggle together at night for warmth. After another week Scarlett suggests that they have sex because being so close together is irresistible.

Two more weeks pass, and Scarlett asks if there is anything, ANYTHING, else she can do for him for saving her life. He says, “Well, this may be odd, but could you cut your hair short and let me call you Fred?”

She thinks, “This is very strange, but he did save my life, and we may be stranded here for years, and we really need to get along.” So she agrees.

That evening at sunset they were walking along the shore when he stops, looks at her and asks, “Fred, can I share something with you?”

She thinks, “Uh,oh here it comes,” but says, “Yes, what is it?”

With a big smile of satisfaction on his face he exclaims, “Fred! Man, you will never believe who I’m screwing!”

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euwe max February 3, 2014 at 7:30 am

I’m dying to know… what did she say???

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Jeffy01 February 2, 2014 at 2:20 pm

You forgot kfloyd

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shifty henry February 2, 2014 at 3:16 pm

For Sale: Nordic Track, $300 — call and ask for Chubby

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bozmartin February 2, 2014 at 11:15 pm

I long for the day when Sic could did not have to use “bleep” for “shit” on a headline. When the fuck is that primary over, again?

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mike traynor February 4, 2014 at 11:27 am

T-Rav. Posts selfies and then opens FB accounts in girls’ names so they can like his selfie. He also wants Leo DiCap, to pop some coke in his ass,

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