SC

Alex $ander$ I$$ue$ C$OL $tatement

Charleston School of Law (CSOL) alumni, faculty, students and staffers were outraged this week when the school’s controversial deal with “diploma mill” provider InfiLaw received a belated show of support from CSOL’s most recognized leader, former board member Alex Sanders. “I am convinced there is every reason to believe that…

Charleston School of Law (CSOL) alumni, faculty, students and staffers were outraged this week when the school’s controversial deal with “diploma mill” provider InfiLaw received a belated show of support from CSOL’s most recognized leader, former board member Alex Sanders.

“I am convinced there is every reason to believe that the arrangement between the Charleston School of Law and InfiLaw will bring about a bright future for the school and will result in an even better school,” Sanders said in a statement released by the school.

The former judge – who reportedly resigned his seat on the CSOL board in protest of the InfiLaw deal – listed five generic bullet points as to why he now believes the merger is in the best interest of the school.

The problem (well, in addition to the thinness of his arguments)? He used dollar signs to denote each of his five “bullet points,” stoking the rage of a CSOL community which believes the school’s founders have sacrificed its best interests for their own financial gain.

CSOL moved quickly to blame the issue on “formatting.”

“I understand there were formatting issues for those of you accessing the Announcement from Alex Sanders from a mobile devise (sic), particularly an IPhone,” Abrams wrote. “I’m sorry that your devise (sic) reformatted it and can certainly understand why you weren’t amused.”

Of course it wasn’t just iPhones which experienced the problem.

“I have heard back from some of you that the formatting error appeared on desktops as well as mobile devises (sic),” wrote Abrams assistant Diane Rexroad. “The same attachment viewed on my IPhone showed dollar signs, which makes no sense to me but I’m not a techie. I am so sorry. I have no idea why this happened.”

Ha!

Of course as bad as the InfiLaw deal may be, we view it as infinitely preferable to a state takeover of the institution – which has been proposed by S.C. Rep. Stephen Goldfinch (RINO-Murrells Inlet).

ANNOUNCEMENT FROM ALEX SANDERS

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114 comments

The Colonel August 8, 2013 at 9:35 am

$ound$ like a $ack of $hit to me…

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 10:41 am

—- but can we use it on Fitsnews ?

Reply
The Colonel August 8, 2013 at 1:56 pm

$eem$ $o!

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Ha! I was referring to the “$arca$m font “

Reply
SeneseLikeChaps August 8, 2013 at 2:01 pm Reply
The Colonel (R) August 8, 2013 at 9:35 am

$ound$ like a $ack of $hit to me…

Maybe Apple finally developed that $arca$m font we’ve all been wi$hing for!

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 10:41 am

—- but can we use it on Fitsnews ?

Reply
The Colonel (R) August 8, 2013 at 1:56 pm

$eem$ $o!

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Ha! I was referring to the “$arca$m font “

Reply
SeneseLikeChaps August 8, 2013 at 2:01 pm Reply
RFW_ALLSTON August 8, 2013 at 9:38 am

Alex was sending the students and alumni a message, that clever ol’ devil.

Reply
Anonymous August 8, 2013 at 9:53 am

Agreed. No way this was an accident.

Reply
RFW_ALLSTON August 8, 2013 at 9:38 am

Alex was sending the students and alumni a message, that clever ol’ devil.

Reply
Anonymous August 8, 2013 at 9:53 am

Agreed. No way this was an accident.

Reply
Billy K Mulligan August 8, 2013 at 9:43 am

Had be become our US Senator this never would have happened!

Reply
Billy K Mulligan August 8, 2013 at 9:43 am

Had be become our US Senator this never would have happened!

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 9:47 am

$NAP

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 9:47 am

$NAP

Reply
Boo August 8, 2013 at 9:57 am

I just checked on word 2010. All you have to do is change the bullet symbol, takes all of 2 seconds. I laughed when I got this message last night.

Reply
Boo August 8, 2013 at 9:57 am

I just checked on word 2010. All you have to do is change the bullet symbol, takes all of 2 seconds. I laughed when I got this message last night.

Reply
Lawyers Screwing Lawyers August 8, 2013 at 9:58 am

“money money money money”………”moooonneyyyy” Tune it up baby, tune it right up

Reply
Lawyers Screwing Lawyers August 8, 2013 at 9:58 am

“money money money money”………”moooonneyyyy” Tune it up baby, tune it right up

Reply
southmauldin August 8, 2013 at 10:01 am

Fuck $tephen Goldfinch.

Reply
The plot $ickens August 9, 2013 at 11:55 am

You can’t blame the guy for wanting to protect his C$OL degree, even if it means everyone else has to pay for it.

Reply
southmauldin August 8, 2013 at 10:01 am

Fuck $tephen Goldfinch.

Reply
The plot $ickens August 9, 2013 at 11:55 am

You can’t blame the guy for wanting to protect his C$OL degree, even if it means everyone else has to pay for it.

Reply
? August 8, 2013 at 10:07 am

lol….crapping on a dying horse…nice touch…stay classy $anders!

Reply
? August 8, 2013 at 10:07 am

lol….crapping on a dying horse…nice touch…stay classy $anders!

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 10:35 am

What a $*it $how. CSOL is going down in flames before our very eyes. God help the S.C. legal community if the sale goes through.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 10:35 am

There’s no help for them. Geesh

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 10:51 am

All those poor attorney’s. We should feel so sorry for these people. They might have to cut their rates to $175/hr. Holy Shite. The world is going to come to an end. God bless those fine men and women. I just don’t see how they’ll make it.

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 11:03 am

I know you and your fellow rest stop employees believe that all attorneys are rich and spend their evenings hanging out with the rich and powerful, but what you see on t.v. isn’t what real life is like for most lawyers. I know it’s hard for a simpleton like you to grasp- t.v. isn’t true?!

Most attorneys do not make that kind of money. In fact, many graduates of law schools in South Carolina cannot find legal employment, so spare me your “Oh, we shouldn’t feel bad for the rich lawyers” prole comments.

Furthermore, selling CSOL to a national diploma mill will not only cause many potential CSOL students from South Carolina to decide not to attend CSOL, but will encourage people from outside of S.C. to attend because they could not get into letigimate schools in their own states. CSOL’s class sizes will grow exponentially as admission standards are reduced in the name of increased need for profit from unlimited government backed student loans. These debt-laden morons from other states with no connections to South Carolina will flood an already bloated job market.

Unlike you, Frank Pytel, I do not believe it is a good idea for South Carolina to be full of a bunch of moronic, debt laden, law graudates with no ties to South Carolina. Of course, these morons are probably right up your alley and probably work alongside you at the rest stop.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:37 am

Actually, personal experience. Not TV.

As to the only whining you did not do, I can’t say that I have met an attorney, not to say they don’t exist, that isn’t “moronic”.
Have a Great Day!! :) There won’t be many left with ambulance chasers running the country!! :)

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 11:44 am

Weren’t you the idiot last week saying that everyone should be a lawyer? Now you’re saying you don’t want any or many? NIce trolling.

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:45 am

No No No. More More More. I don’t give frack where they come from. Bring more. Absotively.

shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 11:40 am

Shifty knows how lawyers over-bill hours during a day. Six hours (or less) of actual productive effort can result in eight hours of billed time.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:42 am

30 minutes for a 5 minute phone call. $50 per email/text. Yeah Man. Tell it, Brother. Go Tell It On The Mountain…

shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 11:52 am

Going to the Lexington Court House from Columbia office to check on court records for 6 clients. Say, actual time from office to court house is 45 minutes, and time to check each record is 30 minutes. EACH CLIENT is charged for travel and research time – that’s 2 hours each for 6 clients which results in 12 charged billed hours. Plus, each client is also billed for auto mileage. Ok, Frank, I told you just one example. Thanks for askin’.

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:54 am

Yep yep.
Go Gooo Goood a Good ah Jo Good ah Jo Good ah Job

shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm

That’s why my nickname is Shifty. PS- according to my sworn testimony to Senator Joseph McCarthy the record states that, “I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the legal profession in America.”

demarke August 9, 2013 at 4:31 pm

That’s malpractice, if you have evidence of someone doing that then report them. I’ve never heard of or witnessed any of my colleagues bill in such a manner, those stories are mostly hyperbole and assumptions.

shifty henry August 10, 2013 at 9:58 am

A young attorney told me this, but I don’t remember his name. He had recently opened his office as a sole practitioner, and this was about 15 years ago. He was somewhat unhappy about slow his practice was going, and he definitely had too much to drink. I think this happened at a Chamber of Commerce meeting. He explained that the cost to each client would be the same if he had made separate trips.

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:49 am

You do understand that you are more likely to get sympathy from a roving pack of wild Hells Angels than you are from the average person?

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:50 am

I’ve personally never seen the show, but I wonder if that Honey Boo Boo brat likes attorneys?

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 11:52 am

I find it amusing that you claim to never have seen the show but yet apparently know the child is a brat. Seems like Frank Pytel is a secret fan of Honey Boo Boo. Don’t worry, it matches your station in life.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:53 am

Yeah, anyone that advertises Scratch and Sniff TV is a brat. Hmmm. Where’s Sink?

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:55 am

Ya see boz. I don’ts get me know cabl.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:51 am

I’ll bet wolverines love attorneys. Hmmm?

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm

I see the cuts to mental health funding in South Carolina had a direct impact on you.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:17 pm

So ORIGINAL. Dang Jackie. What to do, what to do? Hmm?

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:13 pm

I’ll bet that bunny’s don’t like them very much though.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:16 pm

But undoubtedly the “Corpse Flower” is a favorite among attornies?

http://www.cracked.com/article_16054_6-endangered-species-that-arent-endangered-enough_p2.html

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:17 pm

Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:18 pm

Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they’re boring.

Q: What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed?
A: A jury.

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

Q: What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What’ the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

Q: What’s the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One’s a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
A: They’re both extinct.

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
A: Senator.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller

Q: What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you’re dead.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: The tick falls off when you are dead.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don’t know. There are some things even a blonde won’t do.

Q: Know how copper wire was invented?
A: Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.

Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.

Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can’t understand

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
A: Because deep down, they’re really good people.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 12:33 pm

Frank, and I thought that I knew every lawyer joke – haw! haw!

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:34 pm

True compliment coming from a pro, Shifty. Thank you kind and generous sir.

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 2:07 pm

—-and who the hell is giving everyone “down” votes today!

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 2:55 pm

He didn’t like my jokes :)

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:20 pm

Come on Chiles. Keep up, Keep up. There are too many of my posts that you haven’t thumbs down yet.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Getting the picture Jackie boy?

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 1:36 pm

No. Please waste your time posting another 10 responses so I can check back in a few hours and laugh at your wasted life.

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 10:35 am

What a $*it $how. CSOL is going down in flames before our very eyes. God help the S.C. legal community if the sale goes through.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 10:35 am

There’s no help for them. Geesh

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 10:51 am

All those poor attorney’s. We should feel so sorry for these people. They might have to cut their rates to $175/hr. Holy Shite. The world is going to come to an end. God bless those fine men and women. I just don’t see how they’ll make it.

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 11:03 am

I know you and your fellow rest stop employees believe that all attorneys are rich and spend their evenings hanging out with the rich and powerful, but what you see on t.v. isn’t what real life is like for most lawyers. I know it’s hard for a simpleton like you to grasp- t.v. isn’t true?!

Most attorneys do not make that kind of money. In fact, many graduates of law schools in South Carolina cannot find legal employment, so spare me your “Oh, we shouldn’t feel bad for the rich lawyers” prole comments.

Furthermore, selling CSOL to a national diploma mill will not only cause many potential CSOL students from South Carolina to decide not to attend CSOL, but will encourage people from outside of S.C. to attend because they could not get into letigimate schools in their own states. CSOL’s class sizes will grow exponentially as admission standards are reduced in the name of increased need for profit from unlimited government backed student loans. These debt-laden morons from other states with no connections to South Carolina will flood an already bloated job market.

Unlike you, Frank Pytel, I do not believe it is a good idea for South Carolina to be full of a bunch of moronic, debt laden, law graudates with no ties to South Carolina. Of course, these morons are probably right up your alley and probably work alongside you at the rest stop.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:37 am

Actually, personal experience. Not TV.

As to the only whining you did not do, I can’t say that I have met an attorney, not to say they don’t exist, that isn’t “moronic”.
Have a Great Day!! :) There won’t be many left with ambulance chasers running the country!! :)

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 11:44 am

Weren’t you the idiot last week saying that everyone should be a lawyer? Now you’re saying you don’t want any or many? NIce trolling.

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:45 am

No No No. More More More. I don’t give frack where they come from. Bring more. Absotively.

shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 11:40 am

Shifty knows how lawyers over-bill hours during a day. Six hours (or less) of actual productive effort can result in eight hours of billed time.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:42 am

30 minutes for a 5 minute phone call. $50 per email/text. Yeah Man. Tell it, Brother. Go Tell It On The Mountain…

shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 11:52 am

Going to the Lexington Court House from Columbia office to check on court records for 6 clients. Say, actual time from office to court house is 45 minutes, and time to check each record is 30 minutes. EACH CLIENT is charged for travel and research time – that’s 2 hours each for 6 clients which results in 12 charged billed hours. Plus, each client is also billed for auto mileage. Ok, Frank, I told you just one example. Thanks for askin’.

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:54 am

Yep yep.
Go Gooo Goood a Good ah Jo Good ah Jo Good ah Job

shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm

That’s why my nickname is Shifty. PS- according to my sworn testimony to Senator Joseph McCarthy the record states that, “I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the legal profession in America.”

demarke August 9, 2013 at 4:31 pm

That’s malpractice, if you have evidence of someone doing that then report them. I’ve never heard of or witnessed any of my colleagues bill in such a manner, those stories are mostly hyperbole and assumptions.

shifty henry August 10, 2013 at 9:58 am

A young attorney told me this, but I don’t remember his name. He had recently opened his office as a sole practitioner, and this was about 15 years ago. He was somewhat unhappy about slow his practice was going, and he definitely had too much to drink. I think this happened at a Chamber of Commerce meeting. He explained that the cost to each client would be the same if he had made separate trips.

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:49 am

You do understand that you are more likely to get sympathy from a roving pack of wild Hells Angels than you are from the average person?

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:50 am

I’ve personally never seen the show, but I wonder if that Honey Boo Boo brat likes attorneys?

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 11:52 am

I find it amusing that you claim to never have seen the show but yet apparently know the child is a brat. Seems like Frank Pytel is a secret fan of Honey Boo Boo. Don’t worry, it matches your station in life.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:53 am

Yeah, anyone that advertises Scratch and Sniff TV is a brat. Hmmm. Where’s Sink?

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:55 am

Ya see boz. I don’ts get me know cabl.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 11:51 am

I’ll bet wolverines love attorneys. Hmmm?

Reply
Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm

I see the cuts to mental health funding in South Carolina had a direct impact on you.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:17 pm

So ORIGINAL. Dang Jackie. What to do, what to do? Hmm?

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:13 pm

I’ll bet that bunny’s don’t like them very much though.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:16 pm

But undoubtedly the “Corpse Flower” is a favorite among attornies?

http://www.cracked.com/article_16054_6-endangered-species-that-arent-endangered-enough_p2.html

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:17 pm

Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Reply
Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:18 pm

Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they’re boring.

Q: What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed?
A: A jury.

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

Q: What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What’ the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

Q: What’s the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One’s a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
A: They’re both extinct.

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
A: Senator.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller

Q: What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you’re dead.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: The tick falls off when you are dead.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don’t know. There are some things even a blonde won’t do.

Q: Know how copper wire was invented?
A: Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.

Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.

Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can’t understand

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
A: Because deep down, they’re really good people.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 12:33 pm

Frank, and I thought that I knew every lawyer joke – haw! haw!

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Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:34 pm

True compliment coming from a pro, Shifty. Thank you kind and generous sir.

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shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 2:07 pm

—-and who the hell is giving everyone “down” votes today!

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 2:55 pm

He didn’t like my jokes :)

Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:20 pm

Come on Chiles. Keep up, Keep up. There are too many of my posts that you haven’t thumbs down yet.

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Frank Pytel August 8, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Getting the picture Jackie boy?

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Jackie Chiles August 8, 2013 at 1:36 pm

No. Please waste your time posting another 10 responses so I can check back in a few hours and laugh at your wasted life.

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shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 10:38 am

Well, well, well — so now the mystery is solved. Alex Sanders is BigT/GrandTango !!

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shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 10:38 am

Well, well, well — so now the mystery is solved. Alex Sanders is BigT/GrandTango !!

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TontoBubbaGoldstein August 8, 2013 at 10:58 am

TBG’$ Today’$ Tuneage $uggestion:

$teve Miller Band’$ “Take the Money and Run”.

Reply
Smirks August 8, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Might as well make a playlist. Next up, The O’Jays’ “For the Love of Money”

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TontoBubbaGoldstein August 8, 2013 at 10:58 am

TBG’$ Today’$ Tuneage $uggestion:

$teve Miller Band’$ “Take the Money and Run”.

Reply
Smirks August 8, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Might as well make a playlist. Next up, The O’Jays’ “For the Love of Money”

Reply
Jesus H. Christ August 8, 2013 at 11:30 am

LOL!

Maybe the dollar sign bullet points were a sly hint at his true feelings about the deal. Either way, that’s pretty comical.

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Jesus H. Christ August 8, 2013 at 11:30 am

LOL!

Maybe the dollar sign bullet points were a sly hint at his true feelings about the deal. Either way, that’s pretty comical.

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The plot $ickens August 8, 2013 at 11:38 am

Charleston City Paper is reporting that Sanders has rejoined CSOL.

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The plot $ickens August 8, 2013 at 11:38 am

Charleston City Paper is reporting that Sanders has rejoined CSOL.

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dsmith August 8, 2013 at 11:51 am

I’m a southerner who detest Sander’s slow drawl and mangled pronunciations. No one thinks Sanders is as funny as Sanders does.

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 12:09 pm

Remember Hollings, who always said, ahm from “Sooth” Carolina?
Well, I was raised in Plum Nelly, but don’t act hoity-toity about it.

Reply
Anon August 9, 2013 at 7:12 am

I detest the fact that you can’t figure out the proper way to use possessives.

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dsmith August 8, 2013 at 11:51 am

I’m a southerner who detest Sander’s slow drawl and mangled pronunciations. No one thinks Sanders is as funny as Sanders does.

Reply
shifty henry August 8, 2013 at 12:09 pm

Remember Hollings, who always said, ahm from “Sooth” Carolina?
Well, I was raised in Plum Nelly, but don’t act hoity-toity about it.

Reply
Anon August 9, 2013 at 7:12 am

I detest the fact that you can’t figure out the proper way to use possessives.

Reply
Misstate August 9, 2013 at 9:29 am

Alex ’bout to get paid mutherfuckaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Reply
Misstate August 9, 2013 at 9:29 am

Alex ’bout to get paid mutherfuckaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Reply

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