Deadly New SC Squirrel Species Discovered
Call it the Ceramicus Squirrelis Redneckus …
A deadly new squirrel species has been discovered in South Carolina thanks to the Christmas Eve exploits of Helen Williams of Charleston, S.C.
According to WCIV TV 4 (ABC – Charleston, S.C.), Williams repeatedly stabbed her boyfriend with a ceramic squirrel because he failed to bring home beer.
Ah yes … “it’s a great day in South Carolina,” people.
“When officers questioned Williams, she said nothing happened, the man just fell and cut himself,” WCIV reported. “However, the report states that Williams was also covered in blood. She told the officers that the blood was not the victim’s, that it had been there.”
The victim told police Williams had dispatched him to buy beer, but he was unable to do so because it was Christmas Eve and all the stores were closed. While attempting to make a sandwich, the man was repeatedly stabbed by the enraged, squirrel-wielding Williams – receiving multiple cuts to his head and chest.
Courtesy of the Charleston County Detention Center, here’s a look at the perpetrator …
Williams was arrested and charged with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature. She is currently being held on $10,000 bond. The victim was hospitalized.
.@fitsnews can we discuss how bad of a woman she is? The guy had to make the damned sandwich.
— Nick (@TPANick) December 28, 2013
@fitsnews whole new meaning to as crazy as a pet squirrel.
— Elliott Summey (@ElliottSummey) December 28, 2013