Don’t Eat The Gummies
We’ve read some funny stuff on the internet but our founding editor’s wife, the talented lovely Mrs. Sic Willie, always seems to find the choicest online laughs.
Take the “Sad Cat Diary,” for example. Friggin’ hilarious! This week, Mrs. Sic shared a funny Amazon.com review for a five-pound bag of sugarless Haribo gummy bears. The cost? Not counting shipping, $19.99.
Everybody loves Gummy Bears, right? Right?
Apparently not. The very first “customer review” for this product was, well … uncomplimentary.
“Not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose,” the reviewer recalls. “I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.”
It gets better … errr, well … worse.
“Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn’t stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.”
And worse …
“I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.”
Stay away from the gummies, people …