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Don’t Eat The Gummies

We’ve read some funny stuff on the internet but our founding editor’s wife, the talented lovely Mrs. Sic Willie, always seems to find the choicest online laughs. Take the “Sad Cat Diary,” for example. Friggin’ hilarious! This week, Mrs. Sic shared a funny Amazon.com review for a five-pound bag of sugarless…

We’ve read some funny stuff on the internet but our founding editor’s wife, the talented lovely Mrs. Sic Willie, always seems to find the choicest online laughs.

Take the “Sad Cat Diary,” for example. Friggin’ hilarious! This week, Mrs. Sic shared a funny Amazon.com review for a five-pound bag of sugarless Haribo gummy bears. The cost? Not counting shipping, $19.99.

Everybody loves Gummy Bears, right? Right? 

Apparently not. The very first “customer review” for this product was, well … uncomplimentary.

“Not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose,” the reviewer recalls. “I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.”

It gets better … errr, well … worse.

“Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn’t stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.”

And worse …

“I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.”

Wow …

Stay away from the gummies, people …

 

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22 comments

Erin August 16, 2013 at 1:39 pm

I am in tears! He had to have eaten way more than he said for that to happen

Reply
Erin August 16, 2013 at 1:39 pm

I am in tears! He had to have eaten way more than he said for that to happen

Reply
Smirks August 16, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Good stuff. Funny Amazon reviews are fun gems to run into, and Amazon appears to be aware of it:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&docId=1001250201

Reply
lawzoo August 16, 2013 at 1:52 pm

“What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone?”
Mrs Toledo

Priceless. Funny X 10 !

Reply
Smirks August 16, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Good stuff. Funny Amazon reviews are fun gems to run into, and Amazon appears to be aware of it:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&docId=1001250201

Reply
lawzoo August 16, 2013 at 1:52 pm

“What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone?”
Mrs Toledo

Priceless. Funny X 10 !

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein August 16, 2013 at 2:39 pm Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein August 16, 2013 at 2:39 pm Reply
shifty henry August 16, 2013 at 2:41 pm

“Not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose”
Perhaps she ate some of those recycled colored condoms by mistake….

Reply
shifty henry August 16, 2013 at 2:41 pm

“Not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose”
Perhaps she ate some of those recycled colored condoms by mistake….

Reply
shifty henry August 16, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Racquetball may still have a penalty for an “odor foul” —-

Reply
shifty henry August 16, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Racquetball may still have a penalty for an “odor foul” —-

Reply
carrie August 16, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Beware of buying anything that says “sugar free” You have no idea what they would put in food to make them taste acceptable temporarily. I’ve heard of people having such strong reactions to sugar-free food.

Reply
carrie August 16, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Beware of buying anything that says “sugar free” You have no idea what they would put in food to make them taste acceptable temporarily. I’ve heard of people having such strong reactions to sugar-free food.

Reply
MashPotato August 16, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Funny review but not true. Been years since I heard “Heavens to Murgatroyd”, I think my mom used it back in 1996.

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia August 17, 2013 at 8:31 pm

There was a cartoon character who used that phrase back in the early 60’s. Was it “Snagglepuss” or something like that?

Reply
MashPotato August 17, 2013 at 11:26 pm

I had to consult Wikipedia, but it turns out you are correct.

http://youtu.be/udVCwQzRl2I?t=1m31s

Reply
MashPotato August 16, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Funny review but not true. Been years since I heard “Heavens to Murgatroyd”, I think my mom used it back in 1996.

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia August 17, 2013 at 8:31 pm

There was a cartoon character who used that phrase back in the early 60’s. Was it “Snagglepuss” or something like that?

Reply
MashPotato August 17, 2013 at 11:26 pm

I had to consult Wikipedia, but it turns out you are correct.

http://youtu.be/udVCwQzRl2I?t=1m31s

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia August 17, 2013 at 8:32 pm

This was great!!!! Laughed till I cried, then shit myself.

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia August 17, 2013 at 8:32 pm

This was great!!!! Laughed till I cried, then shit myself.

Reply

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