Just as I was getting used to be called a White Supremacist, the new lingo has arrived: Faster than Global Warming became Climate Crisis, I’m now a Christian Nationalist. As best I can tell, that description applies primarily to White males, but I’m not sure why. I’m pretty confident there are a lot of minority men who love God and their nation — but perhaps because they are minorities, the media assumes they are de facto angry at America?
If that’s the case, why are so many outstanding Black men serving this nation in uniform?
Anyway, the devil has been declared to be the White patriarchy. You know, males who head off to work every day, and go to church from time to time. Maybe they stand when the flag goes by in a parade, or know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner.
Long before men were loathed by so many angry women and femboys, there was a predecessor — All Men Dumb Syndrome, and it overtook the world of television comedy. Plots revolve around primarily: a) Dumb male patriarch who bumbles through life b) He insults everyone with his moronic world-view c) His wife, kids, co-workers, and friends laugh at him. In the earliest of days it was Archie Bunker and George Jefferson … became the Bill Cosby Show and Everybody Loves Raymond … and has culminated currently with Family Guy and The Simpson’s.
Personally, I find the genre to be pretty damn funny, as do most White Male Christian Nationalists. I have no problem with people laughing at our collective stereotypes — because stereotypes are based in truth. Us patriarchal bad guys do waste too much time with sports, guns, bikini-watching and cars. Our conversations with our buddies are indeed inane. We do view ourselves as John Wayne, despite knowing we’re all much closer to the Duke’s sidekick with the funny name.
But people aren’t laughing about the average White Male Christian Nationalists anymore. The issue is now hate, because White Male Christian Nationalists have ruined the world. For some reason, Black Male Christian Nationalists are now left largely unmolested — but, hey. Good for them. White males have been targeted for having done “more damage,” so we apparently have a never-ending tour of duty.
Here are a few things White patriarchal brains have invented, followed by the hard work the overall patriarchy had to do to make them a reality:
Inventions: The Constitution. The Bill of Rights. Our legal system. Locomotives and a trans-continental train system. The repeating rifle. Harnessing the power of fossil fuels. The internal combustion engine. The steam engine. The moving assembly line. The cotton gin. The light bulb. Electricity. Batteries. The telephone. Radio. TV. The sewing machine. Air-conditioning. Airplanes. Submarines. The gas-powered tractor. Ice boxes. Steel ploughs. The phonograph. The skyscraper. Personal computers. MS Windows. Mac OS.
I could never do any of those things, but the view when you’re living your life on the shoulders of giants is pretty cushy.
Then there’s the hard work required to take these inventions to the market, and keep peace in the nation — done by men of every age, race, and creed: Build the railroads. Pave the interstate highway system. String electrical lines across the nation. Serve as police and firefighters. Work in dangerous factories, processing plants, and construction projects. Build dams. Dig subway systems. Build bridges. Serve aboard merchant vessels. Labor on a never-ending assembly line. Mine for coal and oil. Drive big-rig trucks. Build the skyscrapers. And last but not least, fight and die in our nation’s wars.
Despite the vitriol being spewed about the patriarchy, I don’t imagine there’d be a lot of women (or femboys) who’d be willing to give up these things, even if it meant they got to knock the patriarchy down a notch.
“But women would’ve invented those things if they’d been given the chance!” is a frequent response. “It comes down to the fact women were deprived of the education needed to do so!”
Could be. We’ll never know, will we? The bottom line is White men invented those things, and men of every color busted their asses—and sometimes died—deploying these inventions out into the world so the public could benefit from them.
Now we find ourselves in 2023, when American laws ensure all Americans be treated as equal. But as any clear-thinking person knows, equal does not mean the same. If equal meant “the same,” an NFL or NBA team would be 13 percent Black.
Given women make up half the population, shouldn’t the Navy Seals be 50 percent female? For less extreme examples, why is there less 5 percent female representation in trades like welding, commercial diving, construction, firefighting, garbage collectors, diesel engine mechanics, mining, lineman, engineers, plumbers, automotive and HVAC technicians, painters, electricians, and pipefitters?
It’s because women don’t want to do those jobs. It’s knuckle busting work. It’s exhausting and dangerous. It isn’t fun or creative. No one cares how you feel, good or bad. Besides, the patriarchy, those toxic men, will suck it up and do the crap because they need to — shudder — provide for their family.
Does anyone think the garbageman gets up daily at 3:00 am, springs out of bed, and yells, “Helllll yes! Another day immersed in crap!”
(Click to view)
No, he does not. Then why does he do it? Because he’s part of the patriarchy, and feels he needs to make damn sure he’s doing everything he can to make life as good as possible for those counting on him. A garbageman could get an easier job elsewhere, but he collects garbage because it’s a government job: Good benefits, a retirement plan, health insurance
He has no choice but to be in the dreaded patriarchy, because patriarchy working in concert with matriarchy is what propelled us out of the stone age and into our EZ-Boy recliners. A man may view himself as the head of the household, but his bride is definitely the neck.
Does his wife work just as hard as him? There’s a very good chance she does — but her job isn’t out in the elements, with her straining her back to chuck rotten meat and dirty diapers into the back of a big rig. She probably works harder than him if she’s a stay-at-home Mom. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, but it’s a round-the-clock vocation.
As is usually the case with virtue-affirming causes, the fretting over the danger of “White, Male, Christian Nationalist” is shared among the pampered and privileged. Their whining centers on the lack of diversity amongst the CEOs of the Fortune 500. In Congress. In the highest ranks of the military. Movie parts for actors.
People who invest in the stock market don’t care who the CEO is: They want their money to grow over time. People who elect a congressman don’t care about their sex: They want them to keep their campaign promises. Soldiers don’t care who the general is: They want to person least likely to make stupid decisions which get them killed. Movie goers don’t care if Black actors get their “fair share” of roles: They want to be entertained.
With the American Woke, what the little guy wants doesn’t matter. Again and again they gallop past the serfs neck-deep in muck, on their way to joust with windmills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR …
Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of two books: ‘You Want Fries With That?’ and ‘Dispatches Along the Way.’ Both are available on Amazon. He hopes to have another title published soon, but that would require his agent actually doing his job, so it may be awhile.
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I suspect you understand what you are saying. But I think trying to be clever about kills whatever message you are making…which is kind of clear but only if one looks real hard for it.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck did I just read?
Jokes on us, it costs him nothing to write this stuff, but it costs us our brain cells to read it.
This jamoke fancies himself as some kind of PJ O’Rourke, only if PJ was daft.
The parade of author pictures he provides would be funny but are just embarrassing.
How is Folks not embarrassed by this guy’s articles being almost the entirety of their “US & World” coverage?
It’s articles like this that make me wonder why waste time plus money and just use ChatGPT to write everything.
You seem to have no problem contributing to the men are dumb theory. A Christian nationalist is not someone who loves his country and happens to be a Christian. A Christian nationalist is someone who believes America should be a Christian Theocracy or theocracyish, as most Christian nationalists don’t care for a lot of what Christ taught. But, basically, no Jews (or Jewish space lasers), no Muslims, no Hindus, etc., etc. Christianity is the official religion of the nation, and while other religions may be tolerated, not if their beliefs conflict with Christian beliefs. You can have a Christmas Parade, pray to Christ in school, and teach the Bible in school; but you can’t teach the Koran, and there sure as hell will be no prayers to Allah in schools.
A white nationalist is someone who believes America should be run by white people and that minorities should have fewer rights because they are inferior mentally or culturally (i.e. good ole fashion racists. The same type of people who defended slavery and Hitler). As it turns out many white nationalists are also Christian nationalists. The KKK considered itself a Christian organization even as it lynched and burned black people who wanted to vote, wanted an education for their children, and wanted the opportunity to compete with white people for jobs, bus seats, and space at the water fountain. So there is a lot of overlap.
As for your Patriarchy, that exists because for most of history, the physically strong used their brawn to dominate the physically weak, threaten them with violence if they got out of line, and treated them as property, much like the beloved slaves of the old south. It was not a choice. But they were Christians, right? They attended church regularly, even while supporting laws that allowed men to beat their wives, kick their wives to death, rape their wives, seize control of the property of their wives, beat their children into submission, sell the services of their minor children to mills and other businesses; deny women divorce regardless of how cruel their husband was; and deny women the right to an education. But no big deal, get over it. No need to think or talk about that anymore, because it can’t come back, right? We can still refer to those times as the good ole days. As for not wanting those jobs, tell that to the “Rosie the riveters” who were forced to give up their jobs when the men returned from war.
Why not admit what you really are? Stupid, ignorant white trash.
Deer Mr. Purlough, we’re laughing at you, not with you. Will, surely you can find a satirist that actually writes satire.
Ben, Congrats on using your real name. I rarely reply to anonymous posters. Half the reason I write for Fits is to read troll replies. By all means, write a rebuttal and send it to Will. He’s looking for smart content written people like you. Not too long ago there was an article entitled “Prioleau Alexander is a disgrace.” I’m good with that… the writer was–in my opinion– wrong, but at least she wrote. Let’s use Fits as a form for debate, and making each other think. I’d only ask you submit based on fact, not feelings.