It’s always tough to nail down who should bask in the limelight of the American Idiot Awards. Unfortunately, the news cycle rolls forward faster than Joe Biden’s sprint to dementia, ergo the titanic trove of lunes on the Left vanishes into the memory hole every two days.
As a result, no team of analysts could wade back a full year to point out the really big chunks that rose to the top of the socialist septic tank … it would be like counting to 31.7 trillion.
As a result, I had no choice but to narrow down the nominees to a 10-day period.
The nominees are:
Sunny Hostin, The View. Just this week, Whoopie Goldberg announced that presidential candidate Tim Scott has “Clarence Thomas Syndrome.” Since Clarence Thomas is one of the most successful black men in American history, I thought it odd she’d give a Republican such high praise.
Her co-host, Sunny Hostin, clarified things: “One of the issues that Tim Scott has is that he seems to think ‘because I made it, everyone can make it.’ (He’s) ignoring again the fact he is the exception and not the rule. And until he’s the rule, he can stop talking about systematic racism.”
I suppose that’s possible, given the lap of luxury Tim grew up in — you know, with all that the sought-after “single Mom in poverty” privilege — which naturally resulted in his graduation from high school and college. Then one day he was sitting on the street corner drinking a 40-ouncer of malt liquor when an unknown man stopped and offered him his own Allstate insurance agency. Then, of all things, he was sleeping off a bender in the break room of his agency, when the receptionist busted in an advised him he’d won a seat on County Council without running.
Sonny looks pretty damn strong as a nominee.
Charlie Savage, NYT. It was Mr. Savage who wrote an article proclaiming, “After years of political hype, the Durham Report fails to deliver.” Fails on what? Let’s take a look at what CNN had to say about this document. I say again, these are CNN’s words:
- “The report concluded that the FBI should never have launched a full investigation into connections between Donald Trump’s campaign and Russia during the 2016 election.”
- “The report also states that the FBI used “raw, unanalyzed, and uncorroborated intelligence,” to launch the “Crossfire Hurricane” investigation into Trump and Russia but used a different standard when weighing concerns about alleged election interference regarding Hillary Clinton’s campaign.”
The fact Mr. Savage could fail to see what even the blind squirrels at CNN saw is, well, the level of boneheaded reporting we’ve come to expect from the NYT.
August Adolphus Busch IV. For the moment, let’s forget the marketing director for Bud Light called her brand “fratty.” Let’s forget they showed a trans-girl in a bubble bath drinking Bud Light. Let’s just look at the ham-fisted stuff Mr. Busch has okayed in response: 1) Launching a patriotic advertisement featuring the Budweiser Clydesdales marching past patriotic landmarks. 2) Releasing a can with the Harley Davidson logo. 2) Releasing a camouflage can.
All across America, Richter scales melted as bikers, vets, active-duty military, good old boys, farmers, and blue-collar tradesmen thundered into Zippy Marts across the fruited plain, all demanding cases of Bud Light.
Their latest move? Offering a $20 rebate on a $19.95 case of beer, and offering to buy back unsold inventory. It reminds me of their “real men of genius” ad campaigns.
(Click to view)
Oh, by the way, Adolph … if you want to get your drinkers back, run a full-page ad in every newspaper in the nation saying, “Dear Bud Light Drinkers: Some idiot chick named Alissa Heinerscheid decided it would be a good idea to tell our customers we don’t care what you think. So, we fired her ass. To show you we want you back, we are donating $10 billion dollars to the Wounded Warriors Foundation. Please for the love of God forgive us.”
Robert Iger, Disney: Under Mr. Iger’s watchful eye, Disney decided to make Cleopatra a black woman. (The film was produced by Jada Pinkett-Smith, so of course they did). Although this wasn’t as stupid as casting Morgan Freeman as Friar Tuck in Robin Hood, it’s close.
Disney’s wokeness has cost them billions, but this rises to the stratosphere of stupidity:
Robert Iger: What race was Cleopatra?
Assistant: Well, there are 109.3 million Egyptians who say she was white.
Jada: Well, they’re all racist. She was black.
Robert Iger: Good point. Let’s go with black.
American People Worried About the Debt Ceiling.
There is no debt ceiling. We’re 31.7 trillion dollars in debt — and we’re never paying it off. It no longer matters how much we spend. The only thing keeping us afloat is the printing of money, and people still buying T-Bills.
What you’re watching is professional wrestling, where the good guy and the bad guy grapple under the spotlights, and when it’s over go out for drinks, dinner, and interns together. For the love of Pete, wake up. You are living in an economic matrix.
Diane Feinstein and John Fetterman. These two intellectual giants haven’t been nominated for their inability to speak English, but for accidentally providing the greatest symbol of DNC elected officials in history: Mentally impaired, unable to process complex thoughts, and happy to vote in line with the party, no matter the issue. If the DNC proposed a bill blocking all stroke research and making Depends illegal, both of these yo-yos would let the Whip take their hand and push their YEA vote.
The donkey should go, and be replaced by John Fetterman in a hoodie. But more on that in moment …
Eric McDonnell. This brainiac is the chairman of the African American Reparations Advisory Committee in San Francisco. His group presented a plan to city council that included not just $5,000,000 in direct payments to each black resident, but the elimination of all personal debt, guaranteed incomes of at least $97,000 for 250 years, and homes for $1.
I can’t even …
Some Dude at the AP. There are stupid takes, and then there’s the no-byline story just tweeted by the AP, which said, “Sen. John Fetterman used to walk the halls of the Senate stone-faced and in formal suits. Now, he’s more relaxed, in hoodies and gym shorts. People close to Fetterman say it’s a sign of progress after six weeks of inpatient treatment for depression.”
You can’t make this up. Sen. Fetterman has climbed out of the black hole called depression, and he shows it by dressing like … me? I’ve dealt with depression, and it is a horrible thing, but overcoming it by dressing like a work-from-home writer isn’t a sign of recovery. Does this mean if he starts showing up in khakis and a button-down shirt, he’s backsliding? What if he wears a Seersucker suit and a jaunty straw boater — is all hope lost?
(Click to view)
Senator Fetterman, if you want to dress me, I’ve got no problem with it. In fact, given the state of Congress, you’re probably the only one who’s dressing properly. My problem is with the worms at the AP acting as pathetic little stenographers for the DNC.
Rupert Murdoch. Fox News has one brand: Conservative views. Half of America tunes into Fox to avoid the insanity like that offered by The View and the AP. That’s it. No one likes Rupert Murdoch and tunes in because he needs the money. All people want is their one channel that offers a different point of view.
Much like Adolph Busch, Rupert cannot see what’s in front of his lying eyes—and now the official Fox policy is dudes can go in the chicks’ bathroom, and chicks can go in the dudes’ bathroom. In addition, using preferred pronouns is required.
Questions: How many trans people do you think work at Fox? How many Fox viewers are down with whole stand-up-while-going No. 1 in the chicks’ bathroom? Do you think there’s lots of viewers pulling for Lia Thomas?
Rupert, you’re gonna need to get used to the lack of taste in Bud Light … because they’ll be your only advertiser before long.
It pains me that I cannot do a recap for a year … or a quarter … or even a month. I’d need a staff of 20, and deciding on who’s the stupidest would likely result in a gunfight.
So, the moment you’ve been waiting for. This year’s Dummy Award goes to … Kamala Harris, of course.
At the awards podium, the V.P. relied on the same sharp-as-a-tack, well-received remarks she delivered during a pro-abortion rally at Howard University, stating:
“So I think it’s very important, as you have heard from so many incredible leaders for us at every moment in time and certainly this one, to see the moment in time in which we exist and are present, and to be able to contextualize it, to understand where we exist in the history and in the moment as it relates not only to the past but the future.”
Given that V.P. Harris would sweep these awards for decades to come, the decision has been made to place her in the Dummies Hall of Fame, which makes her ineligible for future competitions, thus opening the path for such giants as Keith Olbermann, Spartacus Booker, and the whining wonders of late-night TV.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR ...
Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of two books: ‘You Want Fries With That?’ and ‘Dispatches Along the Way.’ Both are available on Amazon. He hopes to have another title published soon, but that would require his agent actually doing his job, so it may be awhile. Oh, and if you want to see his preferred bio pic? Click here ...
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