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Joan Rivers Died … At Last

ASPIRATIONAL FIGURE REFUSED TO BE OFFENDED By Mande Wilkes || When news broke that Joan Rivers was on life support, I blasted the following message on social media: Praying Joan kicks the bucket; I’m her official replacement! Offensive?  Sure … unless you’ve watched her wryly rip to shreds celebrities, heads…

ASPIRATIONAL FIGURE REFUSED TO BE OFFENDED

mande wilkes fullBy Mande Wilkes || When news broke that Joan Rivers was on life support, I blasted the following message on social media: Praying Joan kicks the bucket; I’m her official replacement!

Offensive?  Sure … unless you’ve watched her wryly rip to shreds celebrities, heads of state, and everyone in between.  Joan, from somewhere deep in the recesses of her vegetative mind, was surely laughing (or at least smiling) at my droll wink to her legacy.

Starting from the age of about twelve, my answer to “what do you want be when you grow up?” was … Joan Rivers.  And still, she’s what I want to be when I grow up.  Even in her old age, she was aspirational for me: A Boca-esque old yenta with a lot of botox and no tact and a penchant for Yiddish slurs.

What set her apart was her willingness to make fun of absolutely everyone.  Even her close, personal friends in fashion and media were not off-limits.  If you wore something ugly, or said something dumb, or starred in a boring movie, or gave an over-the-top inaugural address … Joan was right there to deliver a swift kick in the pants and a biting quip.

It was refreshing – especially in today’s atmosphere of sequestered and self-selected media, where people tune in only to hear their views mirrored.  Can you imagine Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart making fun of their allies?  They don’t, and they won’t.

Even Joan herself wasn’t off-limits to Joan, as she was often on both the giving and receiving ends of her jokes.

She didn’t take herself seriously, at all.  There’s nothing funnier – or more aspirational – than a woman who refuses, in spite of herself, to be offended.

Mande Wilkes is a wife, mother, businesswoman, author, etc. residing on the South Carolina coast with her family.

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48 comments

Mike at the Beach September 4, 2014 at 8:04 pm

I’m your huckleberry…

Admittedly, the headline was more offensive than the actual piece, but the whole thing is a little offensive nonetheless (which, of course, was your comedic intent- I get that). You’re right in your assertion that Rivers was crass and often offensive, but what often gets lost in social discourse these days is that when folks die, the once-honored tradition of leaving the family some space and consideration by “not speaking ill of the dead” during a brief period of mourning is not a courtesy to the deceased. The courtesy is paid to the family, friends, and loved ones who have suffered the loss, and are no doubt suffering (regardless of our opinion of their departed). Don’t misunderstand; I’m not spun up, and this is no high-grade transgression. I just miss some of the more decent parts of our increasingly broken-ass culture which continue to slip away, that’s all. I doubt any of Rivers’ clan will be flipping through FITS this week, but the principle remains sound.

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J Mande Wilkes September 4, 2014 at 10:33 pm

I’m not getting the huckleberry reference…

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Mike at the Beach September 4, 2014 at 11:37 pm

Sorry…silly pop culture references abound in my world. This is an old saying that specops guys use to communicate (in a smartass kinda way), “OK, I’ll bite,” “I’m in,” “I’ll go,” etc. I fully realize pieces like this are designed to stir up the natives (and generate the attendant hits) so I can usually walk on past. In the context here, I used the phrase to say that I just couldn’t walk on by (this time), so…I’m your huckleberry.

http://youtu.be/jkm1i2o6Ri8

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euwe max September 4, 2014 at 11:43 pm

To be a person’s huckleberry friend, was a reference to little boys playing together in the forest… collecting huckleberries in the springtime.

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Mike at the Beach September 5, 2014 at 1:02 am

Old dictionaries give us a pretty interesting and wide ranging group of origins (including a variation of yours). Here’s a pretty neat article I found after well over 5 seconds of intensive research on the intergoogle, conducted after I was asked for clarification:

http://home.earthlink.net/~knuthco1/Itemsofinterest1/huckleberrysource.htm

Language dorks…UNITE!

SCBlues September 5, 2014 at 8:10 am

“Language dorks…UNITE!”
Have you ever read any books by Charles Harrington Elster? Check out “What in the Word!” – incredibly informative and amusing at the same time. A must-read for any “language dork”.

Mike at the Beach September 5, 2014 at 9:25 am

I think I’ve heard him on NPR a few times (unless I’m confusing him with someone else). Pretty good stuff…

SCBlues September 5, 2014 at 6:10 pm

I’ve never seen him on NPR – I stumbled across a book of his at a yard sale – and it is really great – prompted me to get some of his others and am plodding my way though those now. See – you told me before I needed to work on my intellect and I took it to heart!

Mike at the Beach September 5, 2014 at 9:35 pm

Outstanding! Now if those anger management sessions take hold for ya we may actually end up discussing something in accordance with the generally accepted rules of debate and logical discourse! Stranger things have happened, although some might say that this is an indication of the end times… ;-)

Colaguy September 5, 2014 at 10:32 pm

You and SCB are both idiots, you can’t “see” any damn body on NPR. National Public R-A-D-I-O.

Mike at the Beach September 5, 2014 at 11:10 pm

Uhhhh, what?! I am pretty sure I wrote “heard” (and assumed that SCBlues meant that he/she “saw” it on NPR’s website (even liberal-leaning, partially gubmint funded public radio networks have those, you know). More importantly, THIS is your big issue?! Wow…

SCBlues September 6, 2014 at 5:51 pm

“More importantly, THIS is your big issue?! Wow…”
Did someone mention anger management sessions earlier??

Mike at the Beach September 6, 2014 at 6:05 pm

See?! We finally agree on something! This is what driving angry looks like…

SCBlues September 6, 2014 at 5:50 pm

“You and SCB are both idiots, you can’t “see” any damn body on NPR. National Public R-A-D-I-O.”
Okay, okay, okay – guilty as charged – I made a slip – I made a mistake – what can I do to make it right with you?
There is actually a reason why I said “seen him on NPR” versus “heard him on NPR” – but I am very cautious about divulging personal information about myself on the internet – but if I told you then you would understand. So I’ll just wear the Idiot Hat for a couple of days . . . .

Mike at the Beach September 6, 2014 at 6:07 pm

Ha! Don’t grovel to mad guy. I got your back on this one…did you ever think that would happen?! He’s angrier than you are… ;-)

Same ol' Same ol' September 5, 2014 at 10:43 am

That’s dyslexics UNTIE!

Buz Martin September 7, 2014 at 3:11 pm

Wasn’t that referenced in the song, “Moon River”, from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” Always remind me of Tom Sawyer and his friend, Huckleberry Finn. Likely a pun on that, I’d think.

J Mande Wilkes September 5, 2014 at 8:22 am

Among her list of funereal demands: “When I die, don’t give me a rabbi rambling, I want Meryl Streep crying in 5 accents.”

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Centrist View September 5, 2014 at 9:23 am

Or maybe in Joan Rivers’ case, the expression is “I’m your hucklebearer.”

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E Norma scok September 4, 2014 at 8:12 pm

What business do these chicks on here run? Are they as lucrative as the tabletop “business” Nancy Mace has?

I sold some shit on ebay last week…in Fits byline world, am I a retail mogul?

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Sam September 4, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Wow. You crossed a big line with the lead on this piece. Sorry for you. Article was thoughtful but lead was just crass.

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Yelsewh September 4, 2014 at 9:02 pm

Joan Rivers wasn’t funny and neither are you.

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Squishy123 September 4, 2014 at 9:07 pm

Great, now we’re getting stories that we could only previously find on USA Today or People Magazine’s websites. What this has to do with SC is beyond me and the original scope of this blog.

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Mike at the Beach September 5, 2014 at 1:07 am

USA Today my aching ass… try Cosmo or fucking Redbook.

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SCBlues September 5, 2014 at 8:01 am

Vote with your feet.

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Smirks September 5, 2014 at 8:23 am

Just did. It’s incredibly hard to operate a mouse with your foot.

I’m… I’m not going to attempt the keyboard with my feet.

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SCBlues September 5, 2014 at 8:27 am

LOL

BrigidBernadette September 5, 2014 at 8:34 am

The post is about me-me-me, not Joan Rivers. The picture should tell you all you need to know–it is not a professional-standard author headshot, but a showcase for her tits not her brain. The first thing Joan Rivers would tell this woman is to get a breast reduction if she ever wants to be taken seriously from the neck up. Why not just go topless for the headshot. That’s what she wants you to see, not any original thought or commentary on substantive issues facing South Carolina. C’mon ladies, you can do better than this, have some dignity and self-respect.

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J Mande Wilkes September 5, 2014 at 8:39 am

Dude, the woman wrote more than one book on plastic surgery… Including one titled “a woman’s guide to beauty through plastic surgery.” I hardly think she’d have a problem with my persona.

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That's Funny! September 5, 2014 at 9:57 am

Ouch!!

Buz Martin September 7, 2014 at 3:15 pm

Agreed.

btw, loved your mastery of understatement when you said she was botoxed up. That wasn’t the half of it.

Same ol' Same ol' September 5, 2014 at 10:45 am

Maybe part of it.
But the head shot is great! (Mande’s)

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Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk September 4, 2014 at 10:18 pm

You’re not Joan Rivers replacement, your Phyllis Diller’s.

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J Mande Wilkes September 4, 2014 at 10:29 pm

You think? I can see that, though I don’t have quite the knack for slapstick.

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nitrat September 5, 2014 at 11:06 am

Neither did Phyllis, you ignorant slut.
She was the queen of one liners.

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sparklecity September 4, 2014 at 10:38 pm

Joan Rivers, Richard Pryor,Robin Williams (and more I can’t think of at the moment)
They’re all gone now and I don’t think anyone can take their place
They all made you think and laugh and all were part of a “Boomer’s A List” There’s also Peter Sellars who was not a comedian per se but I have hurt myself laughing at his buffoonery in the “Pink Panther” movies – God how I loved those movies!!!
Oh well, there’s always Rush Limpballs to keep us in yuk-yuks!!!!!
Bye Joan, I remember seeing you on Johnny Carson when I was a kid
“Hedi Lebinowitz”—–what a tramp!!!!!
And years later: “What’s the catch of the day? – Herpes”!!!!!

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nitrat September 5, 2014 at 11:05 am

George Carlin.

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Buz Martin September 7, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Lenny Bruce.

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Buz Martin September 7, 2014 at 3:17 pm

Lord Buckley

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SCBlues September 5, 2014 at 8:06 am

I liked the title to the piece and I also enjoyed the content – and your final line was perfect for a Joan Rivers piece. I think you “did her” well.
Ignore the negative comments from the usual Negative Nellies on here. Some of these boys think they are so much smarter than anyone else and just about everything on here is a Cock Size Contest – and quite frankly very few of them measure up.

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J Mande Wilkes September 5, 2014 at 8:24 am

Thank you

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Squishy123 September 5, 2014 at 9:28 am

Yeah you ladies have to stick together if you want to change this blog into something other than what inwhich it was created to be. Because your articles aren’t exactly in line with it’s original intent.

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Squishy123 September 5, 2014 at 9:28 am

Yeah you ladies have to stick together if you want to change this blog into something other than what inwhich it was created to be. Because your articles aren’t exactly in line with it’s original intent.

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JohnOhms September 5, 2014 at 9:16 am

You seem to know a lot a about cocks.

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shifty henry September 5, 2014 at 8:18 am

Heidi Abromowitz, Senior Strumpet — her yearbook photo was a foldout!

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LiteBreit September 5, 2014 at 9:11 am

Interesting that she “outs” King Barry a few weeks ago, then dies. Breitbarted?

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Thomas September 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm

Obama is a homosexual and Michelle is a Tranny. Michelle’s ring finger is longer than the index finger, a male characteristic. Not to mention, Joe Scarborough’s round table, David Letterman all said her pronouncement was a joke? The joke is on American’s and law enforcement for not taking Obama down for the fraud he and his boyfriend Michelle is perpetrating. WTF?

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Buz Martin September 7, 2014 at 3:19 pm

Foam at the mouth much? Be careful. It could interfered with the mouth-breathing.

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