Good Stuff

The “Hot-Crazy Matrix”

DATING ADVICE EVERY MAN (AND WOMAN) NEEDS TO KNOW By Liz Gunn  ||  Earlier this week someone sent me one of the best YouTube videos I have ever seen. I realize that’s a strong statement given all the goodness YouTube has to offer, but trust me on this one. This…


liz gunnBy Liz Gunn  ||  Earlier this week someone sent me one of the best YouTube videos I have ever seen. I realize that’s a strong statement given all the goodness YouTube has to offer, but trust me on this one.

This video is not only laugh-out-loud funny, it’s also informative. The clip I’m talking about features an instructor explaining the “Hot-Crazy Matrix” for dating women.

You would be correct in assuming that I don’t have any experience dating women (much to the dismay of this website’s founding editor), but I am a woman, and so I would like to offer my insight on said matrix.

If you’re too lazy or don’t have time to watch the video (it is seven minutes long) then I’ll give you a quick summary: The lesson is all about determining how much crazy a man should tolerate in a relationship, and how this threshold should be based on how hot the woman is. As a woman, I have absolutely no problem with this line of thinking.

Why, you might ask? Because everything in life is about trade-offs and relationships are not immune from such pragmatism.

For example you put up with a job you hate because the pay is good. You drive an older model car because you like not having a car payment. You feed your kid spaghetti on a Saturday night because … wait, scratch that last one.

But you can be honest when it comes to this tradeoff: You put up with that completely deranged girlfriend because she was smoking hot.

The video covers several zones women can fall into; the “no-go zone” (women below a “5” on the hot scale, no matter the crazy), the “fun zone” (women between “5-8” hot, but below “7” on the crazy scale), the “danger zone” (way too crazy, even if she is that hot), the “date zone” (“8-10” hot and below “7” crazy), the “wife zone” (“8-10” hot and “5-7” crazy) and my personal favorite – the group every woman will claim she belongs in – the “unicorn zone” (the hottest and least crazy on the chart).

I ‘m not afraid to say that when the instructor in the video claims at the outset that there are no women below a “4” on the crazy scale – this is actually true.   In fact any woman reading this right now thinking “Hmmph, speak for yourself, I’m not a four on the crazy scale,” well that’s true, too.  You’re probably not a “4.”  You are more likely an “8” or higher.  The more a woman denies being crazy, the crazier she is.

But fear not, girls.  There’s a graph for the boys, too.  With less than a minute left in the video, the instructor shares the male version of the matrix – or the “Hot- Rich Matrix.”

The major difference here is that women have a much larger “no-go zone” but there is a point a man can reach where he has enough money that looks no longer matter.  Remember the female version says that even if a woman is the hottest piece you’ve ever seen, if she’s equally crazy – don’t do it!

According to this guy, women don’t have the same threshold when it comes to looks and money.

It’s no surprise really.  You often see men dating women far out of their league but how often do you see the reverse?  Very rarely.  Men are visual creatures.  What they see is most important to them.  Women on the other hand, are seemingly better at looking past the visual … especially if the dude has tons of cash!

One thing to be very careful of is the old bait and switch.  Women can be quite crafty at hiding their crazy, just as men often go into debt trying to impress a woman in the early stages of dating.  The last thing you want to do is be duped into a relationship with someone in the “no-go zone!”

Of course these are ALL generalizations.  I know plenty of men that could use a good therapist and many who are clearly gold diggers.  I also know women who have extremely high standards for looks, regardless the size of a man’s wallet.  To each their own, I suppose.

I hope you enjoyed this instructional video as well as my two cents on it.  Who knows?  You might have even learned something useful!

Liz Gunn is a wife, mom, author, businesswoman, travel enthusiast, food snob, fashionista, lover of great wine and the No. 1 Gamecock football fan … ever.  A graduate of the University of South Carolina, she lives in Columbia, S.C. with her husband and daughter.

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WTF? August 23, 2014 at 9:54 pm

As I get older, my stomach not as flat and my hair thinning on top, I just can’t understand how women find me more attractive now than when I was younger, it’s the complete opposite of men in general. It’s just strange.

E Norma scok August 24, 2014 at 1:01 am

They don’t, they think you have a fatter wallet than you did 20 years ago.
The biggest line of bullshit lately? “50 is the new 30”. Nope sorry…50 is the new 60. Nobody likes being old. I dont give a shit what they say.

WTF? August 24, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Probably true most of the time, but not always.

CorruptionInColumbia August 24, 2014 at 11:26 am

Just because your hair is thinning on top, don’t believe that is a turn off. While that hair may be thinning, our ear hair grows longer and thicker by the day. It’s the ear hair. Women just love to run their fingers through it.

euwe max August 23, 2014 at 11:35 pm

As I get older, fatter, and poorer, the more hot women pester me for attention and affection… I’ve had a nun come on to me in a crosswalk!

I used to go to a strip club and drop two, three hundred bucks and they didn’t even recognize me the very next night. Now, I go in,not to watch, but I have a friend who is a chess master who frequents the place… so I go there to meet up with him to go get something to eat and play a few 5 minute games, and they swarm over me, and try to get me to “talk” to them… one girl walked off the stage when she saw me leaving, and followed me through the parking lot to my car, where she wrote her phone number in mirror image with a marker, on my forehead. My friend tried to talk to her and she dismissed him like sauerkraut flavored ice cream.

When I check out at the grocery, there have been many times the checkout girl rings up one of my cheaper items twice to skip something like steaks or wine, and winks at me as she does it. I looked back once, and the cashier was making the “call me” mime. When I got home, her phone number was on the peanut butter lid.

I’m married, and I love my wife, so I don’t have any interest in following up with these cuties.. but I figure they must all be at least 9 on the crazy scale,…

what do you think?

E Norma scok August 24, 2014 at 1:02 am

They are all looking for money.

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 1:55 am

But I’m obviously not wealthy..

Don’t ask me about the shape I’m in; I’m not pretty, I can’t sing, and my legs are thin.

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 10:37 am

There’s a song in there somewhere…

The Re-animator August 24, 2014 at 10:35 pm

Perhaps it’s the bride of Frankenstein looking to replace Abbey Normal’s brain.

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 9:17 am

Thelma and Louise want your phone number…..

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 10:58 am

That should have been Brad Pitt, not Kiefer Sutherland.

TontoBubbaGoldstein August 24, 2014 at 9:28 am

You gotst GAME, Homes!

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 11:00 am

Maybe it’s because I sound more like Christopher Walken than he does.

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 10:45 am

” I’ve even had a nun come on to me in a crosswalk!”
Max, did you tip her with — a Bishop?

CorruptionInColumbia August 24, 2014 at 11:17 am

If you were single, horny, and interested, they wouldn’t give you the time of day. I don’t know what it is with women, but part of that “no lower than 4 on the crazy scale” thing is that if you are interested, they wouldn’t piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire. Be involved with another woman that you don’t want to lose and they come out of the woodwork.

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 11:35 am

Ok, well, maybe I might have exaggerated just a tiny little bit. :)

Say three Hail Mary's August 24, 2014 at 7:29 pm

Can’t believe you passed up nun sex. You’re gonna burn for that one.

euwe max August 25, 2014 at 12:52 am

I didn’t want to get into the habit.

shifty henry August 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Yes, I did date a nun for a while. It was none in the morning and none at night.

shifty henry August 25, 2014 at 2:30 pm

Three nuns were walking along the street, and one was describing with her hands the tremendous grapefruit she had seen in Florida. The second nun, also using her hands, described the huge banana she had seen in Jamaica. The third nun, who was somewhat deaf, asked, “Father who?”

aikencounty August 25, 2014 at 9:01 pm

TODAYS BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 10:42 am

“the old bait and switch…. Women can be quite crafty at hiding their crazy..”
That’s one of the reasons I started getting three references. But sometimes, between relationships, I really was in the mood for some ‘crazy’…

CorruptionInColumbia August 24, 2014 at 11:22 am

One of my best (and craziest) was a pathological liar and major drama queen. She was up for anything, as many times as you wanted it, in any order you wanted it. She could literally suck a basketball through fifty feet of garden hose; probably a hundred but I only had fifty at the time.

I was physically addicted to her but the drama and the lies finally got to be too much. Last I heard she was married again. I actually feel sorry for the guy as I know it will not end well for him.

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 12:17 pm

You should have experimented on her with anti-psychotics. Out with the bad.

CorruptionInColumbia August 24, 2014 at 12:28 pm

LOL! With my luck, Euwe, her sexually adventurous side would have left with the anti-psychotics.

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 12:29 pm

“Please Lord, ( holding up a withered arm to the sky) make my arm like the other one!”

(his other arm withers)

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 1:09 pm

::: [see mermaid joke]

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 1:15 pm

That should teach you to respect the danger of using ambiguous references and indefinite pronouns.

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 1:18 pm

He said, “I used to go out every night and try and get laid, and fail, and I’d call that sexual frustration. Now I go out every night and try and get laid and fail, but I can call it a healthy lifestyle.”

euwe max August 24, 2014 at 1:20 pm

Aha! There’s the beer that made Milt Famey walk us!

shifty henry August 24, 2014 at 1:21 pm

Since this you guys are confessing,
I’ll share a story from the St. Patrick’s Day about eight (?) years ago. The lovely, vibrant girl who guzzled beer faster than I could buy them asked me to walk her back to her room. We only made it as far as a grassy area, dark and quiet. Well, the magic happened and afterwards she said, “WOW! What the hell, man, I’ve never experienced that before!” My reply to her was,”Yeah, isn’t this Taser great?”

aikencounty August 25, 2014 at 9:02 pm

Got her number?

CorruptionInColumbia August 25, 2014 at 9:25 pm

AC, I haven’t had that since almost exactly 20 years ago. HOLY SHIT, she’d be about 62 now! Last I heard, she was living somewhere in or around Orangeburg County. If you could get/keep the wild sex and lose the crazy, you’d have the perfect woman.

Bible Thumper August 24, 2014 at 3:39 pm

ISIL and Boko Haram have a solution for all these women problems.

shifty henry August 25, 2014 at 2:09 am

Nothing to do with anything, but I have to get rid of this one
A lady opened her refrigerator only to see a rabbit inside. “What are you doing in there?” she asked.
“This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it? Well, I’m westing.”

Greg D. August 24, 2014 at 9:20 pm

Went to the Leon Russell gig at The Pour House (Charleston) last week with a buddy of mine. We’re both relatively good looking but over sixty. The place was swarming with beautiful 20-year-olds, some fairly popping out of their tight jeans (or dresses). Many of these chicks came with a girlfriend, danced with girlfriend, hugged girlfriend. My buddy and I are unmarried, relatively good looking / not overweight / wrinkled / bald, 100% normal (no substance abuse, violence, criminal record, addiction to ESPN, etc.) and would like good, regular sex with a female our age with no strings attached.

We KNOW “mature” chicks are out with the same (normal) disposition, BUT most of them are —
A) unattractive — either hugely overweight or waif-like;
B) clueless — don’t know how to respond to a man’s glances and come-ons even if they ARE interested in just talking with him;
C) reluctant — are married (or even unmarried, widowed or divorced) but too conservative / scared to talk with another man if they think it’ll lead to intimate talk, kissing, hugging or sex;
D) frigid — have had few-to-zero orgasms in decades and have lost the desire for sex;
E) drunks / lush — hang out in bars getting loaded — typically unattractive and / or cigarette smokers; or
F) gold-diggers — as described in the editorial, with great looks, even intelligence, and hard-on sex drive, but consumed with getting money, jewelery, new clothes, etc.

It’d be good for both sexes to find nice and attractive “mature” partners who want to be physical (or even get laid), but even with the Web, they’re hard to find. The “dating” websites include chicks (and guys) who’ve fabricated all sorts of photos and romantic nonsense, and I’ve learned that many of them are simply prostitutes (girls) or perverts (guys).

If anyone knows of a good social spot in the Charleston area where INTELLIGENT and INTERESTED mature men AND women can meet in a friendly environment, post it.

E Norma Scok August 25, 2014 at 11:01 pm

You were at the fucking Pour House. What did you think you’d find?

William K. Mulligan August 25, 2014 at 3:36 pm

I thought this was going to discuss the inverse relationship between great sex and crazy women, i.e., the crazier they are, the better the sex is. This is some kind of female version of faggotry prose written by Wes Donehue.

Dana C. McLendon III November 6, 2014 at 7:58 pm

I’m so flattered you like the video! Both my parents are USC alums and I went there my freshman year before transferring to Florida.


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