ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE ON NATIONAL BREASTFEEDING MONTH …
By Mande Wilkes || I’m a jealous girl. When I read Liz Gunn’s article in defense of her choice not to breastfeed, I felt jealous … jealous that she got to make the choice at all.
You see, my body won’t ever be able to create milk. The doctors call it “a lack of mammary tissue,” which, if you’ve met me, seems … contrary to the evidence, to say the least.
But while my plastic surgeon is an artiste extraordinaire, he can’t get my body to sprout the milk-making tentacles that are supposed to branch out between the breasts like so many tangled snakes. And so I didn’t breastfeed, and probably never can.
That’s why I’m jealous – and a little contemptuous – of mothers who can make milk but choose not to. It strikes me as similar to Tiger Woods “choosing” never to golf, or Van Gogh “choosing” never to hold a paintbrush, or Maya Angelou “choosing” never to write. Sure it’s within our right to ignore our abilities, but that makes it no less unsettling.
Liz’s article was, if I read correctly, a reaction to National Breastfeeding Month. Aloud she wondered at the purpose of the designation, in light of the “lactivist” charge that breastfeeding is as natural as a soupy summer day. But the fact is that for every woman making the choice, all on her own, not to breastfeed, there are a bunch more who use formula because they know no better or because they endure public stares or because their workplace won’t permit regular pumping breaks.
And then there are some like me, who know that “breast is best” and would be happy to smile at the staring strangers and would fight hard with our bosses for a pumping break … but who in spite of all that still can’t breastfeed because our bodies won’t let us.
I view National Breastfeeding Month, then, as designated not for all the breastfeeding mothers but rather for those of us who cannot, for whatever reason.
We – those of us who wished like hell to breastfeed but couldn’t make it happen – are jealous of mothers like Liz. We resent our own biological shortcomings, or our inflexible bosses, or curious strangers, or whatever. And yes, most of all we resent those who chose not to breastfed, because we wish we would’ve had the choice too.
Mande Wilkes is a wife, mother, businesswoman, author, etc. residing on the South Carolina coast with her family. You can read more of her work in The (Myrtle Beach, S.C.) Sun News.
35 comments
“…lack of mammary tissue…”, “…my plastic surgeon…” That says it all.
Mandy -I’m flattered that you took the time to read my post. I hate when anyone’s choices are unnecessarily limited, especially women’s. I’ve had many friends with similar issues -and it’s heartbreaking. We should all be allowed to make decisions for our child, but like you mention above, some decisions are made for us. Thanks again for your honest feedback.
What about me? My choices are limited because I’m a man. Where’s the heartbreak for me and all other milk-making tentacles deficient men.
You get to enjoy the view, of course!
Indeed! Saline, silicone and milk-making tentacles. I’m easily fooled unless she is pencil thin with DDs.
Personally, I get tired of playing with those big’uns after 2-3 hours.
Right back at ya, Liz. I didn’t mention this in the article, but the shame of it is that my particular medical issue isn’t even studied by doctors other than plastic surgeons.
Has FITSNEWS become digital’s Redbook?
Goddamnit FITs you’re pushing the fucking envelope here! Did you sell this site to some “businesswomen” or what?
They’re all “businesswomen.”
Dear Mandy and Liz
While I do appreciate your view points it is somewhat discerning to continue to click on this site to be taunted with words like milk-making tentacles, pumping, milkontap, nipples, mammary tissue, tangled snakes, etc without benefit of visual aids
For pete’s sake I am pushing on 71, got a bad ticker, busted back, two bum hips, cataracts and you two bombard me with all this breast talk yet neither one of you are willing to flop one of them puppies out there where someone like me could get a better feel of what your are talking about
Other than that, I do enjoy your comments
jimlewis,owb
Here is an interesting site to browse ==
http://www.thenuproject.com/
Glad to see you back on line. I’ve missed your comments. Hope all is well.
Mande’s back! Be still, my beating heart.
FITS is turning into Cosmo. Next week, “How to Keep Your Man interested.”
interested in….???
“Are Men Obsolete?”
I’m hardly a feminist writer in the mould of Dowd. I genuinely couldn’t be LESS feminist, and less inclined to think men are obsolete. Wouldn’t you know it, I even enjoy being “objectified.” But only if the objectifier is sufficiently sexy himself.
I can’t objectify (to a mere object) someone with your stimulating mind, but I’ll try.
That’s a pretty damn good answer, that…
Dynomite!
So, you do remember me!
Way TMI….Why some people are compelled to share such personal information, or anatomy, in hopes of attention – baffles me.
It really is none of my business.
And it’s even more objectionable when it involves babies.
“And it’s even more objectionable when it involves babies.”
Stop your crying, momma’s just having a smoke break.
“as natural as a soupy summer day” Beautiful language, prose poetry.
Thank you, Mike.
If a couple’s first baby ever knew how little information his parents had about him, he’d demand to be kept in the hospital those first few aching months.
Watch out for babies with voracious appetites, because I recall that at the age of eight months I was eating solids – crayons, newspapers, shoes, and sawdust from my little horse doll. They used to feed me through a funnel. Like all babies, I was nothing but an alimentary canal with a mouth at one end – and no responsibility at the other.
Mande, just keep the faith, and glad to hear from you.
Six posts to Wilkes’ missive, mi amigo? You are teetering on catching a stalking warrant, a la Thad Viers. Step away from the keyboard… ;-)
This article and the Liz+Mande commnets are serious issues which add to my knowledge. Having lived with a wife, her mother and three daughters – need I say more?
I hear ya, I’m just sayin’…don’t catch a warrant… ;-)
Maya Angelou sucks, as does your incessant babbling of nonsense like this dribble along with your routine Facebook posts. All with one goal in mind, generating attention to Mandy. Mission accomplished?
Thank you for noticing! XoXo
lack of mammary glands my ass more like lack of Brains!! Please go back to cleaning the booths at the Porn Arcade.