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Get Some (Miley Cyrus), South Carolina!

PALMETTO STATE MAN BUSTED STEALING INFLATABLE SEX DOLL A South Carolina man was charged with shoplifting this week after he attempted to steal an inflatable sex doll resembling pop star Miley Cyrus.  Benjamin Greene, 22, was busted at Spencer’s Gifts in Spartanburg, S.C. after he allegedly attempted to smuggle the…

PALMETTO STATE MAN BUSTED STEALING INFLATABLE SEX DOLL

A South Carolina man was charged with shoplifting this week after he attempted to steal an inflatable sex doll resembling pop star Miley Cyrus.  Benjamin Greene, 22, was busted at Spencer’s Gifts in Spartanburg, S.C. after he allegedly attempted to smuggle the doll out of the store in his jacket.

WYFF TV 4 (NBC – Greenville/ Spartanburg, S.C.) referred to the doll in question as a “Blow Mylie” doll, but we think they’re talking about “Finally Mylie,” the inflatable love doll that’s engineered to anatomically resemble the 20-year-old singer/ actress.

Va-va-voom, people …

Either way, somebody’s Christmas just got substantially less merry.

Incidentally, “Finally Mylie” dolls are listed among the “favorite things” of fictitious Myrtle Beach Mermen pitcher Kenny Powers – start of HBO’s critically acclaimed series Eastbound and Down.

FITS first learned of this story from one of our attractive female readers, who in sending it our way was curious as to whether our founding editor had “fathered a child in the Upstate.”

Very funny …

UPDATE:  Here’s Greene’s mug shot …

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43 comments

? December 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

lmao @ the pic

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junior justice December 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

— any relation to Alvin?

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little enos burdette December 13, 2012 at 11:58 am

Does the store have any resembling Haley or Templeton? Please provide prices, stock numbers and shipping costs.

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Conservative December 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Oh my God, Thought it would be our infamous sex sickos elected to or previously in office Governor, Lt. Governor, Comptroller or Lex. Town.

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Joe Sux December 14, 2012 at 11:10 pm

There are a few still on Lex Town Council. Besides Danny boy.

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Citadel32 December 19, 2012 at 8:52 pm

And Jennifer D.

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jimlewis,owb December 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Damn willie, no one needs to see a picture like that right before the dinner bell.

The wife is going to be royally pissed off when I tell her I ain’t interested in the tuna fish salad she planned for lunch.

By the way, the fella in the picture looks familiar, or the lower part of his head looks familiar.

Reminds me of that Legislator that lives out my way near Chapin. I believe his name is the same as a nearby town but for the life of me I can’t recall his name.

What the hell, I’m sure someone will know who he is.

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interested December 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Will if you want this site totally banned from all SC workplaces, keep posting not work safe material like this. All you have to do is open up fitsnews and this crap pops up…geez…

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Old Lex December 13, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Hey Jimbo, if you’re referencing big Head Ballentine he is originally from that Upstae area maybe this youngun is one of his offspring from his ugly early years.

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Beulah (jus' one mo' time) Randy December 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Is there a Jake Knotts model?

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Smirks December 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

You’d need one of those tire pumps at the gas station to blow that one up.

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Beulah (jus' one mo' time) Randy December 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I don’t need no pump for that job.

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Beulah (jus' one mo' time) Randy December 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I guess I could get one of those floating gorillas and put a towel over its face.

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Tammy December 14, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Joe Wilson would gladly blow it up. He’s all hot air….

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davis December 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Maybe he was a political science student and thought the doll was a replica of South Carolina government.

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jimlewis,owb December 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

If the doll was a replica of South Carolina government, the doll would be fucking him.

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BigT December 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

In a Related Story:

President Barack Obama, responding to nosediving poll numbers, just expanded his definition of marriage to include Man and Plastic Doll…

Asked why he was once against man-doll unions, the president said it was in his pre-evolutionary period…and he has now ‘evolved’ so that he is more in line w/ his constituents.

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junior justice December 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

That’s good. See how much clearer and concise your comments are when you take your meds.

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Smirks December 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Looks like BigT will have his dream wedding after all!

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Smirks December 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I consider this a step up from that guy who bumped uglies with someone’s horse. Bravo, SC, you’re ever so slightly improving.

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BigT December 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Hey Smirks…I take it , as a loyal liberal, you’re a Card-carrying member of NAMBLA (North America Man-Boy Love Assoc)…

Aren’t yall based in Caifornia???

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Smirks December 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Yeah, if only I were a Republican shill like you, I’d have some great role models then. Hiking the Appalachian Trail with Sanford, or going to the Dominican Republic with a bottle of Viagra with Limbaugh, or learning how to be faithful from Gingrich, or having Restless Leg Syndrome in a bathroom with Larry Craig, or bumping around in an SUV with Haley, or handling child support like Joe Walsh, or trying to get a lady-friend to make a certain family planning decision like Scott DesJarlais…

But since I’m not in the party of “family values,” I must fuck little boys or something. Sure thing boss.

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BigT December 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Big difference: Repubublicans admit their mistkaes, or they are Rejected by the voters…

Democrats just lie about their perversions or use them to move higher up on the pole (see Barney Frank)….

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TontoBubbaGoldstein December 13, 2012 at 7:46 pm

“T”, I believe Slobberin’ Barney is openly gay. It’s your boy Lindsey that keeps it secret…..

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BigT December 14, 2012 at 6:40 am

It’s none of business…you Gestapo F*&kin idiot….

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junior justice December 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

This must be either a stock picture or one found at this guy’s house. Anyway, for this picture, I have two questions:

1. why would he want a picture of this ?
2. who would want to take this picture anyway?

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Smirks December 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Rule 34.

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junior justice December 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

??????

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Swingline December 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Internet Rule 34:

If it exists, there is porn of it on the internet.

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Wondering December 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Jordan Ray Hodson needs to die

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Crooner December 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Talk about crushing childhood fantasies. So the doll doesn’t look like the picture on the box?

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junior justice December 13, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Why isn’t he smiling if he is having so much fun? That constant squeaking noise must be annoying – like when you rub your hand on a balloon.

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Crapshoot December 14, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Maybe it’s because the head actually looks like Joe Wilson or Bitch Wallace. Can’t see the face.

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BigT December 13, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Hey: at least this guy was consentual with the doll…

Clinton Raped Juanita Brodderick and forced himself on a couple others…then lied about it under oath…

And he was lauded by the democrat party as a Great Guy, and a soldier against Republicans’ War on Women…

And you Stupid Son of a B!t*hes swallowed it up to your throat…

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9" December 13, 2012 at 5:37 pm

He took videos,too.I have a couple.Wanna watch while swallowing up to your throat ? I love it when you make those gagging noises as long as you don’t puke..

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9" December 13, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Dude needs a Fleshlight;even the military supplies those.

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toyota kawaski December 14, 2012 at 8:10 am

Im sure you have worn out 3 already

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Susan December 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

So at work today I figured I’d see what was going on in SC, clicked on FitsNews and this picture pops up. Ouch.

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junior justice December 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

Yeah – it needs a NSFW flag. I go back to see it just for a laugh – this guy is pathetic.

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Patko December 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

So Will gets bored, takes a picture of himself and writes a story to go with it. And twelve people decide they aren’t hungry when lunchtime comes around.

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jimlewis,owb December 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Mommie, I want to thank you and Daddie for sending me to Clemson.

I am taking a sex ed class and I have enclosed a picture of one of my “do it at home” assignments.

Professor Swinney said if I get a good grade there is a chance I could go on a field trip to a sheep ranch for some outdoor exercises.

Oh, and you will never guess what Professor Swinney has on tap for exams. He said if the football team loses to LSU everybody in the class will be turned loose in the football locker room and become fucking Sodomites. I know it is a bad word but Professor Swinney really got red in the face when a kid from Columbia said LSU was going to win. He threw the kid out of the class. I will miss Spurrier, he and I did homework together.

I’m not quite sure what Professor Swinney means but I do recall something about a fella in the Bible taking the jawbone of an ass and beating the crap out of a whole lot of Mennonites.

Just think Mommie, I am having some hands on experiences as well as undergoing religious experiences.

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junior justice December 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Why aren’t you smiling if you’re having fun? Doesn’t that squeaking sound bother you – like the sound you hear when you rub your hands around a balloon?

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Arigato December 14, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Maybe it’s because the head actually looks like Joe Wilson or Bitch Wallace. Can’t see the face.

Reply

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