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Columnist Brian Hicks at The (Charleston, S.C.) Post and Courier beat us to the punch on this story, but there was an absolutely hilarious item in the, um, “conspiracy media” this week about an aborted nuclear attack on Charleston, S.C.

The instigator of this alleged aggression? Barack Obama.

According to a cached version of The European Union Times (which sounds like it should be a serious website) a military cable at the Kremlin uncovered evidence of the fallout from Obama’s nefarious “false flag” plan.

“President Barack Obama, while in a rage, ousted four of the United States top ranking military officers after they refused to detonate a nuclear device “in/near” Charleston, South Carolina this past week and, instead, exploded it off the Atlantic Coast,” the report stated.

That would sure have put a damper on the city’s tourism economy, wouldn’t it?

So … who are the four commanders?

“US Navy Vice Admiral Tim Giardina and US Air Force Major General Michael Carey, and two of the US Marines top officers, Major General Charles M. Gurganus and Major General Gregg A. Sturdevant,” the report claimed.

Hmmmm …

According to ABC News, Giardina lost his job as a result of an investigation into “his suspected use of counterfeit gambling chips in a poker game at a western Iowa casino.”

Huh? Okay …

Meanwhile Carey was canned for “behavior during a temporary duty assignment,” according to the UK Daily Mirror.

Gurganus and Sturdevant? According to the Associated Press they were fired for “failing to secure a base in Afghanistan against a Taliban attack that killed two Marines” back in September 2012.

It’s worth noting that with the exception of Giardina, all of these dismissals were reported publicly prior to the date of the alleged nuclear explosion – October 8.

Anyway, this story is obviously every bit as ridiculous as U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham’s contention that radical Muslims were going to nuke Charleston in the event the United States didn’t invade Syria.

They weren’t … and aren’t.

And while the military industrial complex is incredibly desperate these days, we don’t think its leaders are trying to nuke Charleston either.