One thing that’s always impressed me about liberals is their ability to read my mind. And not just mine, but every conservative’s mind. There we are, bouncing through life, stating obvious and logical things in a succinct manner … but a liberal can use their telepathy to uncover thoughts I didn’t even know I was having. For example:
Conservative: I think it’s inappropriate for school kids to be taught about transgenderism, or sex at all. They are too young.
Liberal: Ha! You hate all trans people. You’d like to kill them. You’re afraid of it being taught because your child might discover their true gender. You’re homophobic because you secretly want to have sex with men. You hate everyone and everything, and you’re literally Hitler.
Conservative: Wow. You complete me.
In order to clarify what I do and don’t care about, I thought I’d, well, write a few down. Here are the ones that come to mind:
Don’t care: Your skin color.
Care: Your behavior.
Don’t care: What kind of friction you like during sex.
Care: You squealing endlessly in public about how you like your friction.
Don’t care: If you fudge on your taxes.
Care: If one of the 87,000 new IRS agents kicks in your door and kills you for not having a written log of the mileage you deducted.
Don’t care: If you’re a cat person.
Care: If I have to fight alongside you in combat.
Don’t care: If you lie.
Care: If you lie under oath when your paycheck is paid via tax dollars.
Don’t care: If you’re a crackhead doing business with enemies of the US.
Care: If you’re sharing the dough with the POTUS.
Don’t care: If you let the government inject untested drugs in your body.
Care: If you think you can force me to be that stupid, too.
Don’t care: Women competing in men’s sports.
Care: Men competing in women’s sports.
Don’t care: That liberal men like fruity drinks in a champagne flute with an umbrella.
Care: If they’re in front of me in line for the bar.
Don’t care: You’re thrilled with our open borders and illegal immigrants.
Care: That you haven’t adopted any families, or even invited them over for a pumpkin spice latte and gingerbread cookies on Christmas Day.
Don’t care: If you mutilate your sexual organs.
Care: You demanding my military-funding tax dollars pay for it.
Don’t care: If you squawk constantly about cars sharing the road with bikers.
Care. If I have to see you in those ridiculous Tour de France spandex outfits.
Don’t care: You fighting for Black equality.
Care: You treating Blacks as if they’re helpless pets.
Don’t care: You want equality for all.
Care: You want equity of outcomes.
Don’t care: You rant about the evils of capitalism on-line.
Care: That it doesn’t occur to you you’re doing it on an iPhone 17. Using Wi-Fi. In a home or office or under a bridge built by someone else. With lights. And furniture. And HVAC. With running water. And indoor plumbing.
Don’t care: If you think the white patriarchy is bad.
Care: If you believe that, but also use electricity, a car, or eat food grown at a farm.
Don’t care: If you believe renewable energy is vital for the future.
Care: If you want it now, when the technology is in its infancy, and works like a bureaucrat after a three-martini lunch.
Don’t care: If you’re vegan.
Care: If you try and stop me from eating steak because you think cow’s farts are destroying the planet.
Don’t care: If you drive an electric car.
Care: If you’re oblivious to the fact you’re driving a coal-powered environmental disaster on wheels.
Don’t care: If you choose not to own a gun.
Care: If you try to force me to be equally as helpless in the face of BLM riots.
Don’t care: You want America to be socialist.
Care: If you cannot explain what happened in the USSR, or Mao’s revolution, or Castro’s destruction of Cuba, or how things are going in Venezuela.
Hell, I could go on for days. There’s no hidden agenda to most conservatives’ views, but the beach brain bingo liberals engage in would have you think there’s a 20-page appendix to every simple statement.
The thing that liberals cannot get their heads around is the idea of “the slippery slope” and “where does this slide down the slippery stop?” Does it stop where YOU say it stops? What about the guy further left than you? Should HE/SHE/THEY decide? Should a full-blown Marxist decide?
I’m just as libertarian as I am conservative, and I’m even liberal on some topics… here’s three: I don’t care if you have an abortion—that’s your business. I think the minimum wage should be a living wage for people over 25, and we the people can absorb the associated rise in prices, which there most definitely will be. I support gay marriage. Those are pretty clear breaks from the conservative norm.
I enjoy debating other conservatives about things we disagree on—and there are plenty.
But how often do liberals hold opposing views?
Have you ever met a liberal who would say, “Look, I’m very liberal, but this trans thing has gone too far.”
How about, “I’m very progressive in terms of racial equality, but the BLM summer of riots and looting were illegal, and the cops should’ve arrested hundreds of people.”
Then, there’s a really complex one: “I understand MLK, Jr said he wanted his children judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin… but I believe we need identity politics. The color of a person’s skin is the most important thing, Gives me a weird sense of cognitive dissonance.”
Cognitive dissonance? In a liberal’s mind? Please—the whole agenda must be absorbed and believed feverishly. Everything Don Lemon, Nancy Pelosi, or Whoopi Goldberg says is chiseled into stone, and shoved up their noses until it seats in their brains.
As I’m sure every reader knows, I have many liberal fans on FITSNews, so I’d like to propose a game. In the comments section below, note a couple issues where you break from the left-wing platform. There’s got to be something you believe liberals stand for that you kinda sorta don’t agree with. We’re standing by.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR ...
Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of two books: ‘You Want Fries With That?’ and ‘Dispatches Along the Way.’ Both are available on Amazon. He hopes to have another title published soon, but that would require his agent actually doing his job, so it may be awhile. Oh, and if you want to see his preferred bio pic? Click here ...
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