SC

Guest Column: Charleston Sea Wall? The Tide Has Other Thoughts

“A bunch of politicians pouring money into a problem they can’t solve, just to look like they are doing something …”

RE | BUILDING THE BERLIN WALL … ON CHARLESTON’S WATERFRONT?

Dear Sir or Madam,


Please allow me to introduce myself: I’m the tide.

You may be aware of me, but here’s a fact that may startle you: I’m the most powerful force on the planet, operating along the lines of a billion nuclear missiles. As a result, when I choose to go somewhere, I go. Remember, I’m made of water.

Anyway, I’ve got to tell you this hilarious anecdote. The brain trust at Charleston City Hall has decided they could “stop” my sole mission of rising and falling… with a wall. They don’t seem to be listening to things like physics and gravity, so I’m hoping you can pass along the word.

As an experiment, perhaps they could build a 4-foot cinder block wall on Isle of Palms at low tide, then observe. I think they’ll find the find the most powerful force in the world will… yes, go around the wall!

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If my 100 billion trillion tons of water were to strike a “sea wall” at the Battery, believe it or not that water doesn’t stop… assess the situation… and carefully back out of the harbor before causing damage. That’s because it has 100 billion trillion tons of encouragement behind it. As a result, those pesky water droplets look for somewhere else to go– perhaps right, or left– but the team is going somewhere.

If I had to guess, I’d anticipate the tide continuing to move inland … until it finds a place where there is no wall, then go around the end of it. Where would there be no wall? When you get to the area where poor people live, silly.

I’ve been around since, like, God’s first few sentences, so I’ve learned a thing or two, because I’ve seen a thing or two … and what I’m seeing here is a bunch of politicians pouring money into a problem they can’t solve, just to look like they are doing something … instead of nothing, which was what they do all day.


Warm Regards,
The Atlantic Ocean Advisory Committee
Prioleau Alexander, president.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Prioleau Alexander writes primarily for The Charleston Mercury, as his boss allows him to make fun of stupid people doing stupid things and making stupid decisions. A longtime fan of FITSNews, he was reading the site and saw mention of the seawall. His fingers took over, and a tidal wave of reality breached the wall.

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BANNER VIA: Wikimedia Commons

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