SC

God’s Messenger Guarantees Sanford Win

Looking for the election returns from the hotly contested South Carolina first congressional district? Don’t bother … God has already guaranteed a win for former S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford. Three years ago – when Sanford was fighting to hang onto his last political job – a veteran Columbia, S.C. politico-turned-author…

Looking for the election returns from the hotly contested South Carolina first congressional district?

Don’t bother … God has already guaranteed a win for former S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford.

Three years ago – when Sanford was fighting to hang onto his last political job – a veteran Columbia, S.C. politico-turned-author received a message from the Almighty.

The message?

“Go see Mark Sanford.”

And that’s exactly what Ben Greer did. In fact the retired University of South Carolina professor – who advised a pair of Palmetto State ex-governors – was in his old office at the S.C. State House within the hour.

Sans socks, and as he recalls – “looking like a bum.”

That’s when he delivered the Lord’s message to the scandal-scarred chief executive.

“Do you know God has forgiven you?” Greer says he told Sanford.

“I think so,” Sanford is said to have responded.

“Then why haven’t you forgiven yourself?” he asked.

Greer then recalls (in borderline homoerotic prose) the lengthy, tearful embrace he and Sanford shared when the former governor realized he had neglected to ask – and receive – forgiveness for his 2009 extramarital affair from himself.

How homoerotic was Greer’s recollection? The term “nipple to nipple” was actually used, people.

Seriously … dude said “nipple to nipple.”

“Our shirts were soaked,” Greer says, recalling the torrent of tears the pair shed together.

Hmmmm …

Of course the offering and receipt of this long-overdue self-forgiveness wasn’t Greer’s only message for Sanford – the ex-operative brought with him a bold political prognostication.

“You’re going to run again,” he told Sanford. “And you’re going to win.”

In fact Greer tells FITS he never doubted that Sanford’s congressional comeback would be victorious – even two weeks ago when Sanford fell behind his Democratic opponent Elizabeth Colbert-Busch by nearly ten points.

“I told him he just needed to pivot,” Greer says of his most recent conversation with Sanford.

“I agree with everything you just said,” Sanford agreed.

Of course that pivot took a little longer than it should have …

Anyway, if momentum is any indication it appears as though Greer – or rather God – is going to be correct.

We should know one way or the other for sure in about two hours …

UPDATE: Dude was right …

***

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53 comments

lowcorider May 7, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Sure glad you didn’t endorse Sanfraud. Thanks.

Reply
Lowcorider May 7, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Sure glad you didn’t endorse Sanfraud. Thanks.

Reply
??? May 7, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Between the gamecocks and Sanford how does god have time for the rest of the universe?

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??? May 7, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Between the gamecocks and Sanford how does god have time for the rest of the universe?

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wondering May 7, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Between the gamecocks and Sanford, when does god have time for the rest of the universe?

Reply
wondering May 7, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Between the gamecocks and Sanford, when does god have time for the rest of the universe?

Reply
Johnnie Duncan May 7, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Amen Brother Ben,shot a rooster and killed a hen……that’s what I’m talking about.

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Johnnie Duncan May 7, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Amen Brother Ben,shot a rooster and killed a hen……that’s what I’m talking about.

Reply
Fleet May 7, 2013 at 7:33 pm

The bromance continues.

Reply
Fleet May 7, 2013 at 7:33 pm

The bromance continues.

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 7, 2013 at 7:35 pm

What we more need in South Carolina is an Old Testament God.

Less forgiving . . . More smiting.

Poxes. Not third chances after no true repentance and a mere few months in abeyance.

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 7, 2013 at 7:35 pm

What we more need in South Carolina is an Old Testament God.

Less forgiving . . . More smiting.

Poxes. Not third chances after no true repentance and a mere few months in abeyance.

Reply
John Duncan May 7, 2013 at 7:36 pm

JOURNALISTS IN SC1 ARE SAYING MARK SANFORD WINS!!

WOOHOOO!!

A massive loss for Obama/Pelosi/Reid and their liberal, lying agenda!

THANK YOU SC !!

Reply
The Wolf May 7, 2013 at 8:07 pm

From Pulp Fiction: “…Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet.”

Reply
Smirks May 7, 2013 at 8:49 pm

Too late for John and Thomas.

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A face in the crowd May 7, 2013 at 8:23 pm

You are fucking idiot. Voters are in the process of electing an adulterer lowlife who was just arrested for disobeying a court order. YOU AND YOUR ILK represent the demise of this society. It is not the other way around

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Thomas May 7, 2013 at 8:26 pm

This is a good win for Sen Rand Paul’s endorsement and an indictment against Pelosi and Harpootlian.

Representative Mark Sanford (R-SC)

…now, go and fix the accounting in DC and stay out of trouble!

Reply
John Duncan May 7, 2013 at 7:36 pm

JOURNALISTS IN SC1 ARE SAYING MARK SANFORD WINS!!

WOOHOOO!!

A massive loss for Obama/Pelosi/Reid and their liberal, lying agenda!

THANK YOU SC !!

Reply
The Wolf May 7, 2013 at 8:07 pm

From Pulp Fiction: “…Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet.”

Reply
Smirks May 7, 2013 at 8:49 pm

Too late for John and Thomas.

Reply
A face in the crowd May 7, 2013 at 8:23 pm

You are fucking idiot. Voters are in the process of electing an adulterer lowlife who was just arrested for disobeying a court order. YOU AND YOUR ILK represent the demise of this society. It is not the other way around

Reply
Thomas May 7, 2013 at 8:26 pm

This is a good win for Sen Rand Paul’s endorsement and an indictment against Pelosi and Harpootlian.

Representative Mark Sanford (R-SC)

…now, go and fix the accounting in DC and stay out of trouble!

Reply
GrandTango May 7, 2013 at 7:56 pm

From Channel 5 in Chas.
U.S. House of Representatives PERCENTAGEVOTES5 of 317 precincts reporting Mark Sanford (REP) 45% 4,065Elizabeth Colbert Busch (DEM) 54%4831Eugene Platt (GRN) 1%44

Reply
Thomas May 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm Reply
Father Sebastian May 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Slorry, he is not forgiven for he continues to live in sin.

Remember, “go aand sin no more”.

God will not forgive, as long as you continue to mock him!!

Sanford, Peeler, Eckstrom, Haley, Wilkins, Harrel, White et al.

Reply
Father Sebastian May 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Slorry, he is not forgiven for he continues to live in sin.

Remember, “go aand sin no more”.

God will not forgive, as long as you continue to mock him!!

Sanford, Peeler, Eckstrom, Haley, Wilkins, Harrel, White et al.

Reply
Vanguard16 May 7, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Well, currently, Sanfraud is having his ass handed to him!!

Reply
Vanguard16 May 7, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Well, currently, Sanfraud is having his ass handed to him!!

Reply
!!! May 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Sanford wins!

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!!! May 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Sanford wins!

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!!! May 7, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Sanford wins by 7000 votes. Where is the party?

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!!! May 7, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Sanford wins by 7000 votes. Where is the party?

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 7, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Sanford may very well win.
NYC sends its garbage to SC. SC sends its garbage to DC.

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 7, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Sanford may very well win.
NYC sends its garbage to SC. SC sends its garbage to DC.

Reply
Hahahaha! May 7, 2013 at 8:35 pm

The GOP could run a polished turd in that district and win. If you are a Democrat you should just give up. Dems couldn’t even beat a two timing narcissistic sociopath that claims fiscal responsibility after using taxpayer money to cheat on his wife.

Seriously, if you are a Dem and you don’t see how hopeless it is in that district you are as stupid as the GOP voters that elected him.

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BrigidBernadette May 7, 2013 at 9:06 pm

Sucks to be you.

Reply
Hahahaha! May 7, 2013 at 8:35 pm

The GOP could run a polished turd in that district and win. If you are a Democrat you should just give up. Dems couldn’t even beat a two timing narcissistic sociopath that claims fiscal responsibility after using taxpayer money to cheat on his wife.

Seriously, if you are a Dem and you don’t see how hopeless it is in that district you are as stupid as the GOP voters that elected him.

Reply
Brigid May 7, 2013 at 9:06 pm

Sucks to be you.

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein May 7, 2013 at 8:41 pm

?TontoBubbaGoldstein (6 days ago)

Sanford wins by 4%.

When it happens, I may change my handle to Nate “High-oh” Silver, since changing handles is all the rage now.

Unlike hurricane forecasters and Big T, I only make a prediction once.

Reply
9" May 7, 2013 at 8:41 pm

There’s nothing better than a having a guy with large nipples,insert them into your big purple mushroom head/urethra,making the precum ooze,and then riding his ass like the fucking whore he is(Abolene mixed w/Astroglide)…

Oh.Bless me, Father,for I have sinned/fucked you.100 ‘Hail Mary’s’ with your cock in my mouth? Yes,Monsignor …

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein May 7, 2013 at 8:41 pm

?TontoBubbaGoldstein (6 days ago)

Sanford wins by 4%.

When it happens, I may change my handle to Nate “High-oh” Silver, since changing handles is all the rage now.

Unlike hurricane forecasters and Big T, I only make a prediction once.

Reply
9" May 7, 2013 at 8:41 pm

There’s nothing better than a having a guy with large nipples,insert them into your big purple mushroom head/urethra,making the precum ooze,and then riding his ass like the fucking whore he is(Abolene mixed w/Astroglide)…

Oh.Bless me, Father,for I have sinned/fucked you.100 ‘Hail Mary’s’ with your cock in my mouth? Yes,Monsignor …

Reply
John Duncan May 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm

I TOLD YOU ALL !!

A MASSIVE REJECTION OF THE LIBERAL, LYING, FRAUDULENT WITCH !!

THANK YOU SC!!!

Reply
GrandTango May 7, 2013 at 9:06 pm

You did call it, bro…Congrats…

Reply
SparkleCity May 7, 2013 at 11:09 pm

Fuck a bunch of Sanford and his minions too!!!

Kiss my hillbilly ass SC-1!!!!

Reply
John Duncan May 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm

I TOLD YOU ALL !!

A MASSIVE REJECTION OF THE LIBERAL, LYING, FRAUDULENT WITCH !!

THANK YOU SC!!!

Reply
SparkleCity May 7, 2013 at 11:09 pm

Fuck a bunch of Sanford and his minions too!!!

Kiss my hillbilly ass SC-1!!!!

Reply
GrandTango May 7, 2013 at 9:05 pm

Obama is in TROUBLE.

Sanford’s win will just EMBOLDEN the Republicans against Obama…

W/o Obama drawing out the race-hate-motivated, multiple voters in 2014…The democrats will get STEAMROLLED…

And the GOP will figure Bashing Obama at every turn, stopping his agenda, is JOB SECURITY!!!…

Obama may as well just stay on the golf course…and enjoy the billions he spends on all those Vacays…his policy onslaught is OVER…

He may have a hard time avoiding prosecution…

Reply
kc May 7, 2013 at 11:59 pm

Eewww.

Reply
kc May 7, 2013 at 11:59 pm

Eewww.

Reply
Swingline May 9, 2013 at 8:52 am

Don’t give a shit about Sanford, or the 1st. Will give a shout out to Professor Greer. Took his class back in ’06 with a bunch of athletes. By far the most laid back prof I ever ran into. Really good guy.

Reply
Swingline May 9, 2013 at 8:52 am

Don’t give a shit about Sanford, or the 1st. Will give a shout out to Professor Greer. Took his class back in ’06 with a bunch of athletes. By far the most laid back prof I ever ran into. Really good guy.

Reply

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