Miss Venezuela: Educated In South Carolina?

AND DID SOMEBODY STEAL HER MAPS? We don’t (cough) watch beauty pageants (cough, cough) but we would be remiss if we didn’t commend this week’s Miss Universe event to our readers. Why?  Well it’s not because Miss USA Olivia Culpa emerged victorious (jeez … we hate in when socialist countries…


We don’t (cough) watch beauty pageants (cough, cough) but we would be remiss if we didn’t commend this week’s Miss Universe event to our readers.

Why?  Well it’s not because Miss USA Olivia Culpa emerged victorious (jeez … we hate in when socialist countries win these things).  No, the reason is the rambling, confusing answer given to a simple question by Miss Venezuela, Irene Sofia Esser Quintero.

Judge Diego Boneta asked the 21-year-old hottie, “If you could make a new law, what would it be – and explain why?”

A native of Puerto Ordaz, Venezuela, Quintero obviously speaks English as a second language.  In fact there was a translator on stage who interpreted Boneta’s question and was ready to interpret her response – until Quintero decided to give it a go in her non-native tongue.

Here is the ensuing train wreck …

For the record, here’s that response one more time …

I think that any leys there are in Constitution or in life, are already made. I think that we should have, uh, a straight way to go in our similar, or, eh, in, heh, our lives as is this. For example, I’m a surfer, and I think that the best wave that I can take is the wave that I wait for it. So please … do our only, eh, law that we can do. Thank you Vegas!

Wow … lucky she’s hot.

Quintero’s response immediately drew comparisons to the rambling, non-sensical answer given at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant by Lexington, S.C. native Caitlin Upton.  Asked why Americans were so weak at geography, Upton basically alleged a global map stealing conspiracy instigated by “the Iraq.”

Anyway … to Quintero’s credit (and the eternal shame of South Carolina public schools), English is Upton’s first language.  That’s just how teenage girls in South Carolina talk, y’all.

Nonetheless Quintero’s mistake proved costly.  She received no points for her answer, and dropped to third place overall in the competition.  Had she given a decent response she probably would have been the third Miss Venezuela in five years to win this competition.

Oh well … our guess is she’s still going to make some rich kingpin very, very happy.


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shifty henry December 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

You saw it here first, folks – proof that is CONSTITUTIONALLY guaranteed that marriage is only between a man and a woman:

” any leys there are in Constitution … a straight way to go”

little rocky from arkansas December 20, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Okay, she does look good, but can she bake biscuits from scratch?

Uncle Remus December 20, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I bet she could take a pig into a blanket if you know what I mean!

darksied calling December 20, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Doesn’t matter to me if she speaks spanish,french,english or pig latin as long as she moans. Though to be honest I doubt she does much talking with a mouth full anyway. Maria better not let the LuvGov to close to her. We all know Marky Mark tends to get lost with or without maps.

Mike Traynor December 20, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I’d nail that one to a tree and dog pile it until she barked.

Interpreter December 20, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I actually kind of get it. It’s a philisophical response: there is a law for everything under the sun already, so just go about your life and try to use/navigate the laws according to your chosen path.

To her credit, everyone else got a softball and USA gave a weird answer herself and won. Australia’s was what would you do if someone wanted you to lose weight? She somehow managed to compose herself enough not to say “stick my finger down my throat.”

Uncle Remus December 20, 2012 at 6:12 pm

you mean stick a cock down my throat!

shifty henry December 20, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I’ve always thought that those questions were stupid anyway. We used to hear about “world peace” and things like that.

Perhaps better questions should have been like, “You’re strolling down a crowded beach in your thong bikini and suddenly the top or the bottom pops off. How would you react?”

Billy K Mulligan December 20, 2012 at 7:24 pm

That’s how Trikki NIKKI talks y’all.

BigT December 20, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Wasn’t FITS (and Sanford) educated in SC???

If you want to see the poster boys for Extreme F^&k ups in Education (see above)..The bane (and shame) of ALL educators who have ever collected a check to teach in SC…

And I think USC has even invited the major F*^k up FITS to lecture…makes me sad to say I ever took a class at that liberal bastian of taught Failure…

@BozMartin December 20, 2012 at 11:29 pm

FITS is the name of the blog. The dude who does it is Will Folks, a.k.a. “Sic Willie”, or “Sic” for short.

This has been your reality orientation session for this evening.

What’s that you say? Nurse Rached hasn’t given you your night-time meds yet? Yes she has, you should know by now, that trick does not work. And please try not to let your mouth hang open like that, you’re getting drool all over everything.

Turn off the laptop now. Lights out in 10 minutes.

Judy Chop December 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Boz, I know I could sell tickets to any venue you decided to host. lol

@BozMartin December 21, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Judy chop, I would definitely let you do that.

Kenneth from 30 Rock December 22, 2012 at 11:05 am

Mr. BigT, you really had me at “If you want to see the poster boys for Extreme F^&k ups in Education (see above)” You’re a funny gentleman, you!

Amy McMaster, 2012 S.C. Teacher of the Year December 20, 2012 at 9:01 pm

She did a good jub on that questiun. I ogree that sheez gut a nice response adn that shes verry current in scoial sciencez. Specially lawz and socuety. Shez also verry prettty and deserts the prise.

TontoBubbaGoldstein December 20, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Y’all really watch beauty pageants without muting the TV?


follydude December 20, 2012 at 10:07 pm

You idiots don’t know surfing from geography.

What she says is: If it swells, ride it.

Doris December 21, 2012 at 7:58 am

Caitlin Upton is a bright, smart and well adjuster young adult who contributes to society. She is a personal friend of our family. She is able to laugh off the unfortunate response she gave one night on national television. She is one of the best people to come out of Lexington County. Granted, getting above the politicians over there was not that hard, but some really smart folks come out of Lexington High.

shifty henry December 21, 2012 at 10:43 am

Probably each of us laugh about goofs we’ve made years ago, just as the Chinese virgins are still laughing about their wedding night.

Jan December 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Doris, Sic simply saw another opportunity to earn the money he is paid to bash children who attend public schools in South Carolina.

He thinks denigrating children who attend public school by implying they are all stupid, is the best way to promote a voucher program designed to funnel taxpayer money into pocket of parents who choose to send their children to one of South Carolina’s worst in the nation private schools.

There are hardworking, bright, successful students in virtually every public school in SC. Could our public schools offer them more opportunity than they are now? Yes. Are most private schools in SC better than public schools? No. Are a lot of parents waisting their money on crummy private schools? Yes. Which is their right; but I don’t want them waisting my money.

There are ways to improve our public school system, but the voucher lobby, has no interest in that. In fact they want the exact opposite, and they are willing to injure the children of this state in an effort to obtain their goal.

Judy Chop December 22, 2012 at 8:05 am

Jan, going to the two (costly) private schools here in Columbia is merely a “country club” experience for the parents as well as for the family. All involved feel “comfortable” with their surroundings. Most all drive the same type of vehicles and go on similar vacations. Sure they are getting a decent vacation but nothing special as their billboards proclaim.

They do accept minority students especially the athletic ones that contribute to their “excellent” programs. These two private schools here in Columbia are the best that money can buy — if you don’t believe me just ask the folks who send their children there.

For the cost of a used car you can send your children to a school so they don’t have to associate with the unwashed.

jim wiles December 21, 2012 at 8:40 am

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea MAXIMA culpa…

Kenneth from 30 Rock December 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Oh yeah? If I blew it, then how did I get her underpants?

Mark Chappurrrrrr December 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Sanford’s next line…

@BozMartin December 21, 2012 at 9:12 pm

This Venezuelan babe could have her way with me. She may be a commie. That’s OK, in her case. I don’t think we would be talking dialectic materialism or Chomski or any shit like that.

shifty henry December 22, 2012 at 7:43 am

…. she could read to you in bed, perhaps something from Mark Twain (Huckleberry Finn)– since your gravatar resembles the Duke

… her accent is so sexy I was thinking about recording part of her answer for the wait time on my cell phone

“I think that the best wave that I can take is the wave that I wait for it. So please”

shifty henry December 22, 2012 at 7:53 am

…. speaking of accents, I share with you one of my favorite jokes——-

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
” My darring”, he whispers, “I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten, I promise you, I give you anything you want, I do anything, juss anything you want. You juss ask”.

‘Whatchu want? ” he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.

She eventually shyly whisper back ” I want to try something I have heard about from odda girls……..Numbaa 69 ”

More thoughtful silence, this time from him eventually, in a puzzled tone.

He ask her ” You want……..Garlic Chicken wiff Snow Peas ?”

Kenneth from 30 Rock December 22, 2012 at 11:00 am

Pardon, but if they’re both Chinese, why are they speaking english?

shifty henry December 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

They are from different Chinese provinces and speak mutually unintelligible dialects. The bride speaks Shaojiang and the groom speaks Luoguang.

Judy Chop December 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Sorry, Henry Shifty. In the provence of Luoguang Number 69 is General Tso’s Chicken. Otherwise pretty funny joke.

shifty henry December 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm

….. that works too

TontoBubbaGoldstein December 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm

One of my favorites, also.
My punchline is:

” ‘ow can you tink off beef whit broccoli, now?!”

Please don’t make me tell the joke that ends:

,,,,,,,the Japanese golfers looked confused and spoke among themselves in Japanese. Finally, one walked up to the American golfer and said, ” No…it went in the right hole.”

shifty henry December 22, 2012 at 10:16 pm

…. go on – tell us – you’re dying too. Anyway we need a few jokes to lighten up some of these posts.

….. if BigT comes in with a joke, then I know that the world is really coming to an end!

b. henschel December 31, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Educated? Educated? You kiddin me? She could teach me some things and I’d stay after school.


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