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Prison Pork Ban Lifted

… SORT OF Remember that ban on pork in federal prisons?  It got lifted … sort of. According to Fox News, the U.S. Bureau of Prisons is “backing off the decision and returning pork to the menu.”  Or at least pork roast.  Other pork items remain off the menu for…

… SORT OF

Remember that ban on pork in federal prisons?  It got lifted … sort of.

According to Fox News, the U.S. Bureau of Prisons is “backing off the decision and returning pork to the menu.”  Or at least pork roast.  Other pork items remain off the menu for now.

What happened?  Well, a powerful politician with ties to the pork industry – in this case U.S. Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa – complained about the ban.

“The decision by the Bureau of Prisons to completely remove pork from its menus was ham-handed at best,” Grassley said in a statement. “I appreciate the quick decision after my letter to the bureau to keep pork products on prison menus.”

Jeez … “ham-handed?”

Anyway … we did’t really care one way or the other about this issue.

All we know is that as far as government is concerned, you can’t stop pork – you can only hope to contain it.

***

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50 comments

Learn Something Every Day October 19, 2015 at 9:49 am

Usually I hear “ham-fisted” but I guess it means the same.

Reply
The Buzzman October 19, 2015 at 10:12 am

Your experts on this would be the porcine posting pals, GT and pogo, old hands at four-legged fisting, apparently.

Reply
shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 10:48 am

Wasn’t Portnoy’s complaint about ham?

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CorruptionInColumbia October 19, 2015 at 11:14 am

Another memory from Al Capp! Do you remember, “Porknoy The Complainer”?

Reply
shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 11:28 am

I learned to read from comic books. One of my Dad’s Army recruiter friends in Chattanooga had one room in his house containing nothing but his comic book collection. The adults played cards while I read.
My Cousin Carolyn in Alabama had everything published about Pogo. When we would visit I would lie down in front of a window to catch the light and the breezes coming from across the fields — quiet, peaceful ….. those days gone long ago!

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CorruptionInColumbia October 19, 2015 at 11:38 am

Oh man, that sounds neat! I would hate to be a kid, today. Very few peaceful moments like that anymore, or so I would imagine. Everything now is so busy and “structured”.

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 11:59 am

One of the things my Mom showed us was on a bright and sunny day with lots of white clouds was to lie on the grass and not move, but to just keep looking at the clouds. At some point we would get the sensation that we were the ones slowly rotating beneath the clouds while the clouds were stationary. It’s a peaceful, relaxing, magical feeling.

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 12:48 pm

I’m thinking I should do that today, but at my age it would last about 15 minutes until I would be surrounded by the EMT’s in their big red truck, an ambulance, and three Sheriff’s deputies — and possibly a few church ladies (Free Will Baptists, Church of God, and the Primitive Baptist) that would be murmuring, “We knew Henry was hitting the liquor, and his Cousin Judge probably sent him some more of that really good Lookout Mountain Apple Pie ‘Shine”)….

sparklecity October 19, 2015 at 3:34 pm

Ain’t no clouds here today and the barometer is pinging way high pressure……
per chance are you a “Bloom County” fan???

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 4:09 pm

Yep — I have several of the big books and also a similar one Cousin Judge’s wife found at a yard sale for 50 cents: “Loser Palooza” by Darby Conley. His creations are Bucky Katt, Satchel Pooch who live with Rob Wilco — here’s a sample of when I was needling the GrandTurnip….

———————-

Bucky Katt—I’m gonna go mess with the scout at the front
door!

Scout—– Would you like to buy some coconut or peanut
butter cookies? Just $4 a box.

Bucky Katt—– You got rat? I only eat dead rat cookies.

Scout—– So if I put a dead rat in a box, you’ll buy it?

Bucky Katt—– Oh, right. That’ll happen. Sure, Snowflake, go nuts. I’ll buy ‘em all.

Bucky Katt
to Satchel Pooch (later)—– I need $40 dollars.

sparklecity October 19, 2015 at 3:31 pm

Done the same thing myself
Mrs. Sparklecity & I were driving to Raleigh a few weeks ago and saw one lone cloud and started playing “guess the shape”
It took us both back…….

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 4:10 pm

……. some of life’s magic moments!

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 11:29 am

I have the b&w dvd of the first L’il Abner movie.

Reply
sparklecity October 19, 2015 at 3:27 pm

I remember seeing the color version at the drive-in when I was around 10 & saw it on TCM some time back and those were some damn good looking female dancers!!!!!
It was a pretty funny musical (I usually don’t go for musicals EXCEPT “Paint Your Wagon”) but the pussy was the main thing…….

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 3:29 pm

me too!

sparklecity October 19, 2015 at 3:40 pm

However, there’s also “Cat Ballou” (not really a musical) but “Stumpy” was in both Lil’ Abner as Mayor Cornpone?? and sang along with Nat King Cole in “Cat Ballou”
Great timeless flick I never get tired of watching!!!!!

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 3:58 pm

Jubilation T. Cornpone, all tattered and torn pone? — and the gals! Capp was a genius in his naming of characters and his story lines. Even today I occasionally meet someone who could have been the inspiration for one of his creations…

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 11:33 am

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a pig sitting next to him.

“Are you a pig?” asked the man, surprised.

“Yes.”

“What are you doing at the movies?”

The pig replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia October 19, 2015 at 12:53 pm

A man was sitting in the theater with his girlfriend, watching a movie. She interrupted him, saying “the guy in the seat next to me is masturbating”.

The man replied, “just ignore him and enjoy the movie”.

“I can’t”, she said.

“Why not?”

“He’s using my hand”.

shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 1:14 pm

LOL..!! Thanks — another one to add to my collection!

tomstickler October 19, 2015 at 11:49 am

Liver.

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The Buzzman October 19, 2015 at 10:10 am

Don’t know about the menus, but I’m told there’s always a lot of poking going on in prisons, and in state gubmint there are porky pols porking and getting porked plus a plenitude of pusillanimous perpetrators of pure pork.

None of it kosher, for sure.

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shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 10:27 am

Drank your milk this morning, did ya’..??

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The Buzzman October 19, 2015 at 10:39 am

With my pork sausage and eggs. Yes I did.

There is a Yiddish component to my mind (several of the voices speak it) but my corpulent corporeal self definitely does not keep kosher.

btw, even though TBG has commandeered three of my voices, he and I are definitely not one and the same.

Reply
shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 10:45 am

So what you are saying is that you enjoy “Shmoo-zing” over your breakfast?

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shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 11:18 am

Q: What do you call a pig with a rash?
A: Ham and Eczema

Q: What do you get when you cross a
pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and Legs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig?
A: A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.

Q: Who is the smartest pig in the world?
A: Ein- swine

Q: What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?
A: Jurassic pork!

Q: What’s the treatment for swine flu?
A: If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

Q: What do you call a pig with a rash?
A: Ham and Eczema
————————–
(my apologies, folks, but I just couldn’t contain myself this morning!)

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shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 1:21 pm

When OJ was sentenced to prison the question was asked, “Why won’t prison life be much different from playing for the Bills?

He will still have big guys opening holes for him.

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dwb619 October 19, 2015 at 6:14 pm

OJ showed up for sentencing wearing bermuda shorts , Hawaiian shirt, and flip flops.
Lawyer asks why, OJ says ” You said we were going to CanCun”.
No the lawyer said , “I said , YOU are going to the CAN, COON!”
I know ,I know, but it’s just so GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!!!

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Bible Thumper October 19, 2015 at 10:24 am

The pork ban was going to be challenged on the grounds that it violates the Eighth Ammendment of the Constitution. While a pork ban may not be “Cruel” (Southerners beg to disagree) it is definitely “Unusual Punishment”.

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shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 10:42 am

I just got off the phone with Al Capp, who informed me that the US Bureau of Prisons was tricked into believing that there is a national shortage of Shmoos . “This is not true,” he explained. “It’s a Left-Wing Conspiracy created by Hillary Clinton and her crones to spread fear and confusion among Shmoo-loving voters. This is just another low-blow tactic from her twisted mind — and it will not work!”

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia October 19, 2015 at 11:13 am

Ah, the Shmoos! I had forgotten about those critters.

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The Buzzman October 19, 2015 at 11:55 am

Inspiration for Tribbles.

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CorruptionInColumbia October 19, 2015 at 11:31 am

Do you remember Joe Btfsplk? He was the little jinx guy with the black cloud following him everywhere. I used to work with a guy who was his real-life equivalent. I left that job and damned if he didn’t show up at the next job, though fortunately at a more distant work site. After retirement, a mutual friend told me he had run into “Joe” and “Joe” wanted me to give him a call. Somehow, I just lost that damn number. :-)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Btfsplk

Reply
shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 11:35 am

My Dad told me that he owned a Zoot Suit but no one has ever found a photo of him wearing it. He would have looked sharp in it….

Reply
tomstickler October 19, 2015 at 11:54 am

Since cell phones were not commercially available until four years after Al Capp died, it must have been a long landline call.

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shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 12:00 pm

artistic expression ….

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Rocky Verdad October 19, 2015 at 10:42 am

Hurray. Bacon back in the joint.

Reply
Squishy123 October 19, 2015 at 12:26 pm

Meals should consist of beans, rice, water and anything they can produce. This “canteen” bullshit needs to stop, there should not be a snackbar in prison.

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shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 12:37 pm

True Story: A 19 year old girl who “never let a good man down” was put in the Richland County Detention. None of the other guys wanted to get on her visitor’s list so I was elected to see her. She was upset and miserable. One reason was she was terrified because a woman charged with murder was put in her cell. They only got canteen privileges (my memory says) once a week. The girl had a candy bar and had saved half of it for the next day. She discovered that the woman had stolen it during the night – she was crying during my entire visit.

Reply
TroubleBaby October 19, 2015 at 11:11 am

People in jail for committing actual crimes would ideally be growing their own food/gardening, including meat, & working to pay restitution for their victims.

If that happened, they’d have less time to rape each other in cages, while doing unweighted isometrics in between and making general mischief.

Reply
The Buzzman October 19, 2015 at 11:59 am

Why do you imagine people in cages couldn’t always make time for raping each other? Only way to stop it is to stop putting them in cages together. A system where people are not put in jail for victimless crimes, and where big corporations are not making big money off of them would go a long way toward reducing the problems, though.

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TroubleBaby October 19, 2015 at 1:57 pm

“Why do you imagine people in cages couldn’t always make time for raping each other?”

As you point out later in your comment, a system properly designed would minimize the problems.

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The Buzzman October 19, 2015 at 2:58 pm

That worked out well then, didnit?

Reply
9" October 19, 2015 at 11:39 am

This reminds of the Allen Ginsberg poem ,A Jew in Piggly Wiggly

Reply
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shifty henry October 20, 2015 at 11:36 am

is that for real?

Reply
9" October 21, 2015 at 1:32 pm

no

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shifty henry October 21, 2015 at 2:37 pm

—- ya’ got me on that one!

Reply
shifty henry October 19, 2015 at 1:17 pm

That paperweight would look good in my collection.

Reply
shifty henry October 20, 2015 at 11:36 am

OK, I cropped the foto and it looks good on my pc, but I think each guy needs the name of commentator but I can’t decide who to choose.

Reply

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