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Florida Fart Leads To Stabbing

A 37-year-old Florida woman was arrested on aggravated battery with a deadly weapon charges after hurling an eight-inch kitchen blade at her boyfriend. WTF happened? And why is this any more or less interesting than any random act of American violence? Well, the assailant Deborah Ann Burns of Immokalee, Florida told…

A 37-year-old Florida woman was arrested on aggravated battery with a deadly weapon charges after hurling an eight-inch kitchen blade at her boyfriend.

WTF happened? And why is this any more or less interesting than any random act of American violence?

Well, the assailant Deborah Ann Burns of Immokalee, Florida told authorities she became angry when her boyfriend, Willie, “walked by her and farted in her face.” Also, according to the police report (obtained by The Smoking Gun), Burns “confronted him about the fart and Willie became agitated, telling her to shut up.”

What a gentleman …

Anyway, Burns served nearly two years behind bars for an aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer several years ago, so our guess is she’s about to pay a return visit to some less-than-hospitable taxpayer-funded accommodations.

***

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27 comments

lance riprock May 10, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Did she hit her target? Article just says she hurled the blade at him. Maybe she just wanted to shake him up a bit after he so callously disrespected her. I’d have cut him long and deep.

Reply
Shitfor Brains May 10, 2013 at 3:07 pm

just how odorous was the fartation in question? Isn’t that the real issue here?

Reply
shifty henry May 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm

It couldn’t have been any worse than…………..

Reply
Shitfor Brains May 10, 2013 at 3:07 pm

just how odorous was the fartation in question? Isn’t that the real issue here?

Reply
shifty henry May 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm

It couldn’t have been any worse than…………..

Reply
Honkey White Bread May 10, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Holmes needs to date an Asian women if he wants someone to enjoy his farts.

Reply
Honkey White Bread May 10, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Holmes needs to date an Asian women if he wants someone to enjoy his farts.

Reply
Smirks May 10, 2013 at 3:10 pm

Must’ve been a wet fart.

Reply
A Friend May 10, 2013 at 4:15 pm

Stay thirsty, my friend.

Or maybe not.

Reply
Shit Shocked May 12, 2013 at 11:12 am

…and thus, BigT was born…

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Smirks May 10, 2013 at 3:10 pm

Must’ve been a wet fart.

Reply
A Friend May 10, 2013 at 4:15 pm

Stay thirsty, my friend.

Or maybe not.

Reply
Shit Shocked May 12, 2013 at 11:12 am

…and thus, BigT was born…

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 10, 2013 at 3:15 pm

Immokalee, Florida’s Red Bank.

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Soft Sigh from Hell May 10, 2013 at 3:15 pm

Immokalee, Florida’s Red Bank.

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 10, 2013 at 3:23 pm

Did she over-react? Was it perhaps just a “fart in her general direction”?

Reply
? May 10, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Nice Monty Python reference, sometimes I feel like doing the same to other commenters-and we sure as hell know they want to do the same back…lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWBUl7oT9sA

Reply
Soft Sigh from Hell May 10, 2013 at 3:23 pm

Did she over-react? Was it perhaps just a “fart in her general direction”?

Reply
? May 10, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Nice Monty Python reference, sometimes I feel like doing the same to other commenters-and we sure as hell know they want to do the same back…lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWBUl7oT9sA

Reply
Barrister of Blivits May 10, 2013 at 3:25 pm

I think we have the insanity defense here. Noxious methane gas deprived her brain of oxygen leading to an altered sensorium.

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Barrister of Blivits May 10, 2013 at 3:25 pm

I think we have the insanity defense here. Noxious methane gas deprived her brain of oxygen leading to an altered sensorium.

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Edward Teach May 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm

This reminds me of a story I read about some years ago. A low level State bureaucrat was charged with slapping around his wench.

Reply
Edward Teach May 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm

This reminds me of a story I read about some years ago. A low level State bureaucrat was charged with slapping around his wench.

Reply
9" May 10, 2013 at 10:36 pm

If a guy farts in your face,that’s sexy,and an immediate invite to rim his ass.Bitch.

Reply
9" May 10, 2013 at 10:36 pm

If a guy farts in your face,that’s sexy,and an immediate invite to rim his ass.Bitch.

Reply
Martha Guzman May 16, 2013 at 7:02 am

Why is this newsworthy??????

Reply
Mguzman May 16, 2013 at 7:02 am

Why is this newsworthy??????

Reply

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