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I have really screwed up. It might cost me my marriage, custody of my dog and sleep deprivation.
What happened?
I discovered a new platform called Bluesky Social, where leftists are flocking because free speech is allowed on Twitter. They are trying to claim Blue Sky as their own.
I, of course, couldn’t allow that to happen.
So, I joined the site, and tried to get the handle “Deplorable Trash,” but it was sadly taken. Then, it hit me like a diamond bullet between the eyes: Why troll liberals as a MAGA guy? Why not get a liberal-sounding handle, and go dwarf-in-a-gold-mine level deep? I could respond to Leftist posts by blasting them for not being liberal enough.
In addition to guilting them, I could also write unhinged responses – deviance befitting Michael Moore and Whoopi Goldberg’s love-child.
So, I did…
***
Incredibly, I started getting likes. I began getting people who agreed with my mental divergence so much, they started following me.
“Who is this fine progressive thinker??? I must subscribe to his feed so I don’t miss a thing!”
Lest you think I’m exaggerating my experience, I’m going to cut and paste actual posts I’ve made. So put on a helmet, and recheck your gear, because we’re going to be spelunking into the deepest caverns of the libtard mind. Please note:
a) I’ll be truncating the poster’s statement. (For liberals, truncate means “shorten.”)
b) I just started two days ago, and I’ve got 35 followers.
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POSTER: I’m at a comic book festival. It’s fun.
ME: Comics are sexist and body shame both men and women. (19 likes)
POSTER: But we can view things differently, right?
ME: Are you some kind of MAGA maniac? (14 likes)
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JOHN CRYER (Actor from Two-and-a-half Men): I’m so happy here on Blue Sky because it’s liberal.
ME: It’s literally in your name– you came to the place that understands a man’s need to be a cryer. We are here for you. (12 likes)
_________
POSTER: They’ll start burning books they don’t want their precious child exposed to, like they might “catch” gayness.
ME: I couldn’t agree more!!! What kind of Puritan wants their child barred from exploring their sexuality, gender, and place in the world??? (20 likes)
_________
POSTER: I will not let members of the LGBT community be erased.
ME: It’s unbelievable that trump-butt has no Transgender people in his cabinet. It is a slap in the face to us allies. Hopefully, one of them IS, but is in the closet, and will come out after they’re approved. (27 likes)
_______
POSTER: Black women don’t get enough credit for staying true and voting for Kamala.
ME: As a cis white male, I think the work of Black women to save America is amazing. Like the woman on The View said, this is the second time white women could’ve broken free from the shackles of the patriarchy… only Black women were bold enough to do so. When are we going to get tired of white privilege? (18 Likes)
________
POSTER: I can’t believe the lies the fascists are saying about Covid!
ME: I went to two pharmacies this week, so I’m double boosted in 2024! (14 likes)
_________
POSTER: The white patriarchy is the source of our problems.
ME: It is impossible to express how tired I am of the ongoing branding of the “good guys” known as the White patriarchy. Will we NEVER understand the harm, racism, and pain caused by us? The whole thing exhausts me. I can only hope the next generation will accept the role their parents played in this—and cancel them! (32 likes)
________
POSTER: Women’s rights are being destroyed
ME: SCOTUS will very likely work with Trump for a national abortion ban– and I wouldn’t be surprised if he uses the military to enforce it… he’s already said he would! (19 likes – and one response: “You are so right about that.”)
_______
POSTER: A woman in Texas died because she couldn’t get an abortion.
ME: We should charge the Governor and General Assembly with murder! I’m confident there’s a lawyer out there who will take this case for free. (23 likes)
_____
POSTER: Twitter is filled with lies. Blue Sky is better.
ME: Blue Sky will crush Twitter, as Twitter have become nothing but a hate-speech outlet. The government needs to PROSECUTE these people, as TRUTH is TRUTH. (14 likes)
________
POSTER: Everyone is moving to Blue Sky Social.
ME: Couldn’t be happier about the Twitter movement over to Blue Sky. The attacks on what they call “progressive ideas” are thought-genocide. I’m so tired of the hate… we need to choose between what we can see/hear, and the real truth. (18 likes)
________
POSTER: Nancy Mace is a big dummy.
ME: Nancy Mace??? Maybe she needs some MACE to protect her from the “scary” trans Congressperson. She’s too stupid to understand transgender women are biologically the same as her. Okay, a lot of cisgender pervs think she’s hot with a good body, but that’s a cis-gender thing. What about equality???? (13 likes)
________
POSTER: MAGA is destroying our country. I’m gay, so I’m scared.
ME: It’s unbelievable what MAGA trash will do to try and hide their real Nazi racist agenda. Rest assured David, we have your back. (20 likes)
_______
POSTER: The rich football player in Gatsby was a piece of shit.
ME: Everyone in Gatsby is a piece shit. The 20’s was when America was ripe for a socialist revolution due to the horrifying working conditions and grinding poverty– not unlike today, actually. We need someone like Castro to rise up, and lead this POS nation into a land of equality. (14 likes)
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POSTER: I’m happy to be called Woke, because only horrible people use the word as an insult.
ME: Like always, the White patriarchy stole the word and weaponized it against anyone who doesn’t stand for greed, hate, and a dozen types of phobias. You won’t hear anyone using the word WOKE socialist countries, because everyone’s woke. They don’t despise their neighbors. (21 likes)
________
POSTER: MAGA belongs to Putin.
ME: MAGA belongs to Putin? Add billionaires, corporations, hayseeds, rednecks, hillbillies, white trash, oil companies, Big Pharma, the military/industrial machine, Israel, and Q-Anon. (19 likes)
____
POSTER: The Left: People deserve our help. The Right: People are helpless so we must exploit them.
ME: A slight adjustment: The Left: People matter, and deserve empathy. The Right: People are chattel, and we must extract money out of their labor, and when they are old and weary, kill them by making Medicare/Medicaid/Social Security cuts. If we need healthy ones dead, we’ll lie about vaccines. (12 Likes)
______
Poster: Kamala’s speech wasn’t that great.
ME: Kamala’s latest speech to sane Americans was fearless and true. She said fight, and fight we shall. Trump will never make it through his term, and if he does we’ll use whatever law fare necessary to put his ass in jail. I hope the progressive DAs will rise up, and make this Nazi’s life hell! (17 likes)
_______
POSTER: The MAGA hat is the new Confederate flag and swastika.
ME: The MAGA hat is worse that the Confederate flag or the Swastika. The racist South hated Blacks. The Nazis hated Jews. MAGA hates LGBT, the poor, the differently-abled, women, Muslims, all immigrants, Latinx, and progressives. We need to rise up and MAKE change by whatever means necessary. (21 likes)
________
POSTER: Blue Sky is awesome, but MAGA will show up and ruin it.
ME: If you allow MAGA maggots on Blue Sky to spread their lies and misinformation, this platform will die. FREE speech doesn’t include hate speech, speech supporting the Jews and their genocide, and speech that is deeply offensive to oppressed groups. England is right: Arrest these vile humans. (4 likes)
_______
I’m not sure how long I keep this up. I can feel the logic oozing out of my brain with every keystroke. It’s exhausting to even pretend to be this stupid. I do, however, have a new respect for the Libtards, as the sheer endurance they possess is wonderous. It would be easier to be an ultra-marathoner than to be perpetually imprisoned in this brain fog.
Blue Sky will, of course, succeed, as the perpetually angry need a place to call their own, where they can moan to one another about what a horrible place America is with less input from people who counter their points with fact, logic, evidence, and reasoning. Its success will result in skyrockets income from advertising—and one day it will be providing jobs for thousands of people.
Until of course, Elon Musk buys it, guts it, and makes it profitable…
***
ABOUT THE AUTHOR …
Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’
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3 comments
“the perpetually angry need a place to call their own, where they can moan to one another about what a horrible place America is with less input from people who counter their points with fact, logic, evidence, and reasoning.”
Don’t we already have Fox, Newsmax, and Truth Social for that? Not to mention Twitter, where Elon censors everything he does not agree with.
I mean the whole Trump campaign was how horrible America was. He said it in every campaign speech. MAGA hates America, they always have. They want to change it into something else that it has never been, and god knows they don’t listen to anyone else but Trump.
Sounds like you have too much time on your hands. Ever think of getting a hamster?
The most hilarious part of your article is the fact that some of the posts you mocked contain facts that can be proven via all sorts of media. Many comments were based on words that came out of Donald Trump’s mouth. Calling us crazy for believing what your idol says seems a bit contradictory, imo.