The United Nations has declared war on asteroids …
What … no resolutions of disapproval? No censures? No sanctions? Nope … they went straight to the baby blue helmets.
According to Scientific American, the left-leaning international assemblage has formed an “International Asteroid Warning Group” aimed at sharing information on the flying space rocks (over 1,000,000 of which have been discovered by scientists).
Not only that the U.N.’s “Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space” (which sounds like something the Klingons would eat for breakfast) has begun to prepare contingency plans for a space mission to intercept potentially harmful asteroids.
As opposed to the friendly ones …
We hate to by cynical about this, but at this point in the evolution of human civilization we’re tempted to root for the asteroids.
Seriously … we know that would put a crimp in Anthony Bourdain’s new “look how condescendingly existential and judgmental I can be in this exotic locale” show, but whatever.
Go asteroids. Boo U.N. Unless of course we draw the role of Tea Leoni’s love interest in this screenplay … in which case we will fire her, cast Charlize Theron instead and get down to some really patriotic lovemaking music from James Horner.
HV declares war on socialist hemmorrhoids
But, if it’s a female asteroid on PMS, is it called a “horror-oid”?
If this turns out like our War on Drugs, I have a REALLY bad feeling about this.
Willy ever had an ADHD diagnosis?
FitsNews needs less fluff, more stuff!
The great thing about the internet is that even big talking chumps like you, that bitch about FITSNews in the context of ADHD, can have an opportunity to prove how much better they can do it themselves.
It doesn’t even cost much. Maybe you can get Big T to go in halfsies and you can both write columns with “less fluff” and more focused day in and day out for a few years.
Can’t we conclude now that Big T really was Sic all along, and for some reason he’s decided that particular sock puppet was not good for the Nancy Mace cause?
And LEAVE TOMSTICKLER ALONE! He’s one of the few cranky Myrtle Beach commenters (and he comments EVERYWHERE) with the balls to call people on their stuff. Even though as someone with ADHD myself, I resent the implications of his comment, and well, the sumbitch never converses with me anywhere, he’s far preferable to a lame-ass name-spoofing shithead troll like you, “tomsdickler”, with that cliched “get your own blog” comeback.
What’s wrong fat man, miss breakfast this morning?
The “get your own blog” cliche is well deserved for someone who comes here all the time yet bitches about it.
But if it makes you happy, I’ll call him “Hypocrite Supreme” from now on.
This is actually the “Full Employment for Scientists Formerly Employed by the Nuclear Weapons Industry Act.” Several of the contingency plans already leaked (or published by individual UN scientists) call for the design and construction of massive nuclear warheads and a delivery system to get them out of Earth orbit. I trust the UN with all that…
This is one of your best pieces in a long while. The Klingon bit was good. NAILED it on Bordain (though I’m still entertained by him, and always learn something from that show), and WOW, hadn’t thought about Tea Leone in a while, are they still trying to make her a major star? Won’t happen. She IS hot, but yeah, Charlize Theron is infinitely hotter. If you can’t give us the soft-core porn while in you “clean-up for Nancy” phase, at least some more smart posts like that one will keep some of us coming back.
Boz, Shifty is thinking that you have a girl on your mind wearing one of those religious gowns – you know, one of those “lo and behold”…………
The new barmaid was endowed beyond belief. Moreover, she wore a blouse that revealed much of her splendors. For some strange reason, the first ten boozers who showed up ordered milk. The next one ordered a pair of Scotch.
Shifty now sleeps easier at night…..