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Conway, SC Is Horny, High

We know very little about the town of Conway, S.C. We’ve heard it’s very lovely, but we’ve only driven through it on our way to the beach … we can honestly say we’ve never stopped for any extended period of time. Perhaps we should take a moment the next time…

We know very little about the town of Conway, S.C. We’ve heard it’s very lovely, but we’ve only driven through it on our way to the beach … we can honestly say we’ve never stopped for any extended period of time.

Perhaps we should take a moment the next time we’re passing through to take in Conway’s scenery (and the greenery) though. According to a pair of recent police reports, Conway is home to some adventurous amorousness – and some herbacious entrepreneurship.

First we have the tale of 46-year-old James Russell Nichols and 51-year-old Gloria Sawyer – each of whom were arrested on Saturday for allegedly having sex with each other in a boat at the Bucksport Marina in Conway.

According to a police report obtained by WMBF TV, Nichols and Sawyer denied having sex with each other. Instead, Nichols claimed he was rubbing Sawyer’s leg because it was “sore from a medical condition.”

Ha!

Here’s the happy couple …

(Click to enlarge)

boat sex

In a separate incident, 24-year-old Jacob Colby Phillips of Charleston, S.C. was busted in Conway this week after Horry County police found 153 pounds ($500,000 worth) of marijuana in a storage facility located on Highway 501. The discovery was made after a two-week sting operation, WMBF reports.

Sheesh … that’s government for you, right? Always getting in the free market’s way …

Here’s the thing: People like to have sex. And smoke dope. And there’s never going to be a law passed at any level of society that’s going to change either of those things.

Certainly people have a right not to watch indecent behavior in a public place, but a couple of horny, consenting adults fooling around on a boat in a marina doesn’t strike us as particularly offensive. Seriously … unless there were children around, or unless the couple involved in the “leg rubbing” were making a lot of noise, why didn’t the “multiple customers” at the marina who turned them into the cops just exercise their right to look the other way?

Cops and courts are among the few core government functions this website supports as being absolutely necessary to the proper functioning of a free society (a.k.a. what this country is supposed to be).

That’s why it’s so sad that they spend so much of their time dealing with nonsense cases like this …

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38 comments

Bubba June 12, 2013 at 3:37 pm

One of the reports I saw, said the original complaint came from a guy who was there with his wife and 6-year old daughter. All 3 of which saw him filling her porthole. So your third to last paragraph regarding kids legitimizes the complaint.

Reply
Rev. Roberson June 12, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Nor did they own the boat. It was simply docked at the Marina and they took it upon it to use it for their act of fornication.

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Bubba June 12, 2013 at 3:37 pm

One of the reports I saw, said the original complaint came from a guy who was there with his wife and 6-year old daughter. All 3 of which saw him filling her porthole. So your third to last paragraph regarding kids legitimizes the complaint.

Reply
Rev. Roberson June 12, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Nor did they own the boat. It was simply docked at the Marina and they took it upon it to use it for their act of fornication.

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darksied calling June 12, 2013 at 4:31 pm

couple of corrections fits–Bucksport Marina is in Bucksport SC which is 15+ miles out of Conway. also the couple was seen engaging in “lewd and indecent behavior” by multiple indiviuals but it was the couple with the child that filed the complaint. finally this was not in some part of the couple’s boat that one would expect some degree of privacy but in the stern (thats the back of boat fits) where there was no privacy or degree or expectation of privacy.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein June 12, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Seriously? He was doing her in the stern?

Oh my.

In nautical terminology, it would also be OK to say he was doing her in the aft.

Reply
Edsel H. June 12, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Yup – Bucksport ain’t Conway, its Bucksport and it makes Conway look like NewportFrigginRhodeIsland

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Frank Howard June 12, 2013 at 10:54 pm

You still selling Fords, Edsel?

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darksied calling June 12, 2013 at 4:31 pm

couple of corrections fits–Bucksport Marina is in Bucksport SC which is 15+ miles out of Conway. also the couple was seen engaging in “lewd and indecent behavior” by multiple indiviuals but it was the couple with the child that filed the complaint. finally this was not in some part of the couple’s boat that one would expect some degree of privacy but in the stern (thats the back of boat fits) where there was no privacy or degree or expectation of privacy.

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 12, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Seriously? He was doing her in the stern?

Oh my.

In nautical terminology, it would also be OK to say he was doing her in the aft.

Reply
Edsel H. June 12, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Yup – Bucksport ain’t Conway, its Bucksport and it makes Conway look like NewportFrigginRhodeIsland

Reply
Frank Howard June 12, 2013 at 10:54 pm

You still selling Fords, Edsel?

Reply
Halfvast Conspirator June 12, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Maybe Nichols just had a “wide stance” and they misunderstood what he was doing.

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Halfvast Conspirator June 12, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Maybe Nichols just had a “wide stance” and they misunderstood what he was doing.

Reply
shifty henry June 12, 2013 at 5:45 pm

I’m beginning to think that GrandTango (professional journalist) is now a stringer for Fitsnews. He has been light on his posting lately. I miss ragging him….

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 12, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Yeah, I miss him, too. He never even called me a “dumb@$$” when I implied that he was stupid in the GOP post with the elephants pic…….

*sobs uncontrollably*

Reply
shifty henry June 12, 2013 at 5:45 pm

I’m beginning to think that GrandTango (professional journalist) is now a stringer for Fitsnews. He has been light on his posting lately. I miss ragging him….

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 12, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Yeah, I miss him, too. He never even called me a “dumb@$$” when I implied that he was stupid in the GOP post with the elephants pic…….

*sobs uncontrollably*

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 12, 2013 at 6:03 pm

“Hey, baby, wanna help me raise my mast?”

If it was not a sailboat…they may have been *ahem* motorboating.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein June 12, 2013 at 6:03 pm

“Hey, baby, wanna help me raise my mast?”

If it was not a sailboat…they may have been *ahem* motorboating.

Reply
Boz Martin June 12, 2013 at 6:30 pm

It is a beautiful town. With a rich history. Most of my fathers family came from there, for several generations. My second cousin was mayor and did a great deal for historic preservation. Most of my Indian-mixed relatives come from there, and they are great people. And that is a lovely visitor’s center. Now … darksied calling is right. Bucksport is another place. And I’m with you on the pot bust being a waste of LE resources. But on the couple scroggin’ (archaic ol’ fart’s word for fucking) on somebody else’s boat: Nasty. Because there WAS at least one kid who saw it. That’s all I’ve got to say about this one.

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Boz Martin June 12, 2013 at 6:30 pm

It is a beautiful town. With a rich history. Most of my fathers family came from there, for several generations. My second cousin was mayor and did a great deal for historic preservation. Most of my Indian-mixed relatives come from there, and they are great people. And that is a lovely visitor’s center. Now … darksied calling is right. Bucksport is another place. And I’m with you on the pot bust being a waste of LE resources. But on the couple scroggin’ (archaic ol’ fart’s word for fucking) on somebody else’s boat: Nasty. Because there WAS at least one kid who saw it. That’s all I’ve got to say about this one.

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The Colonel June 12, 2013 at 8:12 pm

Uhhh, duh, uhhh, it wasn’t their boat and there were children around, they had been asked politely to cease and desist twice by the operators of the marina before the cops were called.

Really though, the cops were doing him a favor, coyote ugly – though he’s no prize…

As for Conway itself, you ought to slow down on 501 and cut through the CCU campus, prime examples of feminine pulchritude…

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TontoBubbaGoldstein June 13, 2013 at 8:22 am

Colonel,

She ain’t that bad looking for 51.

Some make-up…. 16 to 18 Budweisers….Hell, I’d do her. On my boat. Away from the Marina. I would have her go below, though.

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shifty henry June 13, 2013 at 10:12 am

Tonto, I’ll give you a clue — the WOMAN is in the photo on the RIGHT……………..

Reply
The Colonel (R) June 12, 2013 at 8:12 pm

Uhhh, duh, uhhh, it wasn’t their boat and there were children around, they had been asked politely to cease and desist twice by the operators of the marina before the cops were called.

Really though, the cops were doing him a favor, coyote ugly – though he’s no prize…

As for Conway itself, you ought to slow down on 501 and cut through the CCU campus, prime examples of feminine pulchritude…

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 13, 2013 at 8:22 am

Colonel,

She ain’t that bad looking for 51.

Some make-up…. 16 to 18 Budweisers….Hell, I’d do her. On my boat. Away from the Marina. I would have her go below, though.

Reply
shifty henry June 13, 2013 at 10:12 am

Tonto, I’ll give you a clue — the WOMAN is in the photo on the RIGHT……………..

Reply
lowcorider June 12, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Boats and hos

Reply
Lowcorider June 12, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Boats and hos

Reply
Mguzman June 13, 2013 at 7:11 am

They sure do look unhappy so should have gone out on the Pontoon for some motorboatin…..

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 13, 2013 at 8:25 am

I think you meant “….. should have gone out on the motorboat for some Pontoon”.

You also misspelled “Poontang.”

Reply
shifty henry June 13, 2013 at 10:24 am

We need some updates on Thad and Candace… with new photos of Candace…

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 13, 2013 at 11:02 am

*Marv Albert voice*

Yyyyyyeeeeeesssssssssssss!

Reply
Mguzman June 13, 2013 at 7:11 am

They sure do look unhappy so should have gone out on the Pontoon for some motorboatin…..

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 13, 2013 at 8:25 am

I think you meant “….. should have gone out on the motorboat for some Pontoon”.

You also misspelled “Poontang.”

Reply
shifty henry June 13, 2013 at 10:24 am

We need some updates on Thad and Candace… with new photos of Candace…

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein June 13, 2013 at 11:02 am

*Marv Albert voice*

Yyyyyyeeeeeesssssssssssss!

Reply

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