Iran’s official news service claims aliens have been running the U.S. government for the past sixty-nine years … which couldn’t be true because there’s no way a superior intelligence would be monetizing debt, incentivizing joblessness and dependency, dumbing down future generations and wasting money and lives on a failed interventionist foreign policy.
Wait … unless it’s all part of their clever plan to send the world’s lone superpower hurtling toward the ash heap of history …
Anyway, Iran’s state news agency FARS claims that top secret National Security Agency documents linked to Edward Snowden provide “incontrovertible proof” that an “alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda” has been dictating American domestic and foreign policy since 1945.
Specifically, the report claims an alien race dubbed the “Tall Whites” (so racist, right?) has been “working with the US Air Force in Nevada” for years. This is allegedly the same group of extraterrestrials “behind the stunning rise of Nazi Germany during the 1930’s.”
And no … we are not making any of this up.
Iran really said that.
Who knows? Maybe we ought to give these “Tall White” guys a shot?
After all, there’s absolutely no way they could screw things up any worse than they already are …