Ba-DAM April 30, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , add a comment
DAT’S ONE BERRY, BERRY LUCKY BABY
FITSNews - April 30, 2008 - Since there have been no breasts on the website all day (editor’s note: what? ), we figured we’d make that inexcusable editorial indiscretion up to everybody by putting a whole lotta breasts into one post. Which is where the recently depopulated Halle Berry comes in handy.
From Entertainment Wise:
Halle Berry was bursting out of her dress at her first public appearance since giving birth to Nahla Ariela Aubry six weeks ago, but (she) left before the party got started so she could breastfeed her daughter … Halle made a hasty getaway at 4pm. Making an announcement on stage, she explained: “I’m going to have to leave. My baby is calling for my breast.”
All we can say is yo baby ain’t the only one, Mama Berry.
Whack-Jobs For Witherspoon
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 4 comments
MEET BUDDY’S BLACK HELICOPTER FAN CLUB
FITSNews - April 30, 2008 - If you’re interested in feeling a lot better about the current status of your mental health, we urge you to check out the hardcore right-wing insanity going on over at FreedomFighterRadio.net.
Seriously, you simply must.
We’ve seen some crazy-ass stuff on the Internet (and perhaps even contributed some crazy-ass stuff to it ourselves), but these guys honestly take the cake when it comes to perpetuating what we can only describe as certifiable, incoherent lunacy … like believing that the U.S. government flew unmanned robot planes into the twin towers on 9/11, for example.
Of course, one of the website’s regular radio guests (not surprisingly) is U.S. Senate candidate Buddy Witherspoon, who as we’ve noted in the past is quite comfortable hanging out on the far, far, far right fringe of the American political spectrum. (more…)
FITSNews Exclusive - A “GOP” Consultant?
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 3 comments
TOMPKINS DISSES REPUBLICAN CHALLENGER TO LOURIE AT DEMOCRATIC SENATOR’S REQUEST
FITSNews - April 30, 2008 - Yup, that’s “pond scum” in the picture above, which sort of summarizes our thoughts on veteran “GOP” consultant Warren Tompkins.
When Tompkins isn’t repping flip-flopping presidential candidates, ambulance chasing TV lawyers, corrupt Supreme Court justices, toxic pollutors or the worst academic testing system in America, he’s helping elect a bunch of fake Republicans to the General Assembly.
Of course, the latest tale of Tompkins allegiance to the status quo and its special interest backers will blow your mind … (more…)
Source: Sen. Ritchie Trailing Both Primary Opponents
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 1 comment so far
… KID ROCK UNCONCERNED
FITSNews - April 30, 2008 - You may be wondering what a picture of Kid Rock is doing on a post about S.C. Sen. Jim Ritchie. Well, it turns out Kid’s real name is Robert James Ritchie, which we thought was funny. Also funny is the fact that Sic Willie freaks out every time Kid Rock’s “Cowboy” song comes on the radio - a phobia that apparently stems from an unfortunate incident involving one of his favorite hats and an all-nude strip club in Santee, S.C.
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there … what’s “here,” however, is new polling information showing that Senator James H. Ritchie is in serious trouble …
“If the primary were held today, Jim Ritchie wouldn’t make the runoff,” said a source familiar with the poll, which was reportedly conducted last week. “The immigration issue is eating him alive. People don’t understand the process of the (S.C.) Senate, they’re expecting results.”
According to our source, Ritchie trails both Republican challengers Max Hyde and Shane Martin in the race, with “name recognition, favorability and electability all in the low thirties.” (more…)
Danka …
Posted by fitsnews in : The Press , 2 comments
… FOR A RECORD-SETTING MONTH, PEOPLE
FITSNews - April 30, 2008 - We don’t believe it either, but apparently almost a quarter of a million people visited our little website this month - a new record for FITSNews as well as an entirely unnecessary ego-enhancer for our founding editor, Sic Willie, who will no doubt be even more insufferable than usual around the office today.
In related news, the S.C. Department of Commerce issued a statement this morning saying that workplace productivity across the state was down “almost eleventy kabillion percent” for the month of April due to a “unexplained surge in non-productive Internet activity.”
Alright, we made that last part up, which we’re sure uber-hottie Commerce spokesbabe Kara Borie will no doubt confirm if you give her a call … something Sic Willie does on the hour, every hour. R-r-r-r-r-r-a-w-w-w-w, baby!!!
Anyway, to all y’all who made our record month possible, we’d like to take this opportunity to say ‘thanks.’ Especially to those two meth-heads in Loris, S.C. who agreed to spend all day randomly clicking on our ads provided we support their illegal and self-destructive habits. Meth-heads = Ka-Ching, people. Write that down somewhere …
Scarlett Johansson Is Singing A Happy Song
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 5 commentsACTOR’S DEBUT ALBUM IS WRIST-SLITTING FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY
FITSNews - April 30, 2008 - Surpise … actress Scarlett Johansson is no longer just a movie star, she’s a recording artist, too!
Well … if you consider someone butchering a bunch of Tom Waits covers to be “art.” Which we do, of course, provided they have Scarlett’s knockers.
The good news for Johansson (other than her rack) is that there are some incredibly melodic moments on her new Anywhere I Lay My Head album … the bad news is that all of them occur when she’s not singing.
We know with the economy tanking the way it is there’s a growing market for depressing down-tempo crap like this, but even people who want to kill themselves can appreciate decent vocals.
Johansson’s voice? The best she can hope for is that the CIA buys a bunch of these CD’s to play while they’re interrogating al Queda suspects or something. “You don’t know where Makmoud’s dirty bomb is? Well, let’s just see what Miss Johansson has to say about that (dum-dum-dum).”
Hell, this album doesn’t even hit stores for another three weeks and it’s probably already breaking the Geneva Convention.
If You’re Keeping Score At Home April 29, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 134 comments
… THAT MEANS YOU, AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION
FITSNews - April 29, 2008 - Only 48% of test-takers from the Charleston School of Law passed the February 2008 bar exam, according to results published in today’s edition of La Socialista.
Bar exam results are typically lower for the February test, which often includes multiple rejects ”repeat test-takers,” although the University of South Carolina managed to post a 65% passing rate among its February class.
Of course, it should be noted that these exam results are subject to change at the whim of the S.C. Supreme Court - which may once again decide to toss out a whole section of the exam so that Charleston can achieve the passing percentage it needs to impress the American Bar Association … and make the school’s owners a lot of money.
Let ‘em “fake it till they make it,” right Queen Jean?
