After an excessive amount of “adieu,” we finally got around this weekend to assembling our five finalists for this year’s Alicia Florrick Award, which is presented pseudo-annually to the hottest lawyer in the State of South Carolina.
Named in honor of the smoking hot Julianna Marguiles’ character on The Good Wife, this list dispenses with the pretense of partial objectification and moves straight into full-on objectification of gorgeous (and powerful) female attorneys.
Is that bad? Probably … but our page views and unique visits are gonna be off the chain over the next few days, so deal with it.
Anyway, to the nominees!
S.C. Supreme Court – Columbia, S.C.
Our founding editor has had a crush on Nye for some time now … a crush that is most assuredly not reciprocated. Why not?
Because this website has consistently bashed the ever-living sh*t out of the S.C. Supreme Court, which is where Nye works as an attorney for Chief Justice Jean Toal.
Nye made an appearance on our “Hot Lawyer” finalist list a few ago and for reasons surpassing understanding finished in fifth place (out of five candidates). Perhaps our readers were unaware of the existence of her glamor shots … or her side fitness “business.” Either way, we expect this brunette bombshell to fare much better this go-round.
TAYLOR JOHNSON MOORE
Ramsdale Law Firm – Charleston S.C.
Moore is one of those rare blond bombshells who rocks both straight hair and curls with equal bow chicka wow wowness (editor’s note: not a real term).
An up-and-coming family law attorney at the Charleston, S.C.-based Ramsdale Law Firm (whose founder Marie-Louise Ramsdale is quite the hottie herself), Moore is a graduate of the Charleston School of Law – another entity that has been on the receiving end of our founding editor’s relentless tirades.
With a mentor like Ramsdale (a cum laude Harvard Law School grad) guiding her and a steady diet of real-world trial experience, Moore has a bright future ahead of her. She also has – and we’re not exaggerating here – the perfect chin. Seriously … it’s like it was sculpted by Jesus himself (eat your heart out, Reese Witherspoon).
S.C. Department of Health and Environmental Control – Columbia, S.C.
It has been suggested that this website’s obsessive hyper-criticism of Templeton during her recent stint as director of the S.C. Department of Labor Licensing and Regulation was really nothing more than a subconscious attempt on our part to overcompensate for our founding editor’s tent-pitching desires for this Lowcountry lawyer.
We’re not going to argue that premise … not even a little bit.
We may not be sold on Templeton as a state government agency head, but we’re more than sold on the premise that she’s train smoke hot … and in possession of arguably the sexiest voice in the entire state.
“She’s a Mother I’d Like to Fahrvergnügen,” Sic Willie says of Templeton. “And then Fahrvergnügen again.”
Moss and Associates – Columbia, S.C.
Ruschky’s dad Eric is a former big shot at the Federal Bureau of Investigation … which means we’re literally putting our lives at risk by putting her on this list.
Oh well … we’re already in hot water with the U.S. Secret Service, what’s a few more enemies? Besides, the power of Ruschky’s freckles compels us (mmmmmm … freckles).
A bankruptcy attorney at Moss and Associates, Ruschky previously served as an assistant solicitor for the S.C. Fifth Judicial Circuit. She’s incredibly proud of her pops – and rightfully so – but she’s also starting to command her own respects in the Capital City.
Strike a pose, girlfriend … you deserve it.
Pizarro Law Firm – Summerville, S.C.
The 2010 winner of our illustrious competition, Margie has requested on several occasions that we start sharing the love with other contestants (i.e. refrain from nominating her again).
No can do, babes. With legs like that, we’re not about to take Margie off of our list.
The owner of a thriving full-service practice in Summerville, S.C., Pizarro continues to set “the bar” for this competition at the highest possible level, and we wouldn’t be surprised at all if she were to win her second Florrick Award this year (which of course would mean that our readers will be treated to yet another sizzling photo shoot starring this Lowcountry diva).
Alright … we’ve whittled the field down, now it’s up to you to choose the winner. Cast your votes and remember that the winner (if we can convince her to do it) will appear in an exclusive FITS photo shoot.
To the poll!