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In what has to be one of the best back stories in all of sports (that we may never hear), Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino has reportedly asked the FBI to investigate his claim that he is the target of an extortion attempt.

The former University of Kentucky and Boston Celtics’ head coach – who has led Louisville to back-to-back “Elite Elight” appearances – issued a statement over the weekend saying that he would “vigorously defend my reputation and the character of my family against any criminal scheme to extort money.”

So … what does any of this have to do with that leggy blonde in the ridiculously slutty orange-and-white get up?

Well, her name is Karen Sypher, and she’s allegedly the chick that’s trying to extort money from Pitino.

She’s also the soon-to-be ex-wife of Louisville’s equipment manager, and the couple’s divorce documents were (sadly) just sealed by a judge – sparking a flood of new rumors about who’s zooming who in this situation.

We’re not experts on extortion or anything, but we are experts on who can and cannot pull off slutty orange ensembles.

And Karen Sypher is definitely in the “can” category.

We’re also experts on penises, and our experience has been that they are generally attracted to women who look like Sypher … and vice versa.