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First of all what’s up with that hair? Seriously, Lindsay. Mufasa called. He wants his mane back. And speaking of animal analogies, there may be a camel somewhere missing its toe.

Might want to get on that.

Anyway, after spending the holiday season fighting with her lesbian lover Sam Ronson, losing a bunch of weight and discovering that her dad had fathered a secret love child, celebripopslut Lindsay Lohan got “back to basics” to kick off the new year.

How, you may ask? By heading off to a tropical location where she could prance around on the beach and show off her still-ginormous bosoms, of course.

Ahhh … the simple things in life.

The good news? Lindsay’s breasts appear to have retained their title as the two awesomest things on the entire planet, edging out peanut butter and Tivo.

The bad news? Well, we had just cured Sic Willie of his freckle fetish but needless to say, he’s relapsing.