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Since the U.S. government is about to purchase $700 billion worth of “distressed assets,” what’s keeping ordinary Americans from getting in on the action?

After all, we’re paying for this boondoggle, right? We might as well get something out of it …

Enter “Buy My Sh*tpile, Henry,” a new website aimed at furnishing U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson with some ideas for spending that massive check we’re about to cut him.

One of several such sites to pop up in protest of the federal bailout plan, here’s some sage “asset liquidation” advice from its founders:

… remember, when estimating the value of your 1997 limited edition Hanson single CD “MMMbop”, it’s not what you can sell these items for that matters, it’s what you think they are worth. The fact that you think they are worth more than anyone will buy them for is what makes them bad assets.

First of all, anybody selling “MMMbop” is crazy. That song rocks, people.

Of course this site could not have come along at a better time for Mrs. Sic Willie, who has been looking far and wide for someplace to unload the last of our founding editor’s, um, “keepsakes.”