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eggtooth library


FITSNews – November 30, 2007 – First it was the Dolly Cooper Sports Complex, now it’s the Daniel T. Cooper Library and Government Center. Jeez. It seems all this brood of egg-teethers needs to complete world domination (and to completely drain the the state of South Carolina’s dwindling coffers) is an interchange/ boat ramp/ picnic area named after Melba. Which is probably do-able, because when it comes to blowing your tax dollars on monuments to themselves, nobody beats the Coopers of Anderson County.

Here’s what the spiffy new library’s namesake had to say in the Powdersville Journal, which for some unknown reason costs seventy-five cents:

“In Columbia, even after seventeen years in the House I’m still known as Dolly’s boy. I really can’t believe they just named a library after me. This is one of the unforgettable moments in my life.”

It’s hard to know where to start with that quote. First of all, if we were known as “Dolly’s boy” someplace, we would find a reason to go someplace else. Second of all, Mr. Crodanman, if you’re known as anything in Columbia it’s “Egg-tooth.” Get over it already. You’re also known as the biggest pork barrel spender in all of state government … well, who isn’t a Communist Oompa Loompa, anyway.

Of course, we are in complete agreement with the Egg-tooth on one point – we really can’t believe they just named a library after him, either. It’s not that we’re surprised he’s getting paid back for the millions of taxpayer dollars he’s shoveled up to The Land That Time Forgot over the years, we’re just surprised that so many people who can’t read are comfortable confronting the social awkwardness and inner demons that accompany a visit to the library.