SPARTANBURG GOP CHAIRMAN CAN’T SPELL “TROPHY WIFE,” BUT THAT’S ANOTHER STORY
FITSNews – September 14, 2007 – The great thing about South Carolina’s resident Slow Zebra (and Spartanburg GOP Chairman) Rick Beltram is that every time he opens his mouth, something borderline retarded comes out. Of course that takes a lot of the satisfaction out of making fun of him, which when you get right down to it is a lot like shooting spitballs at a dyslexic baboon’s rear end.
Nevertheless, we make fun of him anyway because we’re firm believers in Social Darwinism, and Beltram (who has difficulty with both numbers and letters) represents a perfect case study when it comes to thinning the intellectual herd. Plus, he always responds with some semi-intelligible rant that makes for additional giggles (and grammar lessons).
Anyway, Beltram recently revealed to what we can only assume was a gathering of fellow mouth-breathers that his self-propelled speculation concerning a possible State Senate run is really all about positioning himself to become the next Chairman of the SCGOP. We didn’t know monkeys could think in such abstract terms, either, but there it is.
Beltram also took the opportunity to call former Sen. Fred Thompson‘s current spouse Jeri a “trophy wife” … three times.
Come now, what’s up with that, Potato Head? Is it part of your clever plan to lure more women into the GOP?
Sure, Beltram’s thrice-offered blunder is not as bad as MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough insinuating recently that Mrs. Thompson was a former stripper, but at least that was creative … and at least Scarborough’s knuckles don’t hit the ground when he walks.
Look, people, Jeri Thompson is hot. We’d love nothing more than to school her in a little girl-on-girl and we’re not ashamed to say so. But from everything we’ve heard, there’s also a big brain and some above average political acumen accompanying that breathtaking body. Plus, we’re guessing she’s a Sunday morning coffee and Washington Times-type cuddler, which according to Sic Willie is all a man can ask for in life. Well, that and accurately predicting which of his fantasy baseball players is going to perform well in the coming week.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Oh, Jeri, Sic wants to know if he should go with Dmitri Young or Todd Helton at corner infield this week? And who should he put in for Greg Maddux if Cole Hamels isn’t off the DL yet?)
Beltram’s problem is that they generally don’t allow sweaty ignoramuses to come within a hundred yards of women this hot in real life, and that probably frustrates him a little bit.
Of course, we’re talking about a guy who also gets frustrated counting to ten and writing in complete sentences, so it’s probably not that surprising.