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maggie gyllenhaal


FITSNews – August 27, 2007 – Confusing Sic Willie is a lot like making instant coffee. It doesn’t take a lot of time or effort, and you usually end up with satisfying results. Enter actress Maggie Gyllenhaal, who’s had our bad boy’s brain flying around in circles all weekend as he’s embarked on a quest to find out whether she’s the hottest, sexiest woman alive or just another example of his peculiar taste in women.

“Remember when ya’ll hung that flying plastic pig from the ceiling fan and I stared at it for like twelve and a half hours?” Sic Willie asked us in this morning’s editorial board meeting. “Well, I’ve gone from being the curious cat trying to figure how to knock that pig down to being the pig hisself, and it’s all Maggie Gyllenhaal’s fault.”

Specifically, Sic Willie is trying to answer the following three questions – is Maggie hot or not? How do you spell Gyllenhaal? And perhaps most importantly – how in the hell did that flying plastic pig maintain a sustained circular velocity for twelve and a half hours? Is it battery-powered or what?

“I’m like the 4 Non-Blondes right now,” Sic Willie said. “I need to know what’s going on.”