Awww … So … Cute May 21, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 11 comments… BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE TO THIS ADORABLE STORY
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - In case you haven’t seen the new television ad from Spartanburg Rep. Scott Talley, it’s all about how he drives 92 miles back home every day to read stories to his little kids instead of going to the booze-soaked special interest receptions frequented by most lawmakers after a hard day of wasting our money in Columbia, S.C..
Seriously, the ad is so good it’ll make you want to cry … well, until you examine the economic interest statements that Talley has filed with the State Ethics Commission.
Those documents show Talley attending 45 legislative receptions in 2006 alone - including 29 dinners at swanky Columbia restaurants and private clubs which were paid for by the likes of R.J. Reynolds, the S.C. Trial Lawyers Association (and the Defense Trial Lawyers Association, too), Data Recognition Corporation (which administers our state’s costly and ineffective PACT test), the S.C. Beer Wholesalers (which probably featured, um, beer), Southern Wine & Spirits (which probably feautured, um, spirits) and numerous other Columbia special interests. (more…)
Shrub Cells Out
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 4 comments
VIVA LA REVOLUCION, AMIGOS
By Mande Wilkes
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - Turns out, today marks a “Day of Solidarity with the Cuban People,” an auspicious occasion we’re celebrating here at FITSNews by huddling into a tiny boat and attempting to cross the kiddie pool.
In honor of this contrived celebration, President G-Dub is grandstanding about all the newfound freedoms Cubans will soon enjoy following Fidel Castro’s relinquishing of power. Among these reforms is the lifting of a ban on cell phones, which sounds a lot like progress until you get to the part about how most Cubans can’t afford a SIM card, much less a cell phone:
The goods and services remain out of reach for most people on the island, where $120 cell phones plus $10.80 calling cards cost about six times the average monthly salary.
Of course with gas prices what they are, Americans aren’t really in a position to buy cell phones either, but economic technicalities obviously don’t matter to el Presidente. Though not permitted to purchase or receive anything from Cuba, Bush wants Americans to pony up and send cell phones to promote freedom? Aye yay y-arriba! (more…)
Jessica Alba Got Hitched
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 1 comment so far
SIC WILLIE ON SUICIDE WATCH
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - Even though she’s pregnant and pregnant chicks are kinda creepy, Jessica Alba is still the hottest living thing on the planet. And even though his own nuptuals are impending, our founding editor Sic Willie was still clinging to the whole “threesome with Jessica Alba” idea, which let’s face was still hovering in the “fifty-fifty” category … on one of Sic’s modest days.
Anyway, those dreams have now been shattered:
Actress Jessica Alba has married her boyfriend Cash Warren in a private ceremony, her publicist has confirmed … the couple got engaged in December after the Sin City star announced she was expecting a child, due this summer.
Alba, 27, has been dating Warren since autumn 2004. The pair met on the set of The Fantastic Four, on which Warren, 31, worked as a director’s assistant.
Needless to say this news has sent Sic on an ice cream and Twizzlers binge not unlike the one that accompanied his epic fantasy baseball collapse last September. The good news is that his pre-evaporated man tears are selling on E-Bay for only eleventy kabillion dollars … what a bargain!
S.C. School Makes National Top 10?
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 9 comments
WAIT, WHAT?
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - The Charleston Post and Courier is reporting that a South Carolina Academic Magnet High School located in North Charleston ranks seventh-best in Newsweek’s list of top American high schools. Uhhh … wait, what? How the hell did this happen? From the story:
No other Lowcountry school was included in Newsweek’s ranking of more than 1,300 schools nationwide, and the next closest South Carolina school on the list was Eastside High School in Greenville at No. 342.
Hmmm … Sic Willie gets his man-thong in a wad every time South Carolina’s ridiculously shitty public schools are mentioned, yet for the second time this month he’s allowing us to blog positively about them. WTF? We’re not sure exactly what’s going on here, but the smart money is on breasts somehow being part of the equation. Seriously, we’re not exaggerating when we say that Sic would repudiate every core belief he ever had in exchange for a few topless photos, people.
Of course, the bad news is that of the top 350 schools in the country, South Carolina has only 2 of them - or precisely one-fourth of one percent . Meanwhile, we still lead the nation in dropout factories and have the worst graduation rate in Western Civilization. Anyway, a few schools are doing it right … including Sic’s new buds at Dutch Fork High School, who came in at No. 385 on the list.
Scolionophobia
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 4 comments
FINALLY: A WAY TO GET LIBERALS TO “VOUCH” FOR SCHOOL CHOICE
By Mande Wilkes
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - As zealously as we support school choice, even we don’t have the chutzpah to ask for a voucher worth $45,000, which is exactly what Rebecca Maykish and her mother received from one Pennsylvania school district.
Maykish claims that she has a disability, and accordingly, taxpayers have been forced to foot the bill for an alternative method of education. The disability? Maykish suffers from a phobia to school. Seriously … so says her psychiatrist:
”This is a young lady who has long-standing school phobia.”
As ridiculous as this story is, we’re happy to highlight what happens when liberals control tax revenue. The absurd rationale driving this story is that people should have control over their kids’ education only when there is a claim of disability - irrespective of the legitimacy of that disability - while parents of “normal” kids should have no such choice regarding their children’s education.
Now, we don’t begrudge Ms. Maykish her $45,000. In fact, we kind of applaud her for finding a way to make public education work in her favor. But we are just a little bitter that we didn’t parlay our wee truancy problem into a $45,000 windfall.
The Colts’ Draft Sucked May 20, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : Sports , 3 commentsBUT SOMETIMES BAD NEWS COMES IN GOOD PACKAGES
FITSNews - May 20, 2008 - Given our unrequited love of both the Indianapolis Colts and fantasy athletics, it should come as no surprise that finding a way to throw large breasts into that equation pretty much ices an already yummy cake.
In fact, not since “Mr. Pibb and Red Vines” has a combination been so thoroughly delectable … err, crazy delicious.
Anyway, even though the Colts obviously didn’t set the world on fire with their 2008 draft class, something about this recap comforts us nonetheless …
“It Was A College Thing”
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 15 comments
JOSS STONE MAKES OUT WITH ANOTHER GIRL IN NEW MOVIE
FITSNews - May 20, 2008 - We have no idea who Joss Stone is, except that she’s apparently a singer trying to become an actor who agreed to make out with another chick in her debut movie about something annoyingly British that will probably go straight to DVD. Having said that, it’s the “make out with another chick” part of that otherwise unflattering sentence that makes her our new heroine.
From the UPI:
The 20-year-old singer said by being featured on screen passionately kissing another woman, she was able to conquer a challenge in her professional and personal life, The Daily Mail said Saturday.
“I just wanted to challenge myself. There are things in the film that are going to really push the boundaries, and that excites me,” she said.
Color us excited as well, even though we have no idea which one of the chicks in that picture is Joss Stone. Is she the one on the right? Or the one on the left? Seriously, the suspense is killing us …
All we can say is that Joss Stone (whichever one of those chicks she is) could have played a forty-foot tall, post-Apocalyptic alien extra in the movie Battlefield Earth and her transition from singing to acting would still be faring better than Scarlett Johansson’s transition from acting to singing …
