TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELVES, PEOPLE

FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - We’ve gotten quite a few e-mails today from folks wanting to see some documentation for our story yesterday about S.C. Rep. Scott Talley.

In his new TV commercial, Talley brags about how he drives “92 miles” at the end of each day to read to his young kids instead of going to liquor and lobbyist-laden receptions like most lawmakers do.

Well, according to Talley’s ethics filings, that claim is misleading … at best.  And even though every word FITSNews prints should be treated as Gospel, here are some pages from his filing for any doubting Thomases out there …

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SO DO DEMOCRATS, OF COURSE, BUT NOTHING SUCKS QUITE LIKE THIS AD

FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - As hard as it is to believe, this thirty-second audio-visual abortion was not produced in 1982 by a future Christian Coalitioner running for middle school homeroom representative.

Amazingly, that’s an ad for Congress … as in the U.S. Congress.

We’re not even going to address the candidates running for this “competitive” Missouri House seat (editor’s note: because we could care less ), nor are we going to delve into the claims this ad makes (editor’s note: because we could care lesser-er ). 

What we do find amazing, however, is that the Republican douchebag who’s airing this travesty actually had the stones to say “I approve this message.”

Seriously, his points may be valid enough, but the bottom line is a mongoloid using his cell phone camera could have filmed a garbage can of used tampons for thirty seconds and exceeded the production value of this turdishness.

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AND DENISE RICHARDS IS NO DIFFERENT, PEOPLE

FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - It’s not really going out on a limb to say that 100% of the participants in the Denise Richards-Charlie Sheen marriage are 100% bat-shit crazy.  Seriously, we have scientists who can back that statement up with stuff they studied in test tubes and experiments they performed on lab rats.

Anyway, Sheen thinks the 9/11 attacks against America were some alien/ robot/ government conspiracy, while Richards thinks that $100,000 a month isn’t sufficient child support/ alimony from Sheen:

“Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support. Most people in America can figure out how to live on that, but Denise can’t?”

Denise also received $60,000 a month for two years in alimony from Charlie. She also gets a payday from Charlie’s hit show, “Two And A Half Men.”

Richards will make upwards of $25 million from the show alone.

Of course some habits are kind of expensive, so it’s easy to see how $1.2 million a year in tax-free, interest-bearing American dollars might not cut it.  

Accordingly, we have to side with Denise regarding this dust-up, which we promise has nothing to do with the fact that she loves getting naked and making out with other girls.  It’s all about a careful examination of the merits of the case, people.

In fact, after conducting a thorough review of those merits, a jury in Sic Willie’s pants recently awarded Denise full custody of his heart and eleventy kabillion dollars - tax-free, of course.

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GOD’S CHOSEN CREW HAS A LIST OF COMPLAINTS

FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - We’re not into making rash overgeneralizations or trading in blanket stereotypes here at FITSNews, but it appears the entire Jewish community got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

According to the New York Times, Jewish people down in Florida don’t like Barack Obama, and they aren’t being shy about their reasons:

“The people here, liberal people, will not vote for Obama because of his attitude towards Israel,” Ms. (Shirley) Weitz, 83, said, lingering over brunch.

“They’re going to vote for McCain,” she said.

Ms. (Ruth) Grossman, 80, agreed with her friend’s conclusion, but not her reasoning.

“They’ll pick on the minister thing, they’ll pick on the wife, but the major issue is color,” she said, quietly fingering a coffee cup.

Closer to home, the American Jewish Congress is urging S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford to veto a bill that would allow S.C. drivers to express their faith on a Christian license plate …

“It’s singling out one faith for special treatment that other faiths are unlikely to receive,” said Marc D. Stern, attorney for the organization. “I suspect the Legislature would not create an atheist plate. I don’t think an ‘I don’t believe’ plate would stand much of a chance.”

Frankly we don’t think anybody should get a special license plate (check out thesis #88 on this list).  If you want to use your car to express yourself, buy a friggin’ bumper sticker.

Anyway, we can appreciate Jewish folks being ticked off about the whole license plate thing, but the Obama angst we don’t get.  Seriously, why the hell would a group of people who endured history’s most brutal discrimination turn around and discriminate themselves?

We don’t get it.  There are a million reasons not to vote for Obama - and that’s a conservative estimate - but the fact that he’s black shouldn’t be one of them.

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By Rep. Nathan Ballentine

HOW “POLITICS” HAS BECOME JAGGER’S LUCIFER

“Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith…”

                             -Politics

When I decided to offer myself as a public servant, my pastor told me “God doesn’t place this on many people’s hearts. You should do it.” He also added “Politics isn’t Sunday School though.”

How prophetic were those words.

In my four short years in office, nothing surprises me anymore in Politics. Sadly, I’m almost now numb to the many new ways that Politics can bring out the worst in some folks.

Initially, a Politician may vote for something out of his own self-interest as opposed to his beliefs, the merits of the bill or the qualifications of the judicial candidate.

Why? Maybe it’s a chance to gain favor with a powerful member, or perhaps it could lead to a campaign contribution or Political support down the road. Maybe this quid-pro-quo could yield a return “thank you” on one of this person’s own pieces of legislation, or support for one of their judicial candidates when the time comes?

Forget the merits of the bill or the qualifications of the candidate. Those things should matter; but sadly they aren’t the only things that matter in Politics.

I guess I was naïve when I heard about these stories before I was elected, but I can tell you that’s only the beginning.

Circle One, if you will.

This slippery slope starts “innocently” enough with simple comments like “this is how things get done” or “you’ve got to go along to get along”. It’s a little voice that whispers “It’s ok. Everyone does it.”

Circle Two begins when folks slide a little further and vote against what their constituents back home are asking of them - votes they wouldn’t otherwise make without pressure from within.

The people they represent may be overwhelmingly for or against a particular issue, yet Politicians find a way to vote the other way.

Their justification for this is that “Politicians know better.” Politicians have access to information that constituents do not. Had constituents been able to access that information, surely they would see their representative voted correctly, right?

Granted, Politicians should lead, and leading oftentimes means going against the grain.

If done for the right reasons, going against the grain is good. If done for the wrong reasons, though, it’s not leadership at all.

So do Politicians vote against what they know is right? And if so, why?

Of course they do, but when that happens it’s only a matter of time before Politicians are at a place they never thought they’d be - a place where they may have indeed sold their soul (or had it stolen).

The scenarios above (regardless how “shocking” they may be) are mild compared to the next level, one I’m sure exists in every state and in federal government as well.

This next level takes us to the bottom.

This column doesn’t allow for the laundry list of political vices that are rampant everywhere - the kind of vices that take Politicians to depths they never knew they’d visit. But we know them when we see them, and most times it’s not the greed, envy or any of the other deadly sins that gets the Politician, it’s what those things force him or her to start doing.

Much like the frog placed in water that gradually boils, Politicians are eventually so caught up in the system they don’t even know it. I call this the “mirror test” and when you fail that test; you’re done. Maybe not as a Politician; but certainly as a public servant.

Sadly, most Politicians don’t realize they’ve failed this test or either they continue to explain away their actions with the ultimate “ends justify the means” rationale.

Politicians want to have more “power” and “influence” to better enact the altruistic beliefs and goals that they had when they first ran.

But do they sell their soul to get it? That’s the irony of it all.

As with every dark cloud, though, there is a silver lining. Yes, Politics indeed isn’t like Sunday School but the players are the same: sinners, saints, and many in between. State and federal governments do have men and women with true motives who don’t sell their soul or have it stolen. These public servants remember who they are, why they were elected, and whom they answer to.

In the short run, it’s the voters. In the long run, it’s family, self, and God.

At least that’s how I see it …

“Pleased to meet you.
Hope you guess my name.
What’s puzzling you is the nature of my game.”

               -Politics

UPDATE - Be sure to check out Ballentine’s website, Nathan’s News, for more good stuff.

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DEMS NOT DIGGING ON STRAIGHT TALKER

By Mande Wilkes

FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - Apparently unsatisfied with the major Republican tush they’re kicking this election cycle, Democrats today launched a website devoted entirely to the vilification of John McCain.

Entitled “McCainpedia,” the site bills itself as “a wiki run by the DNC’s Research, Communications, and Internet teams … to centralize research material, allowing the general public to use it as they see fit.”

Notwithstanding the painful grammatical disagreement there, that’s a pretty good message - if it were actually true.

Despite playing off the Wikipedia moniker, and despite labeling itself a wiki (i.e. a website that allows its readers to modify, update and amend content), McCainpedia is anything but.

Explains the site:

“Unlike some wikis, McCainpedia is read-only and can’t be edited by the public. This allows us to fully validate all of the information that appears, ensuring accuracy and reliability.”

Well, yeah, accuracy is a virtuous standard and all, but a ‘read-only’ site can hardly be described as a “wiki.”  Those are by definition participatory, hence their surge in recent popularity. 

Frankly, we find this lack of transparency laughable, especially coming from a site whose raison d’etre is exposing McCain’s lack of transparency.

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TIME FOR SOME BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD, PEOPLE

FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - According to the Daily Fuel Gauge Report, the average price of a gallon of gasoline is over $4 now.  And since that’s more than what we pay for a pack of ciggies (well, before the legislature raises the tax on them), we pretty much did a clutch and wheeze, people.

Anyway, since Washington Democrats are having a feeding frenzy on the issue, we figured it was past time Sic Willie and the FITS Gals reminded everybody that this situation calls for a little less talk and a little more bombing the ever-living shit out of some helpless Arab nation (one with a lot of gas, preferably).

In fact, that sounds like an Elvis song … or an Outkast song … but either way “this aggravation ain’t satisfactionin’ us …”

According to the Associated Press, big oil is defending its profits off the record pump prices in front of a Senate panel today …
 

Top executives of the five largest oil companies tried to shift anger over high prices to a debate over supplies Wednesday, leading a senator to accuse them of acting like “hapless victims” while racking up record profits.

Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., told the executives there’s “a disconnect” between normal supply and demand and the skyrocketing price of oil—surpassing $130 a barrel even as the oil leaders testified—that the industry has yet to explain.

What’s really hard to understand is how oil companies are NOT raking it in. In an interesting article penned by Thomas Sowell, he says:

The government collects far more in taxes on every gallon of gasoline than the oil companies collect in profits … Nothing is easier, or more emotionally satisfying, than blaming high prices on those who charge them, rather than on those who cause them.

Ronald Bailey, of Reason magazine, also explains how the weakening dollar, geopolitical uncertainty and market speculation are playing roles in all this, not to mention supply and demand …

In the meantime, OM Fuels in Charleston is selling bio-diesel to the Lowcountry. So we edumacated ourselves, and found that biodiesel is a “clean burning fuel … produced from domestic, renewable resources that can be used in any diesel engine with little or no modification.” 

Of course you’ll need a vehicle equipped with a diesel engine … unless of course you’re like our founding editor and power your vehicle on sheer, unbridled sex appeal.

Maybe it’s time for us to buy that Volkswagon Rabbit we’ve always wanted, or maybe one of those Vespas, which get about 70-80 miles per gallon.

Or, we could be the Lieutenant Governor’s co-pilot and ride in one of his metrosexual smart cars.

However we ride, we’ll still be hot as hell, though.

Look, people. The bottom line is that America either need to figure out how to blow some more towelheads back to Allah or figure out how to not need so much of their friggin’ oil.

For example, check out these links …

South Carolina Hydrogen and Fuel Cell Alliance

Palmetto State Clean Fuels Coalition

Mules, the way of the future

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… BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE TO THIS ADORABLE STORY

FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - In case you haven’t seen the new television ad from Spartanburg Rep. Scott Talley, it’s all about how he drives 92 miles back home every day to read stories to his little kids instead of going to the booze-soaked special interest receptions frequented by most lawmakers after a hard day of wasting our money in Columbia, S.C..

Seriously, the ad is so good it’ll make you want to cry … well, until you examine the economic interest statements that Talley has filed with the State Ethics Commission. 

Those documents show Talley attending 45 legislative receptions in 2006 alone - including 29 dinners at swanky Columbia restaurants and private clubs which were paid for by the likes of R.J. Reynolds, the S.C. Trial Lawyers Association (and the Defense Trial Lawyers Association, too), Data Recognition Corporation (which administers our state’s costly and ineffective PACT test), the S.C. Beer Wholesalers (which probably featured, um, beer), Southern Wine & Spirits (which probably feautured, um, spirits) and numerous other Columbia special interests.

Hmmmm … sure looks to us like somebody’s got some explaining to do.  Because unless André Bauer is flying him, there’s no way Talley made it home in time to put the little rugrats to bed those 29 nights.

Additionally, attorneys with the House Ethics Committee told FITSNews that legislators are only required to report those receptions that they actually attend.  

Furthermore, legislators are not required to report receptions to which the entire House of Representatives was invited, meaning that Talley’s total “reception count” could be much higher.  

According to TV records in Spartanburg, Talley has put about $22,000 behind his “I don’t go to receptions” ad, which based on this information could end up being the worst investment he ever made.

UDPATE - FITSNews is sending an FOIA request to the Clerk of the S.C. House of Representatives this afternoon seeking records of any hotel reimbursements Talley has filed for over the last three years, in addition to his mileage reimbursements.  Stay tuned … 

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VIVA LA REVOLUCION, AMIGOS

By Mande Wilkes

FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - Turns out, today marks a “Day of Solidarity with the Cuban People,” an auspicious occasion we’re celebrating here at FITSNews by huddling into a tiny boat and attempting to cross the kiddie pool.

In honor of this contrived celebration, President G-Dub is grandstanding about all the newfound freedoms Cubans will soon enjoy following Fidel Castro’s relinquishing of power. Among these reforms is the lifting of a ban on cell phones, which sounds a lot like progress until you get to the part about how most Cubans can’t afford a SIM card, much less a cell phone:

The goods and services remain out of reach for most people on the island, where $120 cell phones plus $10.80 calling cards cost about six times the average monthly salary.

Of course with gas prices what they are, Americans aren’t really in a position to buy cell phones either, but economic technicalities obviously don’t matter to el Presidente. Though not permitted to purchase or receive anything from Cuba, Bush wants Americans to pony up and send cell phones to promote freedom? Aye yay y-arriba!

Geez … all the self-screwing America does in the name of “promoting freedom and democracy around the world” is downright incestuous. Seriously, we deserve a smoke after this sort of effing …

Oh, and would it be too much trouble to make it a Cuban?

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SIC WILLIE ON SUICIDE WATCH

FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - Even though she’s pregnant and pregnant chicks are kinda creepy, Jessica Alba is still the hottest living thing on the planet. And even though his own nuptuals are impending, our founding editor Sic Willie was still clinging to the whole “threesome with Jessica Alba” idea, which let’s face was still hovering in the “fifty-fifty” category … on one of Sic’s modest days.

Anyway, those dreams have now been shattered:

Actress Jessica Alba has married her boyfriend Cash Warren in a private ceremony, her publicist has confirmed … the couple got engaged in December after the Sin City star announced she was expecting a child, due this summer.

Alba, 27, has been dating Warren since autumn 2004. The pair met on the set of The Fantastic Four, on which Warren, 31, worked as a director’s assistant.

Needless to say this news has sent Sic on an ice cream and Twizzlers binge not unlike the one that accompanied his epic fantasy baseball collapse last September.  The good news is that his pre-evaporated man tears are selling on E-Bay for only eleventy kabillion dollars … what a bargain!

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