Just in time for the holiday weekend, Athlon’s 2009 College Football preview magazine is out … although it probably won’t put University of South Carolina fans in a celebratory mood.

Seriously, just once we’d like to open one of these preseason publications and read about how “South Carolina is adding the nation’s best recruiting class to a defending SEC championship squad -one that returns all-conference starters on both sides of the football.”

Or that “the Gamecocks high-octane offense pummeled SEC defenses last year en route to its seventh consecutive BCS appearance.”

Sadly, we don’t live in a parallel universe - although in the real universe we did get charged a new “seat tax” on our season tickets this year by the guy responsible for the crappy product we have to watch each Saturday … so there’s that.

Anyway, from the Gamecocks’ Athlon preview:

Entering his fifth season at South Carolina, Steve Spurrier is still searching for the right formula to do “what’s never been done before” — bring an SEC championship home to Columbia. The coach who won six SEC titles and a national championship during a 12-year run at Florida has found the sledding to be tougher at South Carolina.

The 64-year-old Spurrier is 28–22 with the Gamecocks, including a 15–17 SEC record, and has not finished above .500 in the conference since his first season in 2005. After South Carolina was embarrassed in its final three games last season — outscored 118–30 in losses to Florida, Clemson and Iowa — there was major turnover on the coaching staff. A couple of assistants were fired or forced out; several left on their own. Four of the five new coaches are on offense, where Spurrier wants to improve a rushing attack that was the SEC’s worst the past two seasons.

Defensively, there are big holes to fill on a unit that was among the league’s best in 2008. A pair of defensive backs (Captain Munnerlyn and Emanuel Cook) left early for the NFL Draft. Fortunately for Gamecock fans, All-SEC linebacker Eric Norwood returns for his senior season after initially announcing he was leaving.

Look, people. The Son of our Lord could have announced that he was returning for his senior season at South Carolina and it’s doubtful the Gamecocks would finish above .500 in the SEC - which is a shame, because we were really hoping that the “Chicken Curse” (a.k.a. USC’s historical inability to block and tackle) was just Clempsun spin.

Anyway, anything short of nine wins this season and Spurrier should be shown the door … which considering we gotta play at Georgia (9/12), at Alabama (10/17), at Tennessee (10/31) and at home against Ole Miss (9/24), Florida (11/14) and Clempsun (11/21) is probably a safe bet.

Former GOP Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin is stepping down as governor of Alaska at the end of the month, cutting her term short by seventeen months and sending the clearest signal yet that she is running for president in 2012.

And why wouldn’t she? Particularly given the rate at which GOP presidential hopefuls are falling by the wayside …

“Once I decided not to run for re-election, I also felt that to embrace the conventional lame duck status in this particular climate would just be another dose of politics as usual, something I campaigned against and will always oppose,” Palin said in a statement.

Really?

And bailing on your state a year-and-a-half before your term is up so you can run for president isn’t “politics as usual?”

Also, announcing the decision on the day before the long Fourth of July weekend - when Americans are completely tuned out - is pretty “politics as usual” if you ask us.

Heck, the only thing not “politics as usual” about Palin?

How hot she is. And how curiously aroused her footwear makes us.

Gov. Mark Sanford’s longtime friend and strongest legislative ally says he counseled Sanford “on several occasions to consider resigning” in the wake of his sex scandal - advice the governor obviously isn’t taking.

S.C. Sen. Tom Davis - who previously served as the governor’s chief-of-staff - was mentioned repeatedly by the governor during his tearful press conference last week, as Sanford said his affair with an Argentine woman, Maria Belen Chapur, had “let down the Tom Davises of the world.”

Unlike most Republican and Democratic Senators, Davis is apparently not jumping on the “resignation bandwagon,” although he did have some strong words for his friend and former boss, saying that the governor had “no further margin for error.”

Here, in its entirety, is the text of Davis’ statement:

Over the past two weeks, South Carolinians have been disappointed, angry and embarrassed by the actions of Gov. Mark Sanford. I share these emotions. We cannot control the unfortunate circumstances that got us to this place, but we can and must control how we now move past them.

I have been Gov. Sanford’s friend for 30 years and the First Lady’s friend during their 20 years of marriage. God willing, we will remain friends for the next 30 years. I have not hidden my concern for Gov. Sanford and the First Lady or my support for them as they try to move forward together.

This is why as a friend, I asked Gov. Sanford on several occasions to consider resigning for the sake of his marriage and his family.

Gov. Sanford told me that discharging the duties of his office would not prevent him from working on that reconciliation, and the First Lady told me the same thing. I am not going to second-guess them in that personal matter.

As a state senator with responsibilities to my constituents, I met yesterday with SLED Chief Reggie Lloyd and Attorney General Henry McMaster to determine whether Gov. Sanford had violated any statutory or constitutional obligations. Both have assured me that Gov. Sanford did not break any laws and that he did not spend public dollars in this process.

Accordingly, unless any new facts are disclosed, I think it is time for me and other public officials to get back to work on the serious challenges facing our state.

That said, and as Gov. Sanford knows, he has no margin for further error in this particular matter. South Carolina simply cannot afford any additional embarrassment.

Davis went to college with Sanford and served as co-campaign manager on the governor’s two successful gubernatorial campaigns. He also led Sanford’s office to its most productive legislative sessions prior to leaving the governor’s office to run for the State Senate.

S.C. Chamber of Commerce President Otis Rawl is taking heat for comments that he made in the wake of Gov. Mark Sanford’s extramarital affair admission (and subsequent PR meltdown), but privately several influential business leaders are telling FITS that they support Rawl’s stated position.

“No truer words have ever been spoken than when Otie (Rawl) said that the governor’s head has never been in economic recruitment,” a top business leader told FITS on condition of anonymity. “The idea that some one who has never had his head in something is going to get distracted is silly.”

Sanford has angered many establishment “business leaders” by opposing rifle shot incentive deals in favor of a “soil conditions” approach aimed at enhancing the state’s underlying business climate.

Unfortunately, lawmakers in the S.C. General Assembly have balked at passing any of Sanford’s signature economic proposals.

Thus, no fertilizer.

Upstate business leaders, in particular, are “through with Sanford,” according to our sources.

Will they go public like Rawl?

“Stay tuned …” our source said (mimicking Sic Willie’s send-off).

Um, yeah.

If that picture turns you on, then you probably don’t need to be sitting in judgment of anyone else … you should probably be sitting in the corner of a dirty theater. Or the corner of a padded room.

But Alex Kozinski, a.k.a. the “Cow Porn” judge, will remain at his seat - which is at the head of the nation’s largest appellate court - despite the fact that he got caught storing such images on a public website.

Kozinski, whose not-so-secret stash of porn got plastered all over the internet last summer, was admonished today for showing “poor judgment” in failing to keep his fetish photos private.

Still, the chief judge of the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals will be allowed to keep his seat.

From the San Francisco Chronicle:

The Los Angeles Times disclosed some of the contents of his now-disabled Web site in June 2008. They included images of masturbation, a slide-show striptease and two naked women on all fours painted as cows.

Kozinski immediately removed himself from an obscenity trial in Los Angeles over which he was then presiding. He told The Chronicle at the time that the site was used by family members to store various photos and documents. He said he wasn’t sure whether he had intentionally stored any sexually explicit images and hadn’t known that anyone else had access.

But the court panel said Kozinski learned in fall 2007 that Internet users could find the site in a Web search. He moved three sexually explicit files to a secure folder but took no further steps to review and remove problematic files until the Times article appeared, the panel said.

We aren’t going to host the uncensored “cow porn” photo - one of many disturbing images found on Kozinski’s website - but assuming you want to go to a website that does that’s your (very NSFW) funeral.

Of course, it’s less disturbing than the play Equus - which we actually had to sit through once.

Arrgh.

We chose not to cover S.C. First Lady Jenny Sanford’s statement yesterday for two main reasons.

First, people are growing tired of the minute-by-minute drama surrounding the admitted sexcapades of her husband, S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford. And second, Mrs. Sanford’s latest comments didn’t exactly plow any new ground in the drama.

Sure, her statement made CNN (and not just the ticker, either), but what exactly did she say that she hasn’t said already?

She loves him. She forgives him. The door’s open if he wants to come back to his family …

Great. We get it. In fact, we got it already.

Don’t get us wrong, now, as we’ve noted on several previous occasions Jenny Sanford has handed the soap opera of her husband’s admitted affair with his Argentine lover, Maria Belen Chapur, with public grace and dignity.

“Like a champion,” our founding editor told Geraldo Rivera the other night.

But how has she been handling it privately?

Sources tell FITS that the First Lady has been closely monitoring every moment of the unfolding drama with a keen strategic eye - and is actually engaging (and possibly directing) the political fight on behalf of her embattled husband.

That’s not surprising considering that Mrs. Sanford has run all of the governor’s previous political races and also served as a key strategist and policy hand in his administration, but it would be a departure from the public persona she has staked out in response to her husband’s philandering and subsequent media meltdown.

Several sources tell FITS that the First Lady - the person most humiliated by the governor’s ill-advised interview - has actually been the strongest advocate on his behalf over the last 48 hours, having several private conversations with lawmakers and other opinion leaders in the Palmetto State urging them to “hold off” on calling for the governor’s resignation.

Sources close to the governor’s office also tell FITS that Mrs. Sanford’s statement yesterday was “explicitly coordinated” with the release of a preliminary report from the State Law Enforcement Division (SLED) on the governor’s travel records, a report that concluded the governor did not misuse state funds in visiting his mistress.

“Yesterday was the 1-2 response to the resignation wave,” the source said, adding that Jenny Sanford was “more than a participant” in the coordinated strategy.

Interesting.

Forget “standing by your man,” it looks like Jenny Sanford is propping hers up …

Over the past few days, our founding editor has been featured in a number of mainstream national media outlets, but there was one bit of local coverage that made him happier than a clam. Or happy as a clam.

Whichever.

It was a local music editor’s compilation of the greatest songs from the Columbia, S.C. music scene over the past few decades, including legendary (to us, anyway) bands like Lay Quiet Awhile, Treadmill Trackstar, Sourwood Honey and Isabelle’s Gift.

Oh, and bands you might have heard of, like Hootie & The Blowfish and Crossfade. And this band … which you definitely, definitely, definitely have never heard of …

Dead Agent Caper, Goodfriend—Before the Thirsties, there was this band, and this hooky cross between R.E.M. and the Police.

Yup. For those of you who didn’t believe the photographic evidence, our founding editor really was a rock star.

Of course, the real talent in the band was its chief songwriter William Stewart, who as alluded to above has a new band called The Thirsties.

For those of you interested in checking them out, click here. The Thirsties also have a video debuting on SCETV next week, so watch out for that.

In the meantime, we’re in the process of trying to locate some old Dead Agent Caper audio tracks for you to enjoy  …

Here’s another in what we’re sure will be many Mark Sanford-related “Photoshop Moments” to come …

And look … this Fabio-style cover of Sanford and his Argentine lover, Maria Belen Chapur, comes with a book!

From Ace of Spades:

Sanford can be criticized for a lot post-scandal alone. For one thing, love is inherently foolish and anyone talking about it sounds like a fool. He should know this; he is not a teenager. There are ways to allude to the fact that this isn’t (in his mind) a sleazy one-night affair without gushing on about it like a ten year old.

For another thing, not only did he give the AP quotes about his “soul mate” and his “forbidden” and “tragic” love, but he allowed them to record the interview, and, it seems, gave them permission to run that audio. Obviously you can cut commercials with audio, and they’ll be more effective than commercials with print-only text.

This may not hurt Sanford much, whose career is over, but it’s not a good thing for all those people, including political supporters and fellow Carolina Republicans, that he spent half of his first press conference apologizing to.

You can read this rest of this spot-on commentary by clicking here … but whoever wrote it nailed Mark Sanford.

Well, figuratively speaking anyway.

Oh, and here’s the full cover (click for larger version) …

Photoshop: Slublog

“…. obama is the new terrorist … muslim is on there (sic) side … need to take this country back from all these mad coons … and illegals.”

Hmmmm-K … now suppose for a moment that one of your friends wrote something like that on your social networking website.

What do you do?

Delete it?

Rebuke it?

Correct their spelling?

Let it sit there unanswered?

Or … do you respond by saying “you tell em (name)! lol!”

According to the website The Conservativist, Audra Shay (above) - a leading candidate for Chairman of the National Young Republicans - chose the latter option, which of course was the wrong option. Well, unless your audience happens to be wearing white robes and pointy hats.

Anyway, in addition to being a die-hard Republican, Shay’s website says she’s an Army veteran, a mom and a small business woman … oh, and a former cheerleader.

Maybe that’s what got into her … the cheerleader thing … but whatever it was, fellow Republicans say it’s precisely the sort of thing that’s got to “get out” of the GOP.

“Rusty DePass didn’t do us any favors, all the other stuff on Facebook didn’t do us any favors,” said Joshua Gross, referring to a series of racially-insensitive gaffes by Palmetto State Republican activists. “This one isn’t going to do us any favors, either.”

Obviously, Shay didn’t call anybody a “coon,” but she gave the remark an “lol,” - which is “laugh out loud” for those of you who don’t speak the language of text messaging.

Gross, who is South Carolina’s National Young Republican Committeeman, says that the GOP has to purge itself of racism.

“We’ve got to a point where people don’t even think in these terms, let alone say something like this, let alone post something like this to a website,” Gross said. “This reinforces every liberal media stereotype about what Republicans are like.”

UPDATE - Audra Shay responds …

Taxpayer-funded travel by U.S. lawmakers is up dramatically, rising by 50% since Democrats took control of Congress and tripling since 2001, according to a report by The Wall Street Journal.

Since 1995, Congressional travel is up ten-fold.

Some of the travel, obviously, is legitimate. But here’s an example of a trip taken by a Senator who’s already in hot water for other stuff that sounds a lot to us like a big party.

From WSJ:

In mid-June, Sen. Daniel Inouye (D., Hawaii) led a group of a half-dozen senators and their spouses on a four-day trip to France for the biennial Paris Air Show. An itinerary for the event shows that lawmakers flew on the Air Force’s version of the Boeing 737, which costs $5,700 an hour to operate. They stayed at the Intercontinental Paris Le Grand Hotel, which advertises rooms from $460 a night.

The lawmakers were invited to a dinner party at the U.S. Embassy and had cocktails at a private party at the Eiffel Tower. Mr. Inouye attended a dinner sponsored by the Aerospace Industries Association, a U.S. trade group. Another senator on the trip, Alabama Republican Sen. Richard Shelby, took a cruise on the River Seine with defense-industry executives and elected officials from Alabama, Mississippi and Florida.

Mr. Inouye and Mr. Shelby declined to comment.

The Journal report also focuses on an eight-day Italian jaunt taken by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

No word on whether she flew the G-5, as is her habit.