Jeez, Republicans Suck May 22, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 1 comment so farSO DO DEMOCRATS, OF COURSE, BUT NOTHING SUCKS QUITE LIKE THIS AD
FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - As hard as it is to believe, this thirty-second audio-visual abortion was not produced in 1982 by a future Christian Coalitioner running for middle school homeroom representative.
Amazingly, that’s an ad for Congress … as in the U.S. Congress.
We’re not even going to address the candidates running for this “competitive” Missouri House seat (editor’s note: because we could care less ), nor are we going to delve into the claims this ad makes (editor’s note: because we could care lesser-er ).
What we do find amazing, however, is that the Republican douchebag who’s airing this travesty actually had the stones to say “I approve this message.”
Seriously, his points may be valid enough, but the bottom line is a mongoloid using his cell phone camera could have filmed a garbage can of used tampons for thirty seconds and exceeded the production value of this turdishness.
Jewish People Are Pissed Today
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics, US Politics , 3 comments
GOD’S CHOSEN CREW HAS A LIST OF COMPLAINTS
FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - We’re not into making rash overgeneralizations or trading in blanket stereotypes here at FITSNews, but it appears the entire Jewish community got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
According to the New York Times, Jewish people down in Florida don’t like Barack Obama, and they aren’t being shy about their reasons:
“The people here, liberal people, will not vote for Obama because of his attitude towards Israel,” Ms. (Shirley) Weitz, 83, said, lingering over brunch.
“They’re going to vote for McCain,” she said.
Ms. (Ruth) Grossman, 80, agreed with her friend’s conclusion, but not her reasoning.
“They’ll pick on the minister thing, they’ll pick on the wife, but the major issue is color,” she said, quietly fingering a coffee cup.
Closer to home, the American Jewish Congress is urging S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford to veto a bill that would allow S.C. drivers to express their faith on a Christian license plate … (more…)
McCainpedia?
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , add a comment
DEMS NOT DIGGING ON STRAIGHT TALKER
By Mande Wilkes
FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - Apparently unsatisfied with the major Republican tush they’re kicking this election cycle, Democrats today launched a website devoted entirely to the vilification of John McCain.
Entitled “McCainpedia,” the site bills itself as “a wiki run by the DNC’s Research, Communications, and Internet teams … to centralize research material, allowing the general public to use it as they see fit.”
Notwithstanding the painful grammatical disagreement there, that’s a pretty good message - if it were actually true.
Despite playing off the Wikipedia moniker, and despite labeling itself a wiki (i.e. a website that allows its readers to modify, update and amend content), McCainpedia is anything but. (more…)
Gas Is Effing Expensive May 21, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 2 commentsTIME FOR SOME BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD, PEOPLE
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - According to the Daily Fuel Gauge Report, the average price of a gallon of gasoline is over $4 now. And since that’s more than what we pay for a pack of ciggies (well, before the legislature raises the tax on them), we pretty much did a clutch and wheeze, people.
Anyway, since Washington Democrats are having a feeding frenzy on the issue, we figured it was past time Sic Willie and the FITS Gals reminded everybody that this situation calls for a little less talk and a little more bombing the ever-living shit out of some helpless Arab nation (one with a lot of gas, preferably).
In fact, that sounds like an Elvis song … or an Outkast song … but either way “this aggravation ain’t satisfactionin’ us …” (more…)
Shrub Cells Out
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 4 comments
VIVA LA REVOLUCION, AMIGOS
By Mande Wilkes
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - Turns out, today marks a “Day of Solidarity with the Cuban People,” an auspicious occasion we’re celebrating here at FITSNews by huddling into a tiny boat and attempting to cross the kiddie pool.
In honor of this contrived celebration, President G-Dub is grandstanding about all the newfound freedoms Cubans will soon enjoy following Fidel Castro’s relinquishing of power. Among these reforms is the lifting of a ban on cell phones, which sounds a lot like progress until you get to the part about how most Cubans can’t afford a SIM card, much less a cell phone:
The goods and services remain out of reach for most people on the island, where $120 cell phones plus $10.80 calling cards cost about six times the average monthly salary.
Of course with gas prices what they are, Americans aren’t really in a position to buy cell phones either, but economic technicalities obviously don’t matter to el Presidente. Though not permitted to purchase or receive anything from Cuba, Bush wants Americans to pony up and send cell phones to promote freedom? Aye yay y-arriba! (more…)
Scolionophobia
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 4 comments
FINALLY: A WAY TO GET LIBERALS TO “VOUCH” FOR SCHOOL CHOICE
By Mande Wilkes
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - As zealously as we support school choice, even we don’t have the chutzpah to ask for a voucher worth $45,000, which is exactly what Rebecca Maykish and her mother received from one Pennsylvania school district.
Maykish claims that she has a disability, and accordingly, taxpayers have been forced to foot the bill for an alternative method of education. The disability? Maykish suffers from a phobia to school. Seriously … so says her psychiatrist:
”This is a young lady who has long-standing school phobia.”
As ridiculous as this story is, we’re happy to highlight what happens when liberals control tax revenue. The absurd rationale driving this story is that people should have control over their kids’ education only when there is a claim of disability - irrespective of the legitimacy of that disability - while parents of “normal” kids should have no such choice regarding their children’s education.
Now, we don’t begrudge Ms. Maykish her $45,000. In fact, we kind of applaud her for finding a way to make public education work in her favor. But we are just a little bitter that we didn’t parlay our wee truancy problem into a $45,000 windfall.
Gay Marriage Legal In California May 15, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , 14 comments
RIGHT TO A BUBBLE BUTT IS ALSO UPHELD
FITSNews - May 15, 2008 - The Supreme Court of California has ruled that same-sex couples can marry, narrowly striking down a 1977 law and a 2000 referendum that banned the practice. The ruling also opened up the whole gay can of worms for the 2008 presidential race, as the issue of homosexuality now becomes hotter than a pair of black assless chaps in the Florida Keys’ summer sun.
From the New York Times:
The court’s 4-to-3 decision striking down state laws that had limited marriages to unions between a man and a woman makes California only the second state, after Massachusetts, to allow same-sex marriages. The decision, which becomes effective in 30 days, is certain to be an issue in the presidential campaign … California already has a strong domestic partnership law that gives gay and lesbian couples nearly all of the benefits and burdens of heterosexual marriage. The majority said that is not enough.
We’re sure that a lot of Bible-thumpers we know will be pissed to hear us say this, but if same-sex couples want to get married, what’s the big deal? If they’ve already got civil union rights, are we really arguing over anything of substance anyway? Yes, we agree marriage is an institution from God, and that God frowns on the whole gay thing, but we also know that Jesus said something about not judging lest we be judged … or at least that’s what Michael Stipe quoted him as saying in New Test Leper, which is off of New Adventures in Hi-Fi, in case you’re wondering.
Anyway, while we’d rather have our nipples cut off with razor blades than watch two gay men make out, we still don’t think government should be in the business of defining marriage … that’s God’s job, and we assume he can handle his business.
