Women Have Needs May 22, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 1 comment so far
AND DENISE RICHARDS IS NO DIFFERENT, PEOPLE
FITSNews - May 22, 2008 - It’s not really going out on a limb to say that 100% of the participants in the Denise Richards-Charlie Sheen marriage are 100% bat-shit crazy. Seriously, we have scientists who can back that statement up with stuff they studied in test tubes and experiments they performed on lab rats.
Anyway, Sheen thinks the 9/11 attacks against America were some alien/ robot/ government conspiracy, while Richards thinks that $100,000 a month isn’t sufficient child support/ alimony from Sheen:
“Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support. Most people in America can figure out how to live on that, but Denise can’t?”
Denise also received $60,000 a month for two years in alimony from Charlie. She also gets a payday from Charlie’s hit show, “Two And A Half Men.”
Richards will make upwards of $25 million from the show alone.
Of course some habits are kind of expensive, so it’s easy to see how $1.2 million a year in tax-free, interest-bearing American dollars might not cut it. (more…)
Jessica Alba Got Hitched May 21, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 1 comment so far
SIC WILLIE ON SUICIDE WATCH
FITSNews - May 21, 2008 - Even though she’s pregnant and pregnant chicks are kinda creepy, Jessica Alba is still the hottest living thing on the planet. And even though his own nuptuals are impending, our founding editor Sic Willie was still clinging to the whole “threesome with Jessica Alba” idea, which let’s face was still hovering in the “fifty-fifty” category … on one of Sic’s modest days.
Anyway, those dreams have now been shattered:
Actress Jessica Alba has married her boyfriend Cash Warren in a private ceremony, her publicist has confirmed … the couple got engaged in December after the Sin City star announced she was expecting a child, due this summer.
Alba, 27, has been dating Warren since autumn 2004. The pair met on the set of The Fantastic Four, on which Warren, 31, worked as a director’s assistant.
Needless to say this news has sent Sic on an ice cream and Twizzlers binge not unlike the one that accompanied his epic fantasy baseball collapse last September. The good news is that his pre-evaporated man tears are selling on E-Bay for only eleventy kabillion dollars … what a bargain!
“It Was A College Thing” May 20, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 15 comments
JOSS STONE MAKES OUT WITH ANOTHER GIRL IN NEW MOVIE
FITSNews - May 20, 2008 - We have no idea who Joss Stone is, except that she’s apparently a singer trying to become an actor who agreed to make out with another chick in her debut movie about something annoyingly British that will probably go straight to DVD. Having said that, it’s the “make out with another chick” part of that otherwise unflattering sentence that makes her our new heroine.
From the UPI:
The 20-year-old singer said by being featured on screen passionately kissing another woman, she was able to conquer a challenge in her professional and personal life, The Daily Mail said Saturday.
“I just wanted to challenge myself. There are things in the film that are going to really push the boundaries, and that excites me,” she said.
Color us excited as well, even though we have no idea which one of the chicks in that picture is Joss Stone. Is she the one on the right? Or the one on the left? Seriously, the suspense is killing us …
All we can say is that Joss Stone (whichever one of those chicks she is) could have played a forty-foot tall, post-Apocalyptic alien extra in the movie Battlefield Earth and her transition from singing to acting would still be faring better than Scarlett Johansson’s transition from acting to singing …
FOX v. FITS?
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture, The Press , 9 comments
RUPERT MURDOCH’S ATTORNEYS ON THE WARPATH AGAINST SIC WILLIE
FITSNews - May 20, 2008 - We’re sure the army of intellectual property lawyers over at Twentieth Century Fox figured Columbia, S.C. was the last place they’d run into a First Amendment fight over allegedly “protected images” of actress Megan Fox.
We’re sure they just assumed that a tiny, inconsequential little website in an ig’nrant-ass little state like South Carolina would be duly intimidated by their form letter legalese, and would immediately comply with their demand to remove Ms. Fox’s picture from our website … perhaps even trembling a bit in our thigh-highs as we did so at their threat of “significant monetary liability.”
Well, we hate to break it to Rupert Murdoch & Co., but that’s just not how we roll. Nor is it how our attorneys roll.
Bottom line, if you’re going to come into our kitchen and demand that we retract, remove, replace or reword something we’ve posted, you better damn sure come with a lot more than an error-laden form letter basically threatening to bankrupt us if we don’t do what you’re asking.
Anyway, here’s what Twentieth Century Fox sent us last night: (more…)
Proposing? May 19, 2008
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JUSTIN’S GONNA POP THE QUESTION TO JESSICA
FITSNews - May 19, 2008 - Although it would be incredibly romantic, we’re gonna go out on a limb and guess that Justin Timberlake won’t be using the whole “Dick In A Box” plan when he finally pops the question to actress Jessica Biel, a proposal which The Sun says is imminent:
One source said Jessica has not been drinking recently, sparking pregnancy rumours. They added: “Justin is 27 and thinking about marriage and kids.”
“For the first time in his life he is feeling settled and has definitely decided to pop the question to Jessica.”
“He is so happy with her. They spent quite a bit of time apart recently when Justin was working with Madonna. That made him certain Jessica was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.”
We’re not trying to impugn Timberlake’s reasoning here, but spending time with Madonna is probably enough to make any man commit to any living thing on the planet not named Madonna. Sure she was hot as hell back in 1989, but somehow in the intervening two decades she turned into one of those butch girls they dispatch to defeat the Terminator.
Oh, for those of you hoping to talk Jessica out of marrying Justin, she’ll be back in Columbia, S.C. soon as the film “Nailed” - which is shooting at the S.C. State House - is reportedly back on track after encountering financial difficulties last week.
Know Your Geography, Kids May 15, 2008
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 2 comments
WHAT RIVER FLOWS NORTH, THROUGH THE DESERT TO THE DELTA AT … HEY … WAIT A MINUTE!
FITSNews - May 15, 2008 - Amazingly, that’s not a low-orbit NASA satellite picture of the Nile River Valley up there, it’s … gasp … a celebrity boob.
Yeah … color us shocked. Honestly, we thought we were providing a valuable geography lesson for South Carolina schoolkids (you know, since all of their maps got stolen), but damn if our best laid educational plans weren’t foiled! We’ll get you for this, you pervert, whoever you are!
Anyway, since we’re obviously staring at boobs now … anybody wanna guess whose they are? Here’s a hint - she’s dating a Hobbit … (more…)
Twins?
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , 3 comments
BRANGELINA’S ADDING TWO TO THE BROOD
FITSNews - May 14, 2008 - Since the population of the Jolie-Pitt family already rivals that of several small developing nations (combined), the news that the couple is expecting twins probably shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. After all, they’re breeding an army, people.
The news of the “fetusi” was spilled on the Today show yesterday morning by Jolie’s “Kung Fu Panda” co-star Jack Black, an exchange tenderly retold below by the AP:
The twins will be the 5th and 6th children for Jolie and Pitt. She didn’t volunteer the information until Black dropped the hint, joking that the couple will “have as many as (the) ‘Brady Bunch’ when you have these.”
“It’s confirmed?” followed “Today” interviewer Natalie Morales.
“Yeah, yeah, we’ve confirmed that already,” Jolie said. “Well, Jack’s just confirmed it actually.”
“Is that true?”, Black said jokingly.
“Yeah, you did,” Jolie replied.
“Sorry,” Black said.
Frankly, we think sharing a uterus would suck. We’re not trying to be selfish or anything, but isn’t it already kinda cramped up in there? Also, the thought of these women who have six and seven babies at a time is even scarier. Imagine being the last one out … at that point all the doctors and nurses are probably like “whatever.” Plus, you know your name is going to suck because they wasted all the good ones on your “older” brothers and sisters.
Also, is it just us or do multiple babies not always come out early and looking kinda like aliens?
