Welcome to FITSNews election night live blogging … right here.

It’s that time, people … after all the commercials, after getting all that crap in your mailboxes, your inboxes and your voicemails … after all the comedy spoofs, serious commentary, bad clichés, campaign promises and calculated gambles, the hour is finally here.

11:46 P.M. – We’ll be moving on over to the results page for the rest of the night, as well as starting the lengthy and tedious process of analyzing all the results … many of which are still coming in. Thanks to everybody for hopping on FITS tonight!

11:43 P.M. – SC UPDATE – Republican Henry Brown will hang onto his U.S. House Seat for two more years.

11:30 P.M. – SC UPDATE – Two conservative State Senate candidates, Mick Mulvaney and Mike Rose, are pulling away in their respective races … check our results page for details.

11:25 P.M. – With so much focus on the Presidential race, we’ve totally neglected the U.S. House and U.S. Senate “Balances of Power.” At the moment, it’s 55-38 Democrats in the Senate (with 7 races up for grabs) and 177-115 Democrats in the House, with a whopping 143 seats still undecided.

11:23 P.M. – McCain is giving his concession speech now. It’s sad … doddering almost. Classy, to be sure, but doddering.

11:12 P.M. - SC UPDATE – It appears as if Rep. Joe Wilson has hung on to his Congressional seat for the next two years. Yeah, yeah … key chains all around.

11:07 P.M. – Not that it matters anymore, but Virginia came back to the Obama column. He’s now up there by 100,000 votes.

11:06 P.M. – Time to move to Canada … wait a minute … they’re socialists up there, too, aren’t they? Damn.

10:59 P.M. - NBC has just called the Presidential Race for Barack Obama … as has CNN and FOX News.

10:53 P.M. – SC UPDATE – With 56% of the vote in, Mike Rose is up by 6 percent in his battle to reclaim his old State Senate seat.

10:49 P.M. – Obama is the next President of the United States … wait … did somebody just call it? No … but it’s obvious at this point.

10:40 P.M. – Did the MSM call Ohio for Obama too early? Probably not, but it’s closer than it was earlier tonight with Obama only enjoying a 130,000 vote cushion with 42% reporting.

10:38 P.M. - Virginia is 90% in … Obama now up by 48,000 votes. North Carolina is 84% in … McCain up by 10,000 votes. Florida is 79% in … Obama is up by 180,000 votes. Again … McCain has to win all three of these states.

10:34 P.M. – Louisiana, Arkansas and Kansas to McCain … Electoral College vote is now 207-135.

10:30 P.M. – SC UPDATE – Democrat Rob Miller is now up on U.S. Rep Joe Wilson 53-46 in their Second Congressional District slug-fest …

10:25 P.M. – SC UPDATE – State Rep. Mick Mulvaney is opening up a lead on Democrat Mandy Powers-Norrell … it’s 61-38% at the moment.

10:20 P.M. – SC UPDATE – Congrats to S.C. Sen. Shane Massey, who won his reelection fight tonight in Aiken County. Check his race and other SC results by clicking here.

10:17 P.M. – Iowa to Obama … Electoral College Vote now at 207-95.

10:15 P.M. – SC UPDATE – Congrats to S.C. Rep. Nikki Haley, who cruised to reelection over Democrat Edgar Gomez by a whopping 85-15% margin.

10:09 P.M. – SC UPDATE – with 81% of the votes counted, State Senator Shane Massey is up by 10% over Democrat Greg Anderson.

10:05 P.M. - 69% of Florida in … Obama leads by 140,000 votes.

10:03 P.M. – 83% of Indiana is in … McCain leads by just 4,000 votes.

10:02 P.M. – 69% of North Carolina is in … Obama leads by just 50,000 votes.

10:00 P.M. – 82% of Virginia is in and only 10,000 votes separate McCain and Obama. Amazing …

9:55 P.M. – Hey … we’re noticing a trend … with Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina and Tennessee in his column, McCain can lose Virginia and North Carolina and still win the presidency … of the Confederate States of America, anyway.

9:54 P.M. – Mississippi to McCain … no surprise there.

9:50 P.M. – Virginia is 50-50, while Florida and North Carolina are both 51-49 for Obama. McCain’s night keeps getting tougher.

9:48 P.M. – NPR just called Ohio for Obama … if true, that’s the ball game.

9:40 P.M. – SC UPDATE – State Senator Shane Massey is now up 55-44% with 47% reporting.

9:38 P.M. – 58% of Florida is in … Obama up by 3%.

9:37 P.M. – 52% of North Carolina is in … Obama up by 2%.

9:35 P.M. – Time to heat up some leftover lasagna … mmmmm …

9:34 P.M. – 16% of Ohio is now in and Obama is up by 12%.

9:30 P.M. – The first numbers are in from the contentious S.C. Senate race between Mick Mulvaney and Mandy Powers-Norrell … Mulvaney currently holds a 53-47% lead with 18% of the votes counted.

9:23 P.M. – 52% of Florida is in … Obama still up by 4%.

9:22 P.M. – 64% of Virginia is in … and Obama has virtually erased McCain’s early lead. It’s now 50-49% McCain.

9:20 P.M. – 8% of Ohio is in … with Obama winning 57-42%. With Pennsylvania gone, this is a must-win state for McCain.

9:19 P.M. – 39% of North Carolina is in … with Obama still leading by 4%.

9:16 P.M. – North Dakota, Wyoming to McCain … Obama leads Electoral College vote 174-68.

9:15 P.M. – SC Update – Reports are that Mike Rose is up by 2,000 votes in his State Senate race …

9:14 P.M. – SC Update – Shane Massey flips back into the lead in his State Senate race … up 52-48%.

9:12 P.M. – Michigan, Wisconsin and New York to Obama, Texas to McCain … Electoral vote 174-83 Obama.

9:11 P.M. – Rhode Island and Minnesota to Obama …

9:00 P.M. – Florida … with 42% of the vote in, Obama is up 52-48%. Again, McCain must win Florida to have any chance at the White House.

8:58 P.M. – A big “whew” for McCain supporters … North Carolina now has 19% reporting and Obama’s lead has shrunk for 11 to just 5 percent. It’s 52-47% Obama at the moment in a state McCain must win.

8:56: P.M. – First digits in on the contentious State Senate Race between Shane Massey and Greg Anderson over in Aiken County … Anderson holds a narrow 52-48% lead. Still lots of votes left to be counted, though.

8:55 P.M. – Whoa … Gov. Mark Sanford just said tonight will be a “bloodletting” for Republicans. No mincing words there …

8:54 P.M. – 51% of Virginia reporting and Obama has closed McCain’s lead to six … it’s now 52-47%

8:53 P.M. – 13% of North Carolina reporting and Obama is up 55-44% …

8:52 P.M. – Georgia and Alabama to McCain … 103-58 Obama in the Electoral College now.

8:43 P.M. – Congrats to S.C. Rep. Shannon Erickson, who is cruising 63-37% in her re-election bid down in Beaufort County.

8:41 P.M. – Pennsylvania to Obama …

8:37 P.M. – Lots of SC votes now coming in … Lindsey Graham is going to win, probably bigger than expected. Joe Wilson is also up big on Rob Miller, while Henry Brown has opened ahead of Linda Ketner.

8:32 P.M. – New Hampshire to Obama …

8:29 P.M. – We’re hearing rumors of an “anti-Obama” backlash down in Charleston, S.C. … Rep. Leon Stavrinakis is telling people he’s in trouble, and Rep. Wallace Scarborough is telling people he’s cruising. We’ll see if that pans out …

8:27 P.M. – A commenter asked us about where to find the South Carolina election website … you can find it here, but there’s not a lot of info up on it.

8:23 P.M. – 42% reporting in Indiana … McCain is up 52-47%.

8:20 P.M. – Thirty percent of Virginia is in … McCain still up 56-43%. Thirty-seven percent of Indiana is in, McCain still up 51-48%.

8:16 P.M. – Former Sanford Chief-of-Staff Tom Davis is a State Senator-elect. He is currently crushing Democrat Kent Fletcher down in Beaufort County, S.C. by a 70-30% margin.

8:14 P.M. – Indiana is at 33% reporting, with McCain still holding his 51-48% edge.

8:13 P.M. – Virginia’s now at 23% reporting and McCain is still up huge … 57-43%.

8:07 P.M. – Joey Millwood is cruising in his South Carolina House race … outdrawing both his Democratic opponent and the write-in campaign of defeated Rep. Bob Walker.

8:05 P.M. – A whole boatload of states were just called … Oklahoma and Tennessee for McCain, Illinois, Maine, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Delaware, Connecticut, Maryland and Washington, DC for Obama … Obama now leads in the Electoral College 77-34 …

8:02 P.M. – Virginia is up to 14% reporting … McCain still cruising 56-43%.

7:59 P.M. – Indiana is now reporting 26% with McCain still enjoying a 51-48% lead.

7:56 P.M. - Virginia is up to 9% reporting and McCain is still out front 56-43% … this has to be one of the biggest surprises so far tonight as pre-election polls showed Obama ahead in Virginia by 5%.

7:55 P.M. – Sheez … it’s about time … South Carolina is finally starting to publish its results online. We should be able to bring you lots of numbers soon …

7:53 P.M. – FOX has just called South Carolina for McCain, 21-3 Electoral College lead for the GOP nominee.

7:50 P.M. - FOX has just called West Virginia for McCain, who now holds a 13-3 Electoral College lead.

7:46 P.M. – The AP has called the South Carolina U.S. Senate race for Lindsey Graham … based on no numbers. Weird. We’ll see what’s up with that as the night progresses.

7:44 P.M. – Virginia’s reporting 6% now … McCain’s lead is up to 57-42% … WTF?

7:40 P.M. – A smattering of South Carolina Senate votes are in … less than 1% … Lindsey Graham leads Bob Conley (who?) 53-47% …

7:39 P.M. – Indiana is reporting 19% … McCain up 51-48%.

7:36 P.M. – Unbelievable … all the chocolate iced do-nuts have been eaten from our Election Night stash … and it’s not even 8:00 p.m. yet.

Mande! WTF??? We told you to leave Sic a chocolate iced do-nut!

7:33 P.M. – Virginia’s reporting 4% now … McCain now up 56-43% …

7:32 P.M. – Indiana now has 14% reporting and McCain is up 52-47%.

7:31 P.M. – Early votes starting to trickle in now from all over. North Carolina neck-and-neck …

7:29 P.M. – Virginia’s reporting 3% now, with McCain at 48,993 and Obama at 42,144 – still an 8-point McCain advantage.

7:26 P.M. – Virginia’s got 2% reporting now and McCain is up by 8%.

7:21 P.M. – Still nothing from South Carolina’s election website … hmmmm.

7:20 P.M. – McCain up 11 in Virginia but it is still incredibly early … just 1% of votes tabulated.

7:17 P.M. – Indiana is tight … McCain up by a hair 50-49% with nine percent of the votes tallied. Remember, along with Florida, North Carolina, Ohio and Virginia, this is one state McCain HAS to win.

7:05 P.M. – Damn that was quick. Kentucky to McCain, Vermont to Obama. McCain up 8 to 3 in Electoral College votes … upset brewing? Um … probably not …

7:02 P.M. – In case you were wondering, there are currently 2,553,923 registered voters in South Carolina. It’ll be interesting to see how many of them turned out. In 2004 it was around 1.6 million.

7:00 P.M. - Polls have now officially closed here in South Carolina and along the East Coast. We’ll now be flipping back and forth between this page and our results page.

6:57 P.M. – Another interest question from reader Katie: “When did McCain lose the race?” In our opinion, McCain lost the second he “suspended his campaign” to go deal with the fiscal crisis and then ended up being little more than a cheerleader for a failed pseudo-socialist solution.

Sure, Obama embraced the same failed solution, but he came off looking better because he didn’t make some grand gesture only to cave into the Washington establishment.

6:56 P.M. – Alright, alight … the most important lesson of the 2008 election is that Republicans – for the second cycle in a row – forgot what it means to be Republicans.

6:55 P.M. – Somebody just texted us asking us what the “most important lesson” of the 2008 election is. We’re honestly not sure … we were staring at Sarah Palin’s legs the whole time …

6:49 P.M. – The lovely Mrs. Sic Willie has just descended the stairs to tell all of us good night. Well … almost all of us. She shot our founding editor a rather uninviting glance, as if perhaps to say that the whole “good night” thing might not apply to him. What’s up with that, Sic? You in trouble again?

6:45 P.M. – Fifteen minutes till polls close here in South Carolina and all along the Eastern Seaboard.

TV people in New York and Washington DC are no doubt in their make-up chairs right about now, looking into the mirror and repeating the phrase “Barack Obama Has Been Elected The First African-American President of the United States” in an effort to say it with some semblance of professional objectivity. Try again, Brokaw … you’re not fooling anybody.

6:32 P.M. – WTF, Chris Cillizza? One of our favorite political websites, WaPo’s The FIx will not be blasting out updated e-mails tonight, choosing instead to stream their updates online instead.

Actually, never mind … we’re getting “blow’d up” with e-mails as it is, so that’s actually pretty nice of Cillizza.

Consistent with the exemplary coverage he’s provided throughout campaign 2008, Cillizza has some great national exit poll numbers, showing that 6 out of 10 voters said the economy was their top issue (surprise). Exit polls also showed President Bush’s approval ratings at 27% (ouch), with 71% of voters disapproving of the job he’s doing (including 52% strongly disapproving).

6:27 P.M. – We’ve gotten a hold of some Republican talking points for tonight and it appears that part of the plan to counter what could be an Obama landslide is to compare his “Electoral College mandate” with that of Ronald Reagan, the last president to come into office under such dire economic circumstances.

Reagan swept to a 489-49 Electoral College victory against President Jimmy Carter in 1980, and then followed that up with a stunning 525-13 Electoral College victory four years later against Walter Mondale.

Prior to Reagan, a bad economy produced a 472-59 Electoral College romp for President Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1932.

Look for Republicans to question why Obama isn’t getting that sort of result (if he isn’t), and to use that as an example of how uncomfortable voters really are with him.

6:10 P.M. – We just remembered that this is going to be the first Election Night in quite some time without NBC’s Tim Russert, who passed away back in June. Which really sucks. We urge all our dawgs to immediately “pour a 40″ over your TV in Russert’s honor, while singing Boyz II Men’s “It’s So Hard … ”

On second thought, televisions and malt liquor probably don’t mix. Better just light a candle and sing some Elton John instead.

You are the treadmill, Tim.

6:06 P.M. - We just got a text message from State Rep. Nathan Ballentine saying that Greenville Republican Bruce Bannister is the new Assistant House Majority Leader (whatever that is). Oh, and here’s the link. Our only question is whether or not S.C. House Republicans will still have a majority after tonight. Our suspicion is that they will, but that they will likely lose a few more seats than their leaders initially anticipated.

Which means that “Assistant House Majority Leader” may be even less important a position than it currently is … if that’s possible.

6:00 P.M. – As we hit T-Minus one hour and counting until the East Coast polls close, pretty much everybody is predicting that Democrats will not only win the presidency, but clean up in the U.S. House and U.S. Senate as well.

So here’s the question … is this going to be a 1992 defeat for Republicans (which paved the way for a so-called “Republican Revolution” two years later) or a 1932 defeat for Republicans (which paved the way to two decades of political irrelevance)? There’s no doubt the GOP is reeling, the question is whether or not the party has what it takes to make its stay in the wilderness a short one.

5:56 P.M. - Everything is going smoothly in North Carolina today, according to that state’s election watchdogs. Considering 40% of the state voted early, that really doesn’t surprise us.

5:53 P.M. – Commenter Natasha wants to know which network we’re watching for our election results. Short answer? None of them … we’re on the computer with about twenty websites open getting ready to click “refresh” on all of them like a bunch of crack-addled lab rats.

And yes, we just love saying “crack-addled lab rats.”

5:42 P.M. - Awww … y’all are so sweet. Today is officially our busiest day ever here at FITS. Our total? Eleventy kabillion and one hits!

5:40 P.M. – Hope springs eternal for educrat-lovin’ trial lawyers … We wrote about soon-to-be-former S.C. Rep. Scott Talley’s write-in campaign up in Spartanburg, and now there’s visual proof of that effort …

Dude … that’s weak.

5:30 P.M. – Not only are their people nowhere near as cute as our official exit pollsters, but SC Hotline’s accuracy is looking a little bit suspect as well. The dean of South Carolina political websites has just released exit polling showing John McCain winning South Carolina by a ridonkulous 76.5% to 17.3% margin … hmmm … did anybody check their editor’s alcohol intake before they published those results?

Because we’re guessing the answer to that question is “No.”

5:23 P.M. – The national experts are speaking … one last time.

In a final analysis of polling data prior to the votes being counted, top national pollster Nate Silver is projecting Barack Obama to cruise to an electoral college victory, 349-189. Silver also predicts Obama will take the popular vote by a 6.1% margin.

That’s consistent with what polls have been saying all along. In just an hour and a half, we’ll find out for ourselves if they were right.

5:12 P.M. – Incompetence reins in Beaufort County, S.C., where local election commissioner Agnes Garvin can’t seem to figure out which State Senate District ballots to give voters. Hopefully, the mistake was caught early, but two of the strongest precincts for GOP Senate nominee Tom Davis (District 46) were handed ballots for State Senate District 45, which is obviously not the race they were supposed to vote in.

We’ve heard from dozens of folks who tried to vote for Davis but were told they couldn’t, and some estimates are that former chief-of-staff to Gov. Mark Sanford may have lost as many as 1,000 votes thanks to the foul-up. That’s huge in a State Senate election.

5:05 P.M. – File this away in the “while NOBODY is looking file.” As election coverage reaches its zenith here in South Carolina and around the nation, our state’s utterly worthless Ports Authority decided to hand out a quarter of a million dollars in salary bonuses to its employees … despite shrinking traffic at our ports and a God-awful state revenue situation.

We’re too busy to cover this tonight, obviously, but rest assured we’ll be on it tomorrow. In the meantime check out SC Biz for the details …

5:00 P.M. – Still two hours before polls officially close in the East. Democrats and Republicans alike are boasting heavy turnout here in South Carolina, and long lines at polling places all over the state certainly vouches for those claims. We’ll see who gets the better of it very soon …

Believe it or not, there was a time in the not too distant past when America’s leaders believed that the best way to fix an ailing economy was to … duh … actually invest in the economy.

And by “invest in the economy,” we don’t mean a $700 billion bailout of the failed, government-mandated lending policies that liberals foisted onto the private sector (and then refused to correct when it was clear that disaster was looming) … we mean an honest-to-God investment in the American people.

The last time that happened in any substantive way was on August 13, 1981 – on a gloomy, fog-covered morning at Rancho del Cielo in the California hills just northwest of Santa Barbara.

Seated behind a rustic, leather table, wearing blue jeans and a look of wistful indifference, President Ronald Reagan signed into law the last major tax cut in our nation’s history.

His biographer, Edmund Morris, describes the scene:

Stroke by stroke in the mist, Reagan reduced the income-tax burden on individual Americans by almost a third, or $280 billion over the next three years, and saved them a further $130 billion in federal spending … there was no doubt that Reagan and his economic aides had brought about the largest spending-control bill, and the largest tax reduction, in American history. Their budget was revolutionary in that it reversed – or, more properly, inversed – and economic theory dating back to the first days of the New Deal.

Given that there was a Cold War to win, it took fourteen years longer than expected for “Reaganomics” to reach its zero annual deficit projections, an effort which was aided substantially by the capital gains tax cuts passed during the Clinton administration.

Simply put, it was Reagan’s tax-cutting vision and Clinton’s “the era of Big Government is over” approach to his job that sent America off and running on two of the largest peacetime economic expansions in its history.

But beneath all that vibrancy and prosperity, the seeds of our current strife – planted under President Jimmy Carter and nurtured by Clinton – were secretly being sown.

And by the time President George W. Bush’s advisors realized the mess we were in, it was too late – although that certainly doesn’t excuse the Democrats from blocking Bush’s (and John McCain’s) efforts to try and reign in the politically-correct lending spree that had our two federally-backed mortgage giants hurtling toward oblivion.

Yet whatever credit Bush and McCain get for belatedly recognizing the ticking time bomb at Fannie and Freddie, we must measure that against their utter failure to rein in the fiscal excesses of a Republican Congress that blew through your money from 2001 to 2006 faster than Democrats ever dared to dream.

The GOP added $3 trillion to the national debt during that time period, forever losing its claim to the Reagan legacy and paving the way for today’s Democratic majority – which despite its 2006 campaign promises has basically continued down the very same road of excess (with no palace of wisdom in sight).

Not surprisingly, a decade of waste in Washington and the brewing mortgage crisis have our country teetering on the edge of a fiscal cliff – with even larger, unresolved monetary crises (Social Security and Medicaid) still lurking on the horizon.

To “rescue” us from the most immediate ledge, President Bush and Congressional leaders approved the biggest federal intervention in the U.S. economy since the New Deal, a $700 billion (and counting) bailout that trampled all over our capitalist principles, our Constitution, any shred of government accountability and … oh yeah … your bottom line as a taxpayer.

But government had to “do something,” we were told ad nauseam, apparently forgetting another lesson from Reagan (and frankly from Katrina, too) about the dangers inherent in government trying to rescue anything.

Not surprisingly, the bailout hasn’t worked … and it won’t work.

And to all the Republican leaders who parroted doom and gloom predictions of an “economic Pearl Harbor” if we didn’t pass the bailout, guess what … we’re still hearing those predictions. And seeing them come to pass.

All of which leads us to Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama, both of whom supported the bailout, and both of whom have offered absolutely nothing in the way of conservative economic policy from the day they announced their respective candidacies.

Hence our collective description of the two as “McBama.”

Sure, McCain may have been a “maverick” back in 2000, but today he’s a grumpy old status quo relic responsible for what may well go down as the worst presidential campaign in American history.

Hoping that McCain would offer (let alone achieve) a Reagan-esque restoration of the conservative wisdom our nation needs right now is a pipe dream … and with each new October descent into rank political opportunism we lose more and more respect for the man.

Having said that, he receives our endorsement (begrudgingly) for two reasons.

First is the inexplicable absence of a legitimate fiscal conservative, social libertarian alternative. We say “inexplicable,” because in a country that seems to overwhelmingly embrace precisely this political nexus, there is no one of any relevance carrying its banner.

Bob Barr? Please.

Our second reason for endorsing McCain (again, begrudgingly) is the clear and present danger to America’s long-term economic and national security interests posed by a Commander-in-Chief Obama.

Allow us to explain … it’s not just that the guy has been chummy with terrorists, racists and all manner of other radical, anti-American types (which he has), or that – to borrow Aaron Sorkin’s term – he’s more likely to “take the Arab world out for an ice cream cone” than to stand up and aggressively defend America’s interests (which he is).

Nor is it that Obama is black, or almost black – and as a result a darling of the Oprah-fied liberal media, commie academia and Hollywood celebri-whores.

No … our main reason for opposing Obama is the fact that he’s quite simply a socialist – a guy whose fiscal policies would wreak even more havoc on our nation’s economy than the “bipartisanshit sandwich” we’re all currently taking a bite out of.

Trust us, we want “change we can believe in,” too, but thinking that Obama is going to change Washington (beyond merely escalating its price tag) is a pipe dream.

Yet unlike the “McCain as Reagan” pipe dream, Obama’s pipe dream comes off more like a pipe bomb … in that the man espousing it is flat out dangerous in our book.

At least Jimmy Carter was dim-witted and good-hearted in his liberalism, people. And on some level still a capitalist.

Hopefully, at some point the blue dog Democrats and few remaining fiscally-conservative Republicans in this country will get together and realize they had something good going with Reagan … and with Clinton.

Maybe then they’ll recognize that there are only two things the vast majority of Americans want from government – a smaller tax bill and less meddling with their lives and businesses.

Oh, and maybe then they’ll recognize that neither major party is representing those beliefs anymore, so maybe it’s time to start a new one.

Until that day comes, however, we begrudgingly endorse John McCain for president.

You’d think that being married to actress Tea Leoni would be sufficient to cure any man’s addiction to sex, but apparently not David Duchovny, who announced yesterday that he was checking into sex rehab.

“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” the actor told People yesterday. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

Respect and privacy? Geez, we’ve never heard a statement from a celebrity asking for those two things before. At some point these attention-whore celebrities should seriously recognize that begging for people to look at them and then bitching when they do is a little hypocritical, particularly when the subject in question is as ludicrously inviting as “sex rehab,” which as far as we can tell is a direct plea for people to make fun of you.

MORE SARAH PALIN – Props to USA Today for the most self-evident headline in history …

Experts: Palin chosen for women’s votes

Hold up … who are these experts? For we must follow the star and sit at their feet immediately.

JINDAL JOURNAL – We were going to write about this earlier (and more extensively), but damn if Sarah Palin’s legs (oh, and her VP selection) didn’t distract us. Anyway, Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana (and another formerly potentially transformative veep prospect) was also in the news today, touting how his state has used the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to strengthen its fiscal well-being.

Obviously, we’re big fans of Bayou Bobby, who has done a remarkable job turning Louisiana around. In this case, however, we would recommend that he be careful what he wishes for. With another dangerous hurricane headed straight for New Orleans, his state may be facing another not-so-pleasant impetus for an otherwise welcome fiscal conservative revival.

We have to be honest, friends … the pictures included after the jump in this post almost didn’t make it back from Williams-Brice Stadium in one piece last night. Nor for that matter did the photographer who took them. Things were touch-and-go for some time, and only a rare display of courage and selflessness made this magical moment possible. In fact, the next time they’re giving out medals for heroic photojournalism (or whatever it is they give to heroic photojournalists), please remember to nominate our founding editor.

That’s because Sic Willie, our hero, risked life and limb to bring you several photos of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews, who just so happened to be pacing the sidelines of South Carolina’s season-opening football game in Columbia last night.

Our drama unfolded midway through the third quarter of the game, when Mrs. Sic Willie (our hero’s lovely wife) somehow managed to get a hold of her husband’s digital camera – and made a shocking discovery. Amazingly, all but four of the 182 pictures Sic had taken of “the game” were actually pictures of Ms. Andrews instead – which is obviously not a good ratio for a married man.

Needless to say, the poor camera quickly found itself in harm’s way, with Mrs. Sic at one point threatening to smash it on the corrugated metal stadium seats and later dangling it precariously over a bubbling vat of Diet Coke. Words like “jerk,” “stalker,” “jackass” and “pervert” reverberated through the humid, Southern evening air, along with a not-so-thinly-veiled threat that involved Sic Willie walking home from the stadium and spending the night on the sofa.

Anyway, one can only imagine the sheer willpower, diplomatic aplomb and inner strength that our hero had to summon at such a moment in order to bring you these photos …

In case you were wondering, the hottie in the jersey above is Mrs. Sic Willie, who of course didn’t do any of that crazy stuff we were joking about, but who does manage to tolerate a man who definitely did take way too many pictures of Erin Andrews last night.

At any rate, these two ladies are the real heroines here, and as a reward to them for being such wonderful people, Sic has agreed to momentarily refrain from fantasizing about what it would be like if the two of them were to ever make out with each other.

Some say courage and discretion are dying virtues, people.

We think this heartwarming story proves them wrong.

FITSNews – August 27, 2008 – A week after the liberal, TV lawyer-led “S.C. Small Business Chamber of Commerce” told us that all Palmetto State small businesses needed to succeed was a “new government agency to lead them,” somebody who actually represents small businesses has written an op-ed laying out what they really want.

Ready for a shock? It’s not a new government agency, but rather tax cuts, workers’ comp reform and fewer government regulations.

“Small business owners don’t want government handouts or another government agency to ‘lead’ them,” writes local NFIB director Wendy Homeyer. “They simply ask that government not stand in the way.” You can read the full article here, but needless to say it’s a solid response to those commie thugs over at the “TV Lawyer Chamber.”

BAD QUOTE ALERT – Luke Byars, spokesman for U.S. Sen. Jim DeMint, fired off the following national party talking points … err, response yesterday after House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn hinted that Democrats may be targeting his boss for defeat two years from now … “Maybe Jim Clyburn should spend more time convincing Speaker Pelosi to let the ban on offshore drilling expire instead of continuing to play their tired old political wishing games.”

Aside from Byars’ incomprehensible insider blah-blah, what the hell is a “political wishing game?” That actually sounds kinda kinky to us. Anyway, for all you aspiring PR pros out there, what Byars should’ve said was “we look forward to any challenge that will showcase Senator DeMint’s stellar record on behalf of South Carolina taxpayers.” Even better would have been to tell Clyburn to “go jump off one of the multi-million dollar monuments he’s built to himself using our tax dollars.”

FAMOUSLY OWNED – The Palmetto Scoop did a masterful job yesterday of exposing the outright fraud of one local ad agency – and the outright stupidity of the City of Columbia, S.C., which paid $75,000 for a new slogan only to end up with a furniture store rip-off. Seriously, paying $75,000 to a bunch of famously flaming creative types to dub our city as “Famously Hot” was already a colossal waste of money, but the least Columbia could have insisted on was a shitty slogan nobody had ever used before.

MORE ON THE SAT – Not surprisingly, the Voice has a solid post up today about South Carolina’s declining public school SAT scores, which were released yesterday to a chorus of praise from the state Ministry of Failure and Non-Competition. Also not surprisingly, the mainstream media in this state is as intentionally clueless as ever, failing to point out that our state’s two-point “jump” on the college entrance exam was due entirely to increases at private schools. Look for more on this from us in the coming days …

… OUR APOLOGIES TO MISS GALLAGHER

FITSNews – August 26, 2008 – For those of you who missed our list of the Palmetto State’s hottest TV reporters earlier today, it turns out we missed one. Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement. What we did was the equivalent of ranking the world’s top five composers and forgetting to put Beethoven on the list.

Anyway, here’s Dianne Gallagher, a general assignment reporter at CN2 in Rock Hill, S.C. From her bio, we learn …

This is (Dianne’s) first reporting job, after internships with Fox Charlotte and WFJA radio in Sanford, NC.

Dianne grew up all over the world as a military brat. She attended The University of Tennessee and the University of North Carolina at Charlotte and graduated with honors with an English and Journalism degree.

She enjoys watching, playing and talking about sports with just about anybody. Dianne recently moved to Rock Hill with her little Pomeranian, Cooper.

You know except for the whole “Pomeranian” thing, this may be the most perfect woman ever created.  No kidding, Sic’s struggling for air at the moment (editor’s note: perhaps because Mrs. Sic just kicked him in the gonads ).

Anyway, a well-deserved hat-tip to our bud Peter for alerting us to the existence of the lovely Miss Gallagher, and to the fact there’s a TV station in Rock Hill.  Seriously, who knew?

FITSNews – August 26, 2008 – Since he’s an expert on the subject given his infamous romps with female TV reporters while serving as Gov. Mark Sanford’s spokesman (editor’s note: the real secret behind the governor’s approval ratings ), our founding editor Sic Willie is frequently asked who the hottest TV reporters in the Palmetto State are.

Well, while everybody’s waiting on the second installment of our Palmetto Power 100 list, we figured we’d run down the five hottest TV babes in South Carolina for you (be sure to click the links for your daily dose of visual relief …)

1. Sarah DeMarco – WCIV Charleston

What Sarah is still doing at Channel 4 in Charleston (a.k.a. Live, Local and Late) we have no earthly. As in idea. She’s a solid investigative journalist who is hands-down the hottest television personality in South Carolina. Speaking of which, we also have no earthly why Sic never busted out his surprisingly successful “hey, you wanna see the governor’s bathroom?” line on DiMarco, or perhaps he did and was just too hammered to remember doing it.

2. Nat Roers – WLTX Columbia

Sic met Nat over an oil change once (true story) and the two couldn’t keep their hands off each other (alright, alright … not a true story). Anyway, the WLTX morning anchor is the cream of what is always the best-looking TV staff in the state. She’s also got one of the most engaging on-air personalities and isn’t afraid to show a little cleavage in her bio picture, which is something our founding editor naturally encourages …

3. Amy Lutz – WCSC Charleston

God Bless the Lowcountry. Land that Sic loves. Stand beside her … and guide her … with your hand to the place where you … geez this is getting perverted fast. Anyway, Lutz is obviously drop-dead (as in gorgeous), and unlike some WCSC reporters, she doesn’t ask leading questions on port-related issues which were spoon-fed to her by a pretty-boy political boyfriend … definitely a plus in our book.

4. Beth Brotherton – WYFF Greenville

Sic has had a crush on Beth for like eight years now. Seriously … eight years. As the top anchor/ reporter at Channel 4, Beth continues to rule the Upstate airwaves at the biggest TV station in all of South Carolina. She’s smart, substantive, fair and (train smoke) hot, with an accent that makes us want to sit around and listen to her tell us stories from her childhood in Africa … before ravaging her like hungry lions, of course.

5. Alicia Roman – WIS Columbia

Who knew we had a Weather Channel-quality anchor right here in South Carolina? Roman is a natural on the air, precisely the sort of talent that will be taking her game to the next level in short order. Wait, did we just use like three sports clichés in a row to describe a weather gal? Oh well … Roman is also Mrs. Sic Willie’s favorite local on-air personality, although our founding editor has yet to broach the prospect of any girl-girl action …

We’ll be bringing you the rest of the Palmetto Power 100 soon, but it the meantime we hope you enjoyed this mini-list of attractive people (for a change). Oh, and if you’ve got any suggestions for TV hotties we may have missed, be sure and include links to their bio pages in the comments section below ...

SOUTH CAROLINA’S MSM CONGLOMERATE SHOWS THE LOVE

FITSNews – August 24, 2008 – We don’t necessarily think that Joe Biden was a terrible Vice Presidential pick for Democrat Barack Obama, but we don’t think he’s going to “hang the moon” for his would-be Commander-in-Chief, either … an assertion national polling seems to back up.

Let’s face it, people, Biden is a decidedly average selection. He provides the experience Obama sorely lacks but doing nothing for him electorally and actually diminishes the “change” message that has been the Democrats’ rallying cry this election cycle.

Somebody forgot to tell McClatchy-owned newspapers of Biden’s less-than-impressiveness as a veep pick, however, as the media conglomerate’s top two South Carolina outlets presented the Delaware Senator to Palmetto State voters with exceedingly-fawning headlines.

“Killer ticket rallies residents,” screamed the online headline of The (Myrtle Beach) Sun News , while La Socialista (a.k.a. The (Columbia, S.C.) State newspaper) poured forth the love with a web banner that read “SC Democrats Praise Biden.” Oh, La Socialista also added a sub-headline quoting one of those Democratic supporters (who just happened to be Biden’s S.C. campaign manager) as saying “People just like the guy. He’s a consensus builder.”

Sheez … is anybody blushing yet? So much for McClatchy’s whole “truth to power” thing. More like “mouth to schlong,” if you ask us …

ELECTION 2008 IS GETTING FURTHER OUT OF TOUCH

FITSNews – August 18, 2008 – At a time when most Americans just want to sit on their asses and watch the Olympics in peace, leave it to the 2008 presidential candidates (and the mainstream media) to go to the mattresses over something so middle school we can hardly believe we’re perpetuating it …

Trust us, if this isn’t the most irrelevant thing you’ve read all day, we’ll give you your money back. Or at least hook you up with a complimentary Importantville T-Shirt.

The whole thing started Saturday night when “pastor” Rick Warren (who wrote some book about porpoises) invited both John McCain and Barack Obama to attend a forum on evangelical issues at his Saddleback Church, which we’re assuming is different from a “Brokeback” Church. Anyway, starting with Obama, Warren asked both candidates the exact same questions, but Obama supporters (i.e. NBC, The New York Times) accused McCain of getting a leg up at the event by breaking its “cone of silence.”

Alright … before some Trekkie gets too excited, let’s translate that “cone of silence” thing into non-loser speak. Basically, Obama supporters accused McCain of listening in on the Obama interview from his motorcade so that he would know beforehand what questions Warren was going to ask him.

Seriously? Aside from a particular Hall & Oates song we’re thinking of … is this for real?

Yup. Believe it or not, this is the current state of debate between the two men who would lead our country – a ridiculous “you cheated/ no I didn’t” back and forth over some political forum that exclusively discussed social conservative issues which nobody is going to change their minds on.

Social Security is going bankrupt, people. So is Medicare. Our national debt is closing in on $10 trillion. Gas is effin’ expensive. The housing market has collapsed. Our currency is worthless. Our borders have evaporated. We’re fighting wars in two countries halfway around the world. Our students are dumber than ever and nobody can afford to go to college.

Can somebody … anybody please keep their eye on the ball?

TELEVISION TUNES INTO OUR “SEX, LIES AND EDUCRATS” SHOW

FITSNews – August 12, 2008 – It’s been over a month since we first published our controversial “Sex, Lies and Educrats” story, a brilliant piece of investigative journalism that exposed alleged corruption and infidelity in a Midlands, S.C. school district.

Since our story broke, the district’s superintendent has resigned and his alleged paramour has been placed on indefinite leave, yet the mainstream media have refused to address the real reasons behind these personnel moves.

Well, tonight the MSM’s long silence was finally broken by WIS-TV, which has obtained court papers detailing the alleged affair between former Lexington-Richland District 5 Superintendent Scott Andersen and Melissa Cole, a principal at an elementary school in the district.

From the WIS report, we learn the following …

Obtained court documents may answer the questions behind they mysterious resignation of former Lexington-Richland District Five Superintendent Dr. Scott AndersEn.

In divorce papers filed with the Richland County Family Court, AndersEn’s wife Bernice accuses him of adultery.

She says Scott began a relationship with another woman in late March. By May 27, the couple had agreed to terms of a divorce. By the end of July, AndersEn was out as district superintendent.

The clerk’s office said it could not provide a copy of the settlement, but we were allowed to review it. The agreement lays out specific terms of the couple’s separation and divorce, including custody and support of the couple’s children, division of assets, and in an agreement signed by AndersEn, he acknowledges he had an affair with a woman named Melissa Cole.

The documents say on or about March 28 and again on April 9 of this year, the defendant “did engage in an adulterous relationship with one Melissa Cole.”

The paperwork does not specifically identify her as such, but Cole is the principal of District Five’s River Springs Elementary School.

With the start of the school year only days away, Cole has been, according to the district, “on leave” for about two weeks.

Yikes. Oh, and in case you’re wondering about the odd spelling above, former Superintendent Andersen has long insisted that media outlets spell his name “AndersEn,” which we have consistently refused to do because it looks flippin’ ridiculous.

Anyway, with Andersen himself now on the record admitting the affair with Cole, expect the heat to be turned up on the embattled principal, although we continue to believe she shouldn’t be fired.

After all, it was Andersen – not Cole – who intentionally misled citizens about the need for a quarter-billion dollar bond referendum for the district.

That’s the real scandal in our book … and not surprisingly the mainstream media is asleep at the wheel on that one, too.

UPDATE – It looks like the “affair” portion of this scandal is now statewide news … the Associated Press just picked it up.